Well everyone, I'm back. Yep, I'm back once again with Episode 9 of Season 2 of this brand new action-packed and very epic miniseries of 2017. In this episode, Stewie Griffin will be fighting some one his own age...the Boss Baby from the 2017 "DreamWorks" animated movie of the same name. What will happen in this "Death Battle"? Well, you'll just have to read and find out for yourself. I'm not going to spoil it all for you now, well, what are we all waiting for? Let's begin Season 2, Episode 8 of this brand new, very epic, and action-packed miniseries...
Wiz: Babies. Theyre so cute, tiny, and sometimes loud and even very messy. But sometimes...they want to kill each other.
Boomstick: Stewie Griffin, everyone's favorite homicidal baby with the intelligence of a criminal.
Wiz: And Professor Poopypants, the evil scientist with the name that seems like it belongs to a circus clown.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a "Death Battle".
Introduction to Stewie Griffin:
Boomstick: Ah, good old Stewie Griffin. You never know what'll happen when messing with this kid! Needless to say, he LOVES fighting in these "Death Battles" and this is nineteenth battle to the death…
Wiz: We already introduced Stewie Griffin in the last season of "Death Battle", as well as every episode of this second season, but we still have to do it again due to the rules of "Death Battle".
Boomstick: To make it short and sweet on my part, Stewie Griffin is a homicidal baby that wants complete world domination!
Wiz: This one-year-old is not meant to be messed with. If you do mess with him, he'll probably kill you. Not joking, he WILL kill you if provoked.
Boomstick: Stewie Griffin is the youngest member of the Griffin family, but don't yet his young appearance fool you. He's a damn psychopath!
Wiz: Born on June 30 1999, Stewie Griffin has a very sophisticated psyche and is able to speak fluently in an upper-class English accent. When he was born, his birth doctor found a map of Europe with plans to bomb its capitals inside Lois, his mother.
Boomstick: From that day on, he was shown not to be a normal kid, but a kid with the mind of a criminal. His weapon arsenal is full of classic weapons. These weapons include a machine gun, a tommy gun, a chainsaw, a machete, a flame thrower, a rocket launcher, a crossbow, a laser gun, a few hand grenades, a handgun, and even a harpoon gun. This is one of the reasons you should think twice about messing with Stewie!
Wiz: Not to mention his abilities! He can run fast, jump high, trick his enemies, punch hard, kick hard, and even bite hard. He can yell or curse up a storm, and he can even invent things.
Boomstick: Over the years of the "Family Guy" show, Stewie has invented many futuristic inventions, such as a mind controlling device, a carbonite freeze gun, a hypnotic control device, a hovering drill machine, a teleporter device, a multiverse traveler, a Peter-Bot, a clone machine, rocket skis, a weather device, and even a God-damn time machine! Wow, this is one badass little kid.
Wiz: His inventions are very cool and technologically advanced, and he uses them multiple times. However, due to the rules of "Death Battle", Stewie can't use his time machine. But he can use any of his other inventions.
Boomstick: This all proves one thing…if you want to bully a kid, please make sure that kid is not Stewie.
Wiz: However, he's not PERFECT. When his friend Brian gets into a dangerous situation, its been shown since Stewie and Brain are friends, Stewie CAN get distracted from any of his battles to help save Brian.
Boomstick: Wait, what?! Why on Earth does he care so much at Brian?
Wiz: Well, in one episode, he mentions that because of neglect from Peter, his father, he sees Brain as a fatherly figure, more than Peter. So, because of this, Stewie can get emotional and weak sometimes.
Boomstick: But despite this, Stewie Griffin is still one badass kid!
Introduction to Boss Baby:
Boomstick: Ah, babies. Little bundles of joy, they are. They giggle, they smile, and they're very easy to care for. From changing diapers, to hand-feeding them, the simple job to taking care of a baby is one to be enjoyed...that is, unless your baby is the Boss Baby.
Wiz: Boss Baby is a most unusual baby. He wears a black suit, carries a brown briefcase, and is very different that most babies out there. The Boss Baby was one of the babies created at the "Baby Corp" company, the place where all babies in the world were born from. However during a sorting process, the machine failed to tickle him and he was sorted into the "management" section instead of "family" section, making him a boss baby. management" section instead of family section, making him a boss baby. He was then given a suit along with equipment and trained to work at the company. During this time, he came to idolize the Super Colossal Big Fat Boss Baby, once a legendary baby who was bestowed the company's highest position and was given an exclusive office.
Boomstick: After working there for an undetermined amount of time, he became known as the Boss Baby and was sent on a mission by his superior, the Big Boss Baby, to find out why humans adore puppies more than babies. He accomplished this goal, along with his older "brother", Timothy Templeton, and was given his dream promotion, as well as the "corner office" assigned to him. But even though he quit at the end of the movie to be a family baby full-time, this "Death Battle", will NOT take place AFTER the events of the movie to avoid continuity issues.
