Chapter 110: Who I Am

Everything was… black. Not the black of darkness but the absolute black of sightlessness. She was blind and when she reached out there was nothing to feel. No up, no down. She might have been floating but there wasn't even any feeling of that. Nothing. There was just nothing.

Her head was full of nothing as well. She realized it when she tried to think of how she'd ended up where she was. And then… who she was in the first place. Her mind gave her back… nothing…

Nothing…

She felt the panic start to move in and her hands reached out in desperation. And… where there had been nothing… there was…

Warmth…

She reached for it instinctively and it began to coalesce. Warmth… solid assurance… solid… her fingers closed on cloth, felt a body beneath. Her ears heard their first sound. A sigh. She drifted closer and felt fingers and then arms tangling around her, pulling her in.

She should panic. She knew that. Except… she knew this warmth. A smell reached her, a whisper she could barely pick out of the nothing. Except… it was storm winds and lightning and mako and she knew that –

"Cloud…."

She found him with her arms, with her body and buried herself against and around him. He made a sound, low in his throat, and it was a rumbling hum. His mouth found hers and there was nothing polite or hesitant about it. She knew his taste…

"Cloud…" her heart whispered it and she heard her own name whispered back to her. For the first time, she remembered who she was.

"Tifa…"

For a long time, she was only aware of him. Them. And then – finally…

"Where are we?"

"Lifestream," his voice provided it and as he did, the memories came as well. She felt the eyes she saw nothing with go wide.

"Zack…" she whispered and felt him nod. His arms didn't loosen around her though. Other bits of memory crept in and she processed them in the safety of his arms. Remembered, somewhere through them, that some of them might not be hers and she tried to test each memory as it came. Except… they all felt like they belonged to her.

"Cloud," she whispered his name and felt his arms tighten.

"This isn't what I… expected," he admitted and she nodded against him.

It reminded her of the temple. A bit. Foggy on what it was or where it was. Just… drifting and barely there. Cloud shifted against her, head tipping. She raised her face to his even though she couldn't see.

"Footsteps," he announced calmly and Tifa tried not to breath – and then realized she hadn't been to start with – and concentrated on trying to hear what Cloud did instead of on the fact she'd just realized she couldn't feel her own heartbeat. After a long moment, she heard them too. They were regular and light and unhurried and seemed to be coming from a very long way away. After another indeterminate moment of listening she frowned.

"Aerith?"

Cloud listened a moment longer and than made another soft sound that was probably agreement. Together, drifting in nothing, they waited for the steps to reach them. As they waited, Tifa noticed a growing light because she could see the rough strands of Cloud's hair where they hung against the side of her face first and then the weave of his shirt. By the time the footsteps had reached them, she could see him clearly in the dim light. He was watching her as well and when she blinked at him, the edges of his lips curved for her. Then he turned his head and looked. Tifa followed his gaze and saw –

Nothing…

"Aerith?" she asked softly and was rewarded with her friend's soft rippling laughter. But there was nothing to see.

"You two really do make a cute couple," her friend's voice told them, smiles and sunlight.

"Aerith – I – "

"Don't, Tifa," Aerith's voice was still warmth and smiles. "This is right. And besides, you didn't come here for me, did you?"

"Zack," Cloud's voice was steady and soft. "We came to get Zack back."

"Which one?" she asked and it was sweet and yet the question was insane. Cloud didn't hesitate.

"Ours."

"Not your Zack? Don't you want to at least talk to him one last time? Because he's here too."

She felt Cloud hesitate then, felt him twitch in her arms. His voice when he answered was rougher, more raw… but it was sure.

"I can't have the past and the present. That's what you told me earlier, wasn't it? That I had to chose. All right. Give me back our Zack. My Zack… my Zack already knows everything I need to tell him."

Tifa felt her friend's smile even if she couldn't see it.

"He does," she agreed. And then her presence softened. For a moment the light softened as well and then it concentrated and Tifa, still safely in Cloud's arms, saw Zack. And… Zack?

