Beta: The incredible and amazing kiwihipp
(Updated 16 Mar 18)
Chapter 15: Where I'm Happiest
"Oh, Esme …" Bella finally spluttered after eight long minutes. "It's … it's … it's … wow."
"So, does this mean you like it?" Alice asked hesitantly confusion heavy in her tone.
Bella turned towards Alice. "What's not to like?" she retorted with a tone like Alice's question had been ridiculous. Bella turned back towards the room. "You out did yourself, Esme," she said so softly it was almost as if she was talking to herself.
"Take a step inside," I encouraged her. "It's all yours."
She took a slow small step forward crossing the threshold.
"I can't believe this. It's amazing," she said her tone in awe, her eyes huge, and pink on her cheeks like she was slightly embarrassed.
"Simple enough?" I checked, my voice soft trying to make sure I didn't spook her.
She took one more small step into the room. Alice zipped past Bella dragging Jasper with her while Rosalie, Emmett, and I stayed standing in the doorway.
"It's simple and elegant and," she emphasised, "like I stepped into a novel, but in a totally understated perfect way."
With each phrase my smile grew. It had been such a labour of love. "I'm glad you like it," I told her sincerely my voice cracking with happiness.
A room could never undo the pain we had brought her, but it was rewarding to see her so pleased.
"Come see the bathroom," Alice squealed while she dragged Bella gently into the next space.
Rosalie and I stepped into the room with Emmett behind us.
"Esme," Bella scolded, "you never said anything about a bathroom."
Taking one step closer to her and increasing the volume of my voice a little, I let her know, "Well, I presumed that you would want your human moments in private."
With a wall between us, I was unsure if she was unhappy with me. Her heart was racing slightly faster than normal and there was the slightest hint of the smell of tears in the air. Suddenly, she came out of the bathroom and flung herself at me.
"Oh, it's beautiful and thoughtful and lovely and reminds me of the beach and …"
The tears were rolling down her face.
Pulling her gently with me, I sat on her bed and she stood looking at me.
Alice and Jasper stood in the doorway to the bathroom and Rosalie and Emmett hadn't moved from the bedroom door. We all wore expressions of confusion and concern, while Jasper also looked like he was trying to solve a puzzle.
"I told you this. I want you to feel welcomed here in our home. I meant it. If you want it, you always have a place with us. We have claimed you. There's no going back now." Holding my breath, I leaned towards her and kissed her forehead.
My throat burned and probably my eyes were darkening.
Jasper looked over at me questioning. Then without reason I felt my bloodlust dissipate some. My eyes grew a little, as I looked at him. Had he often done that for the others when they were at school? Could this explain why he had more slips than anyone else? He began to look sheepish like I had caught him with his hand in a cookie jar, which made no sense. I gave him my look of 'we'll talk about this later', and he smiled bashfully in return. It was a wonderful look on him, because I was hard pressed to remember a time when he looked so young.
Emmett interrupted my thoughts with his gentle teasing. "Yeah, you don't think I'd let Esme force me into reconstructing a whole floor just for anyone?"
"I helped with demolition and construction," Jasper put in.
"I did all the plumbing and electrical work," Rosalie added gruffly, refusing to be outdone.
"I swept and painted," Alice added meekly.
Bella turned away from me and looked at each of them. When her eyes rested on Rosalie, she stayed there longer than the others. Bella's continence made it seem like she wanted to say something, but was gobsmacked.
"Look, even though my brother is an idiot and I can be bitchy, doesn't change things. You're stuck with us. Too late now, so just get over it. Could never out run us, even if you tried," Rosalie said gruffly, clearly disliking admitting this.
Bella's eyes narrowed, but a smile crept across her face. "Wow Rosalie, I didn't know you knew any jokes." Her tone was serious, but the playfulness could be heard in the undertone.
Rosalie remained stoic, but the edges of her eyes moved as if she were pleased. "Well, sure, Emmett had to rub off on me eventually."
"He's certainly a force to be reckoned with," Bella said seriously while staring at Emmett.
"I know, I know, I'm hot stuff."
We all chuckled. Give it to Emmett to find the way to lighten the mood.
"The whole floor," Bella muttered under her breath in disbelief.
After a few moments, since Bella still appeared uncomfortable with the attention I asked, "So, homework?"
Her face shifted to a grateful smile and she asked, "Can I do it a bit later?"
"Sure, dear," I agreed easily, then softly, working hard to not using any manner of persuasion, I asked, "Do you think you'll spend the night?"
She took a few minutes before answering, "Yes, I'd like that. Can I call my dad first?"
"Of course. There's a house phone there," I pointed at her bedside table near the lamp. "And there's a change of clothes including sweats, t-shirts, jeans, and pyjamas in the armoire. We'll leave you to it. Come downstairs when you're ready."
She nodded and we all filed out. Alice reluctantly closed the door behind her and the door's seal could be heard.
We all went downstairs to wait.
"That went well," Alice said reluctantly like she wasn't sure.
"Could have been worse," Rosalie added.
