Chapter 67: Pieces

Aerith did eventually show up but far too late to be any help at all in diverting Marlene's 'sex' talk. Tifa gave her a narrowed eyed look and got a vaguely puzzled one in return. Once the kids were gone, off to go get 'real' food for everyone, Tifa filled Aerith in on the conversation and her friend just about cracked her rib cage laughing so hard.

"It's not funny," Tifa protested and then had to admit. "Okay, so it is. But still – "

"Kissing in bed? Sleeping together? Wow," Aerith couldn't stop laughing long enough to get much more out and her face was starting to turn red. "How could you not let the kids tell Cloud that?"

"Aerith!" Tifa leaned over to hit her friend.

Aerith finally did manage to get herself under control and she pressed a hand to her side as she gave a gusty exhale.

"Wow," she repeated, shaking her head and Tifa rolled her eyes at her.

"Still…" Aerith was apparently going to be no help. "I could sleep somewhere else tonight…"

"Aerith!" Tifa hit her again.

"We could just get Marlene to explain things to Cloud. You know how she's so – "

"Explain what to me?"

Tifa didn't even turn her head when the low voice came from the curve in the trail that led to their resting spot. She didn't need to and there was no way she was going to let him see just how red her face had gone.

"Oh, Marlene was just explaining – "

"Aerith!" Tifa stressed the name in hissing syllables and her friend grinned.

"The concept of family to Tifa," the brunette finished beatifically.

"Mm," Cloud sounded noncommittal on whatever was really going on. Tifa turned to him with a bright smile.

"So were you coming to rescue me from my evil friend or were you looking for the kids?"

"You," he answered and something in his eyes and the way he said that single word had Tifa sitting up a bit straighter, brows starting to come down. He stayed where he was and she got the strange impression he was… hesitating. She met his eyes and he exhaled silently.

"It's Zack. Tifa – " the skin around Cloud's blue eyes tightened. "I think he needs you."

"Me?" Something in the way Cloud said it… He walked over and knelt down next to her chair, raising his eyes to hers and she saw something… old and haunted in them. He surprised her by reaching out and cupping the back of her bare calf in his hand. As if he wanted to reach for her but couldn't trust himself to take her hand.

Touching her hand might have been gentler on her nerves.

"You make us who we are," his voice was low and she heard pain at its edges. "You love us for who we are. Even if I'm not – me – your love makes it all right. Zack needs you to love him that way too."

She'd never seen pain like this in Cloud's blue eyes before. Not in all the time she'd known him and all the things they'd gone through. He looked like parts of his already fractured soul were shearing off and falling away even as she watched and she reached down and cupped his face with her hands.

"Cloud…?"

"Just come. I can show him how to live that way but I can't make it worth living. You do that. Please, Tifa. I can't lose him again."

"You don't even have to ask," she told him, leaning down to press her cheek against his. She didn't know exactly what was going on but something in her soul, deep and sinking, told her that they were finally unraveling the mystery of Zack and the answers weren't good. Whatever they were – they were tearing Cloud apart and that might have surprised her – if she hadn't already known how deeply he cared for the people he called his friends and how easily empathy for broken souls like his own came to him. His arms came up and pulled her down to him as he stood up at the same time, so that she ended up in his arms. She was perfectly capable of walking, the materia and potions were doing their job but something told her he needed to hold her. So she just wrapped her arms around his shoulders and looked over at Aerith, who looked worried but nodded. She'd look after Denzel and Marlene when they got back. Then Cloud was turning and striding back the way he'd come.

"Warn me?" Tifa asked and he inhaled and then exhaled slowly.

"I don't -" his voice held a young edge. "I don't think it's my place. It's – Zack's."

She nodded against him but she couldn't keep her fingers from weaving through the short hair at the back of his neck. She loved all her friends. They held places in her heart she couldn't begin to define or explain. But – the three of them – Zack and her and Cloud… There was something special about that group. Something precious and bonded and personal. Sometimes, to Tifa, it seemed they were all parts of one personality. And so when one of them hurt – it hurt the other two somewhere deep inside.

She wondered if this was how they had felt those first few terrible days after the fall of Sector Seven when she had been in so much pain or if this binding had come later than that in Costa del Sol and their travels beyond it.

He carried her to where the Highwind was set down on the lee side of the mountain and he didn't set her down as he went up the ramp to it. Which made her really start to wonder how bad things were because Cloud liked to touch her when he was dealing with uncertainty and it would be hard for him to get her much closer to him than she already was.

Kissing in bed –

Crap! Marlene!

They ended up outside the briefing room and Cloud finally set her on her feet. She looked up at him and he gave one of his barely there nods. Then he reached out and pushed open the door.

Tifa wasn't sure what she'd expected to see but a destroyed library hadn't been part of it. That was what she was looking at though... stacks and stacks of notebooks in corners and spread across the wide table and on the floor. Some of them overlapped, open pages keeping open pages from losing their place. There was some kind of strange pattern to it, Tifa could tell that much even if she couldn't figure it out right away. The next thing she noticed was that there was dark tape up. She was just starting to try to figure that one out when next to her Cloud murmured:

"No reflective surfaces."

"Go away."

