A/N Okay, a bit short today, but it seemed like a good place to stop. I have a lot of action coming up. Thanks to all the reviewers. It amazes me, all the details you guys are picking up on. Yes, the grove is going to see some real action in the not too distant future. Yes, Sirius is going to realize his mistake with being unable to check in on Harry and has kind of a neat solution. He's still learning the parenting thing. And yes there will be more Remus coming up.
Sorry about the finger, Curlybean. Hope it's better.
Keep it up guys, you are great! :)
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The pinkish gray light of early dawn was beginning to peek through the large paned windows of Harry's bedroom. Shifting sleepily in his warm bed, he turned his head and saw the blurry, faintly lit outline of his godfather still sitting in the large stuffed chair next to the bed. Leaning heavily into the side of the chair, his arms were crossed and his eyes were closed. He appeared to be sleeping, although how heavily, Harry didn't know.
He stayed.
Exhaling deeply with a relief he didn't know he could possess, Harry just stared at the man, affection bursting through every pore of his skin. A million emotions flooded through his mind at once and he blinked back tears that threatened to burst forth. He had done enough crying for some time, he chastised himself. He didn't even know why he should cry. Happiness that Sirius cared enough to sit with him all through the night? Anger that no one had ever bothered before? Fear of whatever it was that had triggered his scar and the resulting nightmare? He decided to focus on the positive.
He very carefully pulled out his hand from underneath the covers and stealthily reached for his glasses from the nightstand. Mercifully bringing the world into sharper focus as he positioned them on his nose, he took a good look at his godfather's face. Sirius looked tired. He had dark circles under his eyes and his face was drawn and pale. A pang of guilt hit Harry as he realized how much he had worried his godfather. He was so angry with himself for being such a bother.
Poor Sirius, who's own life had been cruelly thrown into chaos for so many years, now saddled with the burden of a freak for a godson. Harry knew that he greedily took all of the comfort that Sirius so generously gave him. He couldn't help himself really. When you are starved for such a basic human need for so long and find yourself finally on the receiving end of a seemingly unlimited supply, it was so hard to not crave it more and more. It was almost intoxicating.
Harry felt his face and ears burning with the shame of the havoc his mere presence wreaked in the lives of everyone he cared about. He stared at his godfather's still form and, with all the control he could muster, pushed back the overwhelming desire to climb into the much larger man's lap like a five year old to be held and soothed. He choked back a combination of a sob and personal rebuke at such a childish whim.
Sirius, who had not been sleeping all that soundly, heard the small noise from his godson's throat and snapped his eyes open. The suddenness of his waking surprised Harry and, for a split second, the boy's eyes went wide before he checked himself. Sitting up in the chair, Sirius ran a hand carelessly through his flattened mess of hair and leaned forward a little to carefully inspect Harry for any lingering signs of last night's distress.
"Hey, there. Alright, this morning?", he asked, concern heavy in his voice. Harry lowered his eyes and shifted uncomfortably, not responding immediately. Keeping his gaze averted, he pushed himself up into a sitting position against his headboard and began to nervously rub the hem of his blanket.
"Yeah, I'm okay. Sorry for being such a bother." Harry's face was pinched and his voice small. Sirius' heart broke at the obvious display of distress on his godson's face. Not for the first time did he inwardly curse himself for not having been able to raise Harry from infancy. He would never forgive himself for the damage done to the sweet natured boy by those vile relatives of his.
"Listen to me Harry. No, really. Look at me", he waited until Harry raised his eyes to meet his own. "You are never a bother. I always want to know what is going on with you and I will always want to be able to help if I can. Do you hear me?"
Harry lowered his eyes back down, but he nodded slightly. He knew that Sirius meant what he said. It didn't make Harry feel any better to always be putting him in that kind of position though. Harry knew that he owed Sirius the full truth about what happened at the match yesterday. He was afraid to tell him how much of a freak his godson really was, but he was also afraid to admit that he had lied. How angry would his godfather be when he found out that Harry's scar had actually started to hurt him during the day? Sirius had asked him several times if there was anything wrong and Harry had just lied right through his teeth. It was a habit to Harry, to understate what was really going on with him at times. Too many years of having to do for himself taught him well that it was usually just better to keep his mouth shut.
But, this was different. Sirius was different. He genuinely cared and Harry knew that he owed it to his kind guardian to be completely honest with him, regardless of the price Harry would pay for that honesty. Pushing the bedcovers off of him, he swung his legs over the bed where they landed in between Sirius' so he could look his godfather straight in the eye as he confessed. If Sirius noticed that Harry's knees were shaking slightly as they pressed against his own, he didn't say anything. Swallowing hard, he took a deep breath and focused on his godfather's silvery eyes.
