Hi everyone.
I just want to preface this chapter by saying that I didn't write this chapter in light of recent events. This was actually the plan for the story since I had been working on it in 2012. Even though the story has changed a lot from that vision then, and I'm not continuing with it as long as I had thought, I still felt like it fit with what needed to happen.
Starrya47, I'm sorry it's taking so long. I swear it's coming! Also, yes, there will be the scene of Snape's worst memory. There was no way I couldn't include it after Snape has been such a jerk.
katiek121, thank you as always my dear!
Kam, yeah, I always thought that Dumbledore would have done all he could to help Remus since he must have known the prospects of getting a job would be hard for him. Even though we all know Dumbledore has done some shady stuff, he really put his neck out for Remus.
Alright my dears. Enjoy the chapter and thanks for all your support! Love ya!
~SXS
TRIGGER WARNING: Character death.
FOR ALL WARNINGS AND DISCLAIMERS, SEE FIRST CHAPTER AN.
The Marauders were lying on the common room floor one evening, two days before the holiday, the map spread out in front of them. The drawing was nearly complete, and they were working on incorporating the tracking charm. The atmosphere in the room was lazy, being that the term was essentially over, which was why the sudden entrance of Professor McGonagall caused all activity to still, though there were soft murmurs of curiosity. As far as any Gryffindor could remember, the Transfiguration teacher had never come into the common room unannounced like this. Some speculated that she was here to punish someone, though her solemn expression debunked those theories. Her gaze swept slowly around the room until her eyes fell on the Marauders.
"She's looking at us," Peter whispered worriedly. "We haven't even done anything!"
"We are prime suspects," James mused. "But she doesn't look mad."
"She's coming this way," Sirius said. Indeed, McGonagall had started to walk in their direction. All four boys quickly righted themselves so they were at least sitting on their heels by the time she arrived. Peter folded up the map quickly as well, to be sure that she didn't see its contents. The professor's slow advance made them uneasy, but when she was halfway there, Remus realized that her eyes were on him. His stomach started to churn.
"Mr. Lupin," she said when she had reached them at last. There was a softness to her voice that none of the boys had ever heard from their Head of House. It was more unnerving than the look she was wearing. "Professor Dumbledore and I would like a word with you." Her eyes flitted towards Sirius, James, and Peter, then back to him. "Alone."
Remus's pulse quickened in anxiety. "Is something wrong, Professor?"
"I'm afraid so," McGonagall said gravely. "But it's best not to discuss it here. Please." She swept her arm out, towards the portrait hole, waiting for Remus to stand. The werewolf, however, felt weak. Dumbledore had probably thought about how inconvenient it would be to have a werewolf for a professor and was going to politely retract his offer before he'd even had a chance to decide.
Or perhaps it was worse than that. Someone might have discovered his secret and demanded he be expelled. Were there Ministry workers waiting outside to take him away? He suddenly had the urge to run and lock himself in the dorm, but he knew that wouldn't make a difference. The skills of a fifth year against an army of fully fledged wizards were no match.
Remus managed to push the dangerous illusions away long enough to get himself to his feet. As he did, he felt Sirius tap his foot. The tawny-haired boy looked down, catching his friend's gaze. Blue-gray eyes darted to James and Peter and then down to himself, and Remus understood that they would follow under the cloak. He nodded as subtly as possible, grateful to know that his friends would be there for moral support, whatever may be lying ahead.
McGonagall motioned for Remus to follow her and the two of them left Gryffindor Tower as his Housemates stared on. It felt as if he was marching to the gallows. Every step they moved down sent his heart sinking lower and lower as his mind produced fantasies and scenarios that had him locked away in a cage, living on the streets, and even dead. In fact, he realized that this walk could be the last time he ever took in Hogwarts' halls which had become his second home. He tried to absorb what he could into his memory; perhaps it could be a comfort for him when he was being dragged away to a containment center.
They walked down the moving staircases and beyond, until they were down on the second floor. The professor led him through the corridor, to the tall winged gargoyle that was the entrance to Dumbledore's office. The pair stopped in front of it, and something hit the back of Remus's ankle. The extra scents wafting towards him from behind let him know that his friends were there.
