So much for being on time XD
Hello my darlings! Sorry for posting late again, but I was working both yesterday and Monday and so I couldn't find time to post T.T Work has been kicking my ass actually. I'm working four days in a row starting Friday and then next Wednesday and Christmas Eve. Thank goodness the store is closed on Christmas day, or I'd probably be working then too. Anyway, here's a lovely new chapter for you all! This one is really long, so I hope you love all its tasty goodness XD
I'm working on chapter 39 right now, and I have a plan for exactly how I'm going to get through the major events happening in fifth year. By the time I'm done with fifth year I should be somewhere around 45 chapters O.o Can you believe it? I honestly never thought I'd get this far, but somehow the words keep coming XD Like I said before, after I finish with fifth year, I'm taking a break. There's so many other things I've been putting off because I've wanted my entire focus on this story and the HP universe, but I'm starting to feel strung out. No worries, though. I'm hoping to be involved in an elaborate Marauders era tumblr roleplay to keep my juices flowing in between.
Anyway, enough rambling. I hope you all enjoy the chapter. Kam, don't you worry, James would never come between our darling boys. And I hope that next time, I'll be able to post on time XD Love ya!
~SXS
FOR WARNINGS AND DISCLAIMER, PLEASE SEE FIRST CHAPTER AN.
With the winter holiday two days away, Sirius was getting extremely moody. His attitude had plummeted from happy and hyper to cranky and depressed. Anyone who mentioned Christmas's closeness was given a dark glare, and his friends were no exception. He was worse around them than anyone else, sulking constantly and only talking in grunts.
"I wish I had known what I was getting into being friends with him," James said one day when they were in the library. He rubbed his eyes under his glasses with two fingers. Sirius had just left for the bathroom, shuffling out with his head hanging.
"He wasn't like this before. He's just upset because he's the only one of us who's going to be here for the holidays," Remus said, looking at the door with pursed lips.
"I don't know. It seems like there's more to it than that." The messy-haired boy looked to Peter for confirmation and he just shrugged.
"You know what it is." Anjanette suddenly appeared and sat at the table with them. "He wants one of you to invite him to go home with you. He's playing it up to guilt you into doing it."
"Um...I don't think we've met?" James said, looking at the Ravenclaw with wary interest. Remus could tell that her violet eyes were probably unnerving him.
"It's okay, James. This is our friend Anjanette." She put out her hand and James shook, suddenly getting a mischievous grin.
"Wow, Remus. You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend." He winked at Remus and the werewolf just rolled his eyes.
"She's not my girlfriend. And anyway, what makes you think Sirius is trying to guilt trip us?" he asked, turning to her.
"It's either that or Sirius is extremely dramatic," she replied with a shrug. "Which could also be true. But I'm surprised that none of you have offered for him to go home with you."
"I would," Peter said, "except that I can't really ask my mother. She's Muggle so she's not really used to the whole owl mail thing yet and the owl with my Hogwarts letter nearly gave her a heart attack. I haven't sent her any letters all term."
"And we only just started to be friends," James added. "I kind of…bad-mouthed him in my letters home." He scratched at the back of his neck with a guilty look.
James, Peter, and Anjanette turned to Remus. He shrunk away from their gazes. "W-Well, I..." How was he supposed to explain that he couldn't have him over when there was a full moon coming? He couldn't even think of a lie that could excuse him.
In reality he did want to ask Sirius to come home with him. His friend's dramatics weren't necessary to make him feel guilty about leaving him behind for the holidays. He'd even been trying to think of a way around the full moon problem, with little results. For a week he had been wrestling with himself about whether or not to ask him, but now it looked like the decision was made for him.
"I...just didn't think of it. But when he comes back, I'll ask him." He smiled weakly and the other three grinned back, obviously happy to have found a way to be rid of gloomy Sirius. But now Remus's mind was racing, desperate for a way to hide his secret.
A moment later, Sirius reentered the library, still looking forlorn, and took his place beside Remus once again. He gave a small nod to Anjanette and then put his arms on the desk, his head on his arms, and closed his eyes.
James and Peter looked at Remus expectantly, so he sighed and nudged his friend's shoulder. "Sirius?"
"Mm?" came the muffled reply.
"I've been thinking…It's not fair that you don't have anywhere to go over the holidays, so…I thought maybe you would like to come home with me." Sirius poked his head up to look at Remus, a tiny spark of hope in his eyes.
