Bear Valley, New York, Spring 2024

"Katherine"

The cage was dirty, and that made it even worse than it regularly was. Jeremy had walked out yesterday, after one of our legendary screaming matches. He couldn't handle it. So, instead of having a freshly cleaned cage to sleep in, I was stuck in this shit whole. Literally. I had my last change just after Jeremy stormed off, and I had left vomit and feces on the floor. My sheets were ripped up, so I covered the mess with them. I could still smell it, that sickly smell of bile and the odor of excrement.

"Katherine."

I had passed out sometime after changing back to human, and I just fell asleep on the concrete floor. My hair was matted and covered with blood from the scratch on my left cheek. Next time Jeremy came down, he would leave water for me to sponge bathe my body. Thanks ever so much.

"Katherine."

I pawed at my ear, thinking I was hearing buzzing. I could swear I heard my name. Probably a hallucination. I had those often, a combination of insanity, the Changes, grief, and withdrawl. Yeah, withdrawal. It had three weeks, and I could still feel that sweet, sweet warmth of heroin as it traveled from my thigh, up my bloodstream, caressing as it- STOP. Weak, so fucking weak. Wait, I'm not weak. It's not my fault I got addicted to that junk. If he hadn't shot me up in the first place, I would never have gone into that alley to talk to that piece of shit dealer. The drugs make me feel to warm, so warm inside. They make me forget. They help with the Change. Don't know what it's like for other werewolves, but my first Change really fucked me up. It left an imprint, one I just couldn't wash away. Guess that's what happens when you mix sex with the Change. It's a feeling I want to wash off, and the best way to do that is to be so strung out while it happens, I don't feel a thing.

"Katherine. Do you hear me?" Hallucination? I open my eyes, lifting my head from the cement. Outside the cage, sitting on the other side of the bars, is Jeremy. I can't help it, a growl slips from my lips. It doesn't even startle him anymore. He has scars all over his arms from me. That bastard.

"You can see me. Good. I-I'm sorry for leaving. For leaving you here." There is so much left unspoken. I'm a burden to him. A reminder of the son he lost. The son I killed. "I was childish. Forgive me. I have been thinking Katherine, that if you could calm down, we might move you to your room again." We had tried that. After…. After, I was catatonic. I didn't speak to anyone, I didn't listen. I stopped going to school. I stopped eating. Logan would take care of me, or Nick or Antonio. Not Jeremy. Jeremy was lost to us all.

Then my Changes started happening again. And they were violent, God, they were violent. I hurt people. Everyone tried to deal with me, but then I hurt someone. I hurt Jaime. Jeremy snapped out of it after then. And he snapped the lock on the cage. Naturally, I became more violent. I yelled. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU KEEP ME FROM LOGAN. LET ME OUT. LET ME OUT. LET ME OUT. I WILL KILL YOU. I WILL KILL YOU TOO. I yelled and ripped off my clothes, threw things. I lost it. Just plain lost it. Whatever the fuck that means. After I cut up Jamie, I stopped having visitors often. At first, Nick would sit with me. We would talk, sometimes. I never yelled then. I wanted him near me so badly. Antonio would visit me too, whenever he could. Logan wasn't allowed to visit. It was Jeremy's punishment-that and the cage. Still, Logan would sneak down every night to sing to me, speak to me, hold my hand through the cage. Just having him there, helped. Logan went through his first change the same day I did. During one of my lucid periods, I heard Jeremy talking to Antonio about that day. They thought I couldn't hear them. I couldn't hear so much.

"So, he couldn't reach the house. The kid called and called, no answer. So he started walking. Then, as he told me, he felt the change. Only--" Antonio had said.

"Only what?"

"Only he said he remembered feeling sick to him stomach, and having really bad cramps."

"Cramps?"

"Yeah. So he called me, and I found him in the forest off the road. Changed."

"Was it the genetics, or his connection with Kate?" I think he wasn't so much asking his best friend, as asking himself. This was the part where I started to moan and shake, so their conversation was cut off.

"Katherine, did you hear what I just said?" Nope, Jeremy, I didn't. Don't' really care either. Sorry. "Katherine. Please. Focus." It had been years by then. I was sixteen. Years, in that cage most of the time. I had missed so much.

"Jeremy." My voice was groggy, harsh from lack of use.

"Katherine?" He stood up, sensing the understanding in my voice.

"Yeah." He sighed.

"I-I think we could try moving you to your room. That should make you feel better." Feel better? Know what would make me feel better? One of your beautiful, beautiful needles filled with something strong. Only I didn't say this out loud. "Would you like that? Getting out of here?"

"Yes."

- - - - - -

We were upstairs, in the room I had shared with Logan.

"Where is he?" Jeremy didn't need to ask who.

"I thought it best he spent some time with your Uncle Nick in New York, so as to not…" Overwhelm? Excite? Come on, Jeremy. Astound me with your logic. " So as to make this as easy a transition as possible."

"O.K" He looked up from what he was doing, from tidying and tucking in the covers of my bed. I guess he expected a fight. You could see it in his eyes, the years of trials and tribulations I had put him through. The hardships, the yelling, the bitter screaming. And the crying. Me, fighting him in every way I could.

"O.K? O.K." He seemed a bit more optimistic, and for a minute I forgot all the horrible things he had done to me. I forgot the shame of my filthy, disgusting body. I just remembered sitting on his lap when I was little, listening to him read to me. "I'll, I'll go get you something to drink." And it all came back to me. I smiled as best as I could, trying not to just bare my teeth, as he cautiously walked out from the room. He said 'drink', but what he meant was sedatives. He meant to dope me up, keep me calm. I didn't really mind that, at first. At first, it was nice. Kept me calm, docile. I didn't really care. And then it wasn't enough. It was never enough. I started to administer it myself, before the cage. I used to sneak into his medical cabinet, and stick that needle into the soft skin of my thigh, so he couldn't see the track marks. But he noticed, just the same. By that time, it was too late. I was a junkie.

I knew now that what he was getting downstairs making wouldn't help me. Him? It might help him. Make me passive. But I didn't want passive. I wanted to feel the fire, feel what life could have been. With that, I opened the window of my second story room, and jumped out.