O.M…C. Muahahah. I love typing that. Anyways, the OMC is because of the fact that we have over 150 REVIEWS, 57 FAVORITES, 106 ALERTS, AND….WAIT FOR IT….OVER 6,000 HITS. (sad I'm getting happy like this, but hey, that's just me). So I've no idea how that stands against other first time fanfics with only 8 chapters, but…hell…I'm happy. I didn't think one person would read this so I'm feeling all happy and girlie…very odd emotions for me. Anyways, thanks for the reviews and hits everyone!

May I apologize now that this chapter took a little longer to post. But, damn writer's block. So, yeah.

So ya'll know the drill. The Cullens and Bella are my playthings…much like barbies to a six year old I make them bend to my every whim…but sadly, I have no ownership of the Twilight. That's still S. Meyer's, lucky broad. So, time for more adventures in Keep Away with the Cullens….

Emmett's POV

What the hell?!

Alice had sneak attacked me. Alice, the deranged pixie, bride of the Emo confederate, had sneak attacked me!

And she got Bella.

Crap.

Edward was going to kill me.

That is, once he returns to the living (so to speak) and stops staring in shock after Alice and Bella …and my jeep.

My Jeep.

Alice would pay.

"Emmett, what happened?" Rosalie gave me a hard look as she glided over and stood beside me. Jasper had pulled himself out of the green concrete rubble that had fallen around him. There was a distinct Jasper sized dent in the side of Fort Casey. Something tells me this would make the news.

"Alice…she…" I was just as dumbfounded as Edward. "She snuck up on me. Dropped down from the Lighthouse like some vengeful shopping demon and slammed me into the ground." Rose wrapped her yellow arm around me.

"Well…that was interesting." Was all Jasper could say. He was standing beside, and slightly behind me. Green flecks of concrete mixed with the pink in his hair. That's when it hit me.

Alice was blue when she attacked me.

Alice was small.

Fun sized if you will.

I just got my ass beat by a smurf.

Edward's POV

"Yes Emmett. You let a shopping obsessed, eternally hyper smurf kick your ass and take my Bella." I seethed. I spun around, taking in my family.

Jasper had pulled himself out of the wall I had thrown him into, his pink hair speckled green from the concrete. A very yellow Rosalie had her arms wrapped around Emmett's multi-colored torso. Emmett stared at me, his mouth hanging open at the realization that the smallest member of our family had taken him out and stolen the prize.

I heard a strangled chuckle come from Rosalie. She was trying desperately not to laugh, but it was useless.

"Em…you…got….beat…by a…SMURF!" she howled. Jasper took in her laughter and smiled. A quick glance in my direction wiped all humor from his face.

Edward…what's with the emotions? Jasper asked, tasting the air around me.

"Oh Jasper," I said. A plan was forming in my mind. I wasn't sure where Alice was headed with Bella, but I knew one thing for sure.

Rosalie stopped laughing as she took in the expression on my face.

"Edward?" she asked.

I looked pointedly at each of my siblings. They had started this, they were going to fix it.

"I'm getting Bella back. And you're all going to help." I said dangerously.

With that I turned, taking off towards my Volvo, my siblings trailing behind.

Alice's POV

"Bella," I sang. "We're almost there. Wake up!"

She stirred in her seat, her eyes fluttering open. She had slept from Oak Harbor to Portland. We were coming up to the hotel and I needed Bella to wake up. It would be weird to say the least for someone as small and smurf like as Emmett pointed out in one of my visions, to carry a sleeping Bella into a luxurious hotel without any effort.

"Alice, let me sleep." She muttered.

"Bella! Wake up!" I grabbed her arm and gently shook her. "We're here!" I turned into the valet station, turning off Emmett's giant jeep. I removed the harness and grinned at her scowling face. We were going to have so much fun!

I jumped out and threw my keys to a very confused looking valet. I guess they don't see small, blue vampires gracefully jump out of monster jeeps very often. I went around the front of the vehicle and helped Bella down. I couldn't return her to Edward injured. I'd never hear the end of it.