"Really?"
"Yeah. You shouldn't have to spend Christmas alone." New Years, maybe, since I'll be indisposed...
Sirius sat up and a huge smile spread across his whole face. He couldn't seem to find words to express how grateful he was. Suddenly, a strong urge came over him and without his mind's permission, his body lurched forward and hugged Remus.
The other was taken aback by the sudden embrace. This was the first time they'd ever had such prominent physical contact. But surprisingly he wasn't very uncomfortable. He shyly put his own arms around Sirius.
"Thank you so much, Rem," Sirius said into his shoulder. Then he pulled back and jumped up from the chair. "I'm going to go and pack!" Before anyone knew it, he had bolted from the library and disappeared.
The four of them looked after him for a moment. Then Peter said, "At least he's not mopey anymore."
"Thank Merlin. I didn't think I could stand much more of that," James said. Anjanette just looked at Remus the same way she had that day in the Owlery, as if she were trying to see his thoughts, but this time she was smiling.
.:~I~S~S~:.
Part of Remus felt good. Sirius seemed truly happy, happier than he had ever seen him in fact. He had been running about like an excited puppy, a stark contrast from two days earlier.
But the rest of him was trying to develop a plan to protect his secret. So far, every way he looked at it, there was no solution. He was slowly coming to accept the reality of the situation. Unless he broke his heart and told him he couldn't come after all, Sirius was going to find out that he was a werewolf. As far as his reaction and what would happen as consequence, however, he was clueless, and that made him the most afraid.
Remus tried to focus on the fact that there was still a week before all that would happen, and just enjoy Christmas. It wasn't hard, what with his friends excitedly talking about what they hoped to receive as gifts as they walked out of the castle to go to Hogsmeade, luggage in tow.
"I want a broom! Next year I'm trying out for the House Quidditch team and the more practice I get in the better," James said, rubbing his hands together.
"I'm with you there, mate," Sirius said. "But I doubt I'll get anything at all. I'll have to save up if I want one. What do you want, Peter?"
Peter put a finger to his chin. "I don't really know. I'm happy with anything, really. Though I prefer it be edible. What about you, Remus?"
Remus hadn't really thought about it much, but when asked, his mind instantly supplied an answer. "I've kind of wanted to try real chocolate. I've only ever had chocolate flavored things." Ever since he had discovered that he wouldn't die from chocolate, he had made it his business to sample every chocolate confection offered at Hogwarts. And no matter how many different things he tried, he was never disappointed. So far his favorites had been brownies and hot chocolate and just the thought of dessert made his mouth water. But even though they were delicious, he was sure that real, solid chocolate would be even better.
"You've never had chocolate?" Peter asked.
"He thought he was allergic," Sirius explained.
"Too bad we can't go shopping when we get down to Hogsmeade. Honeydukes has some wicked good chocolate. My dad brings it home sometimes," James said.
"We'll have to go over the summer. The four of us," Sirius suggested. "By the way, Rem, do your parents ever make porridge for breakfast?" Remus cuffed him around the ear.
When they reached Hogsmeade station, there were already hundreds of children piling onto the platform. Somehow Sirius had gotten separated from the other three boys in the crowd. They called out to him and did their best to look over the heads of older students, but when they couldn't spot him, they decided to get on the train and hope he caught up. Just as they were stepping into a car, however, he reappeared and pushed his way through the throng to his friends.
"Way to go, Sirius. You almost missed the train." Remus elbowed him in the ribs.
"If I had would you have helped me to get on?" he asked.
"Well, I do owe you," the tawny-head chuckled. James and Peter just looked at each other confused. Sirius and Remus hadn't told them about their escapade on the first day of the term, but decided to keep it to themselves.
They clambered onto the Hogwarts Express and went to the last compartment in the back where they had sat on their way to the school. Lily and Severus were sitting in their same compartment across the way, but didn't acknowledge them as they walked by.
"Have you noticed Lily's been a little cold lately?" Remus asked.
"Probably ol' Snivellus spewing nonsense about us to make her think we're no good," James replied with a sneer.
"Or it could be because we started hanging around with James. We all know how much she looooves him," Sirius teased, to which the messy-haired boy in question just snorted.
"Evans will come around eventually," he said, crossing his arms over his chest.