"Poppyseed muffins," McGonagall said, and the stairs appeared. She stepped on and Remus followed, the stairs continuing to spin and carry them upwards. In their scramble to get on, the invisible boys bumped into Remus who in turn bumped into McGonagall.
"Are you alright, Mr. Lupin?" she asked.
"Yeah. Just tripped," he lied. She didn't even look suspicious, which only further confirmed the severity of what she was about to tell him.
When they finally reached the landing, McGonagall knocked on the wooden door. It swung open and she passed through, Remus going more slowly to allow the others to squeeze past him first.
Dumbledore was sitting at his desk, looking as if he'd been staring at the door in wait. He leaned forward as Remus and McGonagall moved towards him. "Mr. Lupin. Please have a seat." The usually cheery man was wearing the same somber expression as the Transfiguration professor and Remus felt dizzy with nerves as he lowered himself into a high-backed chair.
"Mr. Lupin..." Dumbledore started. "I'm afraid I have unfortunate news." His stomach lurched at those words. Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder, and as Professor McGonagall had just stepped around to stand with the Headmaster, he could only assume that it was someone under the cloak. He inhaled slowly and recognized Sirius's scent.
"Ah, how silly of me. May I offer you some tea?" Dumbledore summoned a china tea set, filled the pot with leaves and water from an Aguamenti, then boiled it with an Incendio. He then poured three cups. "One lump or two?"
"Um, two please," Remus said with a slight crack in his voice. It was bizarre to be having tea when he was about to be told there was no place for him at Hogwarts, now or in the future, but he supposed that the Headmaster was trying to make his last moments here more bearable. Dumbledore dropped in two cubes of sugar, gave it a stir, and handed the cup over to the werewolf. Remus held the cup but didn't drink.
"There is no easy way to breech this subject," Dumbledore began again. "It's something that most are not prepared to say to...someone so young. Indeed, this is most unfair and I am at a loss for anything more than to simply come out and say it." Yet the old wizard was still struggling to say what was on the tip of his tongue.
Remus's hands were shaking as they clutched the teacup, making droplets splash out onto his lap. "I-It's because of what I am, isn't it? Someone found out a-and now I have to leave the school." Sirius's hand on his shoulder tightened considerably, but he hardly noticed the pain of the grip.
Dumbledore took a sip of his tea. "Sadly, I think you would rather hear that over what I am about to tell you." His bright blue eyes sparkled with sympathy, though Remus was not at all comforted. What could possibly be worse than that?
"Albus, perhaps you should just come out with it," McGonagall said.
"Alas, you're right. I suppose I'm prolonging the inevitable because I wish I didn't have to say this." He took a deep breath and sighed. "Mr. Lupin...I'm afraid there was another Death Eater attack last night. The Wizengamot and I were on the scene to investigate and identify any casualties." Remus's eyes widened slowly, his hold on the teacup becoming even stronger. "Among others…we found the bodies of your parents."
It felt as if the office had disappeared from under Remus as the words echoed in his head. He was dimly aware of the sound of porcelain breaking and searing pain in his hands. Someone shouted his name and then there were shouts everywhere, but he couldn't identify the voices. The only thing he could hear clearly were four words repeating in his mind: My parents are dead. He dropped out of the chair onto his knees and his stomach lurched, expelling his dinner onto the floor. The chaos around him ceased.
McGonagall was the first to react. She cast a quick cleaning spell on the floor and then reached down to help Remus up. "Are you alright, Mr. Lupin?" she asked, guiding him into the chair again. He couldn't speak. He wouldn't have been able to move if it wasn't for McGonagall's help. He only stared blankly ahead, not really seeing what was in front of him. The professor looked to Sirius, James, and Peter, who were now out from under the cloak, hoping that one of them would be able to get through to him.
Sirius was still reeling with what they'd just heard, but he stepped forward, approaching his friend. "Moony?" The werewolf remained stiff and silent. "Remus?" He knelt on the floor in front of him, taking his face in gentle hands. The boy's amber eyes snapped to his, though they were now glinting gold, pupils shrunk to tiny black dots. His breaths were shallow, his entire body was trembling, hands clenched into fists as he bared his teeth in an almost-snarl. Now more than ever, he could see the wolf he'd been getting to know hiding inside his best friend, but Sirius stayed exactly as he was. "Moons," he murmured, trying to get the other boy to relax.