Wiz: Well, now that we talked about his backstory, let's talk about his abilities. The Boss Baby cam run fast, jump high, dodge projectiles, karate attack his enemies, and even drive a toy car very fast. Some of his tools include an extendable metal rod, an unlimited amount of cash to bribe people that gets in his way, a toy telephone to call other babies for backup, and even a special milk or "baby formula" that, when drunken, allows the baby to act and talk like an adult boss.
Boomstick: So, a formula let's the Boss Baby do all this? Man, I GOT to get some of that milk.
Wiz (sighs): Boomstick, that formula is for babies only. You're not getting any of that formula any time soon.
Boomstick: Aw man! Wiz, you're such a party pooper! (sighs) Back to the subject, it seems that NOTHING can stop this baby in battle!
Wiz: Actually, there is ONE flaw with Boss Baby...
Boomstick: And that is...?
Wiz: You see, in order to keep these abilities, the Boss Baby must drink his special formula after a certain period of time. If he doesn't, he'll revert back to and start acting like a non-boss, normal baby. So, without the formula, he can't fight or event talk in a "Death Battle" like the one taking place today.
Boomstick: That's it? That's the weakness?! Man, this baby better drink up today as Stewie will do whatever it takes to win! Hey Wiz, it's time for the main "Death Battle", isn't it?
Wiz: Yes Boomstick, it's time. Let's begin this babies-only "Death Battle"!
And now, the actual battle to the death...
(The scene begins with Stewie riding a new rocket-powered bike through the city. He then stops at a local park and plays for a while. Afterwards, an hour passes, and Stewie gets thirsty...)
Stewie: Man, I made so thirsty, I can breastfeed off of Selena Gomez...
(Meanwhile, a few feet away, the Boss Baby was drinking his bottle of milk formula to keep talking and acting like an adult boss...)
Boss Baby: Ah, nothing like a nice bottle of formula while playing at a park. (sucks on bottle some more) Nothing can ruin this moment for me...
(The scene cuts back to Stewie, who turns and notices the Boss Baby drinking his milk bottle...)
Stewie: Hmm, what have we here? (grins) Ah, milk. Perfect for stealing and drinking for myself. (hops back onto bike and turns it on) But I can't simply snatch it from it. I'll be too easy for him to snatch it back. Luckily, speeding past him and stealing it will work just fine! (speed past Boss Baby on he bike, snatching the bottle of milk formula as he does)
Boss Baby (looks up in shock): What the?! HEY! THAT'S MY MILK! (stands up) COME BACK HERE AND GIVE IT BACK!
Stewie (looks back at Boss Baby as he speeds away): I don't think so! (laughs and looks forward again)
Boss Baby (holds up fist): No one steals my milk! (walks offscreen to get his toy police car)
Stewie (speeds down the road and drinks the milk): Ah, its like taking candy from a baby...okay, this is official. This is the fourth time I've said this joke. And now, I have a feeling it's getting old and unfunny. Oh, fuck it. At least I have something to drink. (turns left and stops at red light) I think I'll go get myself some ice cream as a treat to all of the murders I did. (light turns green and Stewie continues speeding down the road)
(Suddenly, the Boss Baby blocks Stewie's way in a toy police car...)
Stewie (stops bike in shock): What the duce?!
Boss Baby (folds arms): Trying to steal from an unborn baby executive? (laughs) Nice try but no one steals from me...
Stewie (glares): Well, I still have the milk in my hands, so, unless you want to die a painful death today, I suggest you get the Hell out of my face! (reaches behind his back) So, go away or else...
Boss Baby (laughs): Or else, what? (grins)
Stewie (pulls out machine gun): Or else THIS! (clocks gun)
Boss Baby (shocked): Oh shit...
FIGHT!
Boss Baby (screams and speeds away): AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! HELP ME!
Stewie (runs after Boss Baby): Get back here, you little shit! (fires machine gun)
Boss Baby (swerves toy police car side-to-side, making the bullets hit it but bounce off): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This toy car of mine is plastic! You can't shoot it!
Stewie (tosses machine gun to the side and pulls out flamethrower): Well, I'll BURN YOU INSTEAD! (laughs and fires flamethrower at toy car)
Boss Baby: Oh crap...
Stewie (fires flamethrower and melts the car very fast): HAHA! Now, you have no car!
Boss Baby (jumps out of melting car and gets in defensive stance, holding fists): Oh yeah?! That won't stop me from kicking your butt!
Stewie (drops flamethrower and tackles Boss Baby to the floor): Oh yeah?! (beings punching Boss Baby all over his face and body, bruising him badly): HAHA! TAKE THAT! AND THAT! FEEL THE PAIN, YOU LITTLE SHIT! PAIN! PAIN! PAIN! PAIN! PAIN! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU LIKE THAT?! HUH!? DO YOU LIKE THAT!? LITTLE SHIT!
Boss Baby (struggles to fight back but to no avail): OW! OW! OW! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! STOP IT! AAAHHH! STOP IT, PLEASE! OUCH! OW! OW, THAT HURTS! PLEASE, STOP HURTING ME!
Stewie (grabs Boss Baby in a chokehold): Having fun now, you little baby of shit?!(chokes Boss Baby hard)
Boss Baby (struggles for air): Please...stop...this...now...I...can't...breathe...at...all...