The train began to move and the boys entertained themselves by playing Exploding Snap and trying to think of ways to mess with Severus. Remus watched in amusement but didn't get involved. He didn't exactly like Severus himself but he didn't think it was right that his friends wanted to bother him. Though as long as it was all harmless, he didn't say anything.
"We could replace his bottle of grease with shampoo," James suggested.
"Do you really think he purposely greases his hair?" Peter asked, as if he were asking his mother something about Father Christmas.
"Come on, Pete. That can't be natural."
When the trolley witch finally reached them, Anjanette was right behind. "When you said you would be at the back of the train, you weren't kidding." They bought some pumpkin pasties and cauldron cakes and split them amongst the five of them, then got back into their discussion of Severus.
Anjanette didn't contribute either, but she did watch, her violet eyes absorbing everything. James asked for her opinion a few times, trying to be nice, but she would just shrug.
"You don't talk much, do you?"
"I've heard that."
He tilted his head to the side in confusion. Anjanette didn't bother trying to explain to him that she didn't dislike people for no reason. She knew James had it in his head that Severus was his enemy and there was no changing his mind. After spending time with him for all of two days, she had discovered that he wasn't that hard to figure out.
Remus watched the exchange between Anjanette and James and found himself grinning. He rather liked the girl's quiet disposition. She was a very good listener and quite observant, and when she did speak she always did so with intelligence. Yet no matter how much Sirius, and now James, teased him about fancying her, he knew he never would. It wasn't that he didn't find her pretty, but he just didn't feel that she was the right one for him. Which was perfectly fine with him. After all, he was only eleven. He had plenty of time to think about girls in later years.
Finally the train pulled into King's Cross Station. Students spilled out of the cars onto Platform 9 ¾ mixing in with the parents, grandparents, and other family eagerly looking for them.
Remus looked around for any sign of his own parents when his sensitive ears picked up his mother's voice calling his name. "This way, Sirius. Bye everyone! Happy Christmas!"
"Happy Christmas!" Remus waved to James, Peter, and Anjanette, as did Sirius, and they all waved back. Then the two followed Remus's ears to his mother and father. They pushed through fifty or so witches and wizards of all ages before Remus actually saw them.
"Mum! Dad!" The werewolf jumped forward and flung himself into his father's arms.
"Remus! How are you, lad?" John Lupin asked, ruffling his son's hair. He then released him to Frida.
"Sweetheart, I missed you so much." She squeezed him tightly. When they pulled apart, she noticed over Remus's shoulder that Sirius had been standing and silently watching the whole time. "And who might you be?"
"This is my friend, Sirius Black," Remus said.
Sirius grinned up at the other boy's parents. "Nice to meet you. I hope you're feeling better, Mrs. Lupin." Frida looked to her son who just raised his eyebrows with a strained smile. She understood the look and played along.
"Thank you, I am," she lied.
Sirius could tell already that he was going to like the Lupins, as he would any couple who weren't his parents. But there was something off that he couldn't quite put his finger on. It wasn't that Remus didn't resemble his parents; he definitely got his facial shape from his mother. But she had red hair, though not the same ruby shade as Lily Evans, and her eyes were a mix of green and hazel. His father's hair was the same sandy shade as Remus's but his eyes were blue. Yes, that's it, he thought. There was no way that the combination of Mr. and Mrs. Lupin's eyes could create the almost gold of Remus's. Where had that color come from?
"This is the boy you wrote us about?" Mr. Lupin asked, causing Sirius to forget about the genetic mystery of his friend's eye color. He nodded at the man, who then extended his hand down to him. "Good to meet you, son."
"Where are you parents?" Frida glanced around, half expecting to see them waving him over, but not seeing anyone looking their way.
"Actually..." Remus started. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner but...I was kind of hoping that he could stay with us for the holiday." He smiled sheepishly.
Frida and John looked to each other in surprise and worry, but then covered their expressions quickly. "W-Well, sweetie, you know that-"
"The house is a mess?" Remus cut in. "Yes, I know but I'm sure Sirius doesn't mind, do you?" He chuckled nervously.
"Nope. I'm just glad that I'm not stuck by myself back at school." Sirius smiled brightly at the two adult Lupins. Remus looked his mother in the eye, trying to tell her silently that he would talk to her about it later and she nodded subtly.
"Alright then. Let's head home before dinner gets cold." John led the group to the Floo stations and they stepped in one by one to travel to the Lupin household.
.:~I~S~S~:.