Slowly but surely, the fury drained from Remus's eyes, though he was still shaking and breathing heavily. His gaze focused on Sirius at last, and he swallowed thickly. "Pads…" he choked out. The look on his face and the sound of his voice absolutely broke Sirius's heart, and he pulled the boy into his arms.
Remus collapsed into Sirius and clung to the back of his shirt desperately, sobbing into his shoulder. The pain in his heart from the newly gouged hole was worse than any transformation he'd ever been through. He couldn't imagine life without his parents. They had loved and supported him unconditionally. They had given him everything they could, even when it was more than they could afford. Of all the people in the universe, why did this happen to them?
Sirius rubbed his friend's back as he did his best to comfort the other boy. He was on the brink of tears himself. Remus's parents had taken him in without hesitation and treated him like their own even though he'd sort of thrown himself at them. They were certainly more his parents than his own had ever been, and he loved them. The loss was certainly not as painful for him as it was for Remus, but it did hurt.
Professor McGonagall let Remus cry for a long while, but eventually turned to the other two Gryffindors in the room. "Perhaps you boys should return to your dorm," she said. She could see by the tight embrace that there would be no separating Remus from Sirius.
James and Peter had been standing aside, unsure whether or not they should try to join their friends on the floor, feeling the situation had become somewhat private. Still, they wanted to stay there to show their support, but McGonagall shut them down with a stern look. With one last sympathetic glace, they left the office for the Gryffindor Tower.
Dumbledore, who had been watching the scene unfold wordlessly, finally spoke. "I don't wish to keep you much longer, as I know this must be incredibly difficult for you. But as I know that the rest of your family is Muggle, it seems there will be some tasks that fall to you to be taken care of."
Remus curled his fingers into Sirius's shirt before forcing himself to pull away enough to turn around and face the Headmaster. "F-Funeral arrangements?" He didn't know if he could handle that. He didn't even know how to handle that. Sirius's arm tightened around him.
"No, certainly not," McGonagall broke in. "Your Muggle family will be able to take care of that without needing to know about their status as wizards. However, as I'm sure you have some magical paraphernalia in your house, you will have to be the one to clean it out."
"We'll go with you," Sirius promised.
Remus nodded, closing his eyes. Cleaning out his house wasn't going to be any easier, but at least knowing that Sirius and the others could do that with him was a comfort.
Dumbledore pressed his fingers together beneath his chin. "There's also the matter of your living arrangements. Your house…is in disrepair from the attacks. It may be possible to mend some of the damage magically, depending on the types of spells that have been used there, but I wonder whether or not you'd be comfortable living alone."
Remus wasn't sure on this. He knew that even if they were able to fix the house, he would be continually haunted by the memories of his parents. Besides that, he had no idea how much money his parents might have had saved up to sustain him until he could get a real job to pay for electricity, water, and the house itself. His only option would be to move in with one of his Muggle relatives, but could they really be trusted with the secrets of the wizarding world?
"Albus, I think this is enough for the time being," McGonagall said after a moment. "We can talk about the details later. Right now I think Lupin and Black should head to bed."
Dumbledore peered down at them over his half-moon spectacles. "I believe you are right. I will be in touch with your relatives about the funeral and speak to you then." Remus let out a shuddering breath, still feeling weak. Sirius put a supportive hand on his back to help him up, and kept his arm around Remus's shoulders as they moved to walk out of the office together. "Oh, and Mr. Lupin." Remus turned back briefly. "I'm very sorry."
"Thank you, Professor," Remus murmured, and then they started out of the room again.
The pair made their way back to the dorm in silence, Sirius keeping hold of Remus the entire way. He knew that the latter needed the support. James and Peter were still awake when they got back, but neither knew what to say.
"You should change," Sirius whispered, giving Remus's upper arm a quick rub before letting go. He went to the other boy's trunk and pulled out his pajamas, handing them to Remus. The werewolf accepted them silently, and shuffled off to the bathroom.
