Okay everyone, get the tissues out. A real angsty chapter coming your way. For all those who would be offended, there is definitely spanking in this chapter. If you don't want to read it, please DON'T! I'm only offended if you do read it and then flame me for it. Please spare us all the outrage.

Thanks to all of my loyal reviewers. Sorry to have made you wait, but there seems to be something wrong with the site. I had to re-type the whole thing just to post it.

Jogger: Sorry to disappoint you. You'll see what I mean.

CurlyBean: More Remus coming your way in chapter 18.

*********************************************************

A more experienced parent might have been able to recognize the changes in their child for what they actually were as opposed to what they appeared to be. One of the benefits of raising a child from infancy was the ability to decipher subtle facial expressions and tonal inflections well enough to realize that there was, perhaps, more than met the eye with a child's behavior.

Unfortunately, with only a few months of parenting under his belt, Sirius Black, already suffering from a strong fear of inadequacy, failed utterly to see the elephant in the room until both he and Harry had endured days of needless pain.

***********************************************************

To Harry, it seemed that the air had stopped moving when his godfather turned and projected his full facial wrath on him. Sirius was seething with rage and, Harry had to admit to himself, rightfully so.

Standing as still as he could manage on his shaking legs, whether they were shaking from the receding adrenaline or from abject fear of his godfather's ire, he didn't know, he nervously hugged himself again not daring to speak. He kept his eyes downcast in an effort to not provoke the angry man any further. He had had enough experience like this with his Uncle Vernon. Harry had learned, long ago, that if he didn't look his uncle in the eye, there was less likely a chance that he could be accused of shooting any look of defiance at him during a lecture and thus, a less likely chance that he would be locked away for a few days without food.

Deep down though, Harry was even more troubled than he could possibly admit out loud. There were no correct responses to rectify this situation on his part. The guilt of so wantonly defying his beloved godfather weighed down on him like a ship's anchor around his neck. Although he had not been in Sirius' care long, he had long since decided that the last thing he ever wanted to do was to show the man he now loved like a father even a modicum of disrespect. And yet, that is exactly what he had just done. Sirius didn't have many rules for him to abide by, but Harry had just grossly violated the one that stood at the very top of that short list. What made it worse was that he did it knowingly and with full understanding of the severity of the consequences that he would have to suffer for it.

Yet, he did it anyway.

Emotions warred inside of him as he struggled to make sense of his own actions. He knew that there had never been a chance of him not going into the grove after Ron after seeing his very best friend in real trouble. He would die for Ron or Hermione in a heartbeat, and if there was any chance he could keep either one of them from harm, he knew that he would always do it regardless of the personal price that he would have to pay.

There was just no way around that line of thinking in his eyes.

Unfortunately, in this particular situation, his devotion to his friends meant that he had to do the one thing that would hurt himself most of all. He had to endure the mental anguish of openly defying and disrespecting his godfather and suffer whatever punishment Sirius saw fit to dole out. He knew that his godfather would have no choice but to use this particular occasion to set new bar by which all other punishments would have to measure up against. How many times had he and Ron been told to not do exactly what they had just done? There was no talking his way out of this, nor did he even want to try. He had made his choice before even setting one toe in the grove and now he would have to answer for his actions. It unnerved him to no end. Never before had he had to chose between doing what he felt he must and obeying a parent. Was this what Ron and Hermione felt whenever they had had one of their dangerous adventures?

Watching the tall dark haired man saunter dangerously towards him, Harry steeled his resolve and didn't flinch a muscle. Although it was irrational to think so, given the mild corrections that his godfather had employed so far in dealing with Harry's behavior, the young Gryffindor strongly believed that Sirius should probably whip him mercilessly for what he had done and Harry fully accepted that he would deserve every lick of it. At least he would have the lingering effects of a severe chastisement to atone for his defiance.

Pulling his arms tighter around his chest, Harry took a deep breath and waited as his godfather came to a halt mere inches away and hearing the larger man take a deep bracing breath, prepared himself for the wrath that was surely coming to him.

