****TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains mentions of abuse. If you are affected by that in any way, please do not read.
FOR WARNINGS AND DISCLAIMER, SEE FIRST CHAPTER AN.
Sirius spun out of the fireplace into his living room, and already he was wishing that he could turn back around. Even if he wasn't facing a summer's worth of grounding and starvation, he resented Grimmauld Place more and more with each passing year simply because he didn't belong here. He hated the thought of having to spend another two years calling this place home, but he took solace in the fact that as soon as he was of age, he'd be able to get a place of his own. Even if it was a tiny, crappy little flat that he could barely afford with his job, anything was better than here.
The living room was empty, which worked to Sirius's advantage. He crept across the floor towards the stairs, hoping he could slip unnoticed into his room, when a deep clearing of someone's throat made him jump.
"Where exactly have you been this past week?"
Sirius turned around slowly, coming face to face with a man he hadn't seen in five years. Orion Black was tall, with the same sharp features both his sons shared, and piercing grey eyes. His dark hair was slicked back to his head, and even though it was evening there was not a hint of shadow on his cheeks. He kept his chin raised, peering down at Sirius with all the fatherly affection of a Dementor.
"You will speak when you are spoken to," Orion ordered and Sirius felt his shoulders straighten out of habit. His skipping out on so many holidays may have kept them separated since he'd been at Hogwarts, but the affect that the man's voice alone could have on him couldn't be unlearnt. The reflex response didn't last, however, as Sirius crossed his arms over his chest and lifted his head defiantly.
"I was with a friend," he answered, staring his father down. Even after hitting his full height the man before him still towered over him, but he wasn't going to be intimidated.
Orion's eyebrows lifted slightly, and he started to circle Sirius. "You're getting quite brazen." His eyes scanned his son up and down, appraising the changes he'd missed the gradual development of. His head never moved except to turn left or right as needed, his eyes doing the bulk of the work, until he was standing in front of Sirius once more. "Unfortunate that Hogwarts still hasn't incorporated basic manners and respect into their curriculum. Perhaps you'd do better being home schooled."
Sirius scoffed. "If I had any interest in learning how to use Dark magic and how to discriminate, I'd have been in Slytherin." But as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he regretted it. The usually solid steel of his father's irises suddenly flashed a dangerous silver before returning to their cool resting state.
"Your rebellious attitude is obviously a cry for the discipline you're so severely lacking at school," his father said in a clipped tone, and Sirius put all his willpower into not showing an ounce of fear on his face. "Luckily, I'm more than capable of making up for lost time." That certainly didn't bode well. "Of course, one's attitude is as much a physical state as it is mental. This should be an easy fix."
Sirius didn't know what to expect when his father whipped out his wand, and he braced himself. Orion made quick slashing motions with it and a slicing sound whizzed past both of Sirius's ears, but he felt no pain. The back of his neck suddenly felt cold, however, the feeling trickling down his spine. Sirius lifted shaking hands to the sides of his head.
His hair had been chopped above his ears.
"Well-groomed hair is the first step to a well-groomed child," Orion said with a small twitch of his lips. Sirius was still grasping at the air where his dark waves had been moments before in disbelief. "You will remain in your room for the rest of the summer. One meal a day, no sending or receiving mail. Perhaps that will teach you not to act as if you live by your own rules." Orion moved a step closer, all that was needed to make him seem even larger. "And if you set even one toe out of line, I assure you that you will wish we hadn't waited five years for a father-son reunion." Still somewhat in shock, Sirius made his way to the stairs.
Halfway up the flight, his entire body began trembling with hatred and remorse, but he forced himself not to cry. He wouldn't give his father the satisfaction of knowing how hurt he was over his hair, because he was much more upset than he'd like to admit. His head felt too light without the thick layer of dark tendrils. His face felt exposed. It was as if his father had shrunk him back down to that forcibly dressed up child presented to his family as 'the heir' at every function. He didn't dare to look in the mirror when he reached his room, knowing that the sight of the chop job would break his resolve.
Sirius slammed the door shut and locked it tightly, pressing his back against it. What he wouldn't give to be able to Apparate. He wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed with Remus as they'd had the freedom to do over the past few days and feel his long fingers on his scalp. Remus loved his hair, he was going to be horrified by this 'new look'. At the very least, he had to send him a message to let him know what was going on, although he didn't know how he was going to manage that without getting in even more trouble. Regulus certainly wasn't going to be any help, not with their darling Daddy around. He'd be kissing his arse even more than usual. Maybe he could make Kreacher do it. The elf did have to follow his orders as much as the rest of his family.
