A/N: Back from the dead!

This story keeps having readers somehow, and it's surreal! :D

I cannot thank enough every one that has stopped by over the years. It's incredible that people still look for Merthan 3

This one's for you. Let me know your thoughts :)


It Happened One Night


Meredith watched Nathan walk away and lifted her gaze to the night sky for a brief moment.

She didn't believe that Derek was up there in a heavenly place, but she couldn't help the gesture sometimes, when she longed his presence. Apparently, billions of years of evolution didn't affect the automatic human response when it comes to connect with something bigger than oneself.

One is likely to look up the sky, believer or not.

Her husband was in her, though.

He was not a floating spirit who watched down at her or looked after her. She didn't believe in such things.

Derek lived in her memories, he was in their children, he was engraved deep inside her being and to connect with him meant going back to what they used to be. And right at that moment, while Nathan's words were still pounding in her head, she couldn't help but bask in the memories of when she and Derek were together.

Seeking for Derek still resembled the most natural response when she'd found herself in the unknown, especially since her person had moved across the ocean.
They'd shared a life, he could tell when she was full of crap. As if recalling him could make her realize what she wanted, decide once and for all what she should do...

Warmth and a sense of safety filled her as she recollected the mildly crisp scent of his man products or the familiar smell of his skin, mixed with the hint of antiseptic of his scrubs.

The feel of his chest against her back was still vividly carved in her as the one of his arms covering her own.

She grasped every tiny detail she could remember of what it felt like to be wrapped in Derek's arms and she held on to that, losing herself in the remembrance a while longer.

However, Nathan's words weren't going to fade away.

Once she took a step forward, heading to the parking spot where her SUV was parked, she was feeling just as overwhelmed as before.

It was odd to listen to some other guy admit that he was into her. Unsettling. It made her dwell on whether or not she would be able to feel that way for someone ever again. If it was even okay in the first place, if that someone wasn't the love of her life.
What the hell had gotten into him? That was a hell of a lot of information to throw at her face.
And on the anniversary of Megan's disappearance.

Nathan thought about her, he thought about her to the point he couldn't ignore it.
So he had admitted.

And oh, how she wished she could say this wasn't mutual.
But it was.
Nathan affected her and, whether she liked it or not, she began to realize that she couldn't ignore it either anymore.

She had gravitated towards him that night and she had dropped her walls down. She had chosen to surrender just for one night, even if he was Nathan Riggs, if she was a friend of Owen's and she was determined to stand up for him and ignore Riggs, if not hate on him.

She had to go for it, just for one night. But now…

She couldn't pretend Maggie wasn't in the picture.

She couldn't let her walls down again, and she wasn't absolutely inclined to go on a date with him. She didn't do dates.

But neither could she keep pretending that nothing was happening.

Sooner or later she had to deal with that odd feeling that sneaked in to suggest her that it was safe to be around him and, at the same time, the thousand alarm bells that urged her to run away from him.

In the meantime, she just kept gravitating around him.

It had started with sex, a habit she had hardly lost, apparently. Even though it felt utterly wrong to compare her first encounter with Derek at Joe's with whatever happened with every other guy.

Derek was Derek and he couldn't compare. Nobody could.

Derek was the love of her life and it had immediately felt magical.

He had always been forward in their relationship, yet she was the one who had managed to confess her feelings first. It was crystal clear and scary and big.

He was unlike anyone before him. This fact had messed with her brain for years, she had run away from it, but in the end the pull she felt whenever he was around, became inevitable and the only way for her to breathe was to give in.

Everything felt… new and big and exciting, but mostly it felt safe.

Derek made her feel that way, he was the one who turned her world.

Her time with Nathan was something else entirely. Still, she felt comfortable, like she hadn't felt for years.

She didn't know him. She didn't want to know him, still she couldn't miss the odd feeling that sneaked in between the arising panic and the urge to run away.

She sat behind the steering wheel and started the engine, unable to shake ancient memories off of her.


