Hello again, everyone. I hope you all enjoyed the last "Death Battle" chapter. Sorry I haven't been posting chapters recently. I've been very busy with college work. But now, I'm back on track once again. In this chapter, Stewie Griffin shall fight another opponent from, "Courage the Cowardly Dog". Who is this new opponent? Well, you'll just have to read and find out for yourself. I'm not going to spoil it all now. Well, what are we waiting around for? Let's begin chapter 7 of Season 2 of this very epic and action-packed miniseries...
Wiz: Ah, cats. They're so fluffy, and they make very cute pets. But in this battle, you may think twice about getting a cat for a pet.
Boomstick: Stewie Griffin, everyone's favorite homicidal baby.
Wiz: And Katz, a red cat with the mind of a criminal.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a "Death Battle".
Introduction of Stewie Griffin:
Boomstick: Ah, good old Stewie Griffin. You never know what'll happen when messing with this kid! Needless to say, he LOVES fighting in these "Death Battles" and this is seventeenth battle to the death…
Wiz: We already introduced Stewie Griffin in the last season of "Death Battle", but we still have to do it again due to the rules of "Death Battle".
Boomstick: To make it short and sweet on my part, Stewie Griffin is a homicidal baby that wants complete world domination!
Wiz: This one-year-old is not meant to be messed with. If you do mess with him, he'll probably kill you. Not joking, he WILL kill you if provoked.
Boomstick: Stewie Griffin is the youngest member of the Griffin family, but don't yet his young appearance fool you. He's a damn psychopath!
Wiz: Born on June 30 1999, Stewie Griffin has a very sophisticated psyche and is able to speak fluently in an upper-class English accent. When he was born, his birth doctor found a map of Europe with plans to bomb its capitals inside Lois, his mother.
Boomstick: From that day on, he was shown not to be a normal kid, but a kid with the mind of a criminal. His weapon arsenal is full of classic weapons. These weapons include a machine gun, a tommy gun, a chainsaw, a machete, a flame thrower, a rocket launcher, a crossbow, a laser gun, a few hand grenades, a handgun, and even a harpoon gun. This is one of the reasons you should think twice about messing with Stewie!
Wiz: Not to mention his abilities! He can run fast, jump high, trick his enemies, punch hard, kick hard, and even bite hard. He can yell or curse up a storm, and he can even invent things.
Boomstick: Over the years of the "Family Guy" show, Stewie has invented many futuristic inventions, such as a mind controlling device, a carbonite freeze gun, a hypnotic control device, a hovering drill machine, a teleporter device, a multiverse traveler, a Peter-Bot, a clone machine, rocket skis, a weather device, and even a God-damn time machine! Wow, this is one badass little kid.
Wiz: His inventions are very cool and technologically advanced, and he uses them multiple times. However, due to the rules of "Death Battle", Stewie can't use his time machine. But he can use any of his other inventions.
Boomstick: This all proves one thing…if you want to bully a kid, please make sure that kid is not Stewie.
Wiz: However, he's not PERFECT. When his friend Brian gets into a dangerous situation, its been shown since Stewie and Brain are friends, Stewie CAN get distracted from any of his battles to help save Brian.
Boomstick: Wait, what?! Why on Earth does he care so much at Brian?
Wiz: Well, in one episode, he mentions that because of neglect from Peter, his father, he sees Brain as a fatherly figure, more than Peter. So, because of this, Stewie can get emotional and weak sometimes.
Boomstick: But despite this, Stewie Griffin is still one badass kid!
Introduction to Katz:
Wiz: Katz is a smooth and sadistic feline with a British accent, and comes complete with his own sinister background theme music. Like most cats, he has a powerful distaste for dogs, however he reserves a special hatred for Courage. Since his debut, Katz's top priority has always been helping or advancing his situation in some way.
Boomstick: He is competitive, as shown in "Katz Kandy", where he tries to force Muriel to tell him her secret ingredient for her sweet recipes after coming in second place to her in the Nowhere Sweet Stuff Contest for years. Thus, crushing his competition is nothing new to Katz. Katz enjoys a few things, such as making confectionery treats, or managing his collection of spiders. The only things he shows much compassion for outside of his own interest are his "loves" (his spiders).
Wiz: He is quite the con artist, as well, specializing in scam businesses such as a vacation resort, a confectionery shop, a motel, and a submarine cruise line. It is shown that he often kills his customers; for example, he fed the residents of the Katz Motel to his spiders. Two of his common targets are, of course, Eustace and Muriel (who never seem to remember him from previous cons). Even if Muriel and Eustace are fooled by whatever service he is providing, Courage never falls for his schemes. Because of this, all of his businesses enforce a strict "No Dogs Allowed" policy, which forces Courage to have to sneak in to save his two owners.
Boomstick: Despite his sinister nature, Katz has always enjoyed a bit of pre-defeat "sport" with Courage, which he is quite apt at. The two then engage in small battles in the form of games, such as a handball or a staring contest. It is common in some of these games that Katz will egg his opponent on into losing. For example, during the said staring contest, he kept saying "blink" when he saw Courage's eyes watering. And while he may choose to do things with the least exerted effort on his part when he can afford it, he has shown some slightly above-average athleticism-first shown in A Night at the Katz Motel when he drinks tea and reads while playing racket ball, continued in Klub Katz when he flees wrecking ball Eustace.