Sirius went to his desk and pulled out his quill and parchment.
Moony,
I wanted to write you so that you wouldn't worry, but I don't know if I'm going to be able to send you any letters for a while. My father's home for some reason and...well, he's being himself. I'm grounded for disappearing for the week and I'm not even supposed to be sending you this, but I know that you get upset when you don't hear from me. Don't even think of blaming yourself for this, nothing would have stopped me from being there with you these past few days. Besides, if it wasn't this, then it would have been something else with dear old Dad lurking about.
Don't send anything back. I'm going to make Kreacher send this for me, and that's easier to get away with than receiving an owl. I'm sure my father can't stand to be away from his business for more than a few days, so once he's gone I'll be able to get in touch again. For now, I hope everything's going alright with Ernie, and that you're feeling better. Merlin, I miss you so much, Moons. Summer holiday is too long when you're not allowed to leave your house.
I love you,
Sirius
Sirius folded the letter up, then sealed it into an envelope. He even held it to his lips for a moment, closing his eyes. He could picture Remus's worried face as he read it, and it tugged at his heart, but at least his boyfriend would know that he was alive. For now.
He put the letter into a drawer for the time being, not wanting to risk trying to get Kreacher's attention right now. It was too soon after his confrontation with his father for him to risk getting caught. He'd try to send it later, when everyone was asleep.
.:~I~S~S~:.
Somehow Sirius was always able to adjust to eating less when he was punished, even though he was used to the full banquets of Hogwarts. He supposed there a twisted benefit to this, in that if he were ever to find himself in a situation where he was starving, he'd have a better
chance of survival. How likely it was that he would be in such a situation was up for debate.
For a few days, he passed the time near his door, listening, transforming into Padfoot to enhance his hearing range. He wanted to know the exact moment his father left. At least then he would feel safe enough then to start sneaking around the house at night. But he never heard anything promising him a day or time of departure, which was making him antsy. He didn't think he could handle the entire summer like this, especially when he didn't even have Regulus for some temporary company. Was his father trying to keep an eye on him?
A scratching sound broke the long-stretching silence as dusk fell on the fourth day, and he turned to see that there was an owl at his window. His eyes widened and he quickly opened it to let the bird in, not wanting his family to hear anything suspicious coming from his room. The owl perched on his shoulder and held out its leg to offer him a rolled piece of parchment. Immediately he recognized Remus's handwriting.
"I told him not to write…" Sirius murmured to himself, but he couldn't help smiling. Risky as it was, hearing from Remus renewed his hope, reminding him that there were better things waiting for him at the end of his undeserved sentence. He unrolled the letter.
Pads,
Your family really knows how to bring out the wolf in me. I can't understand how they can punish you for doing things that any normal teenager has a right to do. The day you finally move out of there is the day I'll be able to stop worrying. Are you sure you're going to be okay? Are they feeding you? I know you told me not to write back but I couldn't just sit around and wait to hear from you again. Do you have any idea when your father's going to be gone?
I'm settling in alright at Ernie's. I told him that I'd be coming to visit you, actually, as a cover for the you-know-what. There's only a hair more than two weeks until the next one, and I've been writing back and forth with Madam Pomfrey, trying to arrange a way to get back into the Shack. I don't know how it's going to be since I'll be on my own for the first time in a while, but she promised she'd be there the next day so at least I don't have to worry about looking after myself when it's over.
I miss you too, Sirius. I wish I could be there with you now. Promise me you'll keep in touch as much as possible or I'm going to look like an old man by the time we go back to school.
I love you too,
Moony
Sirius could feel himself choking up, even though the letter hardly warranted tears. He just missed Remus so much, and he hated the thought of him going through a transformation alone when they'd made so much progress over the school year. He swallowed back the lump in his throat and turned to the owl. "Can you wait for me to write a letter?" he whispered to it. It hooted eagerly, and he quickly put a finger to his lips to shush it. It folded its wings up and settled itself on the footboard of the bed to wait. Sirius pulled out fresh parchment and his quill.
Moons,
No one can understand the warped way that my parents think. If I could get a job, a real job that would pay enough to live, I'd move out right away. I'm going to be 17 this year anyway, so I'll be able to do magic outside of school, but I can't think of anyplace that would take someone who hasn't graduated yet.