Sirius sat on the edge of his bed and looked to his friends across the room. They were all at a loss, but silently agreed that they would do whatever they could to support Remus through this.
When Remus reemerged from the bathroom, all three stood. He walked over to his bed and laid down, curling up on his side. The others exchanged a worried glance, and then moved to surround the bed. Remus's red-rimmed eyes lifted to meet Sirius's who was standing in front of him. Seeing the pity in the other boys' eyes only brought on a fresh wave of tears. That was all it took for his fellow Gryffindors to climb into the bed with him.
The werewolf pressed against his friend immediately, burying his head in the other's neck and wrapping his arms around Sirius's torso. Sirius returned the embrace, fingers trailing lightly up and down his spine. James sat behind Remus, and rubbed his shoulder, and Peter his back. The four laid awake, in spite of their drowsiness, wet trails down their cheeks and soft sniffles through the night.
.:~I~S~S~:.
By the time the winter holidays had officially started, the whole of Gryffindor House and some of the other students had heard about Remus's parents. The boy had been met over those last few days with pitying faces and condolences around every corner. While it was nice that his peers were trying to be kind, he really wished they would stop reminding him of his loss every second of the day.
James invited the boys to his house for Christmas, hoping that the change of pace would brighten up their spirits. But even the most joyful holiday of the year couldn't distract them from the gloom. Especially since Dumbledore had informed Remus that his relatives had scheduled the funeral for December 26th. In spite of his protests, not wanting to further ruin their holiday break, the other Marauders were firm on their stance of accompanying him.
That was why the four of them were in their dress robes, which had been magically modified into Muggle suits, the morning after Christmas. Mr. Potter gave them the location of a Floo station close enough to the cemetery that they could walk, and soon they found themselves in a small crowd of mourners waiting for the ceremony to begin.
Sirius recognized some of the people as Remus's relatives, who had come to the Lupin's for Christmas over the past few years. Others he didn't know, though he could guess they were probably coworkers or friends. They all became quieter when they spotted the newly-orphaned boy with his friends, and Remus's chest tightened.
Eventually the group was led to rows of chairs that were set up in front of two closed caskets, likely kept that way so that the Muggles present wouldn't see any magical effects lingering on the bodies. Remus didn't even know how exactly his parents had been killed or what condition they were in by the end, so he was grateful in a way that he wouldn't be able to see them. He didn't want to have fodder for his imagination.
A minister stood at a podium next to the coffins, and said some opening prayers before asking if anyone wanted to speak. Immediately, Remus could feel expectant eyes on him, but just the thought made his throat close up. There was no possibility of him being able to get through more than a few words without breaking down completely. But after a few painfully slow seconds of silence, Remus knew that everyone was else was waiting on him to go first. So, body trembling and eyes already watering, the tawny-haired boy stood and walked up to the podium, standing next to what he knew were his parents, hiding stiff and lifeless in their coffins. He gripped the wooden top tightly as he attempted to gain control enough to speak.
"I-I…" he started, but had to swallow, voice thick. "There's…so much I could say. So much I w-would have said…to them. If I had known…" He looked down at the podium which was a blurry mess of brown. "I was completely u-unprepared for this. B-But what fifteen-year-old is really ready t-to…to bury their parents?" He finished an octave higher than he'd started, at half the volume. His eyes squeezed shut and hunched over the podium as a rogue sob escaped him. Merlin, he couldn't do this.
Suddenly there was a hand on his back, and Remus's head whipped up to see that Sirius was standing next to him. The dark-haired boy gave him a soothing smile, his eyes shining more silver than usual, and he gently patted his friend's back. The hand remained as Sirius took over the speech, far more composed. "I met Mr. and Mrs. Lupin four years and two days ago, on Christmas Eve. They didn't know me and they certainly hadn't expected me to come to their house, essentially uninvited. But they took me in without hesitation when I had nowhere else to go. They treated me as if I'd always belonged, and from then on I've felt more loved and accepted with them than I ever have with my own family. But I wasn't a special case." Here he moved his arm around Remus's shoulders and gave him a light squeeze, and the guests all smiled. "They supported Remus endlessly and have always done everything they could to make sure he enjoys life to the fullest." He paused, taking a slow breath. "Frida and John Lupin were kind, generous, unconditionally caring, and selfless. Father Christmas himself couldn't have brought me a gift better than knowing those two…I just wish that someone else hadn't taken it away." Now Sirius was starting to break and he cleared his throat, though his lip was quivering. "Mum and Dad…We'll miss you. So very much."
