Ok, so this is short. But…I know where the hell I'm going with this!!! It may seem like a filler, but its not. Trust me…truust in meeee…Ok, enough of that. Thank you all for your amazing patience, reviews, and just for reading. I'm sooo HAPPY!...Yeah, I know, frightening. I'm even scared.

So, back to the long awaited chapter of Keep Away with the Cullens….

Emmett's POV

Edward had slammed to a halt in front of the house. I could hear Jasper giving him a warning, saying things weren't right. I pulled the jeep towards the garage, hitting the door opener and sliding into my usual space. I killed the ignition, and glanced at Rose before opening my door.

"Now that Eddie's stopped having an aneurism, maybe me and you can have some-" I never finished my sentence.

As I opened my door, and Rose hers, I heard the snap of twine against the metal frame, and a heavy splatter on the hood of my baby.

There was no avoiding it.

Even if I could think straight.

I looked up, finally noticing four strategically placed buckets, hanging by their sides, above my jeep. Leading up to them were several lengths of twine. Following them down, I saw the now snapped ends dangling beside my door. Apparently, as soon as we opened the doors, we snapped the twine, releasing the slime.

My gaze moved downwards. I looked at Rose through the open doors. She stood stock still, covered in a purple and grey slime. It dripped through her golden locks, down her perfect body, and pooled at her feet. Even covered in filth my Rose was hot.

Then I noticed my baby.

My baby.

Covered in, what I now realize to be the foulest smelling paint balls ever created, Monsters, in the custom color Alice had insisted upon for Bella. Royal Peacock Purple. It smelled like sulfur and rotting eggs. The grey goop mixed in was the consistency of slime and stuck to everything. I recognized it as Esme's all purpose stick it mix she had created as revenge against Jazz and I after a prank gone wrong. It stuck anything to everything, wouldn't come off for days, and was used, in a diluted form, as paint remover.

My paint job.

My baby.

"Noooo!"

My cries were cut off by the feral roar from the third story of our house.

Alice's POV

If we could just get Bella back, we could….never mind. Sorry Edward. I thought as he growled low in his throat. I guess it really is over. I sighed. I never did get to take her international…properly that is. A good shopping trip would have done wonders for us both. And we'd have so much fun!

We followed Edward up the steps. We heard Emmett lamenting over his jeep. Apparently Bella was here. Edward headed up the stairs towards the heartbeat. I stopped dead in my tracks. The house stank. More than stank, it was putrid. I glanced at Jasper.

"I don't like this," My love hissed low. Jasper's eyes darted from side to side. He tentatively took a step forward, his body sliding into a modified hunting crouch. I took another breath, not as deep as I had before.

The air stank of rotting eggs, sour milk, and every last one of Esme's cooking projects gone wrong. There was something else though. Something familiar and disgusting. But to figure it out I would have to breathe. And breathing was not an option right now.

"Esme," I called out. I'm surprised she hadn't greeted us with a verbal backhanding at the door.

Ugh, at least that's what I expected.

But I wouldn't know if she was planning that or not.

Because I'm damn well blind.

"Where's Esme and Carlisle? They should be here." I said, taking the stairs slowly. Jasper was right beside, and slightly ahead, of me. Always in his modified crouch. Oh I love him.

That's when we heard it.

Loud and angry.

Heartbreakingly sad.

Animalistic.

Apparently, Edward didn't like what he found in his room.

And I laughed. Laughed harder than I ever could imagine. I laughed so hard that I fell on the stairs, Jasper following suit. My beloved shot me a look. The look you'd give someone who's truly gone mad.

I just recognized the mystery scent.

Edward's POV

I raced up our stairs, not bothering to listen to Esme and Carlisle's thoughts.

I wish I had.

I had noticed the stench of our house. I also realized that, hopefully, this was one of Esme's ruined attempts at baking. The last time she tried to make brownies the house smelt of burned cat for two days.

How she got the stench of burnt cat from brownies, I'll never know.

Hope was fading from me faster than water from a leaky bucket as I darted up the final set of stairs. I knew Bella could be stubborn. But something tells me she was out for revenge. I just hope and prayed she would let me help her…instead of pelting me with paintballs…again.