"Are you okay, Harry?" Sirius asked him, his voice tight, but laced with real concern.

Harry looked up for a brief second, startled. This was not what he had expected to hear. Swallowing painfully against the lump in his throat, he gave a couple of jerky nods of his head and lowered his eyes, shamefully refusing to make eye contact. He could hear Sirius' forced breathing and knew that his godfather was struggling to maintain a semblance of calm.

Blinking rapidly in the brief absence of words, Harry daringly raised his eyes for a fraction of a second to look beyond to where his godfather was standing. In his peripheral vision, he could see Remus still hovering down on the ground by Ron who now seemed to have gotten some color back in his unnaturally pale face. Harry saw him flutter his eyes open briefly before closing them again, but Remus didn't seemed worried which comforted him as a good sign. Hermione's face was pure anguish as she split her attention from the red haired boy on the stretcher to the dark haired boy standing in the menacing shadow of his irate guardian. She didn't seem to know which one to worry about more.

"Are you sure you are not hurt?"

Sirius' voice forced Harry to focus on his own predicament once again. Lowering his eyes back down to the ground and gripping himself even tighter, he gave another small nod. He knew that he should be trying to say something, do something that would show his godfather how sorry he was for what he had just done but he felt paralyzed to act in his own defense at all. He couldn't defend his actions, so what could he do other than submit to Sirius' will? He couldn't just say that he was sorry. The words were inadequate and, quite frankly, untrue. Harry was sorry that he had had to defy Sirius to do what he did, but he wasn't actually sorry to have done it. His godfather didn't deserve to be lied to, nor did he deserve a half hearted attempt at an apology.

He couldn't speak. He seemed to have lost confidence in his voice. Harry knew that once he opened his mouth, it would make his defiance all too real and he was sure that he would not be able to stem the tide of hot tears that were threatening to erupt. He didn't want to cry in front of his godfather. He knew that Sirius loved him very much and it would hurt the man even more to see his godson in distress and Harry had already done enough for one day to upset the man.

*********************

Sirius was working overtime to lower his blood pressure as he stared at his godson's nervous stance and almost completely unresponsive manner. He was furious at the small framed teen quivering in front of him and he was struggling to hold back his own overwhelming desire to lash out and slap Harry across the face, if only to finally get his full attention. Mentally, he was severely chastising himself. That sort of vicious discipline had been employed regularly by Sirius' own despised father and the very idea that he himself was now on the brink of acting in the same manner horrified him and tempered his actions. He had vowed that he would never lay a hand on Harry in any kind of imitation of the man who had made his young life a living nightmare.

However, Harry's unwillingness to address him visually and his refusal to respond to his questions vocally were rapidly draining all of Sirius' reserves for patience. He honestly couldn't see the emotions warring inside of Harry's head. To Sirius, his godson just looked like a guilty little boy who had done something bad and had gotten caught and, in his eyes, Harry's demeanor just smacked of insolence.

Closing his eyes in frustration, Sirius raked his hand through his hair and forced himself to abstain from grabbing his godson by the shoulders and shaking him.

"Didn't I tell you to never go into the grove?"

Opening his eyes, he saw Harry's shoulders hitch with rapid breathing, but the boy jerked his head even further away and refused to respond. Sirius' frustration increasing by the second, he unconciously balled his hands into fists.

"Harry James, you answer me right now, young man!" His voice was slowly turning into a growl and he clenched his teeth.

Harry caught a quick glance of the intimidating sight of his godfather's hands and shut his eyes tightly, his pulse racing. Even the fleeting notion of Sirius beating him with his fists didn't force him into responding. He was drowning in a sea of his own guilt. He heard Sirius advance towards him, but he steadfastly refused to move a muscle. His adrenaline raced forward again and he rapidly worked himself up into a state of frenzy.

At his patience's end, Sirius strode over to grab Harry by the arm.