"I'm just a girl in a bar."

"I'm just a guy in a bar."

She was sitting at Joe's, with Derek.

Meredith couldn't even remember what they had talked about later that evening.

They had drunk, yes, way too much. Tequila and single-malt scotch for at least a couple more rounds, until their bodies had gravitated near and nearer.

Their knees brushed together from the bar stools, randomly at first, although the feeling went not unnoticed, then in a teasing way, revealing a sudden need to eliminate every inch of space between them.

Derek's hand found hers on the counter top and he leaned closer, tilting his head slightly, talking about who knows what, but mostly giving her what she later learned was 'his look', the one reserved solely for her.

He waited, he lingered, mesmerized, watching for a clue it was okay to make a move.

Her eyes told a similar story, they glanced from his blue irises to his lips, leaking the internal duel going on between the urge to jump or run away.

Unflinching, as if driven by a sudden clarity, she scooted forward on her stool, letting her free hand fall on one of his knees, searching for balance, but mostly for contact, abruptly impatient to know what it would feel like to touch him.

She allowed herself to squeeze his knee once, their eyes locked, then everything unraveled incredibly fast.

Derek erased the distance, closing their lips together, provoking an instant sigh of relief and igniting a dormant fire at the same time.

Meredith's immediate response drawn him to climb down the stool, moving to clasp her hip with one hand and threading his fingers in the blondness of her hair.

She welcomed his waist between her knees with no hesitation, while she tasted him, discovering the softness of his lips for the first time.

Her fingers met his curls at the nape of his neck and pulled slightly but firmly to angle his face the way she wanted.

She was bossy, he could already tell, which made him moan and craving her even more.

The kiss deepened, their hands traveled frantic from place to place, careless of their surroundings, driven by what felt like a strong magnet.

"Should we… leave?" she breathed when he moved to kiss her jaw.

"Yeah, let's get out of here," he gave her one last sounding smooch, before reaching for his wallet on his back pocket and leaving a bill on the table, then took her by the hand and lead her out.

That kiss had been unlike anything else before and after.

She had blamed the tequila, the new incoming job, the rush of being in Seattle again, but it was him. It had always been him.

It was like coming up for fresh air, he had described it later on.

Although she couldn't see it yet, it summoned pretty much her feelings, too.


Meredith sighed heavily as she turned left into Harper Lane, approaching number 613, where she lived, in the same house, once dusty and old-fashioned, that still kept in itself all the secrets of that first steamy night with the love of her life.

The back seats behind her could tell everything about a different story, instead, the one in which she happened to have sex with another guy, the one who had just openly admitted to be into her for real, on the anniversary of his missing girlfriend's disappearance.

Two remote and incomparable circumstances, who couldn't be more different in time, space, life course, which kept poking at her, making her dwell on the absurdity of life.

She didn't want make comparison, to think about how she had gravitated towards Derek that night many years ago, she didn't want those memories to fade.

Nathan had mentioned he didn't want to forget about Megan, as well. He equally wasn't all glued together as he seemed, then.

Her concern was still fresh and sharp, though.

She couldn't stand the idea of someone to replace Derek, and sometimes even the thought that she slept with Nathan first thing wasn't acceptable. Almost like she had betrayed Derek, as he was supposed to be his one and only, the meaningful one night stand of her life, which was stupid, but she couldn't help but fight that side of her which knew Nathan Riggs could actually be a good thing. She couldn't help but shut it down, like some kind of ghost menace.

"This is gonna make things a little…"

"Just shut up."

Meredith closed her car door sinking in the feel of Nathan's weight on her, the hard surface of the SUV against her back and his hips deliciously trapping her, grounding her there under his fervent ministrations.

It'd felt good.

His lips firmly pressed on hers, their tongues battling for dominance, the way his hands roamed all over her figure.

It had been primal in the way her body was humming to be brushed. Still, it hadn't been at all like the random, detached sex in which she drowned herself into before meeting Derek.

