Family Guy meets Twilight
Scene
Brian shook his head at Peter, dissapointed in
what he found.
"Peter, this idea's almost as stupid as
when you challenged Edward Cullen to a duel to the death."
Peter
and Brian dimmed back to the past.
The scenery was in a small
meadow at night. Jacob Black had transformed into his werewolf form
as Edward Cullen crouched down, hissing and showing his fangs in
warning. He was protecting Bella Swan from Jacob, not wanting him to
come closer.
Peter walked into the picture dressed in a knight's
attire. He looked at Jacob, then Edward Cullen. He pointed his sword
at Edward and challenged him.
"I challenge you to a duel
to the death! This is the day when-" Edward dissapeared from
where he had stood, re-appearing behind Peter. "Holy crap!
Where did the bastard-"
Edward twisted Peter's head,
snapping his spinal cord. He ran back to where he was before and
looked at Jacob.
"Uh, where were we?"
Jacob
shrugged his shoulders. "We were about to kill each other
but...uhh.....The moment's gone."
Edward lowered his head
in a nod. "Yeah. Wanna go to the mall?"
"Yeah,
why not."
"Can we go to Starbucks?" Bella
asked.
Emmett Cullen appeared next to Peter's body and poked
it.
"Hey Jasper! Wanna see a dead guy? Looks like
you."
"Burn in hell!"
"Already there."
Family Guy meets Twilight II
Tom
Tucker and Diane Simmons organize their papers as the camera turns to
them for an update in the news.
"Live
from....oh who gives a sh-"
"Welcome back," Diane
greets, interrupting the announcer.
"I'm Diane Simmons." Tom
grumbles under his breath as he fidgets with his papers. Muttered
curses sound as his eyes glare at his papers.
"Tom has his annual period today so I'll be taking over."
Tom
jolts to his right, his hands and eyeballs twitching erratically. He
shoots his left arm to Diane, pointing accusingly at her.
"Die in a fire, Diane!"
"Get a tampon.
"Now
in other news, after Peter Griffin's tragic death in Forks,
Washington, last week, 'Family Guy' has been canceled. All over
America, uproars have been starting to form in attempts to find and
kill Edward Cullen, the man who killed Peter Griffin."
"Why
does he
get all the attention?! He's dead!" Tom
screams.
"Wait---I
have heard the police are in hot pursuit of Edward Cullen. He is in a
silver Volvo down some highway in Chicago. Here's Trisha
Takanawa!"
Trisha
Takanawa sits at the edge of her helicopter seat, staring into the
camera and then at the far off silver Volvo.
"Thank-you,
Diane. I am here in Chicago where the murderer, Edward Cullen, is
being pursued. We are barely catching up with him but we have gotten
news he has a female accomplice, Isabella Swan. Wait----he also has
another accomplice---male---Jacob Black." A
dark figure was shoved out of the immensely fast Volvo.
"Never mind. He has only one accomplice."
"You're
going down, Cullen!!!!" Joe
shouts as he violently wheels his wheelchair towards Edward's
Volvo.
Edward looks through the rearview mirror and growls
under his breath.
"Edward,
maybe we should turn ourselves in. Then we can escape," Bella
suggests.
Edward shakes his head.
"Then
Alice gets the last laugh! I'm not
losing another DDR Max to her! She'll have the whole
collection!"
Bella
sighs and looks at the rearview mirror.
"This
is what happens for spiking your blood. I told you and Emmett not to
experiment with that whiskey..."
"We are taking
Jacob Black for questioning," Trisha
explains. A fire-filled explosion flairs in the background where
Edward's Volvo was.
"We will keep you updated in any further news. Back to you,
Diane."
"Thanks, Trisha. What do you have to say to
this, Ollie."
"He drives fast!"
"Thank-you,
Ollie. To news we think you'll like! There's-"
"He's
dead! How can America like him
more than me?"
