and so begins the evil... meanwhile, oh my gentle readers and best beloveds, I'm having so much fun with everyone having so much fun. Osiris's Consort - Cloud doesn't say much but I like to think when he does it's worth something. and poor Cissnei, she's not very popular with my readers right now. Can't imagine why.... ;) Lexi-Yeesh - every time you review I remember writing the chapters you're talking about and grin. I'm LOVIN' your reactions. And I'm so glad you're caught up now. You've nailed Aerith's entire emotional dilemma right there, oh best beloved. I just hope my head hasn't gotten so big I can't get through the door tonight - lol. You're awesome! Ktisis - wow! wow, what a wonderful long and detailed review. Yum! you brought up so many good points and several I hadn't thought of myself and I am beyond moved that you feel my writing has whispers of hope even when I plunge it into darkness. Thank you. It's what I would always want most for anything I wrote. Yes, yes and yes to some of your speculations, er... and maybe to the others. And thank you, I shall take that badge of evil you have given me and put it on my hat - heee! Dis! - heh, yeah, I can't stand fics that have unintelligent Clouds in them. I'm glad you think I'm doing him justice. I always found it odd Yuffie was the one that always got sick during the game too but since the only way to make her feel better was to take her with me when I went out to adventure... yeah, she got stuck on the ship a LOT! and I think you nailed Cissnei. That's her problem and that's her choice and you hit them both right on. As for Aerith... Fairheartstrife - I am up to accepting bribes! lol The evil begins now but I hope you'll trust me and continue along with me. I will very much make it worth the while, I promise. and yeah, we so have to find a way to get paid to do this. Work just gets in the way. iskra - I LOVE that you give me a review for each chapter. I always know I have more to look forward to in my email box when I see the first one come in. You hit so many points. let me just say I love the way you mention that Cloud belongs to them just as much as they belong to Cloud. That's exactly what I wanted to get across and couldn't have phrased it better. As for the Turks, they will continue to make their presence known, Elymyra would lecture the bad guys, wouldn't she? and yeah, Cloud's alpha. He may be quiet about it but he's definitely so. And I guess so - according to Marlene, Tifa and Cloud have now had sex. Right in the same room as everyone else no less! Jini! - I'm glad you think I'm doing Aerith justice. I've been doing my best to avoid portraying her the way a lot of writers in fic do because I want her to be human and real and lovable for herself. Without the confusion of split memories, overlapping identities and substitution issues, I really do think that Aerith and Cloud have personalities that would have made them good friends. As for cissnei - she's in a tough place but it's one she chose to be in. If I can keep her 'human' I'm glad. OCV - well, they are Turks - lol. Yeah, they wouldn't be straight forward about anything if there was a different option. and I agree - Cloud seems to do the 'silent guardian' thing well. It suits him. Akuma - Monty Python reference!! okay, I'm under control now. Good to see the nail bat is in good hands - or evil hands but that's kinda the same and lol - I should have Yuffie calling Cloud 'ActionMan of Gaia'. :'D - I love your 'oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh' and the 'oh darn'. Made me grin like an idiot. again, I seem to have someone that's happy with my version of Aerith. I must be doing something right though I've got to agree with you - in most fics I'm not a fan of hers. But I blame that on the writers more than anything else. Granted, I did tend to ditch her in the game a lot though... er, anyway, I'm glad she's coming across well here at least ;) and yes, yes, I foreshadow. And sometimes I foreshadow something that's not going to happen just to scare people. But sometimes I foreshadow for evil. I'll let you squeeze my Cloud plushie through the really bad parts though, okay? Promise it'll all be worth it at the end. mc - yes. Yes, worry. But I think we're handing out Cloud plushies to hug so it'll be okay. This thing has grown so much bigger than I ever intended, I've got to admit, I have a hard time keeping up with who went where and why myself. and yes, some of the reviews have caught me on some of my trip ups - lol writer - how you spoil me. I LOVE it! and can I just say that every time I get nervous about how I've written something you - with your mental telapahty or something - seem to know and mention that I did a good job? Your reviews are so deeply grounded in canon I feel like I'm doing something right when you point out what I've written and say it was important or touching or necessary or 'right on'. Wow. You are so, so good for me. Tae - given how much I adore reading your stuff, I'm so glad when you like something particular of mine. I can't seem to resist writing Cloud being cute with the girls, whether