It had been good in a whole different manner.

She had felt at ease, vibrant, yet it had been just sex, urgent and carnal, without particular tenderness and feelings involved.

Easy, light, fun. Now… now it felt like a real mess.

She left the night outside and entered home quietly, knowing her children were long asleep and Maggie probably, too since she had an early shift the next day.

She slip off her shoes and stopped her tracks before climbing upstairs, suddenly absorbed by the kitchen doorjamb where her father used to mark her height, when she was little.

She and Derek used to do the same with Zola's height, so it was now full of scratches on both sides.

Meredith had refused to get rid of it once she decided to renovate the house together with her sisters, although they painted a wall on the opposite side where all her kids' heights at every birthday where recorded in different colors.

How was she supposed to trust someone to the point of sharing all of that?

Was someone ever gonna be worthy enough to get into that special place? To let him know who she really was outside the hospital, what she truly went through…

Was someone ever going to accept her layers, her previous stages, the stage of unknown she was currently in? Was someone ever going to love her damaged self, or better, was she ever going to be capable of loving someone profoundly and entirely, again?

"Are you telling me that you think that's coming around again?" Alex once asked her.

No, that was not. Was it the clue to shut everyone out, though?


"Hey, you asked for a consult?"

Meredith lifted her eyes from her tablet the next morning finding Riggs standing next to her with a cup of coffee.

"Yes, I have a gallbladder removal on a young patient with arrhythmia. She has been postponing an ablation for months, I just thought we could go in together with a single anesthesia and fix both things at one time, if she agrees. Otherwise, I need a resident to monitor her BP and someone ready to step in, in case of complications."

"Sure, I'm in," he said, collected but still intent on decipher her. Was this a sign, an evidence? He wondered. Could this be her way of telling him something?

"Good."

"You asked me… why?" he dared.

"Why wouldn't I? You're cardio," she said lifting her shoulders.

"Yeah… so is your sister," he tried again.

"And?" she asked, intent on evaluating something on her tablet.

"Whatever."

"Are you going to help me or not?" she said, lifting her eyes.

"Of course," he replied immediately.

"You want me to come and talk to your patient?"

"Yeah. C'mon, her name is Melanie Ford."

The surgery was a blessing.

Nathan couldn't deny he treasured when the chances were in favor and they happen to treat the same patient. It gave him time, and time was all he needed to keep a close eye on her and trying to make sense about what was happening.

Meredith acted nonchalantly every chance she got, she was relaxed and casual, talked work and only work, avoiding any possible personal answer she could even involuntarily give away something.

She requested music, though. Tegan and Sara, was apparently the only detail he could run away with that day.

The procedure went well, with no foreseeable complications and hours later they were both scrubbing out.

"Why did you pushed me in a closet the other day?" Nathan let out at some point, unable to avoid the big elephant in the room any longer.

"What?" she asked. Her tone both amused and incredulous.

"Yeah. The closet, the one you pushed me into the other day…"

"I haven't pushed you in a closet!" she exclaimed. "I wanted to talk to you in private about Alex!"

"Still, you pushed me in the supply closet. Besides, Karev is a big guy, he can handle me without your help."

"He's having a hard time. I was making sure he didn't get an impossible day at work, too."

"Meredith…" he eyed her.

"What?"

"Okay, then why did you want me to turn Maggie down?"

"Are you going to ask me to analyze everything to death?"

"I'm asking you what do you feel? Because all you're doing doesn't make any sense. You keep going back and forth, when all I'm asking here is to give it a try. I'm not even asking you to go on a date, I'd like to just be spontaneous and do what we were already doing before you decided we shouldn't even be friends. Just talk, share, getting to know each other. Grab lunch together or coffee or a drink. I'm not asking for commitment or trap you in some romantic crap," he explained.

"This still sounds like hanging out to me and I've already said no. That's how I feel. I don't understand why you keep bringing this up! I'm not gonna change my mind! There's no reason for us to spend more time together, it was a one time thing. And yes, Maggie still likes you."

