References to Alice's first shopping trip with Esme is courtesy of Jessica314's Tale of Years: 1950 here on FF.
Beta: The incredible and amazing kiwihipp
(Updated 18 Jan)
Chapter 10: New Experiences
Finally feeling inspired to work on the image of Carlisle once more I set up my easel and paints. I hadn't gotten very far when my cell phone rang.
"Hello?" I answered without noting the caller.
"Please come to Bella's house," Jasper asked sounding strained with Bella's screaming clearly heard in the background before he just as quickly hung up.
Racing downstairs, lifting the shutters up, and running as fast as I could my mind would not stop repeating the horrid sound that had carried through the phone. Dashing through the woods, I dialled Carlisle.
"Evening love," he greeted me.
"Something is wrong with Bella," I told him bluntly. "I'm almost there."
"It's okay my sweet darling," he offered. "Alice called me. I'm here with you," he assured me.
When I reached Bella's house Alice and Jasper were in the trees closest to her bedroom holding hands still as marble.
Hopping into a nearby tree, I waited watching Jasper concentrate, using his gift to calm her, as I could feel it blanketing me as well.
"Carlisle's on the phone," I informed them.
Once Bella settled Alice turned to me. Jasper's face was furrowed in concentration fully focused on Bella. "How was she before?" Alice asked at a human pace.
"Monday night I didn't come and check on her, since I had promised to take extra precautions. Tuesday night Tanya came here with me after we had hiked together. It was close to two hours before sunrise. We stayed until I heard Charlie rise, so a little over an hour perhaps. She was very restless and I could her moving a lot and mumbling." Closing my eyes I reviewed the time with her. "She whimpered some and said Edward's name, but nothing like that. What was that?" I asked.
"Night terror," Carlisle answered in his doctor tone, but underneath it anguish and guilt could be heard.
"She had a hard time sleeping in Phoenix," Alice said softly before I could say anything to comfort Carlisle. "Although Jasper had to sedate her a few times, this was worse," she added as if it was an after thought.
Inhaling sharply in surprise I asked her upset, "Why did you never say so?"
I expected Jasper's calm to blanket me, but I could only sense the ripples from what he was sending to Bella. The fact that comforting Bella took so much effort that he hadn't used his gift on me was unsettling. Bella must be in worse shape than I was thinking.
Alice shrugged unaffected by my tone. "By the time she was in the hospital her inability to sleep seemed inconsequential."
"Would these night terrors explain some of her physical features?" I wondered out loud.
"Very possibly," Carlisle answered. "Lack of sleep is a form of torture for any human, especially after extended periods of time. The chemical reaction in the brain that it can create can cause many negative side effects."
He had himself put together, but I suspected that he was using his doctor persona to mask his true feelings. Had I made the wrong choice to come for Bella's sake? Did Carlisle need me more? These thoughts stopped abruptly with a soft distressed moan. If Jasper's gift could do all that I had discovered, how could it be that she was still suffering?
"Jasper?" I asked softly.
"What I used in Phoenix isn't as effective. I'll get the mix right. It just will take some time," he stated in clipped military tones his strain apparent.
As my mind tried to take in what Carlisle and Jasper had said I gasped. The words "She's being tortured" flew out of my lips. Then as quickly as I said them I covered my mouth.
"Usually a doctor would prescribe a sleeping aid so that the person can get some rest," Carlisle said in his doctor tone with a detachment that usually meant that he was considering something.
Gratefully it seemed that no one was going to mention my faux pas. Nevertheless, my mind could not move past the excruciating pain of realizing what Bella was enduring. It was not quite as terrible as the burn from transformation, however. I would protect any of my family from pain, but her venerability and fragile nature made the reality of the situation sting even more.
"Please Esme," Jasper begged.
"I'm sorry," I apologised immediately and focused on the beauty of nature surrounding us trying to manage my emotions as so not to make things worse for Jasper.
"Is there anything we can do?" I asked Carlisle once my emotions were more settled.
"Other than Jasper, or her taking a prescription, getting her to talk about what's bothering her is really the best medicine," he told me his own frustration at the situation apparent in his tone.
"Thank you love," I told him attempting to comfort him. "Come to me soon."
"As fast as I am able," he promised. "Call if there are any changes," he instructed.
"Of course," I assured him.
After I hung up the phone I stayed with Alice and Jasper watching Jasper comfort Bella with his gift until the sun began to rise and Charlie arose starting his morning.
"Ready?" I asked.
They nodded, moved from their perches, and we starting back home as soon as our feet hit the forest floor.
"Are you going to keep an eye on her today?" I asked them as we came to the house.
Alice and Jasper exchanged a look. "Yes," she told me.
"She works at Newton's," I told them their answer assuring and comforting me.
They nodded before heading to their room.
I went back to my painting and attempting to once again focus on capturing the Carlisle of my imagining, but I found my mind over and over coming back to the idea that Bella was being tortured by her dreams. I needed Carlisle. He would call when he could. An hour after Alice and Jasper had left the house my phone rung.