The tired voice came in response to Cloud's murmur. The lighting was dim in here, someone had taken out most of the light bulbs, but Tifa used the sound to find Zack.

He was sitting slumped forward on the ground, half hidden by a stack of notebooks. Hojo's notebooks, Tifa realized. Shera had mentioned those. She just hadn't expected – so many. Zack had his head down and his knees up. His long arms were loose and straight out, supported by his knees and all she could see with them in the way was his dark, feathery hair. Careful, she started to pick her way over the notebooks toward him. Cloud stayed by the door that he pulled shut.

"Zack?"

His head came up as if it were the heaviest thing in the world and in the dim light his sea green eyes glowed.

"Oh. Hey, Teef." All of the energy and the life she was so used to hearing in his voice had been replaced with something tired and dead. He gestured vaguely with a hand. "Pull up a spot of carpet. The company sucks but the reading's fascinating."

Tifa found herself a spot right next to him and sat down, scooting to get comfortable and resting the sides of her legs up against his side. He turned his head at the contact as if he was going to say something about it and then just let his head hang again. To anyone that didn't know him, this would have just seemed like a depressed Zack. Except – Zack didn't get depressed. At least not this way.

Zack didn't offer anything and so Tifa looked around at the notebooks scattered near him. The handwriting in all of them was the same, thin and crawling, like cobwebs. Was Cloud somewhere in all of these books? She wondered. How many other ruined lives were recorded here? And more – why was Zack going through them unless –

"Hey – " Zack's wide shoulder moved. "I'm sorry I didn't come see you. I've just – " the fingers of his hand moved to indicate the room. "I never did get a chance to thank you for trying to blow us both to hell."

That little spark of humor gave her hope and she hummed her chuckle. Then she scooted up a little more so they were shoulder to shoulder facing opposite ways and shifted, laying her head on his shoulder and leaning her side into his. Exhaling and settling in that way. For a long time, Zack didn't move except to breathe and their dark hair mingled across their arms and backs.

Tifa wasn't good with words. She knew she should be asking intelligent, insightful questions and doling out pearls of wisdom and comfort but her family communicated without words on the whole and being around Cloud hadn't helped her develop past that. So she just stayed the way she was in the silence and listened to Zack breath, his familiar darkly sunny smell in her nose. Finally he spoke up and his voice was soft.

"So – we figured out why I don't have a scar like Cloud and Aerith remember."

She made a soft humming noise and nodded against him without lifting her head. She didn't have to to know his smile was bitter and out of place on a face like his.

"Yeah. Turns out I'm dead." His head bobbed as he nodded. His hands moved in front of him. "Kind of."

Tifa heard Cloud shift from where he stood near the door.

"Kind of?" she asked softly and Zack snorted a bitter laugh that hurt her heart.

"Yeah, well, turns out I don't remember the things Cloud does 'cause I'm not Zack. Zack Fair died fighting Shinra troops. Looks like Hojo got a hold of his body afterward."

Tifa could almost feel the sudden wave of pain that came off of Cloud, even all the way across the room but she understood that, she thought, and so she concentrated on Zack. Scooting a little closer she shifted so she could lay her cheek against the side of the arm he had over the knee near her and look at the top of his head and the beginning curve of his ear.

"You're – the body?" she asked even though that didn't sound right. He'd mentioned the scar…

Zack made a choking noise and she realized he was laughing. Except she'd never heard Zack's laugh break before.

"Nah. Hojo was a mad scientist but not crazy enough to pull that one off. You know, those crazy rotting things we saw in the reactor – yeah, well, turns out – that's me." He tried to inflect humor into his voice but it only sounded wrong and lost. "Turns out Sephiroth was right on target with the things he said. Apparently Hojo was trying to create people. Those monsters we saw, those were his 'mistakes'. Looks like I must have gone through some kind of brainwashing to make me forget I'm supposed to be eating people and running around on all fours. I'd give you details but we haven't figured out which code represents me yet in the books." His voice went hollow and it hurt her heart to hear it. "I'm just supposed to think I was a SOLDIER. To think I was really Zack Fair." He exhaled and it was a terrible sound because it was hopeless. "Tifa…" his voice was soft. "Why couldn't you have killed us better?"

Tifa lowered her head, making him have to move his arms so she could bring it close to where his hung and she looked at him until he finally raised it his eyes to hers. Very, very softly she whispered:

"What? And leave Cloud alone?" Something in Zack's eyes wavered. "I mean, he might not miss you. But he'd miss me."

It wasn't at all the thing to say and yet, Zack's lips twitched on one side and his eyes held hers.

"He'd just be upset he got left behind and we went off and partied without him."

"He'd get sullen and withdrawn and grunt at people."

"He'd drink too much coffee."

"His hair would start to sag."

Zack made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a snorted laugh that didn't quite make it out of his throat. His eyes held hers, desperately searching.

"He'd miss you," he said and Tifa gave him a soft smile.

"He'd miss us. I would too." Gentle she reached out and touched Zack's cheek, practically kneeling between his knees now.

"You remember when I said I got why he was in love with you?" Zack's voice was soft.

Tifa was very aware of the man standing silently by the door but she nodded.

"Yeah."

"I didn't get it. Not really." His eyes shifted and the color moved in them but they didn't leave hers. "I do now."