NOTE: This was written in my - slow, also ready to die - tablet thus I hope my spelling and grammar mistakes haven't completely blinded you.


To begin with, when I started writing fan fiction I had promised to myself that I would never write a full author's note instead of an actual chapter.

I guess promises are just meant to be broken.

Honestly, I don't like sharing my personal life but when you guys are still out there, waiting for something that might not happen I feel like I own you some explanations.

Due to my dark period and battle with depression, I had written 5 chapters ahead so I would try to make my life better while also keep this story updated.

But do you know what a bitch life is? If you don't know then let me tell you: it is.

My laptop stopped working, and when I got someone to look at it, he told me the bad news: "My laptop wouldn't come back to life." And with its death, it took my 5 chapters away along with some extra scenes I had written (Kaname with Zero, Zero with Kol, funny scenes with Dean and many more.)

To say I was devastated would be understandable.

However, I did not give up. This is my story and you are my readers, I wouldn't let you down...

Well guess what? I let all of us down- including myself.

Dealing with family issues, anxiety, depression, and bullying was nothing new to me. I had done it before and I'll continue fighting my problems.

The current state I am right now, however, is the cherry on top.

Honestly, I never thought of myself as strong or brave(obviously I have some confidence issues but let's face it: who doesn't) But abusive is something I will not tolerate. My childhood friend's mother was in an abusive relationship for years and it took me and my mother almost a decade to convince her to leave her man with whom they weren't even married and ran away with her daughters. Eventually, she took our advice and she now has a much better life and me? Well I've never been more proud.

I never imagined myself as the person who would lay down and take it, wishing it would be over soon. But today I realize I'm extremely close to become someone like that.

I'm sorry if I'm not making any sense, but my stomach hurts, I feel a little dizzy, I have bruises and scratches everywhere as well as bitemarks. It was true that men could become wild dogs.

The worst is, it wasn't a lover who did this but a family member.

It wasn't as if he hadn't hit me before but I always blamed it on his anger issues and childhood traumas. Today, however, made me realise a few things

First, if I hadn't screamed and called for help I could be in a worse place other than crying in my bedroom.

Second, while blood is thicker than water. Your first priority should be you.

And third, enough was enough.

Something must be done.

Taking all of this into consideration, I hope you can understand why I haven't updated and why I'm so freaking slow. I'm still writing but right now I'm just not in a good physical and mental state.

I won't abandon this story because I'm too much attach to it and we still have a long way before it's even over.

I also realize that all of my notes are downright sad and pathetic so I'm really sorry if I'm ruining your mood.

The only thing I ask is for you to be patient and I give you my word, I'll try my best.

To those who have stopped reading the story, I'm not gonna say anything because I completely understand that your patience has ran thin. To those who are still waiting, I want to thank you for your support and the strength you are giving me.

The only thing I ask from you is to remain patient and I give you my word I'll try my best to update as soon as possible.

To those who have stopped reading the story, I'm not gonna say anything because I completely understand that your patience has ran thin. To those who are still waiting, I want to thank you for your support and the strength you are giving me.

Thank you so much for your understanding , dear dreamers.

I'll try to update soon.

With a lot of love and appreciation,

xLonelyDreamerx