"She cried," Emmett noted with confusion.
"She was filled with happiness, too much almost, like it was overflowing," Jasper stated with a tone of contemplation, as if he were too trying to figure out what had happened.
"So, she cried?" Emmett asked still confused.
"Yes, I think that's the case," Jasper replied contemplatively.
"Is that normal for humans?" Emmett wanted to know.
"Yes, humans cry when they are overwhelmed. Usually that's from sadness, but it can be other emotions as well," Rosalie stated as if she were giving a lecture.
"Strange creatures," Emmett muttered. "Maybe that's why they're meant to be food, completely illogical reactions."
"Emmett," I warned him, and then we all chuckled at his observation.
Bella probably thought we were strange as well. It made her unquestioning acceptance of us even more astounding.
With the door closed her sounds were incredibly muted.
"It's more fortified than usual?" Jasper asked.
"Yes, I added the highest quality insulation and barriers as possible," I told him. Everyone else knew much of what I had done except him, since he had been occupied with Seattle.
He nodded his approval and sent me a feeling that was something akin to being impressed and pleased.
I nodded back and focused on my gratefulness that he approved of my extra precautions.
Then, changing the subject I hinted, "Last time I heard the plans for the car repair place was almost complete."
"Yes," Rosalie answered quickly. "We just need to vote on it. We decided that there's no way to completely stop Forks residents from coming by, which increases risk, but our plan minimizes it as much as possible."
"That is the most anyone can do," I reinforced. "I look forward to you presenting it."
They started discussing it once more. Instead of staying to listen, in order to clear my lungs and calm my need to hunt, I went outside and listened from there until I heard Bella coming back downstairs. I really hadn't been that thirsty before her arrival, but her proximity seemed to make it worse. Feeling her blood thump against my skin was simply hard to take. How Edward had managed it was impressive.
Bella seemed to be travelling unusually carefully and slowly. Perhaps without Edward next to her she lacked confidence to remain unhurt in our presence. It was a sad thought, but if it were the case her precautions were kind.
While moving back into the living room, I grabbed the snacks that I had made for her earlier from the kitchen, and set them down.
"Thank you all so much. I really appreciate it." She looked more collected, even though there were little drops of water on her face.
"So, are you going to move in now?" Emmett asked with a serious face.
Bella looked stoic as if contemplating his question. "I'd love to, Em, but I'm still in high school and I live with my Dad. He would miss me too much. But maybe we could agree on a shared custody arrangement?"
He cocked his face to the side. "Shared custody agreement?"
"Yeah," Bella said like this was something everyone knew about. Looking around all of us Cullens were lost. "When a kid has two parents that don't live together, both the parents agree who's going to spend time with the kid and when. They take what they agreed and put in on a piece of paper and each sign it."
"So, I need to go to Charlie and negotiate you living here?" Emmett asked a bit slower than human speed as if he wasn't sure of his own words.
Bella laughed. "Nah, Emmett. I'm 18 now. I can sleep where I want."
"So, when are you moving in?" he pressed.
Bella was laughing harder. When she calmed down enough she spoke. "Man, Emmett I missed you a lot."
"I missed you too, Bella." He'd let it go, but he clearly was still trying to figure out what Bella was talking about.
"So, you and Rosalie were travelling? Where did you go?" Bella asked the both of them.
They both smiled and started telling their tales of their travels while Bella sat enthralled munching on her snack.
The room felt complete, well almost, but one day Edward would return and truly we would be complete. Nonetheless, my heart felt fuller with the scene before me than it had in Ithaca. This was what our family had before we had moved, what I had not wanted to give up. She belonged here with us. She made our family better, and from our previous conversation our home had been where she had felt the most accepted and included. It was a strange idea from a species perspective, but then our family was odd for vampires anyway.
We all sat enjoying the stories and watching Bella's responses. A while later Carlisle's car could be heard turning into the drive, and I looked forward to his homecoming.
He came through the door, came over, and gave me a kiss. I moved so he could join me and we together enjoyed the view of our family.
About an hour later Carlisle asked Bella if she was hungry.
"No thank you. Esme made me a platter of fruits and cheese. I'm still full."
"How about a salad?" he offered.
"Okay," she relented reluctantly with a touch of petulance in her tone.
Carlisle and I got up and made her a Waldorf salad while Rosalie and Emmett continued their stories.
"How did she like her room?" he asked me, too softly for Bella to hear.
"She really seemed to genuinely appreciate it," I answered then added, "She cried from happiness, according to Jasper."
"That's good," he stated almost as if my words hadn't registered. Also, he was stiller than usual.
"What are you nervous about?" I asked him giving him my full attention.
"Not sure what she's decided," he told me. "I'm nervous either way. That's all."
Going back to cutting vegetables, I told him, "Life is full of tough choices. She'll pick the one she believes is best for her at the moment and we'll respect it. She always could change her mind. Remember, my dear, we are living life by hope, faith and love."
Taking a deep breath, he seemed to settle back into himself. "Yes, you're right. Hope, faith, and love. We'll be fine no matter what."