Remus's house was small, with well-used furniture and worn down carpets. But it was also bright and warm. Instead of the hideous and intimidating moving portraits of deceased ancestors, Sirius was met with photographs of Remus and his parents and various other family members. It actually felt like a home.
The rest of Christmas Eve Day went by in a blur. They ate Remus's father's fabulous cooking and baked cookies for dessert. Then they decorated the Christmas tree and the rest of the house. All the while they were talking and laughing and singing Muggle Christmas carols that he had never heard before. He never realized just how much he dreaded Christmas at his own house until he experienced one that was actually filled with love and holiday spirit.
"Christmas at my house is nothing like this," he said as he strung some popcorn for the garland. "It's much more...formal. We don't even do the decorations. Kreacher does."
"Who is Kreacher anyway?" Remus asked. "You've mentioned him before."
"Our house elf. He's a little greenish looking thing that has to obey my parents," Sirius explained. "His decorations are rubbish. He puts up a tree with nothing on it and plain garland on the railings and some old stockings with holes in them. My parents don't really care because they're always too busy worrying about how they're going to show off their Darkness to my relatives when they come over.
"Then when they show up we all have to sit at the table for eight hours and 'make conversation'. It's sooo dull. Of course, only Reg, Uncle Alphard, and Andromeda will talk to me. Everyone else thinks I'm a disgraceful heir."
"You're an heir?"
"Yeah. The eldest male of this round of kids. My cousins are all girls, so it's me." Sirius swirled his finger in the air in sarcastic celebration. "Maybe once I inherit that house I'll be able to make it a little more cheery. I love your house, Rem. It's so warm."
"Thanks." Remus felt a pang of sympathy for Sirius. Everything he'd ever told him about his family was terrible. The werewolf never realized just how good he had it. Even if his family was living on a tight budget, he had parents that loved him and didn't expect him to be someone he wasn't. They still loved him even though he was a werewolf, and that was something almost impossible to find.
When the house was decked in red, green, gold, and silver, the three Lupins and Sirius settled into the couches and had some tea and crumpets. "You boys should head to bed soon," John said after a while. "You don't want Father Christmas to pass by because you're still awake."
"Dad," Remus said. "You know I don't believe in Father Christmas anymore."
"I know. But that doesn't mean that I can't. I will to this day insist that I have met him and had mince pie with him every Christmas since you were born. It's a tradition for the two of us." Frida giggled behind her hand.
"But really, darling, I have to wrap your presents still," she said.
Remus smiled. "Alright. Good night, Mum. Dad." He got up and kissed his parents.
"Good night, Remus," Frida said, kissing him back. "And good night, Sirius."
"Night, Mr. and Mrs. Lupin." Sirius followed Remus up the stairs to his room. It was a small one, just big enough for a bed with some walking space. There was a floor to ceiling bookshelf on one wall. Many of the shelves were empty but Sirius knew they wouldn't stay that way for long. In the four months that they had known each other, Sirius learned that Remus was a voracious reader.
Remus's dad had found an old sleeping bag in the basement that had miraculously not been destroyed by the wolf, and Sirius was given that to sleep in. The two stayed up for a while just talking about anything that came to mind as they grew giddy with sleepiness. Eventually Sirius stopped answering, and Remus knew that he had finally fallen asleep. Before he could join him in dreamland, he crept out of his bed and downstairs into the kitchen where his parents were waiting.
"I'm sorry," was the first thing he said.
"You've put yourself in a very dangerous situation," his mother chastised. "You know that he's going to hear you romping around in the basement. Even if he didn't, how could you possibly explain your condition the next day?"
"He had nowhere else to go." Remus began to explain about Sirius's family and his home life, the fact that his mother's rage was waiting for him just because of his House, and how upset he was when he thought he would be staying alone at the school. When he had finished, his mother and father did look sympathetic but still concerned.
"I heard stories in school about what a rotten person Walburga Black was. I didn't think that behavior would extend to her own children," Frida said.
"But you know what can happen if he finds out, lad," John continued turning to Remus. He nodded solemnly. "I hope that this risk was worth it. You haven't really known the boy for that long."
"I know," Remus said. He put his head in his hands and tried to steady his heart which was starting to race again in fear of what would happen. A moment later a hand was laid on his shoulder.
"You were just trying to do something nice," his mother said. "Maybe the universe will do something nice for you in return." Frida had always believed in karma and the universe 'returning the favor', but so far Remus wasn't convinced. She had done nice things all her life and what did she get? A werewolf for a son.
