Author's Note: Sorry for the delay, guys…midterms+unexpected brand new local anime con+singing the Harmony Sweepstakes (which is a big deal for those who aren't familiar with it)Sabrina being too busy to write. But I'm back now, huzzah! I just hope this is worth the wait to you all. I'm a bit disappointed in this chapter, but I think it's just because filler chapters are difficult for me to write. Well, anyway! It's Eiji's turn again. Enjoy!

Chapter Four: Terrified Heart

You know me now but to do better than that
You've got to follow me
Boy I'm trying to show you where I'm at
-Poe, "Hey Pretty"

From the very first moment that I opened my eyes, I knew I wasn't in my own bed. For starters, the light had a very different quality than I was used to…the foot of my bed pointed right at the window so that the sun shone directly into my eyes in the morning instead of out of my periphery, and the light didn't usually have that dingy, grey quality. Also, my arms and legs were wrapped around a warm, breathing human body, and that definitely was not the usual situation in my own dorm room.

All things considered, I liked staying at Oishi's a lot more.

The scent that always made me think of everything good in my life surrounded me and I breathed it in happily, gratefully. I could feel every breath he took in my arms, warm and calm and alive. I'd known how much I missed him. For the first month or so after he left for Kyoto, I'd felt like a ghost, not wholly there any more, and the only time I didn't ache was when we talked on the phone. I'd gotten used to not always having Oishi there with me, but that didn't mean I didn't miss him, and I was so happy to be there lying beside him at that moment that I couldn't imagine how I'd ever gotten used to his absence.

I love this man so much, I thought with a grin. I could really be a sap sometimes. I am never going to let him go.

I tightened my arms around Oishi, closed my eyes, and savored the moment.

Unfortunately, though, no matter what I was thinking, I did have to let go at least for a bit. And I hated to do it, but I couldn't climb over Oishi without waking him up anyway, and I needed to get out of bed sometime. "Hooooii," I muttered softly in his ear. "Nya, Syuichirou, you're being so lazy today."

I couldn't see his face, but I knew exactly how Oishi would be wrinkling his nose as he started to wake up. I'd told him about it once and he'd immediately gone bright red and begged me to not talk about it to anyone else. It was too funny for me to want to explain that I'd noticed it long before we started going out. And, well, I was still a little bit embarrassed to let him know exactly how long I'd been in love with him before I told him.

"Mmph…" Oishi turned over onto his stomach and buried his face in the pillow. Inside, I cracked up completely. He was still more of a morning person than I was, but it always made me laugh to think about how much harder it was to wake him up than me. With a grin I jabbed my finger into the small of his back and kept poking him until he turned over onto his back with an annoyed mutter.

I leaned over and brushed my lips over his eagerly. "Well, if you're just going to lie there doing nothing…"

One bleary brown eye opened and met mine. "Please tell me that was your finger earlier?"

I just grinned and didn't answer. "Come on, get up. You're blocking the way out of bed."

"I like it here in bed," Oishi muttered pitifully, but he crawled out from under the covers and out of bed. The minute I was up, he dropped back onto the edge of the bed and stared across the room blinking sleepily without moving. I bent over to lean into his face and wiggled my fingers in front of his eyes.

"Be right back, okay?''

"…Hmmm? Mmm."

I managed not to laugh until I was outside of the room.

After a quick bathroom stop and a pause to wash the last of sleep away with cold water, I let my mind wander as I brushed my teeth. After about seconds my mind went wandering. Oishi hadn't gone to sleep easily last night. As the night went on, he seemed to be more and more anxious about his roommate walking in on us. He wouldn't tell me why he was worried, but I still knew. I'd somehow gotten him to relax and let it drop, thankfully (I'd been more humiliated by that than I wanted to let on and did not like reliving it over and over again!), but I hoped that would last once he woke up all the way and remembered everything again.

"Well," I thought aloud, "it's too early to think, anyway. Maybe when it's not the crack of ten."

Someone walked into the bathroom right then and stared at me like I was crazy. I just picked up my things and flashed him a friendly, freshly-brushed smile. "Morning!"

The other boy just raised his eyebrows and watched me warily as I bounced out the door again. I guess he wasn't fully awake yet, either.

When I got back to Oishi's room, his back was to the door as he shrugged into a clean shirt. I closed the door as quietly as I could, tiptoed across the floor, and rested my chin lightly on his shoulder when I was finally close enough to touch him. "What's the plan for today, hmm?"

Oishi's brow creased in thought. "It…depends. I don't know if my original idea is still a good one, and the other ones all needed advance planning, so I'm not sure any more."

"Reeeeally?" I rolled around so that my back was pressed against his and I was looking up at him upside down from his shoulder. "Well," I added as I reached back and caught his hands in mine, "I can think of a few things we could do."

Instead of laughing or squeezing my fingers back like I expected, Oishi pulled his hands away and turned to face me properly. His expression was troubled. "Eiji, you know I've missed you, right? All of you, not just…" He gestures awkwardly, his ears going faintly pink. "I didn't just bring you here for sex."

