Chapter 111: Pieces
"Kunsel?"
As soon as Tifa said the name the white swirled. The man holding her hand bowed his head and closed his eyes though, not wanting to see.
Nothing more horrifying than a small apartment bathroom showed up though with a man standing in front of it. His back was to them and he wore the purple of a SOLDIER 2nd Class uniform. He had his hands on the sink's sides and was staring hard into the mirror but his back was in the way and Tifa couldn't see past him to see his face. Gentle, she tugged her hand free and Zack let her go. Cloud moved in to rest a hand on the other man's shoulder as Tifa walked over to the person in front of the mirror.
He had dark hair, black just the way it was now except his hair was combed down and cut sensibly, lacking its shaggy spikes and the trademark strand that always fell in front of his eyes. It had waves in it too, though it was apparent that he'd tried to get ride of those by keeping his hair cut short. He was a memory and she was a ghost so he didn't react to her here but there was something about the way his shoulders were sagged forward and his head was low that made her want to put a hand on his back and comfort him. He exhaled and raised his face to the mirror again and this time the brows were low and the face was set in determination. And… it almost broke her heart. Because he didn't look like Zack. His jaw was too wide, his lips were too thin, his cheek had a permanent dimple even when he was scowling at himself. But… they were Zack's eyes looking back out of the mirror. At least the eyes of the Zack she knew. Except right now they were full of hopelessness and despair and a terrible drowning sorrow. She'd never seen him look so bleak, not even surrounded by Hojo's notebooks onboard the Highwind. Zack looked at himself in the mirror… Kunsel looked at himself in the mirror and all he saw was what wasn't there. His hands tightened on the sink and he glared at the reflection.
When he spoke, his voice was a bit lower toned than she was used to hearing but it was still his voice. Behind her, she heard their own Zack whispering in echo as the man in front of the mirror told his reflection:
"You've always made it a point to know what was going on and what good has it done? Time to actually do something." The lips shifted, attempted to smile but, not having Zack's face, couldn't. "Besides… who's going to miss you anyway?"
"Hey!" the Zack that had been relaxed and seemingly unaware as he sat next to his twin in front of Cloud suddenly remarked. "That's a load of crap!"
Zack… Kunsel… sitting next to him turned his head and gave a tired smile.
"It is to you," he told his 'Zack' personality.
"He's right," Cloud agreed with the Zack personality. "I remember. Zack talked about you. You were his best friend in Shinra outside of Angeal."
Kunsel/Zack made a noise.
"Yeah, well… Zack was dead." He lifted his eyes and looked into Cloud's. "Can you say you wouldn't have traded yourself to bring him back?"
Cloud didn't answer and Kunsel/Zack nodded and gave a rueful smile.
"Well, I had the opportunity to apparently. I always did make it a point to know all the dirty stuff Shinra was trying to cover up. Looks like I – " he paused and then shook his head. "Looks like I got what I wanted… but so did they." He looked up at Cloud imploringly while the Kunsel memory froze in front of his mirror. Saying goodbye to himself.
"How could I forget?" the Kunsel/Zack in front of Cloud sounded horrified. "How could I forget and still work for Shinra after… after what I knew?"
Cloud reached out and rubbed his hand over the other man's hair. It was a rough gesture and one she'd seen Zack use on him countless times in the past.
"Because you were Zack, Kun. And Zack didn't know about Shinra. Not until the very end." He went silent. "Not until it was almost too late."
Tifa left the memory and went back to where the men were crouched. Without a word, she settled behind their Zack and wrapped her arms around him.
"It… hurt," his voice was soft. "I can… I can remember… just a little. How bad it hurt when they started cloning the cells and replacing mine…"
Tifa held him a little bit tighter and Cloud's hand on his head was gentle. For a long time the three of them stayed that way. Finally, almost forgotten, the Zack personality interrupted with a cheerful:
"So now what?"
Cloud made a noise, a grunt that might have been a half laugh.
"Now we put you two back together and go home."
"How?" Kunsel demanded from Tifa's arms. "I'm not Zack. I… I didn't do things the way he would have. I'm not me anymore but I'm not him either." He sounded almost angry. Cloud's blue eyes narrowed in response and electric moved through their color.
"Don't talk to me. I haven't been me for years." The electric left his eyes suddenly and he grinned. Really, really grinned. It made him look young and impossibly handsome. He reached out to grab the hair at the back of Kunsel's neck and give it a gentle shake. "Look. I've been an idiot. So I'm not going to let you waste your time that way too. What does Tifa always tell us?"