"I'm going back to bed. Goodnight." Frida and John watched Remus go. He returned to his room, carefully tiptoeing around Sirius to get back into his bed. He was just settling down and his eyes were drooping shut when he heard some humming below on the floor.
"Mmm...Remy?"
Remy? That's new. Remus leaned over the side of the bed and could only see a shadow of his friend on the floor in the dark. "Yes, Sirius?"
"You're so lucky, Rem..." the dark haired boy mumbled. Remus could tell he wasn't fully awake by the slur in his speech. "So lucky...I like your house..."
Remus couldn't help but grin as he thought about what James would do if he were there at that moment, seeing Sirius sleep talking. "Thank you, Sirius. Now go back to sleep."
"No, no, I haveta tell ya...Your paren's love you...Can I be in your family?"
All amusement disappeared as Remus felt a pang in his heart. "Sure...You can be in our family."
"Mmm..." He could hear the smile in Sirius's hum. "Rem…You're my bes' frien'."
His heart sank into his stomach, knowing that this wouldn't last long; not with what was coming. "You're my best friend too, Siri." There was only silence after that and Remus assumed that Sirius had fallen back into a full slumber.
Strangely enough, he almost felt like crying. This whole situation was more stressful than he thought it would be. He just wished that he could tell the truth and that Sirius wouldn't care.
Suddenly, something that Sirius had said a while ago popped up from the back of his mind. 'I, of all people, am not one to judge.' Would he be so open-minded with him that he wouldn't care that he was a werewolf?
There was only one way to find out.
.:~I~S~S~:.
When Christmas morning finally arrived, Remus and Sirius ran downstairs to open gifts. Though the latter didn't have anything of his own to open, Remus let him unwrap a few of his.
"How many books did you ask for, Rem?" Sirius asked after revealing his third one from the wrapping paper.
"I like to read. It lets me escape." They piled up the seven books that he had received next to the small pile of new shirts.
Sirius's mouth suddenly quirked into a mischievous smile. "I hope you like this just as much." He reached behind the tree and pulled out a small package. It was long, thin, and rectangular and was sloppily wrapped in parchment. "Sorry, this is the only wrapping paper I had."
"What's this?" Remus asked, taking the present and turning it over in his hands.
"My gift to you. You had better like it because I almost missed the train for it."
"That's why you disappeared? Sirius, you could have gotten in huge trouble!" Remus smacked him on the shoulder.
Sirius grabbed the spot and rubbed it in mock pain. "Just open it. I'm sure you'll agree it was worth it." Remus pulled the wrapping off and found beneath it a golden wrapped bar of-
"Honeydukes chocolate?" His eyes widened at the sight.
Sirius beamed. "I wanted to get some other stuff, but I didn't have time. It was the first thing I saw when I got in so I just grabbed it and paid. I think I might have given him a whole Galleon."
Remus was truly touched. "Sirius...That's so nice. You didn't have to get me anything."
"You're letting me stay here," the other boy replied. "The least I can do is give you something to thank you. Actually I should have gotten something for your parents too, but I didn't think of that until just now."
Remus smiled at his friend and peeled the top bit of the wrapper off the candy bar. The chocolate looked smooth and smelled delicious. The werewolf took a bite and the creamy confection melted in his mouth.
"Merlin, this is incredible!" He ripped away the rest of the wrapper and stuffed the whole bar into his mouth. The taste and texture were better than any chocolate flavored thing he had had at Hogwarts. It was rich, milky, sweet and at the same time not too sweet. It was thick and gooey in his mouth when he chewed and stuck in his throat in a way that was quite lovely. It was just so utterly perfect and...chocolate. He licked his lips and closed his eyes in bliss. Sirius laughed at his enthusiasm.
"Just don't choke on it, Rem. You have to chew before you swallow." Remus slowed down a bit and savored the flavor washing over his taste buds. "You're like me with porridge."
"Oh no..." The tawny-head knew what was coming next.
"Hey, that reminds me. Is your dad going to make porridge? I'll bet his is really good. After all, dinner last night was fantastic. You should tell your dad to make porridge."
Now it was Remus's turn to laugh. "Only if he puts chocolate chips in it." The boys shared a laugh and then settled back into a contented silence. Remus's parents still hadn't woken up yet, so he decided to turn their radio on. Muggle Christmas music started filling the room.
