Chapter Three: By the Pale Shine of Sunlight
For once, it was quiet and it's somewhat unnerving.
Unlike the past three days, the apartment was blissfully silent, the serene stillness oddly out of place in a complex that seemed to thrive off of the clamor of its inhabitants. The usual noise was absent and was fucking creepy. I wasn't used to the peaceful lull of a noiseless environment and the thought of the soundless vacuum made me uneasy. On reflex, I slipped my hand underneath my pillow in search for the piece that I'd put there the night before, frowning when I came up empty. I swiped my hand across the cool sheets once more for good measure.
Nope, not there.
I opened my eyes against the pale rays invading my space, temporarily easing the contentious anxiety that threaded through my body, considering the simple beauty of the faint light. Dust particles danced in the streaming rays, its lackadaisical sway almost hypnotizing. I can't help but think of the last night, how I'd lost myself in his curious gaze, how each thump of the baseline perfectly mirrored my heart's vicious rhythm. I'd been more than hopeful that he would follow me and somewhat put off that he hadn't. I'd tried to shake that feeling off, exercise it completely and go about my merry way. He was just one person, one person with wide, luminous eyes, eyes that could easily provide comfort just as much as they could devour, eyes that had imprisoned me even hours afterwards.
Even now, the faint memory was a captivating phantom that had pursued me through the darkened corners of my dreams.
Lost in thought, I'd forgotten about the unnerving sensation of waking up to deafening silence- that was until I heard the familiar click of the hammer cocking back. That sound, so inconsequential on any other day had shattered the once tranquil atmosphere, thrusting me into the maelstrom of disquiet. Oddly, my thoughts turned to my cat, Sagan, wondering if she'd been the first victim of our mysterious visitor. The fact that my missing gun was most likely aimed at my head pissed me off and my only recourse was to somehow reach the desk that stood opposite the bed and snatch up the spare I'd planted there.
I'd been fantasizing instead of formulating a competent plan of escape; instead, I'd spent precious minutes lost to hazy remnants of a lustful gaze that I'd probably never see again. Worrying about something inconsequential at the moment was a waste of time. I had a visitor and they required my undivided attention.
The muscles in my body tensed, the kinetic energy throbbed through every nerve and I clenched my teeth together, as the seconds ticked by. My hands flexed underneath the pillow as I pulled it closer to me, the soft scent of the linen barely quelling the absolute fury that threatened to explode.
Waiting for them to make the first move was bullshit and a surefire way to meet the business end of a bullet. It was meager but my plan consisted of the pillow underneath my head, a loaded (or not, I couldn't remember) gun, and the element of surprise.
A pillow fight...my plan of survival amounted to nothing more than a pillow fight.
It was reckless and quite possibly the stupidest thing I'd thought of but it was better than nothing.
If I survived, it would be a cool story to tell.
I clutched the pillow tightly, preparing to move when I heard his voice, "Indecisiveness will assuredly lead you into the jaws of death."
I shot up and turned quickly to see Iwaizumi leveling my gun at my face, his own impassive. If I hadn't known this bastard for most of my life, I couldn't say with confidence that he wouldn't have pulled the trigger. Hell, even with the years between us, I still didn't know if I were seconds away from the end of my life. He was unpredictable, unhinged, probably a psychopath...but he was the only one I could call a best friend.
His lips pulled into a thin smirk as he lowered the piece and flipped it, handing it to me and my heart returned to its regular rhythm. He could be a grade A asshole when he wanted to be.
"Why can't you call like a normal person, Iwa-chan?" His dour expression only furthered my annoyance and I tossed the pillow at his head, satisfied that it met its target soundly. As the pillow slid off of his face, I couldn't help the small snicker that escaped my lips. Even with cunning, sharp olive green eyes and dangerous disposition, Iwaizumi Hajime was one of few I could trust- which was surprising considering his prior profession. I stood and approached, reaching to take the gun out of his hands. I regarded it with a passing glance and lifted my eyes to focus on my best friend, "There's a better way to wake someone up, you know?"
"Not when that someone sleeps like the dead." Iwaizumi crossed over to take a seat at my desk and crossed his feet at his ankles, "Maybe rethink your security measures, Oikawa?"
"My security is just fine, Iwa-chan." I sounded like a bratty kid, licking his wounded pride. Ignoring the soft snickers, I continued, "Sleep or not, I know my surroundings well enough to sense when something's wrong."
"I'd been in your home for thirty minutes, standing by your bed with a gun pointed at your head for five. I'd say that's a pretty big problem." Sagan had made her appearance, quickly maneuvering herself between his legs before jumping into his lap, her soft purr a response to his deft touch. He smiled down at the feline as he gently scratched behind her ears, "I had a couple of days so I decided to check up on you." He lifted his head and canted it slightly to the left, regarding me with a slightly strained but bemused smile, "Judging by your sleepwear, it was a good decision. Had a rough night did you?"
