Confidences

A quarter of an hour before the appointment with Remus, Lily and Sev picked up and left the Haven in a condition to be closed for a while. Now the one who was carrying the heavily loaded backpack was Sev, with everything she had brought him, plus some books that he had there.

They went out together and Lily thought he would go down the passage to the second floor, since Filch was no longer on patrol at such a wee hour of the morning. But he walked her over to where Remus stood, at the junction of the main fifth-floor corridor with the darkened gallery of windows.

Remus had already been there for about ten minutes, to keep an eye on the Map and so Lily wouldn't have to wait for him in the open, and they turned the corner at five thirty sharp by his watch.

He came out of the invisibility cloak so they could see him. He wasn't surprised that Snape accompanied Lily, what did surprise him was that as soon as he saw him, he stepped forward, heading towards him determinedly, holding out his hand. Their handshake was warm and firm, and longer than a mere greeting. In the black gaze he could see trust and gratitude, and he was sorry that he had his back to the lighted corridor, so that he, too, could have seen the similar expression on his face.

Lily had approached them one step away, totally moved, Sev hadn't warned her that he was going to do such a thing. She found it incredible that just a month ago he had distrusted Remus completely, and now she was witnessing the beginning of a deep friendship.

When they parted ways, Sev retraced his steps to head back down the passage. Remus handed her the Cloak and covered her with it, thus effecting the exchange of guardians, she felt like a princess. The entire scene took place in absolute silence.

The next day, the first school day of the year, the usual school routine began again. They had agreed on the way to communicate by letter, instead of every day, they would do it alternately, Sev would write the couple days and leave the letter the next day before breakfast, and Lily, Remus or Cecile would pick it up later, before school, taking turns so Potter wouldn't get suspicious and the other two keeping an eye on him. Then she would respond and they would do the same thing the next day but vice versa.

They agreed to leave the first two letters in the book of endemisms and from then on in each one they notified the other in which book they would leave the next one by means of a code. The initial of the subject of the Library aisle, the left or right shelf, the shelf number starting counting from the bottom and the position of the book in it starting at the end of the aisle. For example, 'Charms, left shelf, third shelf, book forty-two' would be CL342.

They told each other what they did and talked about love, without ever mentioning their names. If they did it with someone else they used abbreviations, and also for the Haven and other places. When there was a thorny issue to deal with, they used the endemism book for an extra message, notifying it in the letter with a small circle at the end of the code.

Since the letters never spent more than half an hour in their hiding places and it was during the time when everyone was having breakfast, they never got caught and only had to use the owls when there was some urgent matter.

Since they had detailed news every two days, they hardly tasted the berries anymore, which had been shared in half, trying to ration them as much as possible, anticipating more difficult times. They only did this if they had a concern and it seemed to them that the other might be suffering. Due to bad news, they always left a certain bitter aftertaste, more or less intense depending on the case.

Lily advanced in Transfiguration thanks to Sev's revelations and both he and Remus continued to help her in Arithmancy. She soon started with the fourth year book and she was already able to use intuition to improve the recipes on some occasions. They also both helped Lupin learn how to apply it in Potions.

They sat in the dungeon classroom, Sev, alone now, and Remus where always, at the same height, separated only by the aisle, often exchanging smiles and appreciative glances. Cecile ahead of Remus and Lily next to her, who had the worst place, because she now had Potter closer and had to put up with his impertinence often, although she completely ignored him.

In the Great Hall they kept their places from the night they arrived, with Lily facing away from the Slytherin table but communicating through Cecile, who was still partially seeing Sev, though they hardly needed to use this system.

There were several breaks in this routine. Lily decided to get down to business as soon as possible with the advise that Sev had given her to try to get to know herself better in order to help him give her pleasure. And she thought that a good start would be to probe Cecile, who was usually very reserved about such topics. She never participated in the girls' conversations about boys, which tended to be quite mischievous and lively when they hung out with the badgers, though not explicit enough for Lily to learn very much she should know at her age, just like Sev had guessed.

Cecile used to go to bed shortly after dinner, to read or study alone away from the noise of the Common Room. In that, too, she was like Sev, a lover of solitude.

So the day after their date at the Haven, Lily followed her into their bedroom when she went upstairs. When she entered their room, she saw that she was already making it easy for her, as she had the curtains drawn except for an opening on the side of Lily's bed.