"Didn't I tell you to never go into the grove!" he seethed, voice raised higher as he repeated his unanswered question. He was determined to make his godson respond.

Nothing.

Releasing a large huff of air, he spun Harry around to the side and delivered a sharp smack across his backside.

"Didn't I?" he insisted.

The unexpected sting refocused Harry's awareness and he realized that he needed to acknowledge the gravity of his actions whether he wanted to or not.

"Yes, sir," he replied, almost in a whisper.

Sirius knew he should have been relieved that he was finally getting a response. After all, he had briefly considered the idea that Harry had been more affected by the grove's mental punishment than he had originally let on, so hearing Harry speak was a small blessing. However, by this point, he was too angry and hurt by Harry's disrespect to back down calmly. Raising his hand again, he hissed "And was there anything unclear about my instructions?" before landing another powerful smack on the jean clad bottom in front of him.

Harry made a little choking noise from the contact of the second swat before quietly responding "No, sir."

He was desperately trying to stop his knees from buckling from the nervous tension and take his punishment stoically. A thousand emotions were running high inside of his mind. He was truly mortified that he was being spanked in front of Remus and his friends, but the crushing guilt was heavily outweighing any concern he had for himself and he refused to defy his godfather any further by protesting.

Sirius was lifting his hand a third time when he heard a small whimper. Looking at his godson's white lipped grimace, he knew the pitiful noise had not come from Harry. The haze of his frustration lifting, he remembered that they were not alone. He turned his attention to the small group behind him and realized that the heartbreaking sound had come from Hermione. She was trying desperately to avoid looking in their direction, but her face was pained and there were tears running down her cheeks. Remus was discretely keeping his back to them as he gently mopped the still unconcious Ron's brow with a conjured compress.

Sweeping his gaze back to his godson, his heart immediately broke at the sight of the boy's strangled expression, his body contorted in determination to keep standing strong, his small hand's tightly balled together and bracing themselves against his thighs. Harry's eyes were scrunched shut and he was obviously petrified, but he had not made a move against Sirius' hold nor whimpered a word of protest against the punishment. Two fat tears were slowly sliding down his red face, his neck and ears burning with humiliation.

Ashamed, Sirius lowered his hand. He was still furious, but this was not the way he wanted to treat his beloved godson. Moving closer to the boy's ear, he lowered his voice so as to not be overheard.

"We'll finish this inside, young man. Go to your room and wait for me."

Harry grimaced, his chest heaving. He nodded and immediately obeyed. Struggling to control the sobs that were threatening to burst forth, he fled in the direction of the house, not sparing a look for the group huddled on the ground.

*************************************

As Harry raced towards the house, Sirius took several deep breaths and viciously yanked his hands through his hair again. This whole situation was going straight to hell. He made his way slowly back towards the trio on the ground and Remus turned to him.

"I sent for Madam Pomfrey. She'll be here momentarily."

Sirius acknowledged him with a small nod. He suddenly felt very tired. He walked over to crouch in front of Hermione who was still struggling to compose herself. Gently, he reached out and put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Are you alright, Hermione?" he asked in as soothing a manner as he could muster. She sniffed a bit and nodded once before turning her red rimmed eyes up at him.

"Please, sir. It wasn't Harry's fault. We were flying when we saw Ron walking around the grove. Harry tried to get him to come out, but he wouldn't listen to us. It was only when we saw that he might be hurt that Harry went in after him. Harry told me to go get you and Professor Lupin, but we were both so scared for Ron. Harry wanted to try to help him until you got there. Please, don't be too angry with him," she pleaded, the tears starting again.

Sirius didn't say anything. He had assumed that it had been something like that. He knew that Harry steered clear of the grove on his own, whereas Ron just couldn't seem to stay away. He knew, from experience, that the siren call of the twisted trees affected some people more than others. It didn't make him any less angry at what Harry had done, however. His godson and his friend could have been irrevocably injured in a short period of time and that thought scared him to pieces. He gave Hermione a few comforting pats on the shoulder and stood as he heard the apparition crack of both Poppy and Albus.