Kunsel raised his face slightly.
"Not to just eat the chocolate chips out of pancakes?"
Tifa had to stifle her own noise then and she pressed her face into his back. Cloud laughed, once, and then leaned forward to rest his forehead against the top of Kunsel's.
"That she loves us for who we are."
The Zack personality sitting on the side made a noise and Tifa suddenly realized… with one arm she reached out for him and he came with a smile, pressing in against her side and slinging a companionable arm over Kunsel's shoulder.
"I do," Tifa agreed. "Because you are exactly who you are. And I don't care what you call yourself. You're just you and you're my friend."
"Well, you're her friend," Cloud added. "I'm her boyfriend."
His voice was so dry and calm that for a moment, neither Tifa nor either of the Zack's realized what he'd done. And then the Zack personality burst into laughter and hit Cloud's shoulder.
"Dude! That's such a 'Tifa' thing to say!"
Tifa made a noise of protest but even Kunsel was silently laughing.
"It was," he managed, voice muffled against his hand as he rubbed it over his face.
"Can we go home?" Tifa asked and Kunsel exhaled and looked at the 'Zack' next to him. The Zack personality looked back at him.
"Dude, I'm not going to just 'poof'."
Slow, Kunsel nodded.
"I think… I think that's okay. I don't remember how to be who I was anymore."
The Zack personality winked.
"That's 'cause you're me, bud. You don't seriously think the real Zack was a hundred percent of the way you've been acting, do you? I'm you. Just a little bit less depressing."
Kunsel made a noise.
"Thanks," he answered dryly and 'Zack' grinned back at him cheerfully. Kunsel's hand moved to rest over Tifa's where it lay against his chest but he raised his eyes to Cloud's.
"You'll help? You'll help me figure out how to put the pieces together so I can be… whatever I've turned myself into?"
Cloud gave one of his single nods, chin dipping, and his eyes were clear and sure.
"Yeah."
Kunsel took a deep inhale and gave Tifa's hand a squeeze.
"Okay." He looked over at 'Zack'. "You ready?"
'Zack' gave a cocky, confident grin.
"I'm always ready, man."
Tifa raised her head and for a moment, her eyes met Cloud's over Kunsel's head. Then she turned her head and searched the area that had gone swallowing white again.
"Aerith?"
"I'm here." There was a sudden rush of her friend's personality as it filled the white and wrapped around them like a warm hug. Tifa could even smell the soft perfume her friend always wore and the scent of her shampoo. Flowers. Aerith was always flowers and pencil lead. "Ready?"
Despite the pleasure and encouragement in her friend's tone, Tifa hesitated.
"Aerith…"
Her friend's laughter filled the air around them like sunlight caught raindrops.
"Oh, Teef… do you really think after all you three have been through and done to yourselves that it's going to be 'back to normal'?"
Cloud's eyes went cautious first and he turned his head a little to the side.
"What?" his voice was calm and soft and if anything, the warm welcome and embrace of the place seemed to thicken.
"You've got dormant Jenova cells, Kunsel has cells that regenerate and adapt his body to avoid the degradation that Hollander always had problems with, and even Tifa – "
"Tifa?" Cloud's question was harder and Aerith's presence sighed.
"Tifa has distilled mako and Jenova blood in her after the battle with the Abomination. And now you've all drowned in the Lifestream. I can bring you back from that but I can't change what it will do to you."
Tifa and Kunsel and Zack had all frozen and only Cloud was still capable of accepting and processing the new information at this speed. So it was his narrow eyes and low voice that asked:
"What will it do to us?"
"I don't know," Aerith's voice didn't sound worried or sad. "I just know it will change you. And that I will always be able to be with you now. Because I am the Lifestream."
"Aerith…?" Tifa managed and felt her friend's warmth settle around her like a hug. It drew tears to her eyes.
"I'm the last," Aerith's words were a whisper in her ear. "But I'm also half. Half Cetra, half human. I am the perfect link between what once was and what can be. All this time I thought I wasn't enough but it was the exact opposite. The Planet needed me to become more. I'm right where I've always been meant to be, Teef. And… and I think I'm happy. Really, really happy. This way I get to stay with you and… Zack's here. And, one day, you'll all join me too and we'll really, really be together again. Though…" her voice held a smile and mischief. "I don't think that will be for a very… very long time."