its Tifa or Marlene or Aerith. I think he's probably a push over for women he cares about. and we so enjoy 'cute' Cloud too. vanilla raindrops - here you go, three more chapters. Ever closer to the dreaded chapter 95 - dun dun dun duuhhhh! lol Grab a Cloud plushie while they're circulating. And, thank you. I didn't want Cissnei to be entirely hateable. Just - really easy to dislike. Falynn - LOL - and speaking of Cissnei! As much as I tried to keep her from being a flat out villain, I can absolutely appreciate when a reader really, really, really doesn't like her. I'm absolutely enjoying your thoughts on her. and the comparing the breakfast session to a high school was AWEsome! lol - didn't even think of it but yeah, it sure did seem that way, didn't it? I LOVED the comparison! Your reviews ROCK! vx-luna-xv - well, the year's not out yet - we'll have to see. And explanations ahead! 11tiggers - I will take that Cloud plushie, thank you. I think mine were grabbed from me by other readers. ;) Well, here you go, more to read. Anything to be of service :D
Chapter 87: Letting Go
Tifa left Denzel on the bridge under Cid's watchful eye. Her brother really was serious about wanting to learn how to fly the giant airship. As long as he didn't learn any vocabulary skills from Cid as well, Tifa thought it was a good idea. Even though she'd always taught them that they could become anything they wanted to as they grew up, Tifa had known how limiting the slums were. How much future they stole away from the children that grew up in them. Everything was so mixed up and confused and the reason they'd had to leave their home was horrible… and yet it had opened doors for all of them that they would have never had before.
All it had cost was the hundreds of lives buried under the fallen rubble of Sector Seven to free the Lockhart children.
She couldn't decide if that cursed their attempts at a future or made them need to succeed in response.
Shera was waiting for her in the 'girls' room' and offered her both her and Aerith's packs when she came in with a crooked smile.
"I'm supposed to stay onboard, so I figured the least I could do was pack for you."
Tifa gave the small woman a hug and slung her own pack over her shoulders before reaching out for Aerith's. Shera held onto it when Tifa's fingers wrapped around it though.
"I told him 'no more'."
"Hm?" Tifa looked over at the other woman and saw Shera's lips were thin in her face but… her eyes looked… so clear behind her glasses. "What?"
"I told the Captain, I was leaving if… when we finish this and beat Sephiroth." She drew in a deep breath and stood up a little straighter. "I told him it was time I started living my own life."
"What?" Tifa couldn't help but blink at the other woman and Shera managed a helpless smile.
"He said the same thing," she managed weakly. Then she laughed softly. "And then he cursed me out and told me to stop yanking his chain." She nodded. "I think I did the right thing. It… feels right. Like I'm – not so heavy anymore."
It finally sank in and Tifa was torn between cheering the other woman and feeling her forehead to see if she had a fever. She knew Shera was in love with Cid and, suspected, in his own way, that Cid was in love with the little woman too. She'd felt a bolt of hope after they'd danced at the Gold Saucer but…
"I'm glad." She wrapped her arms around the other woman. "I really am."
Shera chuckled weakly and held on to Tifa.
"Well, I didn't hit him. But I want… I had so much fun at the Gold Saucer. It made me so happy and I realized… I deserve to be happy. I know it's my fault the Captain lost his chance at the stars but nothing I do is ever going to make that up to him. I need… I need to let that go. And him. Even if I still love him."
Tifa exhaled and rested her head against Shera's.
"I want you to come stay with us when this is over. I don't – I don't know what's going to happen or where we're going to go but I want you to come with us, okay?"
Shera chuckled again and it was a little fuller this time. She gave Tifa's waist a squeeze.
"Maybe. We'll see. I've never been able to make up my own mind and go anywhere I wanted to before and I think I might like to explore a little on my own. But I'll definitely come and stay with you a little while." She drew back and looked at Tifa with eyes that danced. "Even if I think you'll be too busy setting up wedding plans to notice."
"What?" Tifa was back to her favorite word and Shera just laughed and let go of her.
"You'd better get going. I bet everyone's already on deck and waiting. Just make sure you pay lots of attention. I've never been to an Ancient temple before and I'm going to ask all kinds of questions when you get back."
It made Tifa smile and she gave the other woman another quick hug before heading out the door. Somehow Shera deciding to leave Cid set her world on an angle so much more than anything else that had happened today. She'd wanted a happy ending for the two of them but that was never going to happen as long as Cid held on to his bitterness. And nobody should have to live under that anger for as long as Shera had.