"I miss you," I told him grateful he had found some time sooner than later.
"And I you," he admitted. "I have a small window, but I needed to hear your voice so much."
"How are you doing?" I asked concerned.
"What is the value of all my knowledge, Esme, if she is wasting away before our eyes?" he asked painfully.
"You are not God," I reminded him. "You made what you thought was the best decision at the time. We could not have known."
"No," I agreed sounding exhausted, "we could not have known, but I could have guessed."
Arguing this point over the phone seemed pointless, so I changed topics. "Did I make the wrong choice by asking to come here? I feel as if I have failed you as your wife," I admitted.
My question must have caught him off guard as a small intake of breath could be heard. "Never my wife apologise for loving your children. It is difficult to be away from you, and I need you desperately, but this was what was best for our family. We will be well. I will be well."
"I would get on a plane this hour if you needed me to," I told him emphatically.
He smiled slightly. "No, my wonderful wife. Take care of her. I've got to go. I'll call soon," he promised. "Love you," he said as the phone disconnected.
"And I you," I told the ring tone knowing he would hear me in his heart.
I tried to go back to my painting, but was unable. Eventually I gave up and texted Alice. Where are you?
Border line on the road to La Push was the reply before I had to chance to send the message.
Leaving the house, I made my way to Alice and Jasper. They each nodded their head in a greeting as I made my way to a high branch.
After a few hours I asked, "How was she today?"
"Not sure," was Alice's reply.
"In pain," was Jasper's.
Certainly he would pick up my curiosity, but he said nothing more, so I didn't ask. If he wanted to keep Bella's inner world private, I wasn't going to push him.
Suddenly Alice stilled in the way that she did when she was receiving a vision and then screamed "No!"
Jasper wrapped his arms around her stopping her from crossing the line before she could move more than a centimetre. "Shhh, June Bug, tell me what you saw," he cooed sending out the emotional cocktail I had felt from him when she had the vision of Laurent in Edward's meadow.
"She jumped," Alice wailed. "Then it went black." After a sob she added, "She's dead Jazz and it's all our fault."
I felt his cocktail increase in strength, and had the strangest sensation, as if I desired to offer Jasper my allegiance. Even though I knew it was part of what he was using to calm Alice and ensure she stayed in his arms, it was irresistible. I could see why he thought Carlisle wouldn't appreciate him pushing that emotion into me. My bonds to Carlisle were stronger and I trusted Jasper completely, but it was odd nonetheless. Also disconcerting was that any concern for Bella due to Alice's vision was nonexistent. Intellectually I knew I should be upset and worried, but I couldn't seem to find myself to feel that way.
"It's gone black before, June Bug. Let's wait before we make any firm conclusions," he encouraged her.
Time stretched on and on each second like a drum telling us of our doom, and then like a flute offering hope we heard the recognizable sound of Bella's truck. In batted breath the three of us stilled completely.
"I'm fine," I faintly heard Bella say.
"Cliff jumping, Bells? Really?" Jake said scathingly. "Are you trying to kill yourself?"
"No," she retorted, but even still the emptiness in her tone that had existed on Monday could be heard.
"He's not worth dying over," he claimed firmly.
She sighed as if she was too tired to argue.
The three of us began to run along the road with the truck.
"Frecking mothersuckers," Jake muttered under her breath. "Leave her alone. Go back to whatever hole you came from and destroy someone else's life," he said lowly clearly speaking to us.
"Bella," he said to her in a sigh.
"I know, Jake. I know. And I appreciate everything. I do. You're right. I would have died if you hadn't come in and saved me, but Jake you can't keep saving me. You have to live your own life."
"I will when you stop trying to die," he claimed his tone sharp.
"I wasn't trying to die," she snapped back at him, but there was no real strength in it.
"I know he hurt you bad, but this isn't the way to solve it," he said softly.
"There's no solving Jake. It's one day at a time and I'm trying," she replied with irritation present in her tone.
"I wish you didn't have to try so much," he answered her, sounding almost desolate.
After a pause she told him, "Don't be like that. I'll be fine."
He sighed but said nothing more.
When they got to her house she headed inside.
"You good?" he asked. "Need me to stay?" he checked.
"No, I'm good," she told him, but it sounded too monotone.
He moved towards her and wrapped her in a hug. "No more cliff jumping. I don't think my heart can take it."
She nodded and stepped out of his arms.
As she opened the door and went inside, he stomped into the forest towards us.
"Come out bloodsuckers, I know you're there," he jeered.
We came into his line of sight walking towards him slowly. Jasper blanketed the area with his calm, for which I was very grateful, since I was struggling not to obey my instinct to lunge at this young man and rip him apart, despite my heart's desire to thank him instead.
"You must be Jake," I started as way of an introduction. "I'm Esme and this is Jasper and Alice."
"Thank you," Alice told him with deep emotion before I could say anything more.
Raising his eyebrow at her he grunted saying nothing.
"Thank you for keeping an eye on Bella," I told him. "From what she says you've been a good friend to her."