There were two of him and they sat side by side, legs crossed in front of themselves, hunched forward with their arms folded over their knees, ignoring or unaware of the one right next to them. Tifa found that her feet were on solid ground even if she couldn't see it. Aerith's voice came.

"He split himself. And I can't put him back together because I'm part of the problem."

Tifa drew carefully away from Cloud and he followed her as she walked over to kneel down in front of the two Zacks. She looked at both of them and neither one raised their heads or acknowledged her presence. They… looked exactly alike, down to the wounds from the battles they'd just fought. She took a breath and softly asked:

"Zack?"

For a minute neither one of them moved. And then both of them raised their faces to look at her.

"Teef?" the one on her right asked. The one on her left asked:

"Who?"

She looked from one to the other and they both looked expectantly back at her. Cloud went down on a knee next to her and they both focused on him.

"Cloud." They said his name in unison, though the one on the left looked puzzled while the one on the right smiled and relaxed. Cloud looked at both of them, the one eager and grinning, the other withdrawn and cautious. He was quiet for a long minute, head down, brows together. Finally, he raised his head and looked at both of them.

"You know who I am?"

"Cloud," they both answered and even the one on the left was more sure of his answer this time.

"And her?" Cloud touched a strand of Tifa's hair where it hung against her bare arm.

"Tifa…" both of them breathed the name and seemed to relax. Cloud nodded.

"And who are you?"

"Zack!" the one on the right hit his chest with a closed fist and grinned easily. The one on the left ducked his chin and frowned, eyes suddenly going empty and alone again. Tifa reached out and took his hand and he raised those lonely eyes to her. Apologetic, he shook his head.

"Not-zack," he answered. "I – tried. But I can't."

"You tried?" she asked and suddenly the world spun alarmingly. When it settled all four of them were still in the same position. Except they weren't in the white nothingness anymore. Now they were in a lab of some sort and Tifa felt Cloud tense automatically next to her. Some man she'd never seen before, fat with wild gray hair moved right through them as if he was a ghost. Or they were.

"It's the degradation. I can make perfect clones. They just don't… last. I'm sure that crazy Hojo is sabotaging me. Or he could at least share his own secrets. Mad. He's halfway to mad. Think of what we could do with an army of clones. Easy, replaceable, expendable. Every time we lost one we'd just bake up a new one. It's genius! How could Shinra cut the funding? It's Hojo, I know it is!"

Somewhere out of focus and to the side a voice asked with obvious boredom:

"Can you just sign the papers, professor? I've got other mad scientists to get signatures from today."

Scoffing, grumbling, the man scribbled his name over the forms on a clipboard and handed them back.

"You wait and see. Just wait. My project G is almost finished. That'll show them. It'll show them all. Just wait – "

The room faded abruptly and Tifa could almost hear the door closing behind it. The Zack on the right watched it all with mild interest and then looked expectantly back at Cloud and Tifa for a reaction. The one on the left just looked at his hand in Tifa's.

"That was… a memory?" she guessed and Cloud settled down next to her. Apparently deciding this was going to be a long session. The Zack that held her hand nodded.

"Clones don't work that way though. I found out later. You need live bodies to make clones."

"Were you… a live body?" Tifa asked and the Zack in front of her exhaled and frowned.

"I don't – I don't remember."

Tifa wracked her brain, trying to remember what Zack had told them that didn't match Cloud's memories. Not the breaks but the places he actually had a memory to prove it.

"Cave in," Cloud's voice said it and the second the words were out of his mouth, the world around them went dark. Dust choked down from an earth roof. They were in a cave, a tunnel, somewhere deeply buried under the earth and Cloud stiffened automatically next to Tifa in the close confinement. She shifted so that the outside of her thigh rested against his. The Zack on the right looked around in curiosity but the one on the left hunched his shoulders automatically and his fingers on Tifa's hand tightened.