"Oh, so now you're going to push me to her, instead?"

"You can do whatever you want, I honestly don't care."

"And in two or five days from now, we would find each other flirting. You don't fool me. If Maggie wasn't in the picture, you would give us a chance, and you know it. Why do you have to negate everything? What's keeping you?"

She scoffed.

"I don't hang out, I don't need to know you, I have no reason to spend more time with you."

"Still, you asked for my consult!"

"Because I'm working and you're C-A-R-D-I-O!" she articulated.

"Am I? The cardio guy in this?"

Meredith shook her head.

"What do you want me to say?" she hissed in a frustrated tone.

"My sister wants you. I have three kids. What do you want me to say?" she repeated, staring right back at him.

The stupid encounter in her car could not be a reason for her to go out with him. Not when Maggie was still interested in him, not when they weren't even in the clear. Besides, it felt wrong to even consider to come clean with her sister now.

She felt awful. She should have said something from the beginning.

She had made a mess. She was a big mess herself.

She couldn't even remotely admit to herself that she had considered the possibility of liking that kind of intimacy with someone that wasn't Derek. Let alone confessing it to Maggie.

But with Nathan… it had happened.

It had felt easy. It could have led somewhere, if Maggie hadn't express her feelings, because being with Nathan had felt... easy.

She couldn't find another word to say it. It wasn't easy at all now and he was being insistent. That night, though, she had felt no pressure.

She had jumped him, for reasons she wasn't incline to examine or linger about, and it had felt casual and relaxed.

The time with him had been exactly the way he was, like the impression that he gave away: easy-going and funny.

She wasn't looking for anything, but she also couldn't deny that she had felt good. They probably would have ended up in bed together again and maybe from there it would have felt easier to give him a chance.

The way things were, though, her hands were tied.

Maggie was in the picture. She couldn't go there and tell her she had sex with her crush and now wanted to get to know him.

Mostly because she couldn't even entirely admit to herself that she wanted to know him.

"I thought about it," she went on. "I did. You think about me, you said it and I think about you, okay? I do. It's just… it doesn't matter. It's not enough, not a reason to blow everything up. I can't screw around, Nathan, and I really…" she scoffed. "I wouldn't hang out with me right now. Just… let me be. This just can't happen."

"It's not a good reason…" he pondered. "I don't know, it's been a pretty valid reason to me lately, but okay. I'm not exactly a catch. In fact, I'm damaged more than you can probably think. You had and lost your grand love, I've lost Megan, the situation is already one big mess as it is. Maggie doesn't know and she's your sister and we're the bad guys. I get it. Everything is against us, but that does not change the fact that there's something here. And it has nothing to do about screwing around. It's been months now. It's there, I know it. Maybe you'll see it, too."

He came closer. Their hands were scrubbed and dried, a little reddened and he took one in his. He brushed his warm thumb over her knuckles and locked eyes with her.

"I wish you could see it, too," he smiled joylessly and left.


A/N: This story is one of the best gift I did to myself. I feel it especially now that the Grey's owners seem to have gone completely bonkers.

It waits dormant for years, then periodically I re-read it, I wonder at it, because it's real and I did it, I chisel here and there, write chapters that are way far ahead of the published ones, and sometimes I even finish one that I can actually post in here.

I'm not particularly happy with how this chapter turned out, but I was tired of having it unposted, so I decided to go ahead and share it.

It's titled after the classic movie starring my beloved Clark Gable.

There's MerDer here and there, as I've always wanted to expand the flashback of their first encounter at Joe's, at least until they kiss each other. I finally just gave in and wrote it down.

So, I truly dared to mix The Holy MerDer with Merthan, which can make most people cringe, but it's just how I like it: keeping different things glued together, all true at the same time, and it's going to happen a lot even in future chapters.

Maybe it makes someone else's happy, too :)))