Wiz: Now, let's talk about his abilities. He can run fast, dodge projectiles, jump high, and even trick or distract his enemies in very small pieces of time. He's been shown to be very patient, as he never breaks down in sadness when he fails his evil schemes.
Boomstick: So, with that being said, Stewie Griffin has A LOT to fight with here today. So, let's begin this "Death Battle" and see who wins and who…well…die.
And now, the actual battle to the death…
(The scene begins with Stewie Griffin taking a walk through the forest at sunrise. Katz happens to be walking through the exact same forest. He's holding a tray of candy samples in front of him…)
Stewie: Ah, nothing like a nice walk in the woods to start off my morning. (turns left and Katz walks up to him)
Katz: Oh, hello little boy. (holds out tray in front of Stewie)
Stewie: Ugh, who are you? I'm in the middle of a morning walk…
Katz: Yes, I can see that. Well, I recently opened up a candy store down the street and I'm going around town, giving out free samples.
Stewie: Sorry sir, but I'm going to have to decline that offer. My mom says to never take candy from strangers.
Katz (smiles): Please sir, I insists.
Stewie (steps back): Step away…
Katz (grins): Please?
Stewie: (steps back some more): I'm warning you…
Katz (smiles and approaches Stewie)
Stewie: Alright, now you pushed me too far! (pulls out machine gun)
Katz (widens eyes): Uh oh…(Drops tray)
FIGHT!
Stewie (fires machine gun): EAT LEAD, YOU PERVERT!
Katz (dodges bullets): Haha! You can't kill me, you silly little boy. (grins and pulls out crowbar) Now, I think you need a spanking!
Stewie: I do not, you little shit! (pulls out katana and swings it at Katz) HIYA!
Katz (dodges): Missed!
Stewie (swings katana some more): Oh yeah?!
Katz (dodges blade): YEAH! (hits Stewie on the back with the crowbar)
Stewie (falls over in pain and drops gun): OOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW! (reaches for gun) Must…reach…gun…
Katz (kicks gun away): Hahahaha…(grabs Stewie by his neck collar and lifts him off the ground) Now, little boy, I'm going to kill you off! (pulls out knife and puts blade to Stewie's neck) Any last words?
Stewie (reaches behind his back): Yes….THIS! (pulls out can of pepper spray and sprays Katz in the eyes)
Katz (drops Stewie and covers his eyes): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! MY EYES!
Stewie (tackles Katz to the ground and begins using karate moves to beat him up): HIYA! TAKE THAT AND THAT! TAKE THIS! ENJOY THE PAIN, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! (kicks Katz in the face, breaking his nose)
Katz (stomps on Stewie's foot, making him let go): OW! YOU BROKE MY NOSE! (gets up and pulls out a sword) You…must…pay…for that! (swings sword at Stewie)
Stewie (dodges sword and pulls out whip): You've been a bad kitty! (snaps whip Katz, hitting him on the butt)
Katz (falls over on the ground): AAAAAAAAHHHHHH! MY BUTT! OW!
Stewie (pulls out golf club): That's what you get for approaching me, you piece of shit! (whacks Katz multiple times with golf club)
Katz (in pain): OW! OW! OW! OUCH! OUCH! STOP IT! OW! OW! PLEASE, MAKE IT STOP! OW! OUCH! OW! OUCH! OW! (struggles to get up but to no avail) OW! OW! OUCH! STOP IT, PLEASE! I SURRENDER! PLEASE KID, HAVE MERCY!
Stewie (pulls out handgun): Beg for mercy all you want, but I'm not stopping until you're dead! (shoots Katz in both kneecaps)
Katz (clutches legs in pain): AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Listen kid, we can talk about this, okay!? We don't have to be violent…(reaches for a knife hidden behind his back)
Stewie (pulls out flamethrower): Think again, you piece of shit! (fires flamethrower at Katz, burning him really badly)
Katz (gets burned to a crisp, killing him right there and then): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (gasps for air) curse…you…little…shitty…brat…(coughs)...I…hope…you…burn…in…Hell…(takes a final breath, gasps for air, closes his eyes, and dies)
Stewie (turns off flamethrower): There, that should teach this stranger a lesson. (outs flamethrower away) Well, I better get back to my walk. Up next, is taking a walk around the city. (turns around) I think I should grab some lunch money first…(walks away, back to his house)
KO!
Boomstick: Wow! That was…short…and cool, by the way!
Wiz: Both opponents are evenly skilled when it comes to combat, but it was Stewie's more violent and non-failure history that gave him the upper-hand he needed. Katz's skills have failed over the years, but Stewie's skills have NEVER failed him ONCE! So, as you can see, Katz is no match for a baby like Stewie Griffin.
Boomstick: Now, all of Nowhere, Kansas can relax peacefully, knowing that this kitty is dead and burning in Hell.
Wiz: Once again, he winner is Stewie Griffin.
Boomstick: Thank you all for watching and we'll see you next time on "Death Battle"!
THE END!
Well, that's all for this chapter. Yep, it looks like Katz could not beat Stewie Griffin like he thought he could. Instead, he got killed and is now going to Hell for all the bad things he's done. In the next chapter, Stewie Griffin shall fight another opponent. This next opponent is from "Regular Show" he wants to avenge the deaths of Muscle Man, Benson, Mordecai and Rigby. Who is this next opponent? Well, you'll just have to read and find out for yourself. Well, what are we all waiting for? Let's all move on to chapter 8 of Season 2 of this very epic miniseries...