"Sirius? I...I lied to you yesterday."
Harry stood stock still and held his ground as he waited for his godfather to start yelling and grew confused when Sirius' eyes exuded concern instead of anger. Nevertheless, he involuntarily flinched when Sirius leaned over and reached to take Harry's hands into his own.
"Lied to me about what, Harry? You know you can tell me anything. You don't have to be afraid to be honest with me."
Sirius wasn't angry, although he knew that he should be and, under different circumstances, he knew he probably would be. He was more upset with himself than he was with Harry. He knew yesterday that something wasn't right and he had allowed himself to brush it off. This was a bad pattern that neither one of them could afford for him to get into. Harry was still a boy and Sirius needed to be the responsible one that did not let a gut feeling like he had had pass without investigation. At least Harry was owning up now and Sirius was anxious to hear what he had to say, so he nodded encouragingly at the boy to continue.
"Yesterday, at the match, as we were leaving...", Harry hesitated for a moment to swallow against the lump in his throat, "I saw a man staring at me. When I looked at him, my scar started to burn. I..I looked away for a second because I got startled and when I looked again, it burned again. Then he disappeared. I'm sorry I didn't tell you right away. I know I should have, I was just...", he cast his eyes down shamefully as he shrugged, "I was just scared, I guess. I'm sorry", he finished weakly.
Sirius' mouth went dry as the ice cold fear raced through his veins. He suppressed an urge to jump from the chair and consult Albus. That kind of rash movement would only scare Harry further though and he wanted to avoid that if he could. Perhaps this was not as serious as it sounded but he couldn't really convince himself of that. That nagging intuition he had had yesterday charged back with a vengeance and this time he vowed that he would see it through. He would talk with Albus this morning but, until that time, he would avoid panicking Harry unnecessarily if he could. He gave Harry's hands a comforting squeeze.
"You don't need to be scared, Harry. I'm here and I will make sure that you stay safe. I don't want you to worry about this. I'm going to talk to Albus and see what he has to say. It's probably nothing, but I want to check just to make sure, okay?" He watched as Harry nodded miserably before continuing sternly.
"But Harry, you mustn't ever keep something like this from me again. Do you understand? You must not ever lie to me like that." Harry nodded again and Sirius could tell that he was trying to keep his composure. He knew that he had to drive the point home. Lifting Harry to his feet, he turned him slightly and delivered a crisp swat to the pajama clad bottom. "No more lies, young man", he said very firmly.
Harry blinked back tears from the sternness of the words before muttering a quiet "Yes, sir". He was surprised by the briefness of the rebuke and felt that he deserved a bit more. Sirius saw his distress and it shattered his forced hard demeanor. He tugged gently on the boy's hand and pulled him into his lap, holding him close, not caring that Harry was probably far too old for such treatment. Harry's small frame fit against his much larger one quite easily. He was a bit taken aback by the enthusiastic response from his godson who pressed himself tightly into his chest, his head tucked firmly into the crook of Sirius' neck. Very faintly, he heard Harry whisper "I'm sorry" before deeply exhaling.
Holding Harry firmly around the waist with one hand, he reached into the chair cushion for his wand and locked both doors to the room. This was a private moment and it would not do to have Ron burst in unawares. Sliding the wand back into the side of the chair, he raised his hand again to rub Harry's back soothingly and closed his eyes, still quite a bit tired as it was very early. Passed the point of caring that the embrace Sirius had him in was too juvenile for someone of his age, Harry just snuggled closer into his godfather's chest and closed his eyes as well. As he drifted off, he marvelled at how Sirius always seemed to know exactly what he needed.
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At breakfast that morning, Ron threw his mate a few concerned looks across the table but was tactful enough to not mention anything. He was eager to go flying again before his father came to collect him at lunchtime and Harry, feeling guilty for having put his friend through so much with the nightmare episode, quickly agreed. With the boys off into the air, Sirius made his way into the parlor and flooed Albus. As usual, the kindly old headmaster was in his study and ready to give Sirius' disembodied head a warm welcome. Once Sirius explained the nature of the call, his blue eyes clouded over and he gave the worried godfather his assurances that he would be right over.
Over two cups of peppermint tea, Sirius and Albus sat in deep thought in the study of Celestial Court. So far, Albus had not said much, but it was obvious that he was troubled by the events of the previous day. His reaction did nothing to calm the fears coursing through Sirius' veins like ice water. Reaching over to pour a second cup from the gold rimmed teapot on the table between them, Albus pursed his lips for a moment before finally speaking.