What was up with taste the fan-freakin'-tastic rainbow?

I stopped outside our door.

Something was off.

The heartbeat…it was wrong.

Slowly I opened the door.

Bella's POV

I watched from a safe distance, safely tucked away on my bike. Carlisle had been kind enough to give me a portable viewing screen for the garage's security camera that Esme installed not two hours ago. The look on Emmett's face was priceless.

Yeah, I was pissed.

Beyond pissed.

And Emmett, although I love him, got what he deserved.

He said he was thinking of changing the jeep's color anyways. This just made the decision for him.

I chanced a glance at Rosalie on the screen, and I could swear I saw smile flitting her perfect lips. Apparently, she thought this was funny.

Wait until she got her surprise.

Should be soon too.

She needs wash that gunk off her anyways.

I grinned. I knew Esme was armed with her camera. I wouldn't miss out on anything. It's only fitting, really.

I headed off towards the safest place I could be when it came to escaping the Cullens. It still wasn't safe for me at home.

Not yet anyways.

Esme's POV

We heard Emmett moaning over his jeep. We heard Edward's verbal 'bitch slap' from one very irritable wolf. And now, we waited for everyone to find their 'gifts' that Bella left them.

"Do you think we should him?" I whispered, too softly for anyone else to here. Carlisle and I were tucked away in his office. I was sprawled across his lap, as we listened to our children return home.

"I suppose." Carlisle nuzzled my neck. "Do you have your camera?"

I grinned.

I love my children.

I really do.

But, sad to say, they had this coming to them.

And I couldn't wait.

Edward's POV

Sitting, on my couch, was the owner of the heartbeat. Or, I should say, nearly sleeping on my couch.

My jaw dropped…To shock a vampire is truly a stupendous feat.

Why?!

What did I do to deserve this?!

"Hey," the heartbeat's owner said. "So Bella called me again…and I…she said…can't a guy get any sleep around these parts. I swear I'm going wolf and staying wolf! At least crazed vampires will stop asking for deranged, yet vague favors. And why did Bella ask me to do that to your sister's closet, I'll never know. I won't be getting any random phone calls from Rosalie or Bella. And why the hell did Bella, not just Bella, but your mom and Dr. Fang ask me to come over and wait here. Man, I've got patrol tonight and I need sleep!" Seth's eyes were wide and he was obviously exasperated.

"I-" he cut me off.

"ENOUGH with the damn Vampire games! Dude! I just want some rest! Some damn sleep! Is that too much to ask?! Edward, come on! Pleeasse!" Seth just stared at me. His eyes rimmed red, dark circles giving the impression that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't a wolf. Maybe he was the other white meat.

I couldn't stop staring.

"WHERE'S BELLA!?" I choked out.

Seth rubbed one massive hand over his groggy face and flopped down on the floor. "She said she didn't want to be here when the, and I quote, 'shit hit the fan.' Whatever ya'll did to her, she's beyond mad. She's out for blood. I'm going to sleep. Wake me and I swear the treaty is broken. Broken due to lack of PEACE and QUIET!" Seth rolled on his side mumbling. "If the elders thought they would be dangerous because of their hunting habits, they have another thing coming. Damn, sparkling…" His breathing evened out and soon he was asleep.

And that's when I lost it.

Ok, so what to look forward to next week…

Edward crying on his knees, Rose gets a new look, Alice is speechless, Emmett realizes Bella's brilliance, and Jasper twitching on the floor. Oh, and Esme and Carlisle get into the blackmailing spirit.

I'm thinking of doing a short little one-shot of Seth's perspective of all this. What do ya'll think?

So, yay or nay? Review and you get…a day at Spa Cullen. Oh yes, bring on the massages and steam rooms…and chocolate. Always got to have the chocolate. A chocolate covered Ice cream Cullen sundae…mmmm…Don't review and you will be forced to watch vacation videos of Aro and the Volturi at the Jersey shore. Nobody wants to see a powdery Aro in a speedo. That for damn sure.

:D- The Mad PirateHannelore!