"Absolutely," I agreed.
He smiled at me giving me a peck on the cheek.
It didn't take long for Carlisle and I to finish Bella's dinner. While I took it out to her, Carlisle cleaned the kitchen.
I waited for a lull in the stories to ask Bella, "Are you spending the night?"
"Yes, possibly two," she informed us.
Smiling broadly, I replied, "That would be even better."
"Shall we wait, then, Bella, for tomorrow, after you've slept, to talk about the gruesome stuff?" Carlisle asked walking back into the living room.
She looked at him thinking. "Yes, but there's something I want to say now, so that you all will have the night to think about it and, knowing you all, discuss it."
"All right, that sounds fair," Carlisle agreed easily clearly pleased at Bella's approach as he sat down next to me.
"I know your family doesn't have secrets, so I know it's better to talk about this stuff with you all here, but it's also a bit much for me. I'm not used to big families," she started off.
I wasn't sure what to make of her admission. Nevertheless, we all nodded in encouragement.
She took a deep breath in moving her fingers between each other and moving her thumbs back and forth across the other. "Fine. So, I'm going to say some things. They are facts. They are not meant to place blame or cause anyone upset. Truth. So, no apologies, okay?" She looked at each of us and we each individually agreed. Rosalie and Emmett looked the most baffled as to why she would have us agree to such a thing. After a few more moments and a lot more fidgeting, she spoke again, "Jasper, I am sorry to ask this, and I suspect this will be hard for you, but could you please not comfort me?" she implored him.
"As best as I can," he agreed. "Sometimes I send it out on reflex, though."
"Fair enough," she assented and then took in a breath seemingly calming herself, while also steeling herself for what she was about to say. "So, after you all left, things for me were tough." She moved her hand to her chest and grabbed onto her shirt.
Simultaneously, I watched while Jasper winced and his face contorted in pain. Bella was staring off into space, so hopefully she didn't notice how she was affecting Jasper.
"My father threatened to send me to my mother's, which I refused. So, I tried harder to go through the motions of living. Mostly I went through things in a fog. I think Angela and Ben treated me okay. The problem was that school had too many reminders, so I usually just checked out. The only place where I felt slightly okay was at Jake's. He has been like my sun. Even if it was behind the clouds, it removed some of the darkness. I would not have survived the last few months without him, not to mention him saving me in the meadow with Laurent."
Looking around I would say that the predominate emotion on my family's faces were guilt in different degrees.
"Anyway, since you guys got back I haven't seen Jake as much. Some of that is from being busy, but the other part is that I don't feel so horrendous, so don't feel the need to go over there as much. I did, though, last Sunday. I saw all the gang," a small smile came across her face, "at Emily's. We hung out, and had a great time."
Looking over at Carlisle she continued, "The thing was that I had your words, Carlisle, ringing in my head the whole time. I sat there and could see what you meant. They include me because Jake is my best friend."
At this declaration, I watched Alice wince and fold herself into Jasper.
Bella carried on as if she hadn't seen Alice's response, "I know the secret, but I'm not one of them. And unless someone imprinted on me, which would have happened by now, I won't ever be. I'm not Quileute, I'm not a wolf, and I'm not an imprint."
Taking a quick look around the room I suspected that none of us really knew what an imprint was, although we could take a gander, based on context.
"In comparison, you guys have redone your second floor to include me, Carlisle told me that he was willing to consider me having a vote in your family, despite his concerns. Each of you have made it clear to me that I am welcome here. I feel cared for, loved, wanted, and included, as much as I want to be. He," she flinched, but not as bad as she had the first time we had been together.
Jasper flinched as well.
She continued as if it hadn't happened, "wanted me to have a human life. Get married to a human, go to college, get a job, have a baby, maybe not in that order, but still. These human experiences were the most important thing to him, but they weren't to me. I've always felt as if I didn't belong in my life. I have stumbled through it, literally. I'm not an athlete or super smart or beautiful. But with your family, I feel as if I've found my place in the world. I feel like I belong. And honestly, I would rather die than to lose that feeling again. I took some lessons away from my adventure with cliff jumping, but there is only so much pain I'm willing to live with."
With each passing word, we all became stiller and stiller.
"Because the truth is that I can't unlearn everything I know about your world. There's no undo. There's no going back. I don't want a human life after experiencing the extraordinary." She looked around the room. "I know your life is difficult. I know it's a struggle every day. I can tell that some days are easier than others, but human life is no different. Every day since you left has been a struggle. Some days have been easier to get through than the next.
"I am not a Quileute. I never will be. Even though Jake and I are super close and he means a lot to me, there is a line. I could see that line on Sunday. I get what you said, Carlisle, that you didn't want to make me choose, and I appreciate that, but I don't feel like I have a choice. I feel as if fate, the universe, whatever might be out there already decided for me. I am meant to be here with you all. I am happier when I am here in this house with you, than I am anywhere else.