I pulled her through the revolving doors and into the foyer. She stopped for a second, taking in the marble floors and cream walls. I gently tugged on her arm and marched to the front desk.

"Hello," I said. The receptionist was shocked for a moment. She looked at normal eye level, saw no one and then slowly her eyes came down to my level.

"Welcome to the Pacific Executive," she said, taking in my and Bella's disheveled appearance.

"Reservations under the name of Belkin," I said. She tapped a few keys on her computer and pulled up the reservation. I handed my I.D. over without question and she handed it back with two keys. "Thank you. And the arrangements?" I asked. I had called ahead while Bella slept in the jeep.

Bella gave me an odd look.

"All taken care of Ms. Belkin. If there's anything at all, please let us know." She smiled.

I turned towards the elevators, pulling Bella along behind me.

"Alice, what arrangements did you make?" she asked me.

I grinned at her.

"Oh nothing too extravagant. Just thought I'd get some of your wedding stuff out of the way." I smiled.

Bella groaned as we stepped onto the elevator and I pressed the small, glowing button marked P.

Jasper's POV

We had met back at the house to a very confused Esme and Carlisle. We were still covered in paint and missing two members of our group.

"What happened?" Esme asked as we walked through the door. Edward was emanating fury and worry as he glared at us.

"You'll be detailing that car after you get cleaned up." He said low.

With Emmett's jeep gone, we all road in Edward's Volvo. And we listened to his verbal ass kicking. If Bella was here, we would have been reattaching limbs. Thank God, and my beloved smurf, as we had begun to refer to Alice as, that she was off somewhere else.

"Edward, where's Bella?" Esme asked.

"With Alice," he said defeated. "I'm taking a shower." He marched up the stairs, disappearing upstairs. Esme turned her attention to me.

"Jasper, dear? Why does Alice have Bella?" A look of concern flitted across her features.

"I don't know. One moment Rose and I are containing Edward while Emmett was escaping with Bella. The next Alice comes racing over the hill in Emmett's jeep. We haven't seen her since."

"Yeah, and the smurf will know if we come after her." Rosalie said as she headed up the stairs with Emmett trailing behind. "Ugh, I need a shower. And I have to make a phone call."

I felt Esme's confusion at the word smurf.

"It's a long story."

"Blue paintballs dear?" she asked.

I headed up the stairs towards a shower of my own before we started planning.

"Yep," I replied.

"You really shouldn't pelt your wife with paintballs Jasper."

I smiled as I thought before disappearing into the bathroom. But she had looked so cute in blue.

"JASPER!"

Bella's POV

Edward had once said I would be the death of him. Well, Alice will be the death of me.

The penthouse suite of the hotel was far too much. It had three bedrooms, two baths, and a butler. Alice was going overboard.

And there was nothing I could do about it.

"Alice," I whined from the bathroom I had barricaded myself in. I had sloshed off all the paint and was wrapped in a fluffy robe.

"Come out Bella!" I heard her sing from the living room. I had heard the front door open a moment ago and was scared of what awaited me.

"Alice, can't we go home?" I asked.

"No." she sang.

"Please?" I asked again.

"Don't make me come in there."

"Fine."

I opened the door and made my way into the living room. A Living Room. Ugh.

There, standing before me was Alice, no longer a, what is now referred to as, Jasper blue, and a strange woman with a stranger device in her hands. It had a nozzle and a tube that led to a quietly purring box.

"Huh?" I asked out of confusion.

Alice beamed at me.

"I wanted to try something new. An experiment if you will. It'll be fun!" she squealed.

What Alice thought of as fun, I usually thought of as annoying…and dangerous. I eyed the contraption in the woman's hands and definitely thought this idea was dangerous.

"That's not what I think it is." I said slowly. Renee had done something like this when I was 14. Not to me mind you, but I was there when she had it done. It was unpleasant to say the least.

"Stop worrying Bella. Now come here." Alice grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the woman. "This is Kenley." She said.

