Disclaimer: I bid on Vergil and lost *sob*

AN: Over 1,000 hits! Woot!

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Dante groaned as he rolled over onto his stomach- or at least tried to. He cracked an eye open to find himself in the corner of his office with a petrified looking, Naruto still duct taped in to his chair and laying on top of him.

Before he could ask what was going on, Kyuubi came crashing through a nearby wall with a rabid looking pack of scarecrows en-tow.

"Haven't even moved in yet and you're already throwing your own parties…" Dante moved Naruto off him before lazily holding out his arm as Rebellion teleported itself into his grasp.

"Stop being a lazy bastard and help me!" Kyuubi snapped while clumsily going through hand seals.

As a nine-tailed fox, Kyuubi had seen a lot of things and knew hundreds of thousands of jutsu… but they were all useless to him if he couldn't properly do the hand seals.

"Katon: Housenka no jutsu!" Dante ducked as Kyuubi launched some very badly aimed fireballs around the shop. Coincidently enough, most of them managed to hit something and a fair portion of the scarecrows were destroyed.

"Show off" Dante muttered while slicing apart a Pride that had snuck up to Naruto. He flicked his wrist and cut apart the duct tape figuring it would be better if the kid went and hid somewhere, but upon being cut loose Naruto did something most would consider insanely stupid.

He ran right into the middle of the newest wave of demons.

"Dammit!" Kyuubi cursed trying to get over to him, but he was cut off by a Lust.

Dante was about to jump in and save him when he heard the blonde repeat what Kyuubi had said moments before.

"Katon!" he started

"You can't use fire jut-"

"Housenka no jutsu!" Both Dante and Kyuubi stopped and stared dumbfounded as everything within a 5 foot radius of Naruto was incinerated.

Dante whistled "You two are just full of surprises"

Naruto looked around stupidly at the charred demon remains before burping up a puff of smoke and passing out.

Kyuubi caught the blond just before he hit the floor. Honestly the kid was weird enough without adding brain damage to the list.

He picked up Naruto and turned around only to freeze as he felt the cold metal of a gun pressed to the back of his head.

"Don't move, demon"

He turned slightly and out of the corner of his eye he could see a tall blond woman in what looked to be a slightly tattered black corset.

"Trish?" Dante walked over to them completely ignoring the fact that the woman had a gun to Kyuubi's head.

"It figures you'd be at the center of all this" she muttered cocking her gun.

"W-wait a minute! What're you doing?!" Kyuubi panicked. Demon or not, he wasn't sure what the damage would be from one of those metal things at close range. He'd deny it later, but he flinched when he heard a gunshot and opened his eyes only when he realized he wasn't in immense pain.

At the last second Trish had shot a Pride that had been trying to sneak up on them, showering Kyuubi and a still unconscious Naruto with sand.

"What the hell was that for?" Kyuubi growled at her, holding Naruto in one arm while trying to beat the sand out of his hair with the other.

"Men have no manners" Trish sighed before pointing her gun at Dante and shooting him in the head.

Kyuubi blinked at her with a newfound respect and Dante rubbed his forehead in annoyance "Well hello to you too. Wanna tell me what that was for?"

"For cutting off my credit card and getting yourself into trouble again".

"But I haven't done anything!" Dante argued

"Then why are thousands of demons migrating out of hell and killing each other off to get here?"

Dante shrugged "Probably wonder boy over there. I was wondering why we were getting so much attention lately…"

"Wonder boy?" Trish raised an eyebrow and looked down at Kyuubi who started sweating under her gaze. There was something about Trish that made him want to run away with his tail between his legs and cower in the nearest corner.

"Umm…" this coming from the demon fox who could stare down the shinigami without batting an eyelash.

"Don't worry buddy" Dante smirked at him as he walked over "The fear's natural".

"What's that supposed to mean?" Trish glared at him.

"That you scare little children" The fox demon twitched slightly at this.

Trish raised her gun again and Kyuubi cleared his throat "Could you two continue your lovers spat some other time?"

Nobody ever said all Kitsunes were bright.

---

An hour, a bath and 3 battles later, Trish, Kyuubi, Dante, and a now conscious Naruto found themselves in a nearby Italian restaurant- the latter two attacking their 5th pie of pizza with Kyuubi sulking about being pistol whipped and shot.

'Crazy bitch' Kyuubi thought darkly.

Trish's eyebrow twitched for a moment before she kicked Kyuubi under the table.

"I didn't say that out loud!"

"She's got this weird 'mother sense' thing" Dante explained through a mouth full of food.

"Eww…" Trish shook her head while she took her chances and snatched a slice.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kyuubi attempted to grab a slice as well only to be scratched at by Naruto. And he thought the blonde's addiction to ramen was bad…

"Just because you didn't say it out loud, it doesn't mean she can't hear it" he said before reaching for the last slice only to be met by Naruto.

"…"

"…"

They were about to start fighting over it when Trish surprised them by grabbing it and handing it to Kyuubi.

The fox grinned at her before putting Dante to shame by swallowing the slice whole.

"Hey!" Dante and Naruto glared at him while Trish just shook her head.

"You know you're supposed to chew that right…?"

Kyuubi shrugged in response. God forbid his mother see him now- she'd probably chase him around with a broom at his lack of table manners. He shivered at the thought.