"And ultimately that is the bottom line for me. I can't control how I feel. Even though my brain tells me that technically I am food, or what did Laurent call me?" She paused and looked away as if pulling on a memory before continuing, "A pet. Even if I am a pet, I can't help how I feel. I can't help how I feel, even if it doesn't make sense. I want to be here with you. If being a pet is what I am, then I'll find a way of living with that."
Emmett and Alice were growling too low for Bella to hear, while Carlisle, Rosalie, and I were in shock and disbelief, and Jasper looked like a mix of awe and crippling pain.
"But in my heart-of-hearts what I want is to be included. Carlisle asked me to be willing to consider all the consequences of asking for a vote. I have done that and will do anything else. I recognise that there's a chance that after hearing everything you want from me, I'll decide to wait a bit longer to request a vote, or even maybe I'll decide not to have a vote, and that being a pet is fine. I can live with any of that, really, because no matter what its form is, in the end, this is what I want: sitting here with you, enjoying your company.
"Originally, I thought that I needed a vote to get that, but I'm beginning to realize that having a vote doesn't secure anything. I had no say about you leaving, and tomorrow you could decide the same again and I couldn't do anything about it. The only thing I'm begging, please, don't just disappear again." She took a deep breath and then at a whisper added, "So, my life and my happiness are in your hands." Then she looked into the bowl of salad and took a bite.
"How can you be so sure, Bella?" Rosalie asked tersely before anyone else could speak. "You have so much possibility in front of you."
Bella looked up and over at Rosalie frowning. After a moment of thought she told us, "and that could end up great, Rosalie. But it could not. It's a gamble. Most human lives are a struggle to meet responsibilities, pay bills, and find a small sliver of happiness. I have happiness here with you all. Why would I gamble that away for a crack shot that could possibly never come?"
"What about having kids?" she retorted her gaze at Bella insistent.
"What about them?" Bella replied nonplussed like such a thing wasn't that important, taking another bite of her salad.
I couldn't imagine a woman in my era saying something like that. The world really had changed. Rosalie too was in stunned silence.
When Bella was done chewing she continued, "I know some women want them, but I never was one. I wasn't the girl that grew up dreaming of marriage and children. I raised my mother. I babysat a lot. It's a lot of work. Children give many people happiness. That's great for them. I am happy here with you. Why would I want the extra work and responsibility of a child, even if a child brought me joy, when I have what I want in front of me?" She sighed heavily. "My mother loves me, but raising me was a responsibility she wasn't ready for. I probably brought her joy, but she also had to make sacrifices for me. I can't tell you if she thought it was worth it, but for me it's not."
Rosalie looked at Bella shocked.
"Honestly, I just want to be happy. I am the happiest with you all. That's enough for me," she uttered under her breath.
Rosalie appeared stunned into silence. All I could think of was, that the world really had changed. I didn't have many clear memories of much of my human years, but I did have a vague sense of the shame of not bearing a child that lived, and a crippling sense of worthlessness when my infant son had died. In my era to not have children was disgraceful and meant that you had not fully become a woman. Society deemed any woman who had not born children as less-than. Once I was a vampire, I had to adjust my sense of worth and from what my worth was derived, and let go of many parts of those gender expectations. But Bella was a human girl telling us that her sense of self was completely unrelated to having children. It was mind-boggling.
"Did you tell him this?" Alice asked hesitantly.
Bella flinched, but barely, before speaking. "Not in these words, but yes, I tried to explain my point of view. My opinion hasn't changed. If nothing else, your leaving and returning has only strengthened my convictions."
"We never knew," Carlisle said apologetically.
"How could you?" she asked off handily. "I don't hold any of you accountable for your ignorance," she explained simply. Then she looked at me daringly. "Perhaps we don't really know each other as well as we thought."
Smiling at her, I agreed, "Yes, we are all guilty of that, but we would like to get to know you better."
Looking over at Jasper, he had this smug look on his face. I thought back to what he had said the night we had decided to leave, along with his hinting comment when we had wondered if she would understand the meaning of making her a room in our house, and compared them. He knew. Without her having to say a word, he knew this. And no one had listened.
"You've given us a lot to think about, Bella. We appreciate your honesty," Carlisle said genuinely, his tone implying that her words had upset him in some way. "How about we end the evening on a lighter note and find a game that we all can play?"
Hopefully Carlisle and I could revisit this conversation and his reaction another time.
Everyone agreed with Carlisle's recommendation.
"Go pick one, Bella," I suggested.
Alice went with her to scrounge through the game closet. They came back with Chinese Checkers and Scattergories.
We started with Chinese Checkers, so that Bella could eat and play. We laughed and argued and were a family. Bella belonged with us. I had thought so since the first time Edward had brought her to the house. Watching her sit here and interact with us made it apparent to me that she was meant to be ours. Gratefully, it seemed, everyone in the room agreed with me.
Before I knew it, Scattergories was done and Bella was yawning.
Alice went up with her and showed her where to find what she needed. Bella asked her to stay till she was asleep and Alice obliged her.
When Alice came down and sat next to Jasper Carlisle started, "I guess we have a lot to talk about."