She sat across from her, she was reading a Muggle novel.

"Hi Lily! Are you going to bed? You must be tired." She said it without looking up from the book or compromising her, she was prompting her, in her own way, to speak.

She thought that by returning the greeting she had given Sev the night before, in code, Cecile would understand. "Well, the truth is that I'm not, Romeo's potions work great. By the way, he sends his regards, Nurse."

Sure enough, Cecile understood, marked the page in her book and put it down, turning to her with a smile. "How about the Infirmary? Did you have a good time?"

And Lily, who always reciprocated when someone opened up to her, began to tell her what they had done, the least compromising, the Transfigurations, the plot of the letters, the discovery of Druid Magic, the twin Patronuses…

Cecile was very interested, making comments and questions, and she was surprised with the lilies. "It came out to him because it's your flower, sure." And even more so with Ancestral Magic. "That's a gold reef…" And confirming her about the Patronus. "Didn't you know what a Patronus is? It is on the fifth year syllabus, and yes, that is very rare, twin Patronuses and the first time. I only get the incorporeal, but for Snape to get it... It confirms that he doesn't want to be a Death Eater, he hasn't lied to you, Lily."

She already knew that very well, but she was glad that Cecile found out about it too, so she would have one more reason to be loyal to Sev.

When they had exhausted the less angular topics but already in the area of confidentiality, Lily became more serious and said, "Can I ask you a personal question? If you don't want to, don't answer me."

"Well, do it, I'll see."

"Have you ever been with a boy?"

The astute Cecile immediately understood that Lily didn't want to talk but about herself and Snape but she didn't know how to start, she never participated in the other's risqué conversations either. And to give her confidence, she decided to answer her question, although she was also jealous of her privacy, she knew that Lily would not slip. After all, they made a pact.

"Well, yes, I have had a couple of experiences, one very good and the other very bad. But come," opening her bed and moving aside. "Close your curtains as if you were inside and get in with me, the others will come soon."

Lily did so, closing Cecile's curtain as well and conjuring the Muffliato.

"And so?" Cecile asked.

"A Sev's invention, so we don't be heard us."

"Wow…" She was amazed.

Cecile told her chronologically. The previous summer, a Muggle boy from her neighbourhood, who didn't know she was a witch, had declared to her, telling her that he had been in love with her for years. She had never paid attention to him, he was just a neighbor, but the boy was so nice and attentive that out of curiosity, she accepted him and they started dating.

He treated her like a lady and never forced anything on her. 'Like Sev,' Lily thought. But she, since she felt so comfortable with him, thought that she might fall in love with him, one day she kissed him and they continued like that for about two weeks.

The boy never tried to get further, he continued to respect her and treat her very well, but she realized that she wasn't attracted enough to him. Besides, he was a Muggle, and she felt they could never connect as equals. So she left him, and she knew that she had hurt him a lot, but even so he continued corresponding with her the rest of the summer and also at Christmas, without reproaching her or reminding her of what they had had, simply treating her like a good friend.

Cecile concluded, "You see, someone with a beautiful soul, who was worth it, and I go, and idiot of me, don't fall in love. And now the bad…"

At the beginning of the school year, the opposite happened to her. She began to notice a seventh-year Ravenclaw boy she saw in the Great Hall. She looked at him often, he caught her sometimes and soon they started with inviting little glances.

She liked him very much physically, he soon found the opportunity to approach her and propose a secret date, in an empty classroom between dinner and curfew. He whispered so sensually in her ear that she couldn't resist and accepted.

As soon as they met, without even introducing to each other, he jumped on top of her. The guy kissed and touched her so well that she became frantic and let herself be carried, but soon he began to undress her and to take her hand, almost forcing her, to touch him.

She tried to refuse without getting violent, but he wouldn't let her, so she had to push him off of her by kneeing him in his bits. She threw him a Stupefy and ran off, changing places in the Great Hall immediately, not to see him anymore.

"So you see, I'm a disaster, I have no criteria to choose men, I reject the good one and the bad one attracts me. Well... and you... how about Romeo?"