A thousand responses ran through my head, most of which I probably would have blurted out in front of anyone else even though they probably weren't the best ideas (I did and Why not? were the most tempting). But this was Oishi, not somebody else, so instead the right words just popped out of my mouth from nowhere. "Nya, I know that already, Syuichirou! Did you think I didn't?"

Oishi shrugged and his gaze drifted off to somewhere over my shoulder. He wasn't avoiding me, though. He was just thinking. Maybe someone else might have been worried that he didn't look them in the eye, but I knew how to read my other half without even having to think about it. "I just wanted to make sure. My roommate…"

Okay, that's enough thinking for now. I reached out and grabbed Oishi's chin so that he had to look back into my eyes. "Hey." I studied him closely for a moment. "Did I already try saying something about your roommate being a guy, too?"

Oishi's eyes widened in surprise. "Ah, no, I don't think…"

"Okay, good. I couldn't remember." Pleased with myself, I crossed my arms firmly. "So I'm guessing he probably has sex, too. In fact," I added, "since his girlfriend goes here, too, he probably has less self-control than we do…"

"Eiji!"

My friend looked so mortified that I couldn't help but laugh. "You brought it up!"

Oishi buried his face in his hands and shook his head. "Yeah, but…was that really…that's not something I want to think about!"

"And I'm guessing he didn't want pictures of me naked on the floor stuck in his head, either," I pointed out, "Seriously, don't you think he would have freaked out a lot more if he were mad at you?"

"Probably," he admitted. "But still…"

"No," I interrupted, "no still. There is a slight chance the same thing might have happened to you if he'd asked you to stay somewhere else while his girlfriend visited. So stop worrying and stop feeling like you have to justify your actions to me when I know you love me anyway, and stop thinking so much, please?" As Oishi's expression wavered uncertainly, I sent him a nervous smile. "It's a new day, now, right? Can we just pretend it didn't happen for a little while? I'm actually really embarrassed about the whole thing and I'd kind of like to stop talking about it…"

That seemed to finally get through to him, and Oishi finally relaxed, shaking his head in disbelief. "Nothing ever embarrasses you."

"Well, fine then," I shot back. "Next time you can be the one who gets walked in on without any pants on, and see how you like it!"

"No thanks. You look better like that than I do," he teased lightly.

I punched him in the shoulder, and when he just laughed I tackled him and sent him sprawling to the floor. "Jerk! We'll just see about that!"

Oishi smirked. "It's true, though."

I pinned his wrists to the floor above his head. "Wanna bet?"


"I win."

Oishi lifted his head up for a moment and stared at me in confusion. "What?"

"I win," I repeated as I pushed myself up from the floor with my elbows. "Hey, how come you have more muscles than me when you don't play tennis anymore?"

"You did not win," he protested. "You have nicer legs than I do. Because you still play tennis."

"I'm your guest. You have to let me win. It's a rule."

"I think you're making that up. I want to see this rule book you're using."

"Sorry. I lent it to your roommate."

"You've never met him except for last night."

"That's what you think. We've been plotting the downfall of the Kyoudai science department for months. My job was to keep you too busy to notice." I let myself fall back to the floor and snuggled into the crook of Oishi's arm. "And now it's too late. Mission accomplished. So, do you have any other plans for today?"

"This was your idea," he pointed out pragmatically. "Remember?"

I pretended to think about it for a moment. "Nope. Don't remember a thing. You erased my brain."

"Flatterer."

"Hey, flattery usually gets me what I want," I replied cheerfully.

"Does it?" Oishi shifted his arm so that his hand rested on my head, and he twirled a piece of my bangs around one finger without seeming to think about it. "What exactly do you want right now, then?"

I shrugged. "Lots of things. Maguro…unago…more of those yummy little Chinese cakes we got at that bakery yesterday…a way to make Tezuka runs laps just to see how he likes it…free tickets to Odaiba for a year…maybe a puppy…"

Oishi snickered. "What about a trip to a ninja museum?"

I sat up and broke into a huge grin. "Wait, seriously?" The smile I got in response was enough of an answer for me. I leapt to my feet and let out a cheer. "Okay, yeah! I want that!"

My partner watched me in amusement for a moment, and then laughed as I grabbed his arm to try and tug him to his feet. "Eiji, it's not in Kyoto. We have to wait until tomorrow at the earliest."

A pang of uncertainty ran through me without warning, and I made myself push it away without thinking. "Well, then, let's do something to pass the time," I replied decisively. "Time goes by faster if we're busy. What else is there to do that's actually in Kyoto?"

Oishi just stared at me in utter disbelief. "…Eiji," he managed at last, "it's Golden Week."

I ducked my head, abashed, and offered him an embarrassed smile. "Well, yeah…but you probably get to go to big festivals all the time now that you live here…"

"No more than you probably do," he pointed out. "Besides, this is my first Golden Week here, too, so I haven't been to these, yet."