**************************************

In his room, Harry sat slumped on the edge of his bed. He felt physically sick from the guilt. Just yesterday, Sirius had given him the most wonderful day ever and here, not even a full twenty four hours later, Harry had gone ahead and thrown all of his godfather's love and effort right back into his face. What a miserable undeserving wretch he was. Maybe the Dursley's had been right after all. He was an ungrateful, hateful boy.

Harry wanted nothing more than to throw his arms around Sirius and beg his forgiveness, to feel his godfather's warm comforting embrace as he held him close and assured him that he was still loved and wanted. It wasn't fair to Sirius though. Harry didn't deserve to have his godfather love him unconditionally when Harry had no compunction about openly defying him and not even feeling remorseful about it. Right then, he made the decision to be completely obedient in all things he could. He would show Sirius nothing but the most perfect respect and expect no balm of comfort in return.

It was all he could do.

It was almost an hour before he heard Sirius' steps preceding a sharp rap on his door. Harry flinched and forced himself to sit up straight. He was ready for whatever he had coming to him and he would not utter a peep of protest.

When his handsome godfather came into the room, Harry saw the pained hurt in the man's eyes. He mentally flayed himself for putting it there. Hadn't Sirius been through enough? Harry hated himself. Would he always be the source of such turmoil?

Sirius walked in and saw his godson's stiff stance. He was hoping that Harry would say something to him, anything to show his remorse for disobeying him and scaring him half to death, but the boy sat quietly and didn't even lift his face. Sirius found that he was more hurt by Harry's disregard than angry anymore.

"Ron's going to be fine," he forced himself to say. "His parents have just taken him home." He saw Harry swallow heavily and a faint look of relief passed over the boy's eyes. He waited a moment for a response, but none was forthcoming. He knitted his eyebrows, his temper starting to flare again, but just as quickly, he pushed it back down.

"Hermione is going to be leaving in a few minutes with Remus. She wants to come up and say goodbye to you before she goes."

Nothing.

Sirius huffed in frustration, his annoyance returning rapidly.

"After she leaves, I want you to wash up and put your pajamas on. I'll be back up to finish discussing this with you once everyone is gone," he promised, a little more sharply than he had intended. He saw Harry nod his head slightly.

"Yes, sir."

Sirius didn't know what to do. It seemed that only punishment or the threat of it was getting any kind of response from the boy. He hoped that when he came back up, with the house cleared, Harry would be ready to talk to him.

***************************************

A few minutes after Sirius left his room, Harry heard a small timid knock and knew that it was Hermione. He didn't really want to see anyone, but he knew that she would be hurt and he felt that he had already hurt someone enough for one day, so he answered "Come in."

She tentatively poked her head in the door, assessing what the atmosphere would be like. As worried as she had been about Ron, she found herself even more concerned about Harry. He had never acted this way before. After their many adventures, he usually seemed elated, exhilarated by their accomplishments. Now, she found herself grief stricken over his broken countenance. She sauntered slowly over to where he was sitting on the bed and gently sat down next to him.

"Are you okay?" she asked timidly, her eyes searching for some sort of life in his.

He nodded briefly. He could hear the overwrought concern in her voice and knew that he had to do something to cheer her up. After all, she had been worried about Ron too. She didn't need to be upset by what was going on with him.

"Are you going to be okay?" she pressed, her underlining meaning clear in the hesitant way she asked the question.

Harry blushed at the memory of what she had witnessed outside. His humiliation was complete but there was no need to make her feel awkward about it, so he decided to make it humorous for her.

"I'll be fine, Hermione. Of course," he paused as he gave her a smirk "my bum might have to spend some time in the critical care ward at St. Mungo's for a bit, but the rest of me will be just fine."

Hermione let out a half hearted snort and the two friends forced themselves to keep small smiles plastered to their faces. Neither of them were fooled by the other's performance. Finally, Hermione stood.

"I have to go. I'm sorry, but Mum and Dad are expecting me. We're travelling again first thing in the morning."