If Remus or Sirius could have seen through their mutual tears, they would not have found a dry eye among the family and friends below. The former was overwhelmed with gratitude and the touching things the latter had said about his parents, so much so that he practically threw himself into Sirius's arms as he wept openly. He loved this boy so much, and if he didn't already know before, he knew now that he could never survive without him.
.:~I~S~S~:.
A few others shared fond memories of the deceased couple, before the caskets were lowered into the ground. Remus had calmed over time, only producing a steady stream of tears for the rest of the ceremony, though watching his parents physically disappear for the last time was enough to bring about another round of hiccupping sobs. Sirius had kept hold of his hand throughout, and James, on his other side, had even put an arm around him in an uncharacteristic move. The support was very much needed and very much appreciated.
When the gravediggers had sent the mourners away so that they could start to fill up the holes, Remus was more than ready to get back to James's and crash for an undetermined amount of time. Before they could get to the entrance of the cemetery, a man appeared through the gates, running towards them with a waving arm. Remus quirked a brow, the stranger seeming familiar, but he couldn't quite place his finger on it. That is, until he came closer and shouted out, "Remus!" with a thick Scottish accent.
"Ernie?" Remus broke from his friends and moved forward as Ernie came to a stop, out of breath, but beaming up at him.
"Remus." The pair embraced for a long moment before breaking apart.
"What are you doing here?" the werewolf asked, smiling for the first time all day as he looked over the older boy in front of him.
Ernie scratched sheepishly at the back of his head. "Well, the obvious, o'course. I mighta misread my parents' message about the time, though." His expression turned softer in sympathy. "M'so sorry about Aunt Frida and Uncle John."
Remus forced his grin to cement onto his face, not wanting to break down again. "You came all this way?"
"Actually, I moved down here a few months ago. Been meanin' to get in touch with ye, but well…" Ernie shrugged, nibbling his lip.
"Who is this, Moony?" James asked as the other three joined them. But Remus didn't get a chance to answer, because Ernie's brown eyes glinted in interest and he zoomed forward to examine the messy-haired Marauder over the top of his thick-rimmed glasses.
"Why'd ya call 'im 'Moony'? Does that have some kind of significance?" James looked down at the shorter young man, bewildered, before looking at Remus over the top of his head. The werewolf laughed, glad to see that over the years Ernie hadn't changed.
"Mates, this is my cousin Ernie. Ernie, this is Sirius, James, and Peter, my friends from school." Remus gestured to each of them in turn.
Ernie seemed to realize by the looks on their faces that he was coming on strong. He let out a little chuckle and then stepped back, though his eyes still held the spark of curiosity. "Sorry. Tend to get a little intense sometimes. Good ta meet ya." He extended his hand and shook each of the Marauders' one by one. Then he turned back to Remus. "Listen, Remus, have ye found yourself a place to live yet?"
"No. I don't exactly know yet what I'm going to do," Remus said. Thoughts on his living arrangements had been pushed to the back of his mind for the time being, since he was still in school for another few months. He knew, however, that he would have to find someplace to stay eventually. James had already offered him a room if he wanted it, but he didn't know how Mr. and Mrs. Potter would take to his lycanthropy, and the fact that he would need someplace to transform every month. He knew that Peter's mother would probably have a heart attack, and Sirius didn't want him anywhere near his parents (nor did Remus really fancy living with them). Yet even if he could fix up his house, he didn't really want to stay there either. There would be too many painful memories and a lot of loneliness.
"Well, if ye ever want to come 'round to mine, I've got an extra bedroom. You could stay for a bit if ye needed. I know most o'the aunts and uncles might be wary considerin' yer health." Remus's smile tightened a bit upon hearing that. He knew that his extended family was under the impression that he was a sickly child, but he hadn't thought that they would be reluctant to take him in because of that. It would explain why none of his adult relatives had offered in the course of their conversations that day, though.