"Well as repayment for your gratitude how about you leave Bella alone?" he challenged me.
"If Bella asked us to leave, we would," I promised him.
He huffed and tightened his arms that had been laying across his chest. Then he looked at Jasper. "You doing that?" he contested.
"The calm you sense?" Jasper asked and probably getting a reply via his gift continued, "Yes, I am."
"Being killing machines aren't enough, you have to have extra stuff to try to stop me," Jake muttered irritatingly.
Unsure about whether or not he meant for us to hear him I said nothing and neither did Alice or Jasper.
"You might have a hard time believing this Jake, but we do care for Bella deeply and we are entirely grateful that you saved her," I told him hoping I sounded enough like Carlisle.
"Yeah, whatever," he grumbled. Then after a pause he straightened up more and looking me squarely told me, "You know, if you really cared about her, you would leave her alone to live her human life instead of pulling her back into your darkness."
Trying to smile politely, I told him, "Like I said, it's Bella's choice."
He said nothing while his face scrunched up.
"Well thank you again. We'll be heading home now," I let him know.
He nodded.
As soon as I saw his gesture I moved towards the house on foot keeping attuned to our surroundings in case he decided to give chase. It seemed entirely unlikely, but I had promised Carlisle I'd take every precaution.
Once we were back in the house, Alice and Jasper retreated to their room presumably to comfort one another and to recover from the events.
I called Carlisle.
"Esme?" he asked upon answering clearly worried.
"Bella went cliff diving, Alice thought the worst, Jacob Black brought her out of the water and to her house, and then Jacob and us three had a chat," I rambled off as close to a human pace as I could muster.
"Everyone is well?" he checked nervous.
"Everyone but Bella. I mean cliff jumping, Carlisle. If he hadn't gone into the water she would have died," I told him sobbing. "I was so stupid to jump off that cliff. I'm so sorry, Carlisle. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay, love," he cooed. "It's okay."
When I calmed myself enough to speak once more, I told him earnestly, "I need you."
"And I you," he replied. After a brief pause he asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"
There was no way I could convey what I needed to over the phone. So I replied instead, "One more thing to add to the list when you get here. Bottom line: he asked us to leave and I told him it was up to Bella."
"And you were not harmed in anyway," he checked.
"Jasper took good care of Alice and I," I told him proud of my son. Whether Jasper had meant it or not, his cocktail had kept Alice from running into La Push and violating the treaty.
I could hear him smiling through the phone. "I am glad he is there to protect you."
"He's a good man, Carlisle," I agreed, "but I am ready to be in your arms. The day's events have been too much."
"As soon as I can," he promised.
"What do I do?" I asked him heartbroken. "She almost died by her own decisions. And a cliff, Carlisle. It brings back too many memories. How do I help her?" I asked in sorrow.
"My sweet wife you are already doing it. Be there; give her room to talk. Don't push her. She'll talk when her mind can take it. Forcing her to speak about things when she's not ready would probably not be best for her right now," he recommended.
"Is there nothing more I can do?" I asked my doubt in his advice clear.
"Love her. Your love healed me, it's healed Rosalie, Edward, and is changing Jasper. Hope and faith and love my dear Miss Platt," he told me full of conviction but I could hear the smile and slight teasing in his tone. He was being strong for me, but I could hear underneath it all his own fears and tremblings. As powerful creatures as we were, we were helpless in this situation.
"It doesn't feel like enough," I admitted to him.
"Perfect love casts out fear according to the scriptures. Have faith that your love for her will be enough and hope that she will find the courage to speak about what ails her," he encouraged me.
Smiling I told him knowing that he needed to go, "Thank you for being the best husband I could ask for. I Love you."
"And I you," he replied.
Needing an outlet for all that was swimming through me, I went back to my painting. Not too much later I heard my phone ring.
Upon finding it and opening it up "Evening, Esme," came Bella's voice.
"Good evening Bella. Is it Thursday evening already?" I asked attempting to be playful with her.
She giggled lightly, which warmed me. "Yes, did lose track of your days again?" she asked me teasingly.
"I was lost in painting," I explained trying to follow Carlisle's advice to not push her.
"Might I see your work sometime?" she asked after a lengthily pause.
"I would like that," I let her know. "I'm not sure what you will think though. My subject that I finished before I came back to Forks was you."
"Me?" she asked astonished.
"Yes, you might not like what I painted," I warned her.
"Oh," she muttered her voice lower than usual.
"Just think about it. It's okay if you decide you want to wait until I paint trees or something," I let her know.
She chuckled, but the mirth she had moments ago was gone. "Are you and Alice still coming by tomorrow to pick me up?" she asked after a minute had passed.
"Yes," I answered. "Did your father mention the possibility of driving up to Vancouver and spending the night?" I checked.
"Yes," she answered hesitantly.
"What were your thoughts?" I wondered.
She breathed in and out quiet and distant until she told me, "I don't know if I can survive shopping with Alice that long."