Sirius got up and examined the contraption on the shelf with curiosity. He pulled it out and there was a black cord attached behind it.
"What's this?" Sirius asked.
"You've never seen a radio before?" Remus got up to stand next to him.
"Pureblood, remember?" He turned the radio in his hands and suddenly the music stopped. "What happened?" Remus held up the other end of the cord stemming from the back.
"You unplugged it."
"Unplugged? Wait, does it use that eleckititty stuff you mentioned before?" Sirius asked.
"Electricity. I'm proud that you actually remembered that. And yes, it does. Here." The werewolf took the radio and placed it back on the shelf, then plugged the wire back into the socket. "Let me show you how it works." He showed Sirius the different knobs to change the station and the volume.
"Must be annoying having to get up when you want to change it," Sirius said.
"Only if you're incredibly lazy." Remus smirked at him and got a tongue in response.
"Why does your house have so much Muggle stuff anyway, Rem?"
"My parents are both Muggle-born. It only made sense for them to have a house with Muggle things." He shrugged like it was no big deal. "I can't imagine what your house is like."
"You don't want to imagine what it's like and there's no way you're ever coming over." Remus feigned insult but Sirius quickly amended saying, "You know that my family is insane. I never want you to meet them. I mean, you'll meet Reg of course, and maybe my cousins by accident. But my parents...well, I think it's obvious how they feel about Gryffindors."
"That's so unfair."
Now it was Sirius's turn to shrug. "It can't be helped." But Remus knew that he was trying to hide how he really felt. That semi-conscious conversation from the night before had revealed that much.
"Were you awake last night?" he asked.
"What do you mean?"
"You were talking to me last night," Remus said. "But you didn't seem to be fully awake so I thought you might not remember."
Sirius put a hand to his chin. "Yeah, I don't. What did I say?"
"Among other things…you asked to be in my family." Sirius looked into Remus's eyes, his blue-gray ones resigned. He attempted a watery smile.
"I try hard not to let my family's ways bother me. I'm glad to be who I am, so I'm willing to accept that this is how they're going to treat me. But sometimes when I see how it could be- should be- I can't help it." He looked down into his lap. "It just sucks. Everyone else gets to go home and have parents that care. They don't have to be afraid of them waiting at the door to kill them. They don't have to be afraid to be who they are." His voice rose a little with each sentence and he balled his hands into fists, but then he took a deep breath and his hands relaxed.
"I wasn't just upset about the holidays because I was going to be alone. I was upset that everyone but me had the choice to go home. Spending time here and seeing what it's like to have a real family...It made me jealous. You really are lucky."
For a moment, the room was quiet except for the music that now seemed quite unfitting. Sirius kept his head lowered and said nothing.
"I said yes," Remus finally broke the silence. His friend lifted his head and the werewolf could see his eyes were sparkling slightly, turning them silver. "You can come here for the holidays all the time if you want. You can be part of my family."
"Really?" Remus smiled at him and put out a hand with his pinky sticking up. "What's that for?"
"I'm making you a promise," Remus said. Sirius eyed the little finger in confusion before sticking out his own. Remus grabbed it with his and they curled around each other. "I solemnly swear that you can be a part of our family, and that if you don't have any place to go, you can always come here." He unhooked his pinky from his friend's and their hands dropped.
Sirius, who had gone just the slightest shade of pink, coughed and looked away. "Thanks...That really means a lot to me."
"There's just one thing," Remus continued. This was as good a segue as anything he could have thought of, and the somewhat deep conversation had worked up his nerve. It was now or never. "I have to tell you something. It's not something pretty, but it's something you need to know."
"What is it?"
He hesitated. "I know it's going to be hard, but can you promise me that you'll stick to your word? That you don't judge, I mean."
Sirius raised an eyebrow at him, offering a half-smile. "Just tell me, Remus. I'm sure it's not as bad as you think."
I wish. The werewolf took a deep breath and swallowed the bile threatening to escape. This was the most nerve-wracking thing he had ever had to do. "Do you remember my...skin condition?"
"Yeah." Sirius tilted his head in confusion.
"And remember all the times I've went home and all the reasons why?"
"Yes, yes, but what about them?"
He paused, trying to make himself say it. All he could manage was, "Lies."
"What?"
"Lies. All of them. All covering up the truth." Remus couldn't look Sirius in the eyes anymore and turned so that his back was facing him. Maybe if he pretended he was talking to the wall, it would be easier.