Tom
screeches. Tom shoots from his chair and runs around in circles,
ripping his hair out. He then jumps over the news counter and attacks
the camera where he is tranquilized.
"Hey,
Ollie...interested in Tom's job?"
Ollie
disappears from his weather station. Diane looks around until Ollie's
voice sounds from Tom's seat.
"What car does he drive?"
"A silver Volvo."
"Lucky
bastard."
The
Griffin family sits on the couch all dressed in black, mourning,
watching the news.
"Mom...will
the police get Edward Cullen?" Chris
asks.
Louis sighs and turns her head to Chris.
"I
hope so, sweetheart..."
Stewie's
head inclines past the doorframe to the kitchen, peering into the
living room. His face is painted to camouflage his surroundings and a
flamethrower is hidden behind him. Stewie grabs the flamethrower
properly and takes a deep breath.
"Here
we go, Louis. You're going down…" Stewie
sprints in front of Louis and jumps on to her lap.
"Take this!"
Everyone
clears the area instead of Louis as Stewie was about to fire his
weapon at her. At a split second, his flamethrower vanishes and Alice
is there, balancing herself on their banister.
"Bad
baby," she
reprimands, wagging her finger.
"Blast!
How did you do that?" Stewie
demands.
"Damn female."
"Sorry about intruding," Carlisle
apologizes.
"Do you usually let your child play with weapons?"
"Oh….Stewie!
How could you?!" Louis
yells.
"I'll
have my revenge!" Stewie
runs into the kitchen.
"The
news is on!" Jasper
calls, beside Emmett and Meg on the couch.
"Hey
there," Meg
flirts.
Jasper feels her emotions and his eyes shoot at Alice.
"I'm taken."
"Drat," Meg
mutters.
Brian
walks into the living room to see the rest of the Cullens and his
family there.
"Uh…when did they get here?"
"And we're back!"
Diane
says.
"Ollie?"
"They're dead!"
"Yes, you have heard Ollie
right. We have gotten news of Edward Cullen and his accomplice dying
in their burning silver Volvo. Right before Trisha Takanawa's
devastating crash she's had this to say."
Trisha's
helicopter hovers five feet in front of the burning silver Volvo.
"I
am hovering here at the scene of what is the conclusion to a hot
pursuit of the man who killed Peter Griffin…"
Alice crosses her fingers as she gazes intently at the Griffin's television. "New game…new game…new game…"
"It seems to be that
a policeman, in a wheelchair, threw series of grenades at the silver
Volvo which was enable to escape. Then, everything else is history.
Death, destruction and-"
Roars
of a beast fill the background. The pilot screams at the view.
"I'm
getting out of here!"
"Me too!"
Both
the pilot and the co-pilot jump off the helicopter and land safely on
the ground.
"What
was that?" Trisha
asks.
Jacob Black, in his werewolf form, runs to the burning
silver Volvo. He looks into the forest and snarles. Then, a purse is
thrown at him from the helicopter. He turns to them and grabs the
base of the helicopter and crashes it into the Volvo.
"That
is devastating," Diane
sympathizes.
"Let's see that again!"
The
entire scene is replayed.
"Holy
crap. Hate to be that guy," Peter
says as he munches on a candy bar at the foot of the couch.
"Peter?
When did you
get here? I thought you were dead!" Louis
yells.
Chris laughs happily from the foot of the couch."Hey
dad!"
"Take him! What a pain in the ass!" Death
whines at the front door.
"You're better off alive! Sheesh!"
"Oh thank-you, Death!"
Louis
smiles.
"Don't
mention it."
"Hey, Death. Miss us?" Emmett
smirks.
"If I can kill you…I would." Death
exits the house as Jasper, Alice, and Emmett snicker, the other
Cullens smile.
"And what do you have to say in all of what
happened in that video, Ollie?"
"Hot dog!"
"Nicely put.
Wanna get a bite to eat?"
"I want soup!"
"Chunky?"
"Chunky!"