I smiled appreciative of her candour. "Tell you what, pack your passport and a one night bag, and we'll play it by ear. If you're not having a good time, then we'll come back the same day," I promised her.
"I can handle that," she agreed.
"Bella, I know Alice can be pushy. It's easier, at times, just to do things her way. But here's the thing, by not telling her what you need and not expecting her to respect those needs takes away the opportunity she would otherwise have to learn. You have a lot that you could teach her. And I'll keep her in line, so don't worry."
Bella chuckled as if my honesty had disarmed her and then she was silent for a few minutes. "Do you really think I have something to teach Alice?" she asked in a tone that suggested her disbelief.
"You have taught me more than I could ever say. Of course, you have things to teach Alice, you more than anyone perhaps," I encouraged her.
"I'll think about it, Esme," she promised.
"Fair enough. You know you could always make it a part of the grovelling," I suggested playfully.
She chuckled again lighter this time. "I suppose that's an option."
I smiled at hearing her light-hearted. "All right, so we'll be at yours at eight-thirty tomorrow morning. You and Alice will chat first and, depending on the conversation, we'll go to Vancouver."
I heard the smile, but also her nervousness in her voice as she said, "It'll be good to see her."
"Yes, I'm sure it will be. And having Alice grovel a little will do her some good," I encouraged.
"I heard that," Alice said lightly probably from her room.
"Anything else?" I asked Bella.
"No, I don't think so," she replied.
"All right then, see you tomorrow morning," I confirmed.
"Night Esme."
"Sweet dreams, darling," I told her hoping my tone carried how much I cared for her.
Alice shrieked in joy the sound carrying clearly despite the distance between us. She must have been quite exuberant.
"You did hear the grovelling part, Alice?" I checked with her through the floor and walls.
"Yes, Esme," she replied in her 'well obviously' tone.
"I mean it," I reiterated. "Whatever that girl says she needs, that's what we're going to do. We're going to do what is needed to help her heal. None of us can afford for her to jump off more cliffs."
"I know," Alice replied sadly. "Whatever she says she needs," she repeated as if reminding herself.
"Good girl. You and Jasper heading over to hers tonight?"
"Yes," she told me after a second's pause.
A part of me wanted to go with them, but a greater part felt pulled to work on my painting. "Come interrupt me at eight, please?" I requested.
"Sure, no problem," she agreed easily.
I went back to my painting. The one of the Carlisle that I had imagined was still proving to be tricky. He was more nuanced, less ridged than my husband. It was a good kind of challenge. It still wasn't quite there when Alice knocked.
"Thank you, Alice," I let her know.
After entering my room I showered and changed my clothes. I chose not to pack anything bar my passport, since I planned on buying clothes for tomorrow if we stayed.
Alice was in the car bouncing up and down when I got into the driver's seat.
"Alice," I warned.
She sagged some. "I know, I know. Grovel, give her space, let her work through her issues, let her do things her way, don't be too pushy," she told me in quick succession.
I chuckled. "Glad we already had this conversation. Do you need me to repeat it?"
"No," she grumbled.
"Good," I stated firmly. "And I plan on you both sitting in the back unless Bella asks to sit up front."
"Yes, ma'am," she said with a huge grin on her face.
Patting her leg I reassured her, "That's my girl." After a second's pause I asked her, "How was Bella last night?"
"She started out the same as the night before, but Jasper was able to soothe her and she slept without crying out," she told me. "I think he's close to getting the right mix."
"Glad to hear it."
Alice didn't reply her whole body focused on the future.
I said nothing to Alice allowing her this way of coping with her nerves. When we arrived at Bella's house I looked at her one more time sternly in order to calm her down once more.
While I knocked on the door, Alice stared at it. Taking deep long breaths, she appeared to be preparing herself for Bella's arrival.
Bella's footsteps neared, and then she turned the handle before she opened the door.
"Hi, Alice," she breathed.
"Hi, Bella. I missed you," Alice replied. And then Alice slowly and carefully took a step towards Bella and wrapped her arms underneath Bella's holding her gingerly.
Bella looked up to me stunned. After a few minutes she took a step back and Alice let her go.
"Come in," Bella offered.
Stepping inside Bella closed the door behind me.
"It's nice to see you too, Alice," Bella offered as she walked towards the kitchen.
I allowed Alice to follow while I stayed beside the front door to give them some semblance of privacy.
"I'm so sorry," I heard Alice proclaim in a soft tone once they were seated.
"I know Alice," Bella stated sadly.
"I just thought," Alice said and then paused, "I just never imagined," she started again, but then paused once more, "I just," she sputtered, "I messed up all right." Alice said in a defeated tone.
"I thought the rule was to never bet against Alice," I heard Bella say shyly.
"Yeah, well, I was wrong," Alice grumbled.
"I'm sorry I doubted our friendship, Alice." Bella muttered sadly.
It sounded like they both reached across the table.
"I gave you reason to doubt. It was my fault. I should have known better," Alice stated with ire.
"Alice," Bella stated sternly. "You're not God. You're not perfect. You're bound to make mistakes."