And then Lily summed up her entire recent relationship, from the attempted kiss to the 'love fight' last night, and Cecile would make some comment, "So he knew you were for him and he waited for you to take the step... He asks your permission every time you try something new... He cares more about making you enjoy than doing it himself... You get crazy and he doesn't take advantage... And you also love him and want him, don't let him escape. And listen to him about going slowly, I'm sure he has a much harder time controlling himself than you do, he's a man, and even so, he was the one who had to stop you. Don't force him again, he knows what to do, you have a jewel."

'Oh... and I didn't appreciate him…'

"Can I tell you something that makes me a little more embarrassed…?"

"Of course, but if this hasn't given you shame, I don't know what else can give you shame," laughing.

She explained her subsequent conversation with Sev, except for his intimacies.

"Well yes, the truth is, for never having been with a girl he is very intuitive and delicate. Have you seriously never had an orgasm?"

"A what?"

"That's what it's called to 'finish', and of course we can do it alone. I have been doing it since I can remember."

"Really?"

"Yes, I don't remember when I started, so imagine. But I can't help you much, because each woman is different, we are not like them, they all do it the same. So what he has told you, you have to try alone, it might be hard for you, and don't expect it to work out for you together the first time either. It's okay to stay halfway, you've been together for a very short time, if you love each other and you're comfortable, it doesn't matter. Don't put him in a bind, I'm sure you made him feel bad yesterday for not satisfying you."

Lily made a sad face. "Ugh... I'm an idiot…"

"No, honey, it was that you had no idea. Surely he has understood, and when he sees that you have changed your attitude, he will feel more secure."

"And you… how do you know so many things?"

"From my older sister and her friends."

Lily thought that if she got along with Petunia she might have saved herself a lot of ignorance.

"You told me before that you are going to write to each other, right?" Cecile asked.

"Yes, tomorrow it's my turn."

"Well, tell him as soon as possible, without giving him details of what we've talked about, that you're not in a hurry either. Knowing him, I'm sure he's brooding on the subject, poor boy. As if he didn't already have enough."

Lily sighed.

"That said, take care of him, you have a treasure," Cecile continued. "And now, in return, I'm going to tell you something else."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. I like another boy, this one is really good and a wizard, and you can't even imagine who he is. Let's see if you guess…"

"Is he from Gryffindor?" Lily saw Cecile nod in the dim light with an excited smile. "From our year?" Cecile did it again. "Then I know who he is, there's only a good one."

'What a pity.' Because Remus had told her, when they shared confidences, that he never aspired to have a partner or family because of his 'furry problem'. Tears filled her eyes for her two friends, luckily Cecile couldn't see her in the dim light.

She was already telling her, excited, "It was since the Express. Do you remember how the three of us stayed looking at each other, in silence? I saw his soul, he's wonderful. That's why I asked you for his address later and we corresponded two or three times at Christmas. We have many things in common, we like Muggle literature and cinema, and we talked about those things, I even told him about Romeo and Juliet about you…" She had never seen Cecile so happy. "And we've been sitting together in the Great Hall for a while now, I expected a change on his part today, but he has carried on as always, talking to Potter and the others, ignoring me. You have a lot of confidence in him, Lily, you have to help me out, because I think he likes me but I get the feeling that he's even shyer than Snape."

Lily sighed imperceptibly, she couldn't reveal Remus' secret to her, but she couldn't discourage her either, because perhaps, if he found the right person, who would accept him unconditionally, and that one could perfectly well be Cecile, he would change his perspective on his own fate, as it had changed Sev's that she loved him.

"Well, trust him too. Now you have something else in common, you are helping us, and such a big secret shared unites a lot. Approach him when he is not with the others, study together, in the Common Room or in the Library. Don't be shy, help him out, and keep talking about what you both like."

'Maybe that way, he himself will confide in Cecile.'And she also had an idea, a double date, the four of them together. 'Excellent!Sev will have the opportunity to meet his two new friends in person, and Remus and Cecile, being with another couple, will tend to hang out with each other.'

She thought it over and finally came up with an elaborate plan. Her birthday fell on a Friday, and the next day, like every last Saturday of the month, there was trip to Hogsmeade. If the three Gryffindors stayed in the castle they wouldn't arouse suspicion in the eyes of the others, Sev had the biggest problem… waiting for the letter.

She would probe him and try to convince him to perform the Druid ritual, it was a new moon... 'Auspicious!' Surely he, if he could, would not refuse, he would also want her to feel the magic...