I scoffed at his insinuation of immaturity and turned away from him, casting a quick glance down at my rumpled sleep pants. So they were emblazoned with all manner of stars and planets…what did it matter? I looked good regardless of what I was- or wasn't -wearing. There hadn't been any complaints on either side of the spectrum.
One thing to understand about me is that despite the fuck-all attitude, I have my quirks. A love for astronomy, a plethora of coffees, and the occasional volleyball game are what keeps me afloat, even during the shittiest of times. And Sagan…she's a godsend, the only one I can truly be indulgent with and not feel like a total ass. As my best friend, Iwaizumi's been the only one privy to that information.
"I'm absolutely sure that you didn't come all the way to Tokyo to chastise me about my sleepwear and all around gorgeousness, Iwa-chan." I breezed past him quickly to head for the bathroom. I didn't wait for his response as I continued talking, "If you must know, I actually had the night off- well, sort of until Kuroo got me involved in something. Hunting down a potential informant and shaking him down just to find that he's skipped town already wasn't my idea of fun. Leave it to Kuroo to liven up a night…"
It was obvious that he wasn't listening, the hollow silence echoing in the space between us. I stopped and slowly turned just as he averted his eyes. His usual stern gaze wavered, his eyes filled with such despondency that my heart cracked open. His lips were stretched in such a firm, thin line that they were turning white. Iwaizumi didn't do melancholy- didn't do any emotion really other than pissed off and extremely pissed off- so this morose display was… it was shocking to say the least. I was temporarily rendered speechless, watching him barely holding it together.
It wasn't often that Iwaizumi visited but when he did it was run of the mill friend stuff and he actually called beforehand to let me know he was about to terrorize me.
He hadn't done that this time.
I approached cautiously, curious about this turn of events. What could've elicited such a visceral reaction from someone as stoic and unflappable as Iwaizumi? He was notorious for internalizing, swallowing despair and disappointment as if he were a starved fiend. He was hard nut to crack and if I asked flat out, he'd readily deny me any answers.
I was too invested in him to let that happen.
"We'll go get some coffee". His head shot up, his eyes filled with fiery defiance. I glanced down at his clenched fist and smirked, adding a gentle lilt of my brow as a silent challenge. Despite his intimidating aura, Hajime was sensitive at his core and he wasn't exactly thrilled that I was the one who'd known about all about his vulnerabilities. If it were any other day, I'd gloated at his uncharacteristic display but his demeanor was worrying and I didn't have it in me to push his limits.
"No prying."
I stepped past him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly. "No prying. You talk until you think it's enough, alright?"
"Is that code for 'I'm going to be nosy as fuck'?" His brash tone was more mocking than biting and he exhaled heavily as he lifted his hand to swipe at his eyes, "Why the hell did I come to you?"
"I'm an excellent listener and give sound advice."
"You're absolute garbage."
"Yet, you drove four hours to Tokyo…"
"Fuck you, Shittykawa. Don't take long getting dressed. I don't have all day . You're driving." His surly response was par for the norm and I couldn't do anything but smile. That was the Iwaizumi that I'd known and loved for years; bursting in, making demands and expecting you to follow. He didn't say anything as he turned and walked out and I laughed softly as Sagan trailed behind, no doubt to pilfer his attention.
I hurried to get dressed. I'd call Kuroo to let him know I was taking another personal day. Something was telling me that this unannounced visit was just the beginning of something interesting.
The gentle breeze whispering through the window next to my bed stirred me awake, the sun's luminous rays filtered through the swaying sheer curtain, comfortably warming my cooled skin. I hesitated briefly; opening my eyes would pull me out of the ether of pleasure and I wanted to hold on to that buffer between darkness and light, allow the images time to recede into the shadowed corners of forgetfulness.
And I wanted to forget him. Wanted to forget how sinfully delicious he looked as he gyrated to the music, the debauchery and depravity telegraphed with every thrust of his hips. I wanted to forget how absolutely hypnotizing his eyes were, how they made me want to defy every sane thought and just follow.
But now, in the stillness of the morning, I wanted to forget him, wanted to act as if I'd never seen him before. Act as if every hazy image didn't make me ache.
If only it were that easy.
Despite the gruesome activities of the evening, my mind had stayed on him.
On how his brilliant brown eyes were alight with the promise all sorts of mayhem and decadence.
On the ridiculously sexy, if not challenging smirk, he'd tossed my way.
On how foolish I'd been not to follow him or at least approach…
If not for a moment, I could've followed him, given hope to another time, another place. Something to tether this distinctive need he'd awaken in me.
I sat up slowly, bringing my knees up to my chest and looped my arms around them. I rested my head against them, my eyes turned toward the window and the vivid blue sky and exhaled, giving a voice to my melancholy. As much as I wanted him, as selfish as I wanted to be, how could I think to pull him into the curse of loyalty I'd consciously chosen? I was kidding myself to think that even if I did manage to find him again that who I was and what I'd done wouldn't matter. It's not every day someone hooked up with a gangster.