"I don't want to impose," he eventually said. "I mean, I can't contribute financially-"
"That's no issue. I've been managin' the tab on me own for this long. Besides, you're still in school, so yer not using the house but for a few months each year, yeah?"
Remus nibbled at his bottom lip, still hesitant. Honestly, if he was ever going to find a relative that he was comfortable sharing the secrets of the wizarding world with, it was Ernie. He'd always been very open to the idea of magic, ever since Remus had accidentally told him he was a werewolf (shortly after he'd been bitten and before his parents could tell him that he shouldn't share that little tidbit of information; they'd managed to convince him it was Remus's over-active imagination). He could probably handle the truth and take it in stride, but did he really want to burden him with the responsibility of caring for a post-moon werewolf when he was hardly older than Remus himself?
"I'll think about it," he promised. Ernie grinned ear to ear.
"Brilliant! Here, let me give ya the address." He started searching around his pockets and produced a crumpled receipt from a comic book store, as well as a pen that would hardly write, and scribbled his address. "M'gonna go pay my respects then. See you soon," he said as he handed the paper off to Remus. "Gents." He gave the other boys a nod before heading off to where Remus's parents were buried.
"How come I never met Ernie before?" Sirius asked as the boys started up again to leave the cemetery.
"Well, Ernie is really my second cousin; my mother's cousin's son. He and his parents lived in Scotland. They used to visit more often, but by the time we met, he was at uni, so he's been too busy to come for the holidays," Remus explained.
"But he is a Muggle, right?" James said. "I mean, you can't really be thinking of staying with him permanently. How will you explain your turning into a giant wolf every month?"
Remus looked down at the receipt his cousin had given him and folded it up, securely placing it in his pocket. "Ernie's a bit of a conspiracy theorist. He already believes in magic," he told his friends. "He's the only person in my family that I have a chance of trusting if I really need a place to stay." Still, he'd only take up the offer if he was seriously out of options.
The four took the Floo back to James's house and Remus immediately went up to the bedroom, wanting a few moments to himself. The emotional toll was draining him more than an approaching moon. His friends, thankfully, were kind enough to give him some space for the time being, though Sirius couldn't stop himself from coming to check in on his friend after only half an hour.
He knocked on the door frame, poking his head in to find Remus laying back on James's bed and staring at the ornate ceiling with his hands folded on his stomach. "Hey, Moons. Can I…"
Remus didn't mind the intrusion all that much. He'd pretty much dried himself out of any tears at this point, not that he was ashamed to cry in front of Sirius. "Sure." He scooted himself over on the bed so that there was space for Sirius to lay beside him. The dark-haired Marauder stretched himself out next to his grieving friend, and putting his arms behind his head.
They didn't speak at first, just listening to each other's breathing, solidifying the fact that someone was there. Then Remus said, "Thank you. For earlier. I…I could never have gotten through that speech." He turned his head where it was resting on a pillow, looking at Sirius's profile.
Sirius shrugged nonchalantly. "They were like my parents too, Rem. I loved them a lot, so it was no trouble." He turned as well, smiling just the tiniest bit. He couldn't help noting how close they were.
"Still…You're always there for me. I guess…" Remus's eyes became suspiciously shinier. Maybe he wasn't completely dehydrated after all. "I want you to know how much I appreciate it. Because lately it seems like anything could happen…"
Seeing Remus close to tears again made Sirius choke up as well. "Don't think like that," he said. "We're going to be alright. All of us. Everyone at school." He removed one of his hands from behind his head, placing it over both of Remus's, and met his gaze firmly. "Nothing could ever separate us."
Remus swallowed thickly and nodded, and before he knew it, he'd pressed himself into Sirius's side, much as he had the night he'd learned the news. He clung tightly to Sirius, to his last remaining family, his best friend, trying to stave off further crying. The other boy was both right and wrong. He couldn't know whether or not something would happen to them, but Remus would be damned if they weren't together if it did, going down side by side.