"Does she even know what it means to be a pet?" I questioned out loud, appalled at what she had said.
"I wouldn't think so," answered Alice. "It's not like Edward would tell her, and I sure didn't."
"Probably," Jasper mused, "she thinks a pet is a human that vampires keep around as entertainment without the intention of changing them."
"That would be in line with how humans treat their pets," Carlisle agreed.
"Yeah," Emmett added, "according to commercials pets are treated really well by humans. They are fed and given water, treated medically, and generally cared for."
"I have vague memories of a horse that I was very attached to," Jasper reflected.
"Could me making her a room give her that idea?" I asked appalled.
"There's no way to know," Carlisle said sadly.
I looked at Rosalie concerned about what she was thinking.
Carlisle looked Rosalie's way as well. "You want to start Rosalie?"
"I just," she started and then stopped briefly, "in one way she and I are the same age. She just sees everything so differently."
We all sat watching and waiting for her to collect her thoughts.
"She might go through the change and regret it. Who knows? I disagree with her. I don't think becoming like us is a path to happiness, and as much as I might want to, I'm not going to pull an Edward. I don't think she really knows and understands what she's getting herself into, but I'm not going to treat her like she's an idiot who doesn't know her own mind. I don't agree, but I won't stand in her way. My only stipulation is that she is given the whole truth, no sugar coating things. She needs to know the dangers, the bloodlust, the pain of transformation, the strain of the first years, and the likelihood that she will slip. All of it." By the end, she was practically glaring at us all, but no one objected.
After a few minutes Carlisle offered, "Emmett?"
"I like the girl, Edward or not. Honestly, I didn't like the idea of leaving her the first time, and her being Cullen sounds good to me. She's her own woman. If she wants to stay human, then I can respect that. But if she wants to be my sister, I think that's great. She sure livens up things around here. I say we keep her." He laughed jubilantly and then his voice was soft as he turned to Rosalie. "Anyway, Rose, it won't be like when I was a newborn, she'll have six of us to keep her out of trouble. Alice will make sure she doesn't slip."
Rosalie said nothing, but looked into his eyes and then wrapped herself into his arms.
"Jasper?" Carlisle asked.
"My opinion hasn't changed. She's meant to be with us. Alice saw it since the day Edward saved her from the van. She is steady and forthright. The pain of Edward leaving might never heal, even with the transformation. It's deep, empty, depth-of-despair pain. Esme's right. She has already given her heart away. Her connections to us are secure on her end, more than ours to her at times. I tried to tell you in September she has already made herself into one of us, even if she is not in body or in name."
Carlisle waited a few minutes to ensure he had nothing more to add before turning to Alice.
"My opinion has never changed. She belongs as one of us. She is meant to be a Cullen." Her tone had a touch of anger of it that was rare for Alice.
Carlisle nodded and turned to me.
"I wanted to claim her since the day I met her. Nothing has changed that and nothing will. It would hurt me to lose her. Although if she chose to remain human, I would respect that and hold my desires as bay."
We all sat in silence. I tried to imagine what it would mean to have a newborn in the house again. It had been over seventy years.
Finally, Carlisle spoke. "It would seem that we are all agreed to respond to her request to vote by offering her to be changed and become a Cullen in all ways. No one objected so far to Rosalie's stipulations, and I agree with her requests. Additionally, I would like to see Bella healthier mentally, physically, and emotionally, although I trust your assessment, Jasper, that she will probably never be totally healed without working through things with Edward. Some of the consequences of me leaving Esme behind have only recently made themselves apparent. Since that's a longer term issue, I don't think it would be wise to have it as a stipulation for her turning. At the same time, the changes I'm hoping for might take a while. Therefore, for her good and the good of our family long-term, I would prefer her to be in her twenties when she was changed. Any objections?"
We all shook our head no.
Alice and I had the biggest grins on our faces, like how you see humans do when they've won the lottery or something that's going to change their lives for the better.
"Any suggestions to how we go about doing Rosalie's request?" Carlisle asked us all.
"Slowly," Emmett answered.
We all looked at him surprised that he had been the first to speak.
"Look, all I'm saying is that the girl's gone through a lot, and if Rosalie is anything to judge by, girls take time to process their emotions and stuff. Bella is tough, but that doesn't mean that she's ready for the dam to break."
Rosalie looked at him in awe and kissed him passionately.
"Jasper?" Carlisle asked after a moment appearing like he was trying to hide a grin.
He looked caught off guard with an expression of 'who me?'.
Carlisle just looked at him steadily.
"Well, I would suggest we each tell her our stories. I think it would be best if you went first Carlisle, then Esme, then Rosalie, then Emmett, then Alice, and then me. This only works if all of us agree to be honest with her about the pain of transformation, our newborn period, and our struggles since. Like Rosalie said, no sugar coating. Carlisle, you, Esme, and Alice have a tendency to skip over the more gruesome and challenging parts of what we are. This won't be easy on her or on us."