"Sirius, my boy. Although I am pained to say it, I believe that our precautions with insisting on young Harry's immersion into Occlumancy are well founded."
Albus' voice was low and soothing, but the words themselves positively terrified the younger man. When they had spoken about the possible link between Voldemort and Harry, Sirius had been praying that such a notion was only theoretical. To hear confirmation, more or less, that it was in fact reality, chilled the godfather down to his very core.
"He's too young to have to deal with this Albus", Sirius stated emphatically, eager to rationalize any excuse to keep from acknowledging such a horror as truth.
"I'm afraid, dear boy, that Harry's age does not preclude the very real possibility that, as Voldemort gets stronger, he will seek to use whatever means available to try and destroy him."
Sirius' face went ashen and he recoiled as though physically struck. Of course it was true. Harry was significantly older now than he had been when that filth cast the killing curse against a helpless infant. Reaching over to place a comforting hand on Sirius' arm, Albus gave him a kind smile.
"You are not alone, you and Harry. Know that I will help in any way I can, always. You have friends who care for you both. Together, we will all get through this."
Sirius weakly smiled at the words, so very similar to the ones that he had offered his frightened godson that morning. He hoped that he had been able to comfort the boy more than his old headmaster was able to comfort him.
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Out on the pitch, Harry and Ron were taking turns trying to shoot the Quaffle through the hoops while the other acted as Keeper. There was no use denying that Ron's keeping abilities were much better than Harry's. Still in an apologetic state of mind, Harry was more than happy to let his mate trounce him all over the pitch and never made the suggestion that they spend some time seeking the snitch instead.
Stopping in mid-air to take a quick breath from their high intensity sport, Ron threw Harry a disbelieving smirk.
"Can't believe that you have to have lessons during the summer. That's tough luck, mate", he commiserated sympathetically.
Harry grimaced and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, tell me about it. At least its just really Sirius and Remus, except for Fridays of course. I'm not sure what I did to deserve spending every Friday morning with the greasy git potions master, but it must have been bad. At least I can do magic this summer. I guess that will have to make up for it."
"So, you start tomorrow then?", Ron asked, trying to put an encouraging smile on his face for his friend.
"Um hmm, Charms with Remus at ten o'clock", Harry replied miserably. On Friday, Sirius had tacked up a schedule of class times and proposed lessons on the wall of Harry's bedroom and the wall of the library where all his classes, except for potions, were to take place. Sirius was no fool in the placement of the makeshift classroom. The library was next door to his study so he would be close by during the Occlumency lessons just in case he needed to step in and have a word with Professor Snivellous.
"At least you'll get to do DADA with Professor Lupin again. He was always good for decent lecture", Ron said brightly.
"True", Harry agreed. "I'm actually looking forward to the classes with Sirius though. I mean, he's an animagus so his Transfiguration skills must be brilliant and it will be nice to learn potions with someone that isn't constantly insulting me. Maybe I'll actually get to learn something."
Both boys snorted with laughter at this comment before remembering that Harry would still have to get through his Occlumency lessons with Snape. Sobered, the decided to continue on with the game. Ron managed to toss the quaffle through the tallest hoop with surprising strength and the large ball flew through the air and into the forest behind the pitch. Groaning, Harry angled his Firebolt in the direction it landed.
"I'll get it. I know the paths better than you. Be right back", he grumbled softly as he took off towards the dark green trees.
Smirking, slightly proud of his own throwing abilities, Ron leaned back on the Nimbus and began to flying in small figure eights around the pitch waiting for Harry to return. Without realizing it, his circles had become wider and wider as he flew and he found himself outside the pitch and dangerously close to the forbidden grove. He was close enough to take in the alluring scent of the rainbow blossoms and, as he took large gulping breaths, he continued to move ever closer to the tops of the spinning trees.
He had no idea why they couldn't go in there. From above, it looked peaceful and serene. There appeared to be a pebbled walkway between the rows of trees and, in the center, there was a prettyish sort of gazebo that looked like the perfect place to relax on a warm summer day. The blooms were so amazing in their vivid colors and as he flew closer, he could see that the middles sort of sparkled in the sunshine. And the scent! It was pure heaven. How could anything so lovely be dangerous? He needed to get closer. It was so peaceful and delightful. Was that someone calling his name? Who could that be? Surely they could see he needed to be closer to the blooms? And...what the hell was that?
"Oi!", he yelled, rubbing the spot on the back of his neck where Harry had hit him with the quaffle.
He turned and saw his mate staring at him from a short distance away. Harry had an angry look on his face. Pissed, Ron glared at him.