"Ah well…" Dante muttered before looking around the table "Now that we've all been more or less fed, let's get to work solving our current problem… the black hole over here" he finished by pointing at Naruto.

"I'm not a black hole" Naruto stuck his tongue out.

"You had 2 pies of pizza" Kyuubi pointed out.

"So? I'm not a hole!"

"Anyway" Trish cut in "All the demons are being attracted to your demonic energy-"

"Chakra" Kyuubi cut in.

"Fine, chakra" she said narrowing her eyes at him "We have to find a way to cut it off".

"Why" Naruto asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Because demons are being attracted to it like flies" Trish answered "And not just the small fries either. Demons are migrating from the deepest pits of hell to get a piece of you two… "

---

Dante had given her the abbreviated version of Kyuubi's existence on the way to the restaurant.

Trish had thought on it for a minute before getting it into her head that Kyuubi's body was nothing but a 'half assed attempt at freedom' and to try and prove her point she'd shot him in the stomach.

All of this, of course, came after Kyuubi compared Trish's hair to a drowned rat.

Not only did some of Kyuubi's chakra flair up- which caused another wave of demons to attack, but for some reason, Naruto had ended up with a gunshot wound as well. After a few mishaps, they figured out that any serious damage done to Kyuubi's body was automatically dealt to Naruto's.

"Not. A. Word." Trish glared at Dante's badly hidden laughter after the attacking demons managed to cover her in slime.

---

"The problem is that the demons already in the general area are being drawn to you whether you're fighting or not, and when you do fight, you let off a lot of your 'chakra' and attract demons from a lot farther away". Dante stroked his chin for a moment "what we need to do is seal off some of that energy of yours".

"Some…?" Trish raised an eyebrow "I got off the phone with Lady a few hours ago. She's in Germany fighting off a greater demon- we're going to need to seal off a lot more than some".

"Okay, most of it." Dante shrugged. Naruto on the other hand had gotten quiet- something that Kyuubi knew from experience was never a good thing.

"But that means that Fuzzy-sensei would have to go away…"

"Technically he'd still be in your gut-" Dante started.

"But I don't want him to go away!" Naruto had started crying and Kyuubi felt the now familiar twinge in his stomach that happened only when Naruto pulled at his chakra.

"Naruto! Wai-" Kyuubi was cut off as the wall off to their right exploded and a pack of Frosts barged in.

"Oh come on!" Dante whined "this is the one pizza place that hasn't banned me yet!"

The owner of said pizza place took that moment to come out and see what all the commotion was. She glanced at the demons before turning to look at Dante, mouthing the words 'You're banned' and ducking for cover.

"Dammit" Dante muttered.

"Looks like you've got a bit of a rep "Trish snickered "how else would she know you were behind this?"

"But it wasn't me! It was the kid… kid?"

Naruto was nowhere to be found and Kyuubi had made an exit as well, leaving the duo to face a mob of very angry demons.

"This day just keeps getting better and better" Dante muttered

---

"Dammit Naruto, slow down!" Kyuubi growled from behind the small blond. He'd almost missed Naruto sneaking out of the restaurant and had reverted to his fox form in order to get away without Dante or Trish noticing.

Currently Naruto was trying to put as much distance between him and Dante as possible. If he stayed there, he'd take Fuzzy-sensei away from him… and even though he was mean sometimes, the fox was his only friend.

"I won't go back!" Naruto ran into a nearby alley, forcing Kyuubi to use a chakra enhanced jump to catch up to and tackle the blonde.

"Will you listen?!" Kyuubi snarled at him "It won't make a difference whether I'm sealed or not if we're both dead. Dante can't be everywhere at once and I can't keep protecting you forever. If my being sealed again is the only way to keep you alive then so be it".

"But I don't wanna be alone agai-" Naruto was interrupted by an abnormally large Assault that came lumbering into the alley knocking over and crushing a garbage can that was unfortunate enough to get in its way.

"Shit" Kyuubi muttered jumping in front of Naruto.

'I'd have a better chance of beating that thing in human form…' he thought putting his paws into a hand sign. He was about to channel his chakra when a thought struck him. Dante and Trish would still be busy with those ice demons and if he used his chakra to transform and attack, he'd just draw more demons to his and Naruto's location.

"And this isn't the greatest place to fight" he thought out loud as he glanced around the alley.

Leave it to Naruto to run into the one alley with a dead end. The only way they were getting out was through the ugly lizard thing moving towards them.

Kyuubi glanced back at Naruto and cursed again when he saw the condition the blond was in. He'd been terrified into paralysis and even if Kyuubi had ordered him to run, he probably wouldn't have heard him.

Though the fox had watched every step the demon had taken since entering the alley, he was taken completely by surprise when it surged forwards- covering the remaining distance between them in an instant and impaling Kyuubi on one of its claws.

He could have sworn the reptile grinned at him as it shook him off its claw and flung him into a wall, but then again he could have been delusional. Being gutted did that to a guy.

Kyuubi could only watch in horror as the demon advanced on a still terrified Naruto.

'Dammit…' he was too weak to talk anymore.

Naruto let out a scream as a clawed hand was raised into the air and in a flash of blue, brought down again.

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