"You are correct in your assessment, Jasper," I added to the conversation. "I do not like thinking about, let alone talking about the humans I have killed. It brings images to my mind that I do not want to remember. However, I will do it for Bella, because Rosalie's right. If she's going to choose this, she should do so with her eyes wide open. So, I'll agree. I will do it."
"I don't really like the idea, but I will do it. Although, I think I'd prefer you there with me to help me, Jazz," Alice muttered reluctantly.
"Better than eating human food. I'm in," Emmett chimed in.
"Fine," Rosalie agreed disgruntled.
"And someone should explain to her how our world works after that, pets included," Jasper put in before Carlisle could speak.
"We're settled then," Carlisle said sombrely. "I will explain how our world works, but perhaps we should do that as a family, so that each of you can add some if you wish. I agree with Jasper that would be after our stories."
Everyone muttered in agreement.
"Now, about Bella voting," Carlisle stated.
"No. Not till she hears our histories," Emmett said almost immediately.
Carlisle looked at him puzzled.
"Hey, look, what we saw in Seattle was off the chain and without our histories and background stuff the rest won't make much sense. She can state her opinion and we can listen to it. Like James, sometimes she has good ideas. We tell her what we tell the Quileutes and no voting yet."
"I agree. Basic need to know," Rosalie put in. "We'll listen. But she's not a Cullen yet. She doesn't get a vote. I do think she should come to our training sessions, though."
We all stared at Rosalie surprised.
"Not all of them," she retorted defensively, "But when she can. She worries a lot. We don't want her stressed, right? So, let her come and see us train. Then she can see that we can hold our own and she doesn't need to worry."
"That's not a bad idea, Rosalie," Jasper said admiringly his mind calculating. "She might not be able to see much, like at the baseball game, but I can see it helping her."
"I'd like to have her there," Alice added.
"Me too. Maybe we can play human in the middle," Emmett deadpanned.
"Emmett!" I warned him.
"Sorry, Mom. Maybe next time." Then he winked at me.
Sometimes the things that boy said!
"I also say no about the voting," said Jasper.
"I want her to have a vote," Alice said softly, "but I won't object to her having to wait."
They all looked at me.
"I'm with Alice on the voting. Her watching us train makes me nervous, but as long as she is out of harm's way, bundled up, and has some food and drinks I won't object."
Carlisle looked at me for a long time. I could see his eyes weighing everything. He wanted to give Bella a vote because I wanted her to have one, but he could see the wisdom of what Emmett and Rosalie and Jasper had said. He pleaded with me with his eyes.
I nodded my head slightly. I didn't have to like it, but I too could see the wisdom. There was no harm in waiting.
"Then, we are agreed. Bella won't get a vote till after she hears everyone's stories, and more information of how our world works, assuming that she still would want to be a part of our family. I, like Esme, am reluctant to have Bella with us at the trainings. It's too easy for her to get hurt. However, there is wisdom in the suggestion for multiple reasons. My only condition is that someone must be with her at all times, so that if anyone were to accidently get near her, she could be moved to safety."
"Agreed," we nearly all said at the same time.
"So, any recommendations of what are we going to tell the Quileutes and Bella about your last trip to Seattle?" Carlisle asked.
"Well, we're definitely not going to tell them that whoever is making the newborns is basically letting them run loose in the city," Emmett grumbled.
"I think that we should tell them that the one seeming to keep them in charge is not the maker and we believe the one keeping them in line is named Riley," Jasper weighed in.
"Why that part?" I asked Jasper.
"Because, if they know who that guy is, one, they can look out for him in case he comes here. Two, if any of them know who he was when he was human that might give us a lead. It's a long shot, but it gives us no disadvantage."
"Any of the information you got from investigating the two that you ended helpful?" Carlisle asked.
"No," Jasper stated. "One was reported missing from another state. It looks like the maker is targeting runaways and homeless youth, which is smart because no one is going to miss them."
"What are you hoping to get out of going back?" I asked.
"Alice says that they are in the same place. We hope to go during the day and stay far enough away that we can hear what they're doing without them catching our scent. Ideally, after the sun sets we'd like to follow Riley and see if he will lead us to the maker. Even though I'm almost certain, based on the newborn scents, that it is Victoria, I want confirmation. We can't risk going to Seattle too often, and we don't want to go without Alice, just in case. Additionally, unless we want a visit from the Volturi, we need to consider culling their numbers, particularly any that are as equally blatant about their killings."
"I understand your desire for us to stay under the Volturi's radar, Jasper, but it's not our place to pass judgment on those that do not follow the rules," Carlisle pointed out.
"Perhaps, but by all accounts, this is our territory and whoever is making these newborns has not taught them properly. They risk us all and a few reckless newborns could result in the Volturi's knowledge of our law violation or even of the existence of the Quileutes. Since we are committed to staying for Bella's sake for now, I see no other option." Jasper's tone left no room for negotiation.
After many long minutes, full of tension Carlisle asked, "Will you at least attempt to explain things to them first?"
"We may try, but Carlisle I mean it with full sincerity from my years of experience that I see no other option. If there was, I would offer it."