"Not usually," she grumbled. There was a pause. I could just imagine Bella's expression. "Well, see, usually," Alice said in an unusually slow human speed, "I can see in advance that I'm going to make a mistake, so I fix it before I really ever make one, understand?"
Bella giggled and then her giggle became a laugh and her laugh became full-body roaring laughter.
Finally when, I suspected, Alice couldn't take it any longer, she asked, "What's so funny?"
"You," deep breath and more laughing, "usually," even more laughing.
It sounded like Alice had crossed her arms and Bella was laughing harder.
Bella's laughter was a delight, so it took great self-control not to join her.
Eventually Bella caught her breath. "Alice, do you have any idea how hard it is to be friends with someone who stops their mistakes before they happen?"
Alice made no sound.
"I love you Alice. I really do, but sometimes you could give a girl a complex. Why don't you stop trying to appear like you don't make mistakes and just allow them to happen?"
"Um, because I don't like making mistakes, Bella," she said sounding highly suspicious like she was concerned for Bella's mental health.
"Nobody likes making mistakes, Alice. No one," Bella punctuated strongly. "And I understand fixing things where people could get hurt or stuff, but Alice sometimes the moments when I've laughed the most was over the stupid things I have done. If you fix it all, you miss the opportunity to laugh at yourself and share your imperfect parts with someone else."
"Humph" was all I heard from Alice.
"I like this fallible Alice better," Bella said with a smile in her tone.
"Even though you got hurt?" Alice checked.
Long minutes passed before Bella admitted, "Well, that part wasn't pleasant, but learning that you make mistakes and that you fix them before they happen would almost be worth it."
"So, I'm I done grovelling?" Alice checked.
"No, I have rules for today," Bella replied her voice wavering nervously.
A smiled spread across my face. I could hear the hesitation from Bella. She was probably scared to hurt her friend's feelings. I was glad, though, that Bella had taken my advice to heart.
There was utter stillness from Alice.
When Bella spoke it sounded stern like how human mothers sometimes speak to their children, but the nervousness could still be heard. "One, you can ask me to try on things, but if I say I don't like it, then that's it, no pleading and no buying it behind my back."
I could only imagine Alice's frown or scowl. Probably both.
"Two, you will give me regular breaks to eat, drink, and do human things. Three, when I say I'm tired and need a break we will stop and rest my feet. Four, Esme gets the final say over how much money you spend on me and it will be my definition of reasonable, so either a few things from top end stops or more things from mid-range stores. Five, if I find a store I like, I can drag you into it and force you to try on things and you will not complain. Deal?"
Alice was silent, I assume checking the future to see if she could get a better deal.
"Deal," Alice acquiesced with little enthusiasm.
"Oh, and Alice, no future searching. We do this without your visions."
"Just for shopping?" she questioned clearly trying to find some wiggle room in this newest requirement.
"No, for the whole time we're together," Bella punctuated her voice growing in strength.
"What if we're in danger?" Alice challenged.
Bella paused. "Wouldn't it just show up then, without you searching?"
"Fine," Alice grumbled in defeat.
"Okay, Esme," Bella came out looking pleased as punch. "I'm ready to go."
"Nice work," I mouthed to Bella.
She beamed.
"Do you have your passport?" I verified.
"Check," she answered with a grin.
"One night bag in case?"
"Check."
"Two partridge and a pear tree?"
She looked at me funny. "Was that a joke, Esme?"
I smiled.
"Wow. Esme told a joke." She shook her head. "Wonders never cease."
Alice and Bella giggled travelling out the door while we got into the car. Both girls got into the back.
"Buckle up, please," I instructed.
"But, Mom," Alice whined and then winked at Bella.
"It's the law," I replied stoically.
She huffed and puffed, but once she was buckled she grinned widely.
"So, Bella, catch me up. What happened at Forks High while I was gone?"
"I don't know," Bella muttered under her breath.
I caught Alice's eye and shook my head no.
"Are you still working at Newton's?" Alice went on as if nothing had happened.
"Yes," Bella stated bluntly.
"Mike still following you around like a lost puppy?" Alice asked teasingly.
Bella grimaced. "Guess so."
"How was jumping from that cliff?" Alice asked nonchalantly.
Bella's mouth dropped open.
"Alice," I scolded at a high fast pitch.
She looked at me in the mirror bewildered. Maybe she used her visions to navigate life even more than I was aware.
"So, what else have you been doing?" Alice asked softer and gentler almost as if she was afraid of her own questions.
"Really Alice?" Bella seethed.
Alice looked at Bella her eyes wide. I could see the temptation increasing on Alice's face. I shook my head no at her.
Alice looked down at her hands sounding so small and remorseful. "Your jumping just came to me. I didn't look, promise."
Bella looked towards me and I nodded my head in confirmation.
Bella's body sagged and she let out a sad sigh.
"I wanted to feel alive, and it looked fun," she admitted after many long awkward minutes passed.
"I thought you were dead," Alice confessed.