Poor Cid. Doubly so because he just might be starting to have an inkling of what he'd lost.
She was just hurrying past one of the storage rooms when she heard a noise. Her body reacted before her head even had a chance to catch up to what was going on as she turned to step into the room. Because… she knew that sound. It was someone in pain and muffling it.
It didn't even occur to her until she was already in the room that it could easily be the Turks laying a trap.
The thought left her mind though as her eyes focused on…
Sunshine…
Cloud.
The backpacks hit the ground with a sound as she rushed over to him. She'd seen Cloud in a lot of different situations before and she'd seen him enduring a great deal. She was never going to forget the way he'd looked after his time in the Battle Arena. But she'd never seen him down on his knees, head bowed and every muscle in his body tense and knotted.
"Cloud?" she said his name as she went to her knees next to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "What is it?"
He bit out a noise between his teeth, eyes tightly closed and shook his head, blond hair catching light and shadow. She could actually feel the tension all but bowing his body and she tapped one of the materia in her gloves to cast its healing over him without a second thought.
Deep in the back of his throat he made another, barely there sound and it was the closest she'd ever heard him come to screaming. Then his body sagged and she caught most of the weight of it against herself. Afraid now, she ran her hands over his back and shoulders and when she tried to slip them down his arms, feeling for blood or broken bone, he made another lower sound and choked out:
"Don't – "
"What?" she asked and then noticed – "Cloud… your sleeve."
He exhaled a hiss through his teeth, still not opening his eyes and Tifa stared at the dark liquid that was soaked through the sleeve that covered his left arm. Drops of the same liquid had fallen on the floor near his braced hand and –
And she remembered the stain on the sheets this morning.
"Cloud…"
He shook his head with a soft sound and shifted, getting his feet under him and preparing to stand.
"It's nothing." It came out low and guttural and she stubbornly knotted her arms around him. He was either too weak or too gentle to shrug her off. Left arm… how long had he been giving hidden indications that his left arm was bothering him…? And how long, Tifa suddenly wondered backward, had he been wearing long sleeves?
"Teef," he turned his head so that his face brushed against her shoulder. "We've got to go. The others are waiting."
Not so long ago she would have let him get away with it. Would have backed off and not pressed because it wasn't her place or her right to. Now she just shook her own head and dug her nails into the fabric of his shirt.
"How long?"
"Not long," he lied to her as he answered it. Or changed his definition of 'long' so that it didn't match hers.
"Since the Battle Arena?" she wanted to look closer but she was holding him and she knew, could feel it in the way his muscles felt under her arms, the way he was already crouched with one foot under him, that if she let go of him to try, he'd stand up and move away. His silence made her eyes go wider. "Before that?"
"Tifa – " his voice was steadier now but it didn't lose its softness on her name. "We haven't got time for this."
She rested the side of her head against his back. He was going to be stubborn.
"How long have we not had time?"
He exhaled and his forehead rested against her shoulder. For just a moment, his shoulders sagged.
"A while now." He paused and then softer, he whispered:
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault – " she started but he shook his head and one of his blue eyes glinted at her in the dim light.
"Tifa… I lived with your father too, remember?"
It froze her heart in her chest. Quietly he added:
"I won't put you through that again. I promise."
"Don't-" she blurted it, sudden panic in her chest. "Don't say that. Just… don't."
He lurched to his feet with a muted sound in his throat but his right arm slipped around her as he did so that she was drawn to her feet as well. It kept her from looking too closely at the dark liquid on the floor and a moment later, the thick sole of his boot moved through it and smeared it so that it would dry faster.
"It comes and goes," his voice was rough but he didn't let go of her. "Today's just a bad day."
"What is it?" she asked softly and he looked down at her and shook his head. For a moment, his blue eyes were young.
"I don't know. I – think I might have picked it up. In Nibelheim."
Her mind immediately jumped to the small woman she'd just left behind and then on to Leon. Cloud shook his head.
"They're fine. I've been keeping an eye on them. I think – " he looked down and clenched his fist on his left side. "I think I'm the only one that was susceptible. Because of – what I am."
"Cloud…"
His eyes met hers.
"Zack's not the only one that read some of Hojo's log books while we were in Cosmo Canyon. They talked about clone degradation, Tifa…"