"Hello, I'll be giving you your spray tan today." The overly orange woman replied.

Then I felt Alice grab the edge of my robe and pull it down.

Rosalie's POV

We had developed a plan.

Edward was set on blocking Alice and her visions. This was the only way we would have a chance at rescuing Bella.

That's why I was meeting a werewolf for the second time in under twenty-four hours.

"Hi Rosalie." Seth had said as he spotted me at the borderline.

"Seth," I nodded towards him.

"So, what did you need?" he asked as he eyed a livid Edward sitting in his Volvo on the road.

"I need your help blocking Alice." I said quietly.

Seth shot a glance at Edward. "Oh no, not after what happened last time. I'm not going to be apart of Vampire fun and frolic hour." He said.

Werewolves are so weird.

"Seth, Edward is here obviously. And yet Bella is gone. Where do you think she is?" I asked him.

He looked at the Volvo. Edward was tapping his fingers against the steering wheel as Jasper and Emmett sat in the back seat waiting.

"Where's Alice?" he asked.

"Exactly," I responded.

Seth thought for a moment. "Oh." Before he could voice his next concern Edward rolled down the window.

"Please Seth, just agree." Edward asked, almost desperately.

"Well, Sam won't be too happy." He replied.

"He can know this time," I responded. I gave him a hard look before stooping to a new low. Edward laughed from the car. "Please Seth?"

Seth just stared at me.

I had just begged.

A Werewolf of all things.

For help.

A new low, even for me.

"Uh…ok?"

I nodded once and returned to the car. Jasper was talking low on a cell phone with a credit car company. Edward sped off towards Seattle, a look on his face I hadn't seen since last fall. He was determined.

Jasper closed the phone and I felt a wave of calm and excitement wash over me.

"Alice used one of her secret cards in Portland to check into a hotel. She's under the name Belkin."

I turned in my seat. "Alice has secret credit cards?" I asked.

Jasper shrugged his shoulders. "Just in case, she always said. Don't ask me why."

Edward pushed the gas pedal further.

Bella's POV

This was beyond mortifying.

This was beyond embarrassing.

"Is she ok? I've never seen someone turn that shade of red before." the woman, Kenley, owner of the evil contraption, asked.

"She's fine. Bella embarrasses easily." Alice sang over the hum of the spray tanner.

I stood there, subjected to the worst torment ever. Standing before a stranger in nothing but my underwear, being spray painted while Alice made phone calls.

After a half hour it was over.

I was permanently red.

Alice had gone into the other room making phone calls when I heard a gasp. Then a low string of profanities followed by a desperate, "No! Why do the mess with my visions!"

She came out slowly, dragging her feet.

"What do you think?" Kenley asked as she packed up her equipment.

Alice perked up and smiled. "Just like I envisioned."

She grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me towards a mirror. What I saw was disturbing.

My face was the reddest I had every seen. That is, under the orange.

My face, my hands, my limbs, my everything was covered in an almost pumpkin orange color.

I'd rather be back with Emmett. I'd gladly be back with Emmett and stuck in some fort surrounded by paintballs.

I'd rather my dream from last night come true and be stuck in a Skittles factory.

I gaped at myself. Then at Alice standing behind me in the mirror.

"ALICE!" I yelled. "Why do I look like a Umpa Lumpa!?"

Ok, so what do you guys think? I figured this is Alice's chance to do whatever she wanted to Bella. And since Bella is so pale, Alice decided she wanted to experiment. And experiment she did. With turning Bella into a Umpa Lumpa.

Anyways, ya'll know the drill. Read, review, discuss. Tell me the good, the bad the ugly. All reviews are accepted and welcomed. If you review, you get to play spin the bottle with the Cullen of your choice. No questions asked. If you don't, the League of Transvestite Mythical Creatures will lock you and Mike, in a broom closet for kicks. They've been watching way too much Harry Potter lately. So review. Or you'll find yourself in a broom closet in Volterra with the Vile Mike Newton. shudders