Bella moved her hand placing it on top of Alice's. "I'm sorry Alice. It really was just for fun."
"So what other things have you been doing?" Alice asked hopefully remembering my warning about not pushing Bella.
I was proud of Alice. She could be like a dog with a bone when she didn't understand or know something.
"Mostly hanging out in Jake's garage," Bella offered after a few moments.
"Who's Jake?" Alice asked innocently, "Does he go to Forks?"
"Alice none of that," I warned her in our fast murmur.
Alice's shoulder's sagged momentarily, but she said nothing.
"Jake is an old family friend and, no, he lives in La Push," Bella said as if the words were taking her great effort.
"Ah," Alice said as if it didn't matter much, but it was clear that she was grateful for the confirmation. "So, what do you to do in his garage?"
Bella blinked rapidly as if surprised by the question. "Um, mostly he works on some car part and I sit and watch him and we'd just talk about nothing."
"Do anything else exciting?" Alice pressed probably trying to gain more contexts for the snippets of visions she had seen.
"Well," she started and then stopped. After a few seconds she spoke again, "there was this one time," but then stopped once more. Bella looked towards me, but I kept my eyes on the road hoping that doing so would encourage her to speak.
Alice's impatience to have Bella continue was palatable.
"I found some motorbikes and Jake worked on them and we took them riding," Bella suddenly said in a rush.
Alice frowned. "Did you like it?" she asked clearly curios and confused.
Bella seemed to consider her answer. "It was fun for a few times, but then I got hurt and we stopped."
Although my features didn't change, I was pleased at Bella's honesty.
"Any permanent damage?" Alice asked concerned.
"Nope, just a scar here," Bella said while pointing at the scar.
Alice squinted her eyes as if evaluating it carefully. "Did you tell your Dad?" Alice wondered after a minute.
"No, Charlie doesn't know," she said hard. Then her tone softened, "I didn't want to worry him. He already worries over me enough."
"Well Esme worries enough for the whole country," Alice whispered conspiratorially her teasing apparent.
They giggled.
"What about you, Alice, what have you been doing?" Bella asked seemingly uncomfortable.
Then Alice spent the next three hours telling Bella about all that she had learned about her human family, where she had come from, her living relatives, and our plans to assist them monetarily.
"Do you do that a lot?" Bella asked when Alice got to the financial helping piece.
"No, not with one family like this, but generally, yes. Each family member has a charity that we give large sums to. With my skills, let's just say that we have more money than some countries. So, we give a lot away, although this is the first time we've targeted a family like this."
Bella shook her head and Alice went on to explain what we had agreed to and our plans to help them.
We crossed the border, and I insisted that before we carry on that we find Bella something to eat.
Bella wanted to find some place where she could order and we wouldn't need to. She settled on a deli and got herself a sandwich. We found a bench in a covered heated area and chatted while she ate. Her consideration of us, including keeping the smell of food out the car, was extremely thoughtful and kind.
Back in the car Bella asked, "Did you get a new car, Esme?"
"Actually, I did," I answered. "Rosalie makes the recommendations for when to change our vehicles. She suggested I change it at the beginning of year table conference and we all voted with her suggestion. When I arrived in Forks she felt like that was a good time to make the change."
Bella nodded. "Does she do that with everyone's cars?"
"Almost all," I told her. "Alice and Jasper don't have cars. So, she does that for Carlisle, Emmett's, her own, and mine. She hasn't gotten a chance to tweak it yet. She will once she arrives."
There was an unspoken sadness in her eyes and a knowing that I had purposefully not mentioned Edward.
She turned to Alice, "Why don't you have a car?"
Alice shrugged. "I'm not really into cars, and I don't need one. It's faster to run anyway."
"What about when you start school?" she wondered.
She shrugged. "Esme will drive me."
Bella chuckled.
"What?" Alice asked confused.
"You're a senior, Alice. Seniors don't have their moms drive them to school."
Alice huffed. "Well, I'm not getting a car just for three months. Maybe Rose will let me drive her BMW or Emmett his Jeep once they arrive."
"You're shipping the cars across the country?" Bella asked clearly surprised.
"Yeah," Alice responded nonplussed. "With all the modifications Rosalie makes we take them with us, unless, like Esme's we've decided to upgrade it."
"Could you just go and buy a new car?" Bella wanted to know clearly curious.
"Sure, but we try to agree on big purchases," Alice explained as if this were obvious.
Bella's eyes grew. "What's a big purchase?" she finally asked her voice shaking some.
"Oh, I don't know," Alice said nonchalantly, "$10,000 or more. No one ever votes no about those kinds of things, but for tax purposes and paper trails, it's best if we all know about it."
"Uh-huh, sure, makes sense," Bella replied stunned and didn't come out of that state until we came into the outskirts of Vancouver. Fortunately, Alice just kept talking and Bella would nod appropriately.
When Alice, Bella, and I got the mall, we agreed on a time and a place to meet, which Alice didn't fully understand. Bella found it hilarious that Alice had never needed to do that before.