Carlisle nodded sadly. "I know, Jasper. I was not doubting it, merely wishing there was another way."
"As do I," he replied. "Confirming the identity of the maker is the priority. Ideally, Riley will decide to meet up with the maker, so that Alice will be able to see the result, and no tracking will be necessary. Second priority is targeting the newborns most likely to cause exposure."
"You'll take the same precautions as before," Carlisle stated as if it was an order.
"Yes," Jasper replied evenly.
"So, you'll leave in a few hours and be back Sunday by dawn?" Carlisle checked.
"Yes, that is the plan," Jasper agreed.
Carlisle looked at me.
"I have no objections. I trust Jasper's judgement," I let him know.
"In that case, we are agreed. How about our offering to the Quileutes? Where does that stand?"
"We found a house that is empty with a garage, that is fairly secluded, and on neutral territory. No one has lived on the property for at least ten years. We found the owner and they're reluctant to sell, but Alice says they will settle for a high price. Then the garage would need to be expanded and made to look appropriate. The codes allow for the expansion and having a business on the property. We would ask the Quileutes to make an appointment. Jasper said we can have a business line that they can call, and then the messages would be forwarded to us without it being traceable. It's going to cost us a couple hundred thousand all told."
"Whose name will be on the deed?" Carlisle asked.
"One of our more obscure trusts," Rosalie answered, "one that would be difficult to trace back to us directly. If a human comes by, I will say that I'm working there to see if that's what I want to study in college, and that the owner will get back soon, or we'll just lock it up."
"Everyone is agreed?" Carlisle asked.
The kids all nodded and I added, "I have no objections, but I would like to set it up, so that if the Quileutes would accept it, we could donate the property to them after we leave."
Carlisle looked at Jasper.
"Easily done," he answered.
"Then it is decided," Carlisle stated. "Make it happen. Inform me once you are ready to do business, and I will inform Billy Black."
They all nodded and seemed pleased with this project, despite the risks of being in close proximity to the protectors.
"Please run through the specifics of Seattle," Carlisle requested.
The four of them, with mostly Jasper talking, ran through all the details of their plan. We wrapped things up when we heard Bella's door open and her footsteps coming downstairs.
"Good morning, Bella," I greeted her once her face could be seen.
"Good morning," she replied.
"Hungry?" I asked.
"Not yet." She paused. "So, I was wondering …" she had reached the bottom step and was staring at the floor. "Did you all come to a decision?"
Walking over to her, I wrapped my arm around her making sure to stop breathing as soon as I had stood.
"Sweet girl, come, sit, and join us," I encouraged her. "We have some things we want to tell you, yes, and then the kids are leaving for the day. I'm going to feed you breakfast, and you're going to spend the day hanging out with Carlisle and I."
She looked at each of us calculatingly. Finally, she agreed irritated, "Fine."
We walked over together and she sat down in an armchair.
Putting myself next to Carlisle, I leaned into him and took in a deep breath allowing his scent to calm me.
"We have agreed to give you a vote sometime in the future, but first we want you to know some things," Carlisle began.
She nodded saying nothing.
"We assumed that in asking to vote you were also asking to become a vampire?" he checked.
She shuddered the slightest amount, the blood drained from her face slightly, and she opened her mouth a little. "But he … that would mean … what if …" she babbled incoherently. Eventually, she closed her mouth and looked up, placing her gaze steadily at Carlisle. "Yes, I guess I am," she said meekly. "I hadn't really thought about it that way."
Apart from Carlisle, we each looked at the other trying to understand how she could ask for a vote and give her speech, having stated last summer that she wanted Edward to change her, and then not intend for what she had said to be a request to become a vampire. It made no sense to me.
"If after hearing everyone's stories and coming to a fuller understanding of what you are asking for, assuming you still want that, then I am willing to change you," Carlisle told her keeping her gaze steadily.
Her mouth dropped open and she stared at him. After a few minutes, she turned and looked at each of us. "You would do that for me?"
"Yes, we are all agreed," Carlisle stated. "I would be the best choice to actually bite you, but if you'd rather someone else did we could talk about it. Simply, you would have no risk of me losing control."
She looked shocked, and then grateful, and lastly confused.
"Surely you have many questions. We want to answer them all, but not right now," he instructed.
"Sure, sure," she agreed quickly.
"Are we agreed thus far?" he questioned her.
"I agree to listen to everyone's story, ask a lot of questions, and know what will happen. After that we'll talk about you changing me?" she checked her voice modulating strangely.
"Right," Carlisle confirmed. "Also, I want to see you healthier: physically, mentally, and emotionally. This means talking to someone about your thoughts and feelings about what you're choosing, but also about Edward." He said the name slowly.
Even still, Bella cringed and grabbed her shirt.
"That, Bella, will carry with you," Carlisle told her definitively. "Venom is not a cure. You need to work on these things while you're human. Once you're a vampire, change will come harder."
She looked down and nodded sadly.