I get one meal a day. As soon as my father is gone, I'm going to sneak out for more food in the middle of the night, so don't worry. I won't let myself be underfed.
I should be there with you, Moons. Without us you might wind up beating yourself up even more than before. Maybe I could sneak out and fly over there. I could make it back before anyone notices I'm gone.
But siriusly, Moony, please don't send another letter. It's too risky. I swear, it won't be much longer before things go back to how they usually are over the summer, and then you won't have to be as worried, but until then, just wait for me to write you again.
By the way, I don't mind if your hair gets a little gray. I think it'll make you look distinguished, and might I say, very attractive.
Love you more,
Padfoot
Sirius folded up the letter and softly whistled for the bird to come closer. But as it glided towards the desk, its long wing knocked into Sirius's armoire, causing it to wobble until a glass bottle of cologne sitting on top of it crashed to the floor. It shattered, leaking the scented liquid, but Sirius couldn't care less about that. He quickly shifted into Padfoot and scampered towards his bedroom door to listen.
Footsteps were coming up the stairs.
He cursed as he turned back to his human self and returned to the apologetic-looking owl with his letter. He only had seconds to get it tied onto its leg before his father burst through the door. But try as he might, his hands simply wouldn't cooperate. Just as he was about to throw the letter out the window and send the bird empty-clawed, the door slammed open. The owl fled on its own.
Sirius whipped around with his face frozen in horror. Orion stepped into his room and his cold gaze swept around the space, taking in the decorations (the Muggle posters he'd gotten last summer, some pictures James had given him copies of, and of course his bright red and gold Gryffindor flags) as well as the guilty position in which he'd caught his son. He took two long strides and was next to him almost instantly, taking the parchment from his loose fingers. Sirius could only watch in fear as his father read what was in the letter.
"I see," he murmured as he reached the end. He ripped up the letter, and this finally snapped Sirius back into reality. He stood up to try to retrieve the pieces of parchment.
"Hey-"
There was a loud crack and a sharp sting on Sirius's cheek, as he found his head had been forcibly turned. It wasn't the first time his father had hit him, but they'd only ever been swats before, and never to his face. He clutched his cheek as he turned back towards Orion, reflexive tears in his eyes.
"You've always been a disgrace to this family. A troublemaker from birth, a blood traitor, and now a queer." His steely eyes were filled with disdain. "You do not deserve the hallowed title of heir to the House of Black, let alone the Black family name."
Sirius could feel his hands curling into fists. If he could use magic right now… "I don't want it anyway!" he snapped, skin still burning where his father's palm had made contact. "I'm proud of who I am, especially because I'm nothing like the rest of you snake-skinned, pig-headed, backwards pricks!"
The next thing he knew, the most excruciating pain he'd ever experienced was searing through every inch of his body. He dropped to the floor and screamed, writhing as he tried to escape the intense, torturous feeling. Tears were pouring down his face involuntarily as he begged and pleaded to anything that would listen to make it stop!
Abruptly, though after an indeterminate amount of time, the pain disappeared, but his whole body could feel echoes that left him too weak to move. Sirius sobbed into the floor until he was dragged to his feet like a rag doll. "You are a waste of our precious blood," his father told him, but while the words were laced with venom, his attitude was still indifferent. "Your brother could teach you a thing or two about respect." Orion punched Sirius in the stomach, and he would have doubled over if the man wasn't holding him by the shirt collar. "Proper behavior." He went for Sirius's face, pain blooming under his eye. "Following the natural order of the world." He kicked out Sirius's legs and let him fall to the floor, following up with a second, "Crucio!"
Sirius screamed again, ready to die if that was what it took to end this misery. When it finally did cease, he was a broken mess, clutching at his abdomen and crying so hard he could barely hear his father's next words.
"This has been quite a long time coming, and doesn't even begin to cover your disgusting faggot behavior. That will require some thought." With that, Orion left the room, closing the door behind him and locking it with a powerful spell. Sirius remained as he was, simply unable to move from all the abuse, though he knew he couldn't stay that way forever. Panic drove him to push himself from the floor and pull his trunk out from under the bed.
Sirius had never been so terrified in his life. If the Cruciatus Curse was the consequence just for sending a letter, he didn't want to find out what he got for being gay. Which was why he was hastily throwing everything from his room that he cared about into his trunk. He double and triple checked that all the most important items were accounted for. He certainly wouldn't be coming back to retrieve anything he missed.