"What the bloody hell was that for?", he demanded, still rubbing his neck.
"What were you doing?", Harry asked, completely perturbed. "Look where you are." Confused, Ron looked around and saw that he was hovering mere feet over the grove. He shook his head as if to clear it. How had he gotten over here?
Harry was clearly not going to let go of his displeasure. "Get away from there. You know what Sirius said about the grove." Becoming a bit miffed with his friend, Ron grudgingly steered the Nimbus over to where Harry was hovering.
"Relax, mate. Living here has really made you tense. It's just a bunch of ruddy trees." Harry huffed and turned to fly towards the center of the pitch.
"Yeah, well it's not your arse that is on the line if we get caught going near it, so do me a favor and keep clear, if you don't mind."
Ron felt a pang of guilt as he realized that Harry was right. Harry had someone to answer to now and it wasn't fair to put his best mate in danger of getting punished for something that Ron did.
"Sorry mate", he apologized sincerely. "I was bang out of order." Turning back towards the grove he frowned. "Sorry about the quaffle too."
Harry turned around confused. "Huh?" Ron jerked his head towards the spinning trees. "The quaffle. It fell into the grove after you chucked it at me."
Harry groaned. Perfect, just perfect. Now what was he going to do? If he told Sirius what happened, he was sure to be mad. He supposed he could try saying that it flew there accidentally, but Sirius probably wouldn't buy it and after his lecture on lying this morning, he didn't want to be dishonest about it anyway. He would have to think of something.
Dejected, the two boys flew around a little more until the blue sparks from the chimney announced that it was time to come in for lunch. Mr. Weasley had arrived by this point and he joined them for a light midday meal before he and Ron departed for the Burrow. Ron had apologized several times more and Harry, after a fashion, had assured his mate that he wasn't mad anymore.
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Harry waited until tea time to corner Sirius about Professor Dumbledore's visit. He could tell by his godfather's demeanor all afternoon that things had not gone especially well and, brave though he was, it more than a little frightened him.
"So, is it Voldemort, then?" he asked bluntly, seeing Sirius' eyes go wide at the directness of the question.
His godfather took a moment to take a deep breath and compose himself before answering. "Probably."
Against Albus' advice, Sirius was determined to be as honest as possible with Harry. After all, how could he expect Harry to be forthcoming with him if he could not do the same? What kind of an example would that be setting? He didn't approve of the way that Albus seemed to be determined to keep Harry in the dark about such vital information that concerned him. Fortunately, the decisions regarding Harry's knowledge now rested with Sirius and Sirius alone. Yes, Harry was young, but he had proved to be remarkably brave when the occasion warranted. Not surprising as he was a true Gryffindor, and James' son.
Harry exhaled sharply, blowing out his cheeks and then ran his fingers through his messy mop of hair.
"Alright then. What do we do?"
Sirius looked at his godson with fierce pride. Harry was taking the news very stoically. The boy who craved comfort and affection and reassurance had a deep and powerful well of inner strength that he was able to drawn upon in times of true darkness. In that moment, Sirius could see a glimpse of the fine man Harry would be one day. If he could just cure the boy of his reckless nature, Harry may very well one day be the savior of the wizarding world.
"Well, for starters, you are going to have to really study your Occlumency lessons. Albus thinks, and I agree, that any effort to keep Voldemort out of your mind is not wasted time. You don't want an evil presence like that to be in any position to carry even a speck of influence over you."
He lifted an eyebrow as Harry nodded slightly, unconvinced,
"Harry? You must promise me that you will pay close attention to whatever Professor Snape tries to teach you and that you will work very hard to learn as quickly as you can. This is important Harry. Do I have your word on this?"
Harry nodded again, a little more firmly this time. "Yes, sir."
Sirius reached over and patted the boy's hand in comfort. "Thank you." Harry's eyes cast back down and he began to look positively miserable.
"I still don't know why I have to have all of those lessons this summer. Are the other ones really necessary? Honestly, Sirius, it's just too much like being back in school."
Sirius smiled sympathetically. Harry had not complained about the extra tutoring since the day they had first discussed it.
"Oh, it won't be all that bad, kiddo. It could be worse you know", he continued when Harry looked up with a glare. "I could make you wear your school uniform during the lessons."
Harry's eyes shot daggers at his godfather, horrified by the threat. "You wouldn't dare."
Sirius cocked an eyebrow at him and gave him a stern look which he wasn't able to hold for more than a few quick seconds before throwing his head back and barking out a loud laugh.
"No, I wouldn't, but the look on your face was priceless."
Harry was not amused.