"I would recommend you think about talking to Esme, as she is very empathetic, or Jasper, since with his gift and degrees in Psychology he is the closest our family has for a therapist, but whomever you speak to, you can ask them not to tell the rest of us what you say. You're right that we don't have secrets in our family, but we do try, to the best of our ability, to give each other privacy."
She nodded still looking down.
"Bella?" he asked his voice stern. "Are we agreed?"
She looked into his eyes water droplets forming in hers. "I listen, learn more, and work on making myself healthier and in exchange you promise, if I still want to, to change me?"
He looked at her steadily. "Yes, I promise."
She nodded that this was acceptable.
"Good," he stated firmly. "On a separate note, Rosalie has suggested you come and watch us train."
Bella looked over at Rosalie in disbelief.
"We have all agreed for you to do so," he clarified. "I propose next Friday." He looked at Alice.
She stilled. "Weather will work fine."
"I have to work," Bella explained, "but I can come over after work."
"You'll need to eat before we go to the field, then," I insisted.
"Fine," she grumbled.
"Agreed. Lastly, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper did find the Seattle covens' new place. They were able to find out that the second-in-charge is named Riley and it seems that the maker is changing young men and women who are runaways or homeless. They are going back today to try and get more information," he informed her.
Bella looked over to them, her expression fearful.
Rosalie had been right. She would worry.
"When will you get back?" she asked while looking at Alice.
"Sometime while you're sleeping. Then we'll have all day tomorrow together." Alice grinned broadly.
Bella smiled a little.
I looked at Carlisle. "Breakfast?"
"Yes, that was all. Anyone else?" he checked.
We all shook our head while Bella was lost in thought.
"What Bella?" Jasper asked.
"The name Riley sounds familiar, but I just can't place it," she mused.
We gave her a few minutes and when she said nothing more Carlisle asked her, "Anything else?"
"Um, thank you," she said tentatively her voice quiet. "What you said wasn't what I was hoping for, but it was fair."
"You're welcome, Bella," Carlisle told her sincerely with a genuine welcoming smile. Then becoming serious once more he continued, "In a few weeks, we'll need to discuss your college plans and other details assuming you want to continue moving forward."
She nodded. "Yes, all right." She sighed and looked down. "I suppose you'll figure out some way of paying for my college tuition and have me go to some fancy school," she mumbled under her breath.
We all looked at each other and held in identical smirks. Her aversion to us spending money on her was endearing, even if it was inconvenient at times.
"Come on, Bella, let's get you some breakfast," I offered.
I rose off the seat, kissed Carlisle, and headed into the kitchen with Bella trailing after me.
Carlisle and the kids finished up. They began to head out, while Carlisle joined me.
Alice and Jasper came into the kitchen.
Alice gave Bella a brief hug telling her softly, "Try not to worry. I'll see any trouble coming, and we'll avoid it."
Then Jasper placed his hand on her shoulder and told her, "Bella, there is no need to worry so much. We appreciate your care for us and thus your concern, but Carlisle would not risk us if there was true danger of us not returning."
She looked at him defiantly, as if mad about whatever emotion he was sending her. "Don't do that," she said between her teeth.
Jasper took his hand off hers looking confused.
She huffed out and seemed to collect herself. "Don't down play it, okay? A coven of nine is dangerous. James' coven was only three and look at what happened."
Jasper narrowed his eyes at her. "You got hurt because you decided not to trust us, to trust me."
Tears began to form in her eyes.
Alice looked sad, but said nothing.
I looked at Jasper concerned.
He sent me a feeling of assurance and trust.
Taking Carlisle's hand, we stood watching, hoping we wouldn't need to intervene.
"Look at me please," Jasper requested to Bella.
She looked up at him slowly as if she was afraid of what would come next.
"I understand that James threatened your mother and convinced you that leaving us was for the best. You have to understand that the only person that was best for was him."
She said nothing tears rolling down her eyes.
"I promise to tell you my story, but I would never risk Alice if I wasn't certain I could handle the situation. I am well trained with newborns. With Alice's gift and mine, nine newborns are hardly a challenge. On top of that Emmett and Rosalie will be with us, both of whom are strong fighters. If you're going to be in our family, you are going to have to trust us."
She looked reprimanded with the fight out of her, but there was a cautiousness there.
"I don't know what kind of life you had before coming into our lives, or the lies Edward told you, but I am not a liar and neither is Carlisle," he told her with a tone that was absolute. "I don't appreciate you believing otherwise."
She flinched and then looked mad.
"Carlisle, Esme," he said nodding to each of us looking upset as he took Alice's arm and walked out.
"See you soon," I told them in hopes doing so might also comfort Bella instead of my usual departure of 'be safe'.
Bella dropped her eyes to the counter and I continued making breakfast, allowing her time to think. Jasper had made a good point, but I wasn't sure of the timing. We had finally gotten her to come to the house. Would this send her away?
A/N: I'm curious your thoughts about Jasper's confrontation here. Should he had said anything? Was his timing off?
Thank you to each of your who have taken your time to share your thoughts. Till next time ...