To the side, soldiers in Shinra uniform dug desperately at a fallen mound of rubble and dirt. Calling a name that came through muffled. A brown regulation glove thrust up suddenly through the dirt, clawing, panicked and desperate. The cave scene faded and both Cloud and the Zack on the left relaxed a little as the endless white world returned.

Tifa kept an eye on the other Zack but she concentrated on the one in front of her.

"Kalm?"

Immediately the town sprang up around them. It was clean and rustic and colorful. Adults moved about their business slowly and with time to stop and talk. Children ran cheerfully past, laughing and calling to each other.

"Candy shop?" Tifa suggested and suddenly it was there in front of them. The door was wide open and the alluring scent of chocolate and spun sugar and maple whispered out to tempt the unsuspecting passerby. Inside glass jars sat on shelves and little colorful boxes were wrapped with ribbons and displayed in stacks. A thin woman with a smile like wrinkled sugar plums moved behind the counter, humming cheerfully to herself. And a little boy with shaggy dark hair crept over to lurk in the doorway, huge eyes fastened on the treasure beyond. The old woman turned and when she saw him she smiled. His name was familiar on her tongue but came out muffled and unrecognizable as it carried to the little boy and he shyly crept inside and then broke halfway across the room to rush over to her with a laugh.

The memory faded as if it was a shut door again and Zack was smiling, sad and wistful as he held her hand.

"Man, that smelled good," the other Zack commented cheerfully and then ruffled his hair with an absent hand. "Uh, what are we sitting here for?"

"Answers," Cloud told him and Zack nodded and made a face that indicated he didn't get it but he'd go along with the idea. Cloud exhaled and rubbed his hand over his own hair in the same gesture Zack had just used.

"Well, I think we know where the divide is. Now what?" he asked and Tifa shook her head. The other Zack was watching her and there was both fear and hope in his eyes. Taking a guess, she suggested:

"Zack?"

"Yeah?" the one on the right answered but it was too late for the one on the left. The white world was already swirling and it moved through memory after memory almost too fast to keep up with.

Zack laughing. Zack teasing. Zack doing squats. Zack fiddling with the Buster Sword. Zack talking about friends, family, girl friend, situations, big date, Turks, what's for lunch at the cafeteria. Zack winking. Zack taking more paperwork. Zack getting out of paperwork by 'sharing' it…

And every single time, it was Zack dealing with someone just out of their sight. Until –

Until it wasn't Zack anymore but a man Tifa didn't recognize but that had Cloud tensing, rage flaring up around him even though he didn't move or make a sound. The slightly bent man with the long dark hair and glasses was talking to the same person Zack had been, still out of their focus.

"It would be a shame to let such a magnificent SOLDIER go to waste. Yes, yes. I can see your point. You are expendable. A much lower quality specimen. It might do, it might do. Certainly a fascinating study in whether I could raise an inferior to the quality of a superior. Hollander was such a small bit magician with what he attempted with his clones…"

The memory faded but a voice remained. And it said:

"I'm only a Second Class. I can't do anything. But Zack…

the world needs to have a Zack Fair…"

Suddenly they were back in the white again and the Zack in front of her was shaking and had wrapped his other arm around himself. His grip on her hand was almost crushing. He was shaking his head.

"They didn't need me. No one needed me. No one would even miss me. But Zack… everyone missed Zack. Everyone needed Zack. I couldn't help, wasn't any use as me. But… Zack. Zack would have fixed things. Zack did fix things. I didn't matter if Zack could come back."

"I am pretty great," the Zack next to him offered cheerfully and the other Zack shook his head.

"I think I… I did. I – asked them to make me Zack. I didn't mean to steal his place I just wanted… I just knew the world needed a hero and I couldn't do it."

"No one cared?" Tifa asked, heart breaking and without meaning to, she triggered the white again. An old woman with her graying hair in a bun stood in front of a stove. She turned and looked at them with a smile. The love that radiated out of her was a touchable thing. She held out her hand, lower down as if to a child only she could see.

"The cookies are almost ready. Did you want to help me with them, Kunsel?"