I could lie to him. Could spin every golden tale known to man just to have him for one night but that wasn't a path I wanted to walk. Yes, he'd called to the baser of my needs but there was something just underneath that smooth veneer, something worth unraveling. I'd be a fool if I thought I could get just a taste and leave him alone.
That just wasn't my style.
There was no longer a point to lamenting what I'd lost. The night was over, the dream chased into the far corners of my memory. The world kept turning and I'd have to turn along with it.
If only it were that easy.
Deciding that action was better than loafing around, pining for something I couldn't have, I moved to stand, the smooth sateen sheet slipping away. I'm sure there were better things to do- if not I'd occupy my time accordingly.
I reached for my robe and slipped it over my shoulders, tying it tightly about my waist as I walked toward the floor length mirror on the opposite wall. I stood there for a moment, regarding myself with a discerning eye. My skin was shallow, nearly translucent and my eyes dulled by the lack of a sound sleep. The once lavender rings around my eyes had darkened into a sickly purplish hue and each orb was bloodshot. My hair was a rumpled nest of greyness, misshapen with no rhyme or reason. I frowned at that, musing that if I'd had my way the intended toss and turn and the resulting messy clump would've been welcomed
Ugh, enough of this.
"Get over it already," I muttered as I moved to the closet. I approached the black lacquered doors quickly, forcing myself to focus on something else other than my missed opportunity. I flung open the doors with a grand flourish, smiling so wide that my face hurt. Feigning indifference had been an easy feat for me in the past, yet today, it was a poor façade, nothing more than a distraction.
I went about the business of selecting my wardrobe, running through my memorized schedule. The mornings were usually left to us with the afternoons and evenings regulated to running errands for the Ukai and his immediate family so I had a little bit of time before I'd have to put in an appearance.
No need to rush and on better days, this would be convenient. Not today, though. Not when I can't seem to pry my thoughts away from a certain person…
A thunderous boom rocketed through the room, making me jump out of my skin. I waited for a moment longer, grimacing when another forceful pound echoed from the door. It wasn't even a second before they started again, the pounds swiftly seguing into erratic, anxious taps. Annoyed, I moved quickly, taking large strides toward the door, attempting to temper my response. Generally, I'm an easy guy, laid back, understanding, even empathetic in a manner. But please don't mistake that for a weakness.
Opening the door, a blur of darkness passed me and I turned on my heels to face the intruder to find Kageyama pacing, his face a tapestry of anxiety and exasperation.
"I told that dumbass to come back as soon as possible. But does he listen? Has he ever listened?" he muttered aloud. He bit his lip and creased his brow harder as if thinking more would solve whatever problem had risen. As he paced, he shoved his hands into his pockets and then pulled them out, crossing them about his chest. "That idiot…that complete asshole!"
I cleared my throat and that got him to at least acknowledge me with a glance. It was short lived; he just continued to pace, each circuit growing with intensity, his words becoming louder, his actions erratic. There was only one person Kageyama got so worked up about and usually, it's well deserved.
"Ukai wants you to go to Sendai, free up this freak's friend." The cold, detached voice of one Tsukishima Kei filtered in behind me and I turned to see him entering, his golden gaze bored and gait lackadaisical. He was thin and tall with blond hair that gently curled on the ends. Most would see Tsukishima and think nothing more of him- that would be their first and last mistake. Unassuming and observant, Tsukishima was deadly and efficient, his wit as sharp as the blades he wielded. I glanced at his lean form, barely making out the outline of the holster that housed his blades. Tsukishima hated guns but anything sharp…it was frighteningly eerie how graceful he could be when making a kill.
But none of that mattered at the moment. Even though I needed something to do, I didn't want to do this.
"And the reason why I have to do this…"
"Because Ukai can't trust Mr. Love sick over here not to randomly murder." Although annoyed, there was a ghost of a smirk on his lips as he glanced to Kageyama. He and Kageyama…well, let's just say that it was a strict mandate that they tolerate each other. Otherwise, there would be no end to their violence- or stupidity.
"Oi…"
"AND," Tsukishima gleefully interrupted, "I don't trust myself going to snatch him up. Could you see me traveling with him?" I shuddered at the connotation of that, of how bloody it would get if it were up to Kei. He simply grinned and pushed his glasses further up his nose, "It is best that there be a neutral party involved."
"Best for everyone," Kageyama added. He'd finally stopped pacing and stared between the two of us, his steely blue eyes stern. He grimaced in Tsukishima's direction then turned away from him, focusing his attention solely on me. He approached, his hands out stretched, his expression softening, "Suga, you're the only one who can do this. He's gotten himself into something he can't get out of and even though he hasn't asked…"
"You can't help it, Tobio." One look and my annoyance dissipated completely. I knew what it felt like to be the only one in love and I felt bad for him. I exhaled wearily and shook my head, "I'll call Bo."
"Um, no can do, Suga. Bokuto 's…um… indisposed."
I knew what that meant.
I was on my own and judging by how the day had started I wasn't so sure it was a great idea.