I shopped for some undergarments for daily use and some special occasion ones for when I got to see Carlisle again. Then I went in search for a new shirt or two. I hadn't found any tops yet when I returned to our agreed meeting spot to find Bella and Alice sitting on the bench both not really happy, with Alice swinging her legs impatiently.
"Having fun girls?" I inquired.
"Yes," came from Bella hesitantly but without a smile.
"No," said Alice glumly.
I looked back and forth, but neither seemed to want to tell me what was going on. After asking how much they had already spent, I offered to take the two bags to the car as they decided to try again.
Once I dropped the bags off, I went in search for tops once more. I had found two and a pair of slacks when I saw an advertisement for the musical play Wicked. Calling the number I found out that yes, they did have three available seats for tonight's show in a booth. I bought the tickets and went to find the girls.
As I drew nearer it became clear that Bella really was keeping Alice to the deal and it was frustrating Alice to no end. It really was endearing.
"Girls," I called out to them to let Bella know I was nearby.
Alice and then Bella turned towards me.
"I bought theatre tickets. I thought we could buy a dress each, get gussied up, go to the theatre, and then spend the night."
"I don't know, Esme," Bella hedged reluctantly.
"How could you have not warned me, Esme?" Alice fumed indignant.
"It was a spur of the moment thing, darling," I comforted Alice and turning to Bella, "I'm sure we can find a simple, but elegant dress with pretty flats to go with them. Then we can get some mascara and gloss. It'll be fun."
Both of them looked at me like that would not be their idea of fun.
I scowled at both at them. Using my mothering voice I stated, "We are going and that's that."
Bella quickly resonated to her fate, but Alice kept sulking.
As we entered the third department store's dress section I pulled Alice towards me by wrapping my arm along her shoulder.
"Remember our first shopping trip, Alice. Hope and faith. Open yourself up to new experiences and learn."
She was better after that. I allowed myself to be prodded with dresses until Alice found one in a small dress boutique that she found 'acceptable.'
Once we were at the hotel, I enjoyed getting ready and helping the girls. It wasn't to Alice's usual standards, but that was the point. Alice and Bella were both struggling with my request in their own way and for their own reasons.
"Thank you for accompanying me," I told both girls once we were seated in our booth. "I really do love the theatre."
"You're welcome, Esme," Bella's responded politely.
Alice said nothing her body showing tension.
Throughout Bella had seemed especially caught up in the play, and gushed about it through the entire cab ride back to the hotel room.
I agreed with her that the show was incredibly moving.
"Thank you so much, Esme. I really did love it. It was worth getting dressed up for," Bella admitted.
"You're welcome, I'm glad you enjoyed it," I replied. "New experiences are important for us all. It's how we learn and grow."
"I'm sorry for resisting so much, Esme. You were right," Bella acknowledged. "Even if a few people wore jeans, I felt like I fitted in better in the dress. I'll try to trust your judgement more next time and not put up such a fuss."
Hopefully she also realized that she could experience new and exciting things without risking her life.
"That's okay Bella. I get it," I comforted her. "It was hard for me at first too. Carlisle was very patient with me."
We both had been eying Alice through the show and afterwards, but even now in the hotel room she seemed lost in her thoughts.
"Bella, are you okay if we spent the night?" I asked her.
"Yeah," she told me a grin spreading across her face. "I've had a good time."
"I am glad," I told her earnestly.
It was only after we were in matching sleepwear that Alice had bought did she say more than two words. "You were right, Esme," she said quietly while looking at her hands.
Looking over at her, I waited for her to continue. Bella did the same.
"It was more enjoyable." She paused remaining still. "It's a little disconcerting not to check and make sure everything will go okay. It does take faith that if something were to go wrong, I would be warned and it does take a measure of simply hoping that things will go well, but it was the most exhilarating feeling I've had without Jazz."
Going over, I wrapped her in my arms. "Oh, my sweet girl. I'm so glad. You are such a treasure. I'm so proud of you." I opened my right arm and moved so that I could look at Bella. "Come here. I couldn't have done it without you."
Bella looked at me confused but came and joined us in what became a three-way hug.
As we parted, Alice looked at Bella seriously. "Thank you, Bella. You are a great friend."
"You're welcome?" she replied.
Both Alice and I looked at her with a curious wonder as to why she had made that statement into a question.
She looked back and forth between the two of us.
"I'm not sure what I did," she admitted.
"Oh, you precious girl," I teased. "Your conditions."
Bella still looked confused.
"Your conditions and my desire to go to the theatre helped Alice realize what life could be like if she just lived in the moment."
Bella's face fell open in understanding. "Oh!" She beamed. "You're welcome, then, Alice. Anytime. If you can manage something similar again, I might willingly go shopping with you." She eyes sparkles in amusement.
Alice groaned. "Ugh! I barely lived though it the first time."
"Practise makes perfect," Bella teased wickedly.
"Listen to your wise friend, Alice," I told her playfully.
We had picked up food for Bella before the theatre, but her stomach made sounds, which gave Alice the perfect opportunity to divert the conversation. She grabbed the hotel menu and thrust it into Bella's hands.