Harry nodded dejectedly. "It's okay. It's not going to be loads of fun around here for awhile." He didn't see the pained expression that filled Hermione's eyes.

"I'm sorry, Harry. It...it was a really nice party yesterday. I had loads of fun being with you this weekend," she said as earnestly as she could.

Harry gave her a brief smile before lowering his gaze again. "Yeah, it was brilliant, wasn't it? Sorry it all had to end so badly."

The small brunette sighed and leaned over to give him a tight squeeze before making her way over to the door. She turned back to him as she went to open the knob. "It will all work out okay, Harry. He really does love you, you know. Anyone could see it."

Harry's chest tightened at the reminder. He nodded at her sadly as she left.

"I know, Hermione. That's the problem," he said to no one.

*************************************************

In his study, Sirius sat in his favorite armchair, his eyes closed, his right hand raised to his face and pinching the bridge of his nose.

The house was finally quiet. Poppy and Albus had examined Ron and found him to be completely unharmed except for a little exhaustion. The mentally induced torture from the grove had left him a little weak and he was keeping his eyes closed and resting. Sirius suspected it had more to do with the boy's desire to not have to face his host or his irate mother rather than actually suffering from any lingering effects. Molly and Arthur had appeared quickly after being summoned with the sharp tongued mum quickly going from blind panic over her son's well being to raged apologetic to Sirius for the boy's disobedience. As angry as he was, Sirius didn't envy Ron when his mother got finished with him.

Remus had left a few minutes ago to portkey with Hermione back to France. He wouldn't be returning this evening as he sensed it was going to be a rough night in the Black-Potter household. Hermione was still shooting Sirius pleading looks as Remus put his arms around her for the trip and he had actually felt guilty enough to look away.

He looked at the clock sadly. Harry surely had had enough time to get washed and changed by now. With a heavy heart, he slowly stood and transfigured a nearby book into another paddle. He hated this. He absolutely hated punishing his godson. But Harry had not left him with much choice. He had been very specific about what would happen if Harry went into the grove against his wishes and he knew that it was important to provide consistency in the boy's upbringing. Unwillingly, he began the slow trek up to Harry's room, dreading the moment he arrived.

He knocked briefly on the door before entering. Harry was still sitting in the same spot on his bed, but he was wearing a T-shirt and pajama pants and his hair was wet, most likely from a quick bath. His godson didn't acknowledge his entry and that stoked the anger that Sirius had simmering inside of him a little. He could at least look remorseful, he thought bitterly. He made his way over to the bed and sat down next to the boy. Harry didn't acknowledge that either. He felt his frustration returning with a vengeance.

"Harry, Hermione told me what happened this afternoon. What do you have to say for yourself?" he prompted, his voice tinged with irate disbelief.

Harry didn't say a word. He just shifted a little further from his godfather's side as he turned his head away. There was nothing he could say. Maybe Sirius, who had laid so much on the line to protect the lives of his own friends, would understand what he was going through, but there was no way Harry was going to remind his godfather of his inability to save his parents. He had already done too much to hurt the man to bring up painful memories.

Sirius couldn't believe it. He was deeply wounded by Harry's refusal to answer for his actions and his gross disrespect of his guardian. He didn't know what to make of it. He never would have thought that Harry could treat him so callously.

"You have nothing to say to me? Nothing at all?" he demanded with real hurt in his voice. Harry made a little choking sound, but Sirius couldn't see the anguish in the boy's eyes as he answered.

"No sir."

Sirius gave up. He was just so pained by the whole ordeal. Obviously Harry just didn't care that he had worried him so badly. He didn't seem to be remorseful at all that he had broken faith with the man who saw him as his entire reason to get up in the morning. Sirius pulled the paddle out of his pocket and sighed.

"Fine. Stand up, Harry. Let's get this over with."

Despondently, Harry obeyed and moved to stand next to Sirius' side. He didn't even hesitate before he laid himself across his godfather's lap, taking a large wad of his blanket into his left hand as he tried to steady himself.

