Oh hell, she's still alive. Run for your lives!

Alright wonderful and perfect readers whom I love very much. I'm not dead.

....

Shocker, I know.

However, real life has been beating me down like you wouldn't believe. The year ended quite well here at Uni, and I started a new job, plus life in general has kept me busy. As well as the fact I've been co-writing The Next Door Neighbors rated M in case your wondering. I've also been working on original pieces, so yes, I've been a busy beaver.

Ok, maybe we don't need that analogy. Beavers and their teeth are kind of freaky.

I've also been struck by that ghastly beast, the one true enemy of every writer, the one thing that you will live in fear of meeting on a dark night in a back alley...writer's block.

I know how I want to end our ardent tale of thievery and hijinks, its just getting it out on paper so to speak. Actually getting it out is alluding me as of late. And for this and everything else I apologize immensley. I've turned into one of the writers I just can't stand. The kind that takes forever and a day to update. I'm sorry.

Truly I'm sorry.

But I'm not giving up, I assure you. I have started the next chapter and its mostly outlined, its just spitting it out. Picture me with a writer's stutter. Which would be quite amusing as I had a stutter as a child. Still comes out when I'm nervous or speaking to quickly. And I'm a bloody fast talker.

So rest assured, I'm not turning my back on our friends, I'm just having technical difficulty getting them to bend to my will. Both our beloved Cullens and the damn english language.

I'm fighting to finish it, and I pray I can get it out soon. As in the next two weeks soon. But rest assured, sooner or later I will finish it.

Again, I've become one of those writer's I hate. But we all go through it sometimes.

Thanks again for your patience and for following the story everyone. After we are finished here, look for the next tale of our befuddiling heroes entitled Bella, Diablo, and the Action Star. All human and AU with just enough OOC to make it funnier than hell. Its one of those originals that just wont spit itself out unless written in fanfic format. A little taste for anyone interested.

Synopsis: Bella: World famous author and Masters student who's sworn enemy lives in her home office. Edward: Action star and Hollywood heartthrob. Diablo: The printer from hell.

I.M. Swan is famous not only for her novels but also being the celebrity crush of action star Edward Masen. A fact that was broadcast on live television during the Graham Norton show. In real life, Bella is your average Masters student trying to finish her thesis and her next novel before her publicist and editor both hang her high. Life gets tricky when her best friend and roommate Emmett invites his baby brother to stay with them while he's 'working' in Seattle for the summer. Too bad baby brother is Edward Masen. Will Bella get anything done? And what's up with the killer printer from hell?

Excerpt from Bella, Diablo, and the Action Star

My ringtone for Rose went off somewhere amid the sea of red and white that was once my master's thesis.

"Ah, hell." I dove under the mess to find Eduardo ringing loudly. Flipping my phone open, I meant to say hello when Jasper grabbed me by the waist and hauled me onto the couch.

"Omph!" I gasped out as I hit the leather.

"There ya' go lil' lady," Jasper grinned at me.

"What was that?" Rose asked from her end.

"Nothing but your cousin molesting me. Now he's got his sights on your boyfriend." Emmett's jaw dropped and Jasper started laughing before he wiggled his eyebrows at Emmett.

"Come here, Emmie," Jasper's impression of Yosemite Sam was spot on.

"What?" Rose questioned.

"Oh, now Jazz has got him in a sleeper hold. Jasper, no touching there unless given expressed permission! Boys, I don't think Rose will appreciate the man love." I couldn't resist messing with Rosalie and Emmett at the same time. It was too perfect and a fitting payback since walking in on them and their wild monkey love on the loveseat a few weeks ago. I still can't sit there. "Jazz, have a little dignity. Begging won't get you—never mind, begging will get you what you want."

Jasper was rolling in hysterics on the floor while Emmett was caught between gaping at me and my blatant disregard for his dignity and joining Jasper on the floor.

I heard Rose give a nervous laugh before asking, "You and your sarcasm. Seriously, though, what's going on? Are you busy?"

"Nothing but a little man love. I told you Jazz is too pretty to leave alone with your boyfriend. What can I do for you tonight, Rose? Oh, and the fumigation bill for that loveseat is on its way. I still can't sit there, thank you very much," I sighed as I curled up on the couch.

"Is this I. M. Swan?" A distinctly British, distinctly male voice asked.

I shot up and off the couch, completely horrified.

"M-maybe. Who's asking?" I squeaked, unsure if I wanted the answer. I could hear a roar of laughter in the background.

"This is Graham Norton, broadcasting live from New York. Are we interrupting something?" I prayed this wasn't the voice I thought it was as I turned to the television.

"No, just the usual Sunday night-" I started to reply before slapping a hand over my mouth with a resounding thwap. I almost said orgy. I really need to learn how to think before I speak… and stop hanging out with Emmett and Rosalie. They are a bad influence. Very bad.

Note to self, pick up a new mental filter when out next. Cannot use twisted humor and sarcasm on the outside world. This is why you get those funny looks when telling a joke and people wonder if you've gone off your meds, Bella. Remember what you have learned all twenty six years of your life. Your twisted sense of humor is not sociable acceptable outside of a very few, very twisted group of individuals. In which two thirds are rolling on your living room floor in a fit.

Emmett and Jasper laughed even louder, if that was possible, and I heard Rose groaning in the background.

Sarcasm, this is not the time!

"Oh, well, as long as were not interrupting. Ms. Swan, we've a fan of yours as a guest tonight. A certain action star by the name of Edward Masen."

Oh no.

Oh No!

Oh, fuck NO!

End Excerpt

Hope you enjoy! Let me know what ya'll think, and again, sorry for the delay and I'm working on the next chapter. I give you my word! Soon it'll be in all ya'll's hot, little hands.

~the mad piratehannelore :D