"I don't understand," he heard behind him.
"The reason why I have been leaving periodically, monthly if you haven't noticed, and the reason why I have these 'streaks' which are actually scars all over my body. The reason why I come back from 'going home' looking worse than when I left..."
"Remus, what is it?" Sirius had crawled over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Spit it out!"
He took another two or three deep breaths before he finally said, "I'm a...werewolf."
There was a pause. Then Sirius burst into hysterics.
Remus spun around, horrified, and watched him double over. "Oh my dear Merlin! You really had me going there," he said between bursts of laughter.
Sirius calmed down and looked at Remus with a smile before truly taking in his expression. His large amber eyes, wider than usual, filled with fear and desperation. The way that he stared into the pureblood's own eyes, as if willing him to understand the truth, to stop laughing at this. His grin faded away.
"You're not kidding." The cogs started to work in his brain as all the pieces added up and made sense. It had been four months that they had been going to school and Remus had disappeared four times. He hadn't noticed whether or not it was around the full moon, or the amount of time between each disappearance, but he certainly noticed that he looked worse for wear when he returned. And some of the excuses he gave for disappearing were weak, but he'd never had a reason to doubt them. If he had, he might have actually figured this out on his own a lot sooner.
Even still, he might not have believed himself if he had noticed the pattern. Sirius had always been taught that werewolves were wild, hairy, meat-loving, and not very sociable. Remus was almost the complete opposite, acting and appearing as any other boy their age, save for a few eccentricities. But those were what made Remus who he was, and changing into a giant, furry beast once a month just happened to be another.
It didn't matter to him at all that Remus was a werewolf. He was still Sirius's best friend. What was clogging up his thoughts, however, were the millions of questions sparked by his brain: Where did he go when he transformed? How did it happen? What was it like (though he could probably figure that out for himself: painful)?
A soft hiccup broke him from his thoughts, and Sirius saw that Remus had tears in his eyes. He'd gone too long without speaking, and his friend took it the wrong way. He got up and ran out of the room, up the stairs, and presumably into his bedroom. Seconds later, when Sirius pushed his curiosity to the back of his mind, he followed. The door was closed.
"Remus?" He didn't answer but Sirius went inside anyway. "Rem?"
There was a lump under the blankets on the bed. Sirius heard soft sobs coming from it. He stepped over and sat down next to it.
"I kn-know you're probably f-freaked out. And I p-promise that when w-we get back to school, I'll s-stay away from you. But p-please don't tell anyone!" Remus stuttered.
"Of course I won't tell anyone," Sirius promised. "But why would you stay away from me?"
"B-Because I'm a monster."
"No you're not."
The covers flew down suddenly and Remus looked at him with an angry tear-streaked face. "Yes I am! Don't lie and tell me you don't think so!"
"But I don't." Remus wouldn't look at him and pulled the blankets up again. "I'm serious, Rem. No pun intended this time. You're still the same person to me." The other boy said nothing. "Eh, so you change into a monster once a month. I heard that girls start doing the same thing at some point, though I still don't know why."
Remus's teary face poked up again. "You don't care that I'm a Dark creature? I almost got Sorted into Slytherin because of what I am."
"If you had been then I would have too, because that would mean the Sorting Hat just did what everyone expected," Sirius pointed out. "But just because you're a werewolf doesn't mean that you're a bad person. I still like you."
"Really?"
Sirius smiled at him. Then, just as his friend had before, he held out his pinky in offering. Remus couldn't help the smile that spread across his face in return as he hooked his pinky around Sirius's. "I solemnly swear. You're my best mate."
"You said that last night too," Remus said with a sniffle. "You're my best friend too." And he only felt stronger about it now. It felt like a weight lifted was off of his shoulders knowing that his friend was okay with his lycanthropy. Sirius truly was the opposite of what everyone expected.
After a contented silence, Sirius asked, "Why did you decide to tell me all of the sudden?"
"There's a full moon this week, so you were going to find out either way," Remus told him. "I stay in the basement for the night and I make a lot of noise, and the next day I'm a wreck. It was easier to just tell you and risk it."
Sirius nibbled at his lip, feeling a bit guilty for having played to Remus's emotions before the break. "I can't believe you'd invite me over when you knew the moon was coming."
"I wouldn't have had any hesitation about inviting you if it wasn't for that." Remus gave him a shy smile. "And now I'm really glad I did, because it's been really hard trying to keep this from you." They both laughed lightly.