It was strange…I suddenly felt nervous about the idea of going out with Oishi. There was no reason for it, but my stomach still jumped and fluttered uncertainly. "You're sure it won't be boring for you?"

I hadn't thought Oishi could look any more disbelieving, but for a second he pulled it off, right before he cracked up. "I don't think that's possible," he managed between laughs. "You're entertainment enough, Eiji. Remember when we went to the Fire Festival in junior high, and you kept running back to the fortune booth in between everything else because you wanted to be sure that you had the best fortune you could get? Or," he choked, "when you finally told me that the reason you were so insistent at the goldfish game was because you wanted to see what I saw in them?"

I smiled back hesitantly, but that nervous, slightly ashamed feeling wasn't going away. "Well, I couldn't keep fancy fish like yours. I might kill them."

Oishi just shook his head in amusement. "Probably. It was still funny. You always have so much fun at those celebrations. You're like a big kid. It'll be plenty of fun with you around! You can get cotton candy, and try and collect those water balloons that you always end up popping before we even leave…"

Oishi kept going on about the fun things we could do if we went to one of the festivals in town, but I lost track of what he was saying. My stomach had flipped over, and I knew why I was nervous, and I didn't like it much.

It was kind of like how I'd felt last night, on the way to meet up with his friends from school. Oishi had moved on and his life was changing, even if he wasn't. But I suddenly felt like I hadn't changed at all. He was making new friends and finding new interests at Kyoudai while I was rooming with someone I'd been friends with since junior high, still hung out with the same people I'd known in junior high and high school, and still spent most of my time playing tennis instead of working on my degree or looking into other interests. And…wasn't that a bad thing? If Oishi was changing, shouldn't I be, too? Would he stop thinking that I was just playful and fun some day, and start thinking I was just childish instead?

If Oishi's life kept changing while mine stayed the same, wouldn't he change, too, and wouldn't I get left behind?

I chewed at my bottom lip thoughtfully and mentally slapped myself. I already knew that Oishi would still love me no matter what. And why in the world was I feeling jealous over all the changes in his life compared to mine anyway? If I were really worried, I'd just start moving on with my life myself. I could have done so already, but I hadn't. I stayed in Tokyo because I wanted to, and I liked the way things were going there just fine. How much stupider and more insecure could I be?

I continued trying to decide whether I should be worried or annoyed with myself, and suddenly realized that Oishi had stopped laughing. I looked up sheepish to meet his gaze, and before I could apologize for blanking out there, his brow creased in concern.

"You…do still like doing those things…don't you?" he asked hesitantly. "If you don't want to, that's fine. I just remembered and thought that maybe you'd like that, that's all…"

As I stared at him blankly, he trailed off and studied me with a confused expression on his face. "What?"

"Hey," I asked slowly as the realization dawned on me, "Syuichirou? You haven't been worried that you wouldn't know me any more, have you?" I tilted my head to study him more carefully. "Were you scared that things would be different between us after being apart like this?"

Oishi's ears went a shade of red that I'd be jealous of under normal circumstances, but his voice was strong and almost defensive. "Yes. Why?"

I couldn't help it. I was just so relieved all of a sudden. A slow grin started spreading across my face until my cheeks hurt from it. "That's great!" I cried happily, and let out a small whoop of joy. Oishi's expression went from embarrassed to completely lost, and I hurried to drape an arm over his shoulders while I explained. "I've been worrying about the same thing," I admitted hastily. "I thought I was the only one!"

Immediately, the confusion lifted and Oishi's gaze softened and made my chest ache with emotion. "No," he replied simply. "You aren't."

I shook my head in disbelief and rested it on top of the hand on his shoulder. "Okay. Good. Wow, we're both being really stupid this week, aren't we?"

Anyone else might have been offended or demanded an explanation for that remark, but Oishi had just the right response. It made me want to climb up on a roof and scream how perfectly we fit together. "Yeah. We really are. So what do we do about it?"

I shrugged. "Who knows? How about we just promise not to think about this at all for the rest of today and tomorrow, and see what happens?"

"Sounds good to me. I can't think of anything better anyway."

"Really? Ooo, I can't wait to tell Fuji! He always said you were the smart one."

Oishi's brow creased again and he winced. "I think that was a compliment. Maybe. I can't tell with Fuji."

"That's okay," I replied as I straightened back up and stretched my arms up over my head, reveling in sensation. My whole body felt so light now. I hadn't felt so good since before Oishi had accepted his enrollment at Kyoudai, not even when I first saw him at the train station yesterday. "I just want you for your body, anyway. I can be the smart one now."

"There are several things wrong with that statement," Oishi mused with mock levity. "Can I ask how you're even finishing your homework without me there hounding you?"

I stuck my tongue out at him. "You're just jealous that you aren't the eye candy." As Oishi shook his head at me with an expression of disbelief on his face, I bounced around to drape myself over his back. This time, when I snatched up his hands into mine, he didn't pull away, and I decided we could just stay like that all the rest of the week and I'd be more than happy.