When the trunk was full to bursting, Sirius forced it closed and pulled his broom out from where he'd hidden it behind his headboard. He tied the trunk onto the back with his dress robe ties, making sure it was secure before he guided the broomstick to his window. Just as he was about to mount it and take off, there was a soft knock at the door.
"Sirius?"
Sirius could hardly believe his ears. He approached the door. "What do you want, Regulus?"
"I…I just wanted to see if you were alright. Can I come in?"
"Oh sure. Now you want to check on me, after I've been starving for four days and had an Unforgivable used on me," Sirius said in a whisper-yell. "Just go back to being the golden child and turn your head."
"Don't be like that, Sirius," Regulus said. "I'm already risking getting myself grounded just talking to you. You know what would have happened if I tried to stand up for you or help you at all."
Sirius rolled his eyes and scoffed. "Shouldn't it be worth it when your father is unjustly torturing your brother?" There was no response. "I guess you've always been right about us, Reg. We're just different kinds of people. I'm the kind who fights for what I believe in and you just try to stay on the good side of those in power." He looked back to his waiting broom, heart clenching. "I'm leaving, and I'm not coming back. If you have any sense of what's right in the world, you should leave too."
Sirius strode back to his broom and climbed on, closing his eyes against the returning tears. He knew Regulus would never leave; it just wasn't in his nature. That didn't make it any easier to accept.
He kicked off from the floor, taking one last look at his room, and then jetted into the night sky.
.:~I~S~S~:.
It took a few hours of flight, and excessive use of the Point Me functionality on his wand, but eventually Sirius found Potter Manor. His body still ached from the curse, he was tired and hungry and emotional, but he had made it in one piece. That was a lot less pieces than he would have been if he'd stayed where he was. He rang the doorbell, and a moment later, a House Elf answered.
"Hello? You is familiar," he said, and Sirius remembered him as the one who'd given him mead at New Years.
"Yeah, um…Is James awake?" Sirius asked.
"Padfoot?" The messy-haired boy's head suddenly appeared around the doorframe. "What are you-Oh Merlin. What happened?" Hazel eyes darted from Sirius's cheek (where a red welt and black eye had developed) to the top of his head (the haircut Sirius was still trying to forget) to his loaded broom, and James opened the door wider.
"I ran away from home," Sirius stated, and the gravity of those words made it feel more like a solid truth.
"Wow…" James looked him over again as he passed into the house. "Why? I mean, I know why, but what triggered this?" His eyes flitted again to Sirius's hair.
Sirius was about to explain, but he could feel a lump forming in his throat at the mere thought of reliving the experience. He'd been able to focus on getting out and away until now, but having arrived, there was nothing to distract him from the fresh memories. He knew that if he tried to talk about it, he would break down, and he didn't want to do that in front of James. "C-Can we talk about it later?" he said, voice choked. "I'm beat."
Seeing that he was on the edge, James quickly nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, come on. Leaf, can you take Sirius's things up for us?" The elf nodded, and with a snap of his fingers, he and the broom were gone. James put a hand on Sirius's back to guide him towards the stairs, and as they climbed, he slid his whole arm around his friend's shoulders. The other boy leaned into the touch with a shuddering breath, relaxing.
Neither spoke a word until they reached James's room, and said Marauder moved from his friend to the desk. "I'm going to write to Moony, okay?" Sirius nodded as James scribbled something on a scrap of parchment and then left the room, presumably to get an owl. He was grateful that he didn't have to ask to get in touch with his boyfriend. Much as he loved James, he really wanted to bury himself in Remus's arms and hide.
Sirius looked around the room while James was gone and spotted his broom and trunk in the corner. He decided to change into his pajamas while he waited. Taking his shirt off was more of a challenge than he thought. His stomach was incredibly sore, and when he did manage to remove the article of clothing, he found multiple bruises forming on his skin. His father had certainly had fun with him while he was lost in the Cruciatus Curse. He pulled his pajamas on as fast as he possibly could with his protesting body, tossing his dirty clothes into the trunk in their place just as James came back in the room. "You can put them in with my laundry," he said, gesturing to the basket near the wardrobe. Sirius lifted his head and the bespectacled boy gave him a gentle smile. He cleared his throat.