Stewie: Oh, what's wrong? Poor baby can't breathe!? (laughs) Well, TOO BAD! (tightens his childhood)
Boss Baby: Must...not...surrender! (stomps on Stewie's foot hard, making him let go)
Stewie: OW! Alright, that's it! (pulls out handgun) You're fucking toast, now! No more Mr. Nice Baby! (fires handgun)
Boss Baby (dodges bullets and runs off): You'll have to catch me first!
Stewie (chases Boss Baby): You'll regret running from me, you little shit!
Boss Baby (runs towards nearby wooden tool shed): I got to hide! (runs inside shed, slams door shut, and locks it from the inside) He'll never find me in here!
Stewie (knocks on door): Little pig, little pig, let me come in...(pulls out axe)
Boss Baby (gasps): He found my hiding spot! (leans on back of door and shivers) I got to do something before he finds a way inside! (frantically looks around)
Stewie: Not by the hair of your chinny-chin-chin? (grins) Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'LL BLOW YOUR HOUSE IN! (begins chopping the door with axe) Sooner or later, I'll be in there, killing you off! (continues chopping hole in wooden door)
Boss Baby (sees window on the back of the shed): Ah, a way out! (runs to back of shed, jumps on windowsill, opens window, and climbs outside the shed) Now to teach that brat a lesson...(grins)
Stewie (manages to chop face-sized hole in the door): HERE'S STEWIE! (sees the shed is empty) What the duce?! Where is that little shit? I know he was in here! I fucking saw him go in here!
Boss Baby (tackles Stewie from behind and puts him in a chokehold): AH-HA! I got you! How do YOU like being choked!? HUH?! Do you like it!?
Stewie (struggles for air): No...I...don't! (pulls out knife and sullenly, stabs Boss Baby in his left arm)
Boss Baby (let's go of Stewie's neck in pain): AAAAHHHH! YOU STABBED ME!
Stewie: Yes! (gets up, drops knife, and pulls out shotgun) I sure did, you little shit! (fires shotgun) EAT SOME LEAD!
Boss Baby: Oh crap...(runs off)
Stewie: You're dead, now! (chases after Boss Baby while firing shotgun) No one chokes me!
Boss Baby (runs down the street, jumping over multiple cars, buses, trucks, benches, trashcans, and blue mailboxes) You'll never kill me!
Stewie (keeps chasing Boss Baby while continues firing shotgun): Oh yes, I WILL! (jumps over the same things Boss Baby is jumping over) YOU MUST DIE! (fires shotgun some more)
Boss Baby (pulls out pen): The pen is mightier than the sword! (knocks bullets out of the path) It looks like your stupid bullets can't stop me!
Stewie (drops shotgun and pulls out sword): Oh, mightier than the sword, huh?! Well, fight THIS! (swings sword at Boss Baby)
Boss Baby (blocks sword with pen several times): AH-HA! You're sword is no match for my pen! (keeps blocking sword blows)
Stewie (keeps swinging sword at Boss Baby): DIE, YOU FUCKING LITTLE SHIT! (swings sword very hard, cutting Boss Baby's pen in half)
Boss Baby (drops other half of pen and backs away): Oh poop...
Stewie (corners Boss Baby against a nearby lamppost) Any last words, little shit?
Boss Baby: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Stewie: Hmm, that's the same thing that the last person I killed said. Oh well...(stabs Boss Baby through his stomach, killing him instantly)
Boss Baby (dies and falls to ground, bleeding from his chest)
Stewie: YES! I DID IT! I SHOWED THAT BABY WHO'S BOSS! HORRAY! YES! YAHOO! YIPEE! YAAAAAAY! (walks back to the local park where his bike is) Well, time to go...(starts rocket-powered bike and speeds off)
KO!
Boomstick: Woah, did you see that!? Now that's what I call the battle of the babies!
Wiz: As you can see, both babies were really skilled at combat, but Stewie's more lethal approach to fighting gave him the leg-up he needed. Stewie has had way more experience fighting opponents and other criminals, as opposed to Boss Baby who's only limited to physical fighting skills, as well as his baby keys, pen, and telephone.
Boomstick: Not to mention the fact that Stewie his more ready and alert to kill and fight people, while Boss Baby is not.
Wiz: It looks like Timothy Templeton is now a single child again...which is also a very bad thing...
Boomstick: And now, Timothy can be a happy boy without a baby to get in the way of his mother and father. We couldn't have asked for a better ending and climax than this one! Ah, babies can really fight well, can't they?
Wiz: Once again, the winner is Stewie Griffin.
Boomstick: Thanks for watching and we'll see you next time on "Death Battle"!
Well everyone, that's all for this 8th episode of "Death Battle: Season 2"! And the very next episode, Episode 10, is the Season 2 FINALE! HORRAY! Another season is almost over! After that battle has ended, you'll be treated to a very long list of characters, locations, and authors who reviews the story as a sort of credits page. And there is ONE FINAL season left after this one before FINALLY end my "Death Battle" series on a very high note. But for now, let's all move on to Episode 9 of Season 2 of this very epic and action-packed miniseries of 2017...