For the rest of the morning, Sirius asked Remus questions about his lycanthropy. Remus explained about the Shrieking Shack, the Whomping Willow, and anything else that his friend wanted to know. At first it was strange to talk about these things with someone other than his parents. But with time, he grew more comfortable and was actually glad he could share this with someone else.
Eventually, the smell of breakfast wafted up to their noses, signifying that Remus's parents had awoken. The boys went down into the kitchen, Sirius thrilled to find that Mr. Lupin had made porridge after all. They sat at the table, and were each given a bowl.
"Can I have the chocolate chips, Mum?" Remus asked as Sirius garnished his breakfast with sugar.
Mrs. Lupin looked horrified. "Remus, love. Aren't you forgetting your allergy?"
Remus grinned. "It's okay. I tried some chocolate at Hogwarts by accident and nothing happened. I even had a real chocolate bar this morning, thanks to Sirius." He reached across the table on his own to get the container from where it sat in front of his mother. He poured a mound onto his porridge, mixing them in so they started melting in the cereal's heat.
"You should have been more careful, lad," Mr. Lupin said. "What if you had been allergic? There wouldn't have been much that anyone could do."
"Dumbledore would have taken care of it," Remus said, secure in the fact that their Headmaster would have known what to do.
"Oh, now I get it!" Sirius suddenly said with a mouthful of breakfast. "You thought because you're part dog that chocolate would kill you."
When Frida and John looked at Remus in shock, he turned to his friend with a fond expression. "He's alright with it." Sirius just smiled at the couple, cheeks stuffed with porridge.
There were a few seconds of stunned silence before Frida smiled, relief clear in her features. She had feared that her son would lose his friend, and maybe even more for his kindness, and was glad that hadn't turned out to be the case.
Breakfast continued on with discussions of the day's coming plans. Remus's Muggle family came and they exchanged more gifts and made more cookies. They had another fabulous dinner cooked by Mrs. Lupin and a few of her cousins. Sirius marveled at the all the various Muggle methods with which the family did things. It was slower, and made it more possible to savor the moments. Being that none of the relatives knew anything about magic, he wound up having to keep his mouth shut most of the day to avoid saying anything that might give away their secret. But it was worth it as he was able to listen to talk of Muggle things that he knew nothing about. It was as though they were speaking another language, but it was interesting nonetheless and made him want to take Muggle Studies come third year so maybe one day he could hold a seemingly normal conversation with these people. He thought that, despite the rocky morning, it was the best Christmas he had ever had.
That night, after the company had gone home, Remus and Sirius went up to the former's room for bed. Just as they were settling in, there was a scratching at the window. A regal looking owl that Sirius immediately recognized as one of his family's was outside with a small package attached to its leg. He opened the window and the bird flew in.
"Who is it from?" Remus asked.
"Regulus, I think." Sirius removed the package from the owl and sure enough recognized his brother's penmanship on the outside. He unwrapped the small parcel and opened it. Inside he found a faded gold locket and a note. "A necklace? What does he think I turned into a girl since I left home?"
Sirius opened the locket. There was a picture on the inside of him and his brother, smiling and laughing one Christmas when they were younger. Sirius remembered that day, one of the last before his relatives had started to hate him like his parents did. How Regulus had gotten this picture, or the locket for that matter, was a mystery, but he did feel a wave of homesickness. Not for home of course, but just to be in the same place as his brother. He hadn't realized before just how badly he missed him.
"Let me see." Sirius handed the locket up to Remus on the bed and unfolded the note from the box.
Dear Sirius,
Happy Christmas! I found this in Mum's box of jewelry that she never wears, and the picture was in the garbage. I couldn't just let her throw it out and I thought that if it was in the locket that you could always have a piece of me with you. I really miss you, Siri. I wish you could have come home this week. But I hope that wherever you are that you're having a good holiday. Maybe by Easter Mum and Dad will be calm enough for you to come home. Until then, keep in touch.
Regulus
By then the owl had already left, so Sirius could not compose a reply. But he made a mental note to do so as soon as he got back to school. "Thank you, Reg," he whispered so quietly that even Remus's sensitive ears couldn't hear.
"That's really nice," Remus said, handing it back. "Your brother is probably a lot like you."
Sirius looked down at the gift for a moment before he put the locket around his neck, tucking the chain under his shirt. "I hope so."