"Thanks," he said, voice still pitched higher than usual. He busied himself with moving his clothes to blink away the shine in his eyes. "So…Do you have a sleeping bag or…"
James had gone to the bed to pull down the covers. "No, but we can sort out a room for you tomorrow." He climbed into bed and patted the spot next to him. Sirius's lips twitched up. He went to the other side of the bed and settled in, laying on his side facing James but keeping some distance. The other boy was looking back at him, nibbling at his lip. "So, uh…I know I'm not Remus but…well, if you want to like hug or something…I know you're a tactile person…"
This had Sirius laughing, though it didn't have its usual mirth. Being in James's presence, simply being anywhere other than Grimmauld Place, was starting to ease the bad thoughts from his mind. "Thanks, mate, but you don't have to. I'll be okay."
"But I want to. C'mon, I promise I won't feel weird if you don't." James motioned for Sirius to scoot in closer. While it really was weird for both, it was something that Sirius couldn't deny he needed, and so he moved across the bed until he was pressed against James.
They situated themselves comfortably, Sirius with his head on James's shoulder, one of the taller boy's arms under him, the other folded between them. They kept their legs bent and only touching at the knees. It was a different sensation from cuddling with Remus, not only because of the boundaries, but because James was more built and smelled different (strangely floral, like a brisk spring breeze), yet it wasn't at all unpleasant. In fact, Sirius felt incredibly safe, the last of his feelings over the events at home dissipating enough to allow him to close his eyes and get some sleep.
.:~I~S~S~:.
Sirius's eyes flew open and he found himself in the familiar darkness that was his bedroom. At first, he didn't seem to think this was abnormal, until he remembered what had happened the night before. He froze in terror. What was he doing back at Grimmauld Place?
He sat up quickly, expecting his abdomen to protest from the pain of his father's kicks. Yet he felt nothing. He frowned. Maybe it had all just been a very realistic nightmare. He decided to check and see if the bruises were there, which would prove whether the trauma had all just been an elaborate fantasy.
As he tried to lift his arms, however, he found that they were chained at the wrists to either side of the bed. What the hell? He tugged and tried to slip his hands through the cuffs, but they were tight and secure. The rattling of the metal must have alerted his father to the fact that he was awake, because moments later, he stepped into the room.
"Welcome back, my little troublemaker."
Sirius's heart was racing in fear. "How did you find me?" He kept trying to struggle against the restraints, even though it was a futile effort.
"You thought it would be so easy to run, didn't you? I'm afraid you've only made things worse for yourself." Orion approached the bed slowly.
"You can't keep me here. My friends will save me. Dumbledore will come when he sees I'm not at school," Sirius said, though he sounded desperate and unsure.
"Dumbledore?" Orion uncharacteristically cackled, sounding more like Sirius's mother in the moment. "You think Dumbledore cares whether you're missing? I am your father, I have absolute control over your fate. From now on, I will be your Headmaster. And since you didn't seem to learn properly the first time, we're going to start from the ground up." He raised his wand and Sirius knew without being told that he was about to wipe out his memories. He was going to brainwash him.
"Y-You can't do this!" He squirmed even harder, and when he kicked his legs he realized that they too were chained down. Orion was getting closer, and Sirius was panicking, trapped like a rat.
Suddenly he had the idea to transform into Padfoot. The dog could surely slip out of the restraints, and his sharper teeth would be able to bite Orion so he could escape. He might reveal his secret, but it was worth it to get away. He concentrated on changing into the black dog.
Nothing happened.
As if Orion knew what he was trying to do, he smirked. "I've suppressed your magic. There's nothing you can do." Tears were streaming down Sirius's cheeks as he realized that he was doomed. He stared up at Orion with wide, fear-filled eyes. The man pointed his wand at Sirius's face and twisted his arm, preparing the spell-
Sirius screamed, flying from the bed. In the process, he knocked James out as well, and they both tumbled to the floor in a heap.
"Merlin's beard, Padfoot, what the hell?" James complained as he rubbed his head. Sirius sat up and looked around, confused. He was back in James's room at Potter manor, morning light filling the large space. He was safe. Shaking, breathing raggedly, heart hammering, but safe.
"Sirius!" another voice said, and Sirius's head snapped up to see Remus at the door, holding a bag as if he'd just arrived. The dark-haired boy's breath hitched and in a heartbeat he'd flung himself at his boyfriend. Remus dropped his luggage to catch him, wrapping his arms around Sirius, gathering him in close as he cried.