"You order; I'll pick a move; and we'll watch it while you eat."
"Just make it a comedy, Alice. No romance."
"No kissing?" Alice pouted.
"Certainly not," Bella stated firmly.
"Fine," Alice grumbled.
Bella ate and fell asleep about halfway through the film. I picked her up and carried her into the bed. She had grabbed hold of my top and I didn't have the heart to pry her finger away, so I lay down in bed with her stroking her hair. Soon afterwards Alice joined me on the bed laying on top of the covers and on the other side of Bella.
"She looks better than the painting," Alice said quietly at our natural speed.
"Better than when I first saw her as well," I agreed matching her tempo.
"Any suffering will be worth it, even shopping like we did today, if it helps make her well."
"I know last minute decisions aren't your most favourite thing, Alice, but I did genuinely do it because I felt certain Bella would like it. Charlie doesn't seem like the type to go to something like that. I just wanted to give her something new."
"I know," she grumbled, "It was worth it to watch Bella watch the production and her enthusiasm afterwards."
"I couldn't have said it better myself."
"What do you think she meant that she jumped from that cliff to feel more alive?" Alice asked after a short pause.
"Maybe after us being in her life she couldn't go back to normal human life?" I replied uncertainly. "I couldn't after meeting Carlisle," I tacked on breathlessly.
"Hmmm," Alice mused after a while adding, "She does seem to like to live on the knife's edge."
"I'd like to think that she was meant to be in our world," I admitted to Alice.
She smiled at me. "Was the theatre a tame way of getting her to live life on the edge?" Alice asked playfully.
"Maybe," I admitted with a smile.
"Then it was worth it," Alice conceited.
We both fell into silence. Lying in the bed with Bella, listening to her human sounds, and thinking about the day and all that our family was learning since December allowed me to see why Edward had enjoyed staying with her at night. It was soothing, even if I didn't sleep.
"It's nice. I can see the appeal," I admitted to Alice.
"As can I," she agreed. "I was thinking about today and Jazz."
"Oh?" I asked hoping she would open up.
"When I first woke up I was so alone, Esme," she said he voice sad and subdued. "I was forced to rely on my visions for everything. By the time I met up with Jasper is was a habit that had simply become a part of how I did things. Since joining the family, I have toned it down some, but the family voting for me to not watch Bella, then you suggesting I not search the future so much has been incredibly difficult, but the rewards have been sweet. It's added wonderful moments between Jasper and I, and then today. It's hard not to search the future for the most ideal outcome when I can," she lamented.
"The same is true for Edward's gift," I told her. "He gets all this information that gives him an advantage, so he never really had to learn the people-reading skills that the rest of the family need. Then he met Bella and he couldn't understand her at all."
Her lips pressed together and her eyebrows formed into a v.
"What I suggested to him, when he was struggling and I have to you, is to find balance. Let go of your gift being the only tool you have, the only thing you know how to rely on. I think life will be richer, and you will be stronger as an individual if you let it be one of many tools."
She smiled sadly. "You make it sound so easy, Esme, but these past months have been gruelling."
"It is because it's new. Once you find balance, I suspect it will come easier."
She nodded in contemplation. After a while she asked, "What about you? What were you thinking about?"
"I was thinking about everything we have learned since December and how much our family is changing." There was silence a long time before I continued. "We will not be the family Edward left when he returns."
"No, we will not," she confirmed. "I don't need visions to tell you that."
"No looking," I warned her. "I'm just wondering if you have any guesses on how that will go."
"If it were right now, I would guess dismembering. In a few weeks? A month? Who knows? We might not even recognize ourselves. Carlisle is still Carlisle, but better, stronger somehow. I can't put words to it, but it's like he shines even brighter and is even more charismatic than he ever was. Rosalie is more willing to compromise, softer. Emmett is gentler, seeing things from the humans' perspectives more. Jasper's control almost rivals Emmett's now that he sees humans as sentient creatures worthy of consideration and protection. And you have become more of the Esme in your tale. Your changes are more nebulous, but no less potent."
"And yours, my darling Alice?" I pressed.
"I am beginning to let go of my need to have everything just so and live in the moment," she admitted. "It's still challenging at times, but it's worth it. It'll be harder to practise under stress. But as Bella reminded me–I just need practise."
"I am so proud of you, Alice," I told her. "I like the woman I see you becoming."
"Thanks," she said bashfully. "That means a lot."
We both went back to our thoughts. I couldn't help but think about everything I had learned since returning to Forks. I desperately needed Carlisle to return as things with Bella were, clearly, much worse than any of us had imagined.
A/N: In the first draft Bella cliff jumping didn't enter Esme's pov, then in the final draft only marginally, but the more I thought about it while I prepared it for posting, the more I realized that in this AU Alice would have seen her jump, and thus Esme would have known. As a result, since most of the beginning of the chapter did not get the kiwihipp once over, please forgive any typing or grammatical errors. Thank you again. You're the best!