Disbelieving at his godson's complete acquiescence, Sirius just shook his head at the sight of the boy lying down in front of him. Struggling to get a response, he decided to try one last ditch effort to get the boy's attention. He hesitated a quick second and then resolutely gripped the waistband of the plaid pajama bottoms and tugged them down to Harry's knees, baring the small bottom. He felt Harry gasp quickly and thought he finally might have reached him, but just as quickly he felt the boy exhale deeply and return to his motionless state. Saddened, he raised the paddle.

As Harry lay across his godfather's lap, he resolved to accept his punishment with as little fuss as possible. Even the unexpected baring had made him start in shock only for the briefest of seconds. He had not been expecting that at all, but he swallowed his pride and accepted it, feeling his neck and ears burn with the shame of it. If that is what Sirius thought he deserved, he would take it without complaint.

The sharp sting of the first swat brought fresh tears to his eyes, but he gripped the blanket tighter and forced himself to not cry out. He would endure this.

Watching the pink flush of color spread where he had landed the first swat of the paddle, Sirius choked a little in self loathing. Harry hadn't made a sound. Sirius strengthened his resolve and brought the paddle down again. Harry had twisted a little to the side, but he still maintained complete silence. He wasn't tense like had been the first time Sirius had spanked him. He just seemed to lay there and accept it. Sirius didn't know what to think of that. Was it just resignation that was compelling his godson to maintain his cool composure? Was he really not bothered at all?

He landed four more swats, all with the same lack of response. Only the darkening pink imprinting itself onto Harry's backside attested to any effect the spanking was having. Feeling a little sick to his stomach, Sirius brought the paddle down another four times, more sharply this time. The skin was now glowing a soft red, but Harry had still not made a sound. No cries, no movements, not even the tensing of his shoulders from trying to hold back his tears. Nothing.

This wasn't right. The boy wasn't learning anything from this. Sirius just felt like he was beating him, not disciplining him. Disgusted, he threw the paddle on the bed and yanked the bottoms back up to Harry's waist.

"Alright, Harry. That's enough," he said tiredly, as he reached underneath the boy's arms and hefted him up into a standing position. He genuinely didn't know what else to do.

When he had Harry standing upright he saw, to his horror, that his godson's face was coated in tears, his nose running and his eyes horribly red rimmed and completely distraught. He felt an immediate pang of self-loathing as he berated himself for not paying better attention. The look on Harry's face shattered his heart into a million pieces.

"Oh, little one. Come here," he sputtered as he held his arms out. Harry hiccuped involuntarily as he turned his face away. Springing to his feet, Sirius reached over and started to put his arms around his distressed boy.

"NO!" Harry cried sharply as he pulled himself out of reach. Sirius felt as if he had all the air knocked out of him at the rebuff. Harry had never refused to be held before and the action stung him deeply. He took a deep breath as he thought that the boy might just be a little embarrassed over having had his bottom bared, so he tried again, only to have Harry jerk away even further.

"No, please don't," the weeping boy said quietly now. His shoulders heaved with the sobs he couldn't control.

Sirius felt like he had been punched in the stomach. His mind spun with rejection and hurt. The idea that his beloved godson would no longer let him embrace him wounded him so deeply he was finding it hard to breath.

"Harry...please," he croaked, desperate for the boy to turn around. He saw Harry hug his arms around his own chest, refusing to turn.

"Please, Sirius. Please just leave me alone," he sobbed, his voice thick with tears.

Sirius swallowed hard trying desperately to breath. Extremely hurt and confused, he waited a moment and then slowly sauntered to the door. Pausing briefly, he turned.

"I love you, Harry. Very much. Always." Sadly, he walked through the door and closed it softly behind him.

Standing in the middle of the room, Harry burst into deep gut wrenching sobs as he slid to the floor. Lying there in abject misery, he wanted nothing more than to feel the comfort of his godfather's strong arms around him again.