Yang led her to the beach, their fingers loosely intertwined as they started making their way down to the shoreline. Blake couldn't help but smile to herself a little as her thumb trailed over the back of Yang's hand. She had been worried that maybe there would be no recovery after this morning, that Yang wouldn't feel as comfortable with the contact – and with their days dwindling, Blake wasn't ready to give that up. But Yang didn't seem phased in the least as she gave Blake's fingers a little squeeze in return.

As they reached the edge of the ocean, waves crashing along the shoreline – just barely out of the reach of their footsteps – Yang took a deep breath. She swung their hands loosely between them, looking up at the moon, cloaked behind a veil of thin wispy grey clouds. "I had fun today," she said after a moment.

Blake looked up at her with a small smile and found one on Yang's face to match. "I'm glad," Blake said with a chuckle, her gaze darting back to the sand. "I have to admit, I was a little nervous."

"Oh?" Yang said and Blake could hear the smirk in her voice. "What about?"

Blake rolled her eyes, nudging Yang with her shoulder. "Nothing. I was just… overthinking I guess."

Yang hummed. "Seems to be a common thing lately." Blake could feel the way her eyes glanced in her direction.

Blake shrugged. "There's a lot to think about."

There was a moment's pause before Yang replied. "Yeah," she said, softly. A thought, more than a word. Blake's heart sped as Yang's thumb traced gentle over the back of her hand. "I… I guess that's fair. I've been doing a lot of that too."

Their conversation from that morning rang in Blake's ears. The way the words "another couple weeks" had sat so bitterly on her tongue. How she just wished they had more than that. Blake wondered if maybe that's what Yang had been thinking so much about too. Another part of her – a much larger part – wished it was anything else.

Instead of taking the comment seriously, Blake nudged her shoulder into Yang's, desperate to break the building tension. "Dangerous," she said with a small chuckle. She wasn't sure how convincing it was.

Apparently not very. Yang didn't banter back. She didn't laugh, or roll her eyes, or any of the other very Yang things to do when Blake teased her. Instead, when Blake looked over at her, her eyes were trained on the sand, brow furrowed in thought. And maybe it was just her imagination, but Blake could've sworn she was breathing a little faster.

After a moment, Blake let her relatively fake smile fade. She squeezed Yang's hand a little tighter to draw her attention. "Yang?"

"I don't want to… completely change the mood, it's just... You said there's a lot to think about," Yang said. She shook her head. "But I'm not entirely sure you… I don't think—" She sighed, her eyes darting from the sand, to the sky, to the ocean, to some distant place in the middle. "I just wonder if… if we've been thinking the same thing, I guess. But I don't—if this morning tells me anything I don't think we are."

Blake blinked. "What do you…?"

"This morning, you made it seem like… like me leaving meant…" Yang sighed, shaking her head. She didn't continue.

"Meant what?" Blake wasn't sure why she asked. The direction the conversation was going was already dangerous and she didn't want these last two weeks with Yang to end strained. But still, the words tumbled out before she could stop them, and Yang eagerly bit.

"Meant that this has to end." Yang's eyes met hers and Blake already wanted to cry. At the pending heartbreak in Yang's gaze coupled with the complete determination to avoid it.

"Yang…" Blake sighed her name, breaking eye contact and looking literally anywhere else.

"No. I want to understand. Why? Why does this have to end?" Yang waited a moment and when Blake didn't respond, she kept talking. "I mean I don't want it to. Do you?" There was a crack in Yang's voice on the last question and it broke Blake's resolve.

"Of course not."

Yang tugged on Blake's hand until they were facing each other. Her hands came up to cradle Blake's jaw. "Then why…" she swallowed hard, "why does it feel like it is?"

Blake's breath caught. Once. Twice. A third time. But she wasn't going to cry. She couldn't afford to. Because then Yang would hold her close and she would just cry harder. She'd wish things could be different. She'd wish that they could make it work.

But she knew better. It was better this way. They'd get to end things on their own terms. They'd get to remember each other like this; still enamored and smitten and… and Yang wouldn't get the chance to see that without Blake there she… didn't have much to offer her.

"Blake?"

Yang's voice snapped Blake out of her head and drew her back in to the sensation of Yang's breath on her lips, her hands on her face, and so much of Blake's heart screamed like the ocean tide crashing against the shore.

Blake looked at her, blonde hair whipping in the growing wind coming in off of the ocean. Lilac eyes pleading silently with unshed tears that Blake wished more than anything she could catch with her thumbs when they inevitably toppled over. Lightning flashed in the distance, illuminating Yang's features as if it were daylight. Blake's heart leapt.

"Tell me," Yang said. "Tell me why we can't stay like this?" She leaned forward, her forehead pressing to Blake's and Blake could hear the desperation in her voice.

Blake shook her head, fingers wrapping lightly around Yang's forearms. "But… that's just it…it won't be like this, Yang." She drew back just a little, even though a tug in her chest reached out for Yang again. She looked at her, her own heartbreak in her eyes, in her voice. "You won't get to have me there. Won't get to kiss me whenever you want." She led Yang's hand over her heart. "You won't feel the beat of my heart, or my skin on yours…"

Yang shook her head. "I… I don't care about that."

Blake looked at her, disbelieving. "Yang."

"I mean it," Yang said, and for a moment Blake almost believed it. She said it with such confidence, like she'd never been more sure of anything in her life. But Blake was sure it was just wishful thinking. Then any thought she had flew out of her head when Yang continued. "I didn't fall in love with your body, Blake. I fell in love with you."

Blake stood stock still. It had been an unspoken thing, she supposed. But hearing Yang say it… She couldn't deal with this. It was too much. It had been there since the start, but god it was too much to hear it out loud. It was too much for what was supposed to be a silly summer romance. It was too much to deny and too much to accept.

Blake let out a slow breath. "Don't," she said.

Yang blinked, shook her head. "Don't what?" She asked, shuffling just the slightest bit closer. Lightning flashed again in the distance; thunder rolled dangerously.

"Love me," Blake said. Her voice sounded distant and broken, like when you speak inside a dream. Like she wasn't the one saying it. She couldn't be.

Yang's eyebrows pinched up, confused, a little hurt. She shook her head again. "Too late." And then Yang kissed her. It was soft and sure and felt like… home.

Blake couldn't handle it.

She pulled away, holding Yang at arm's length by the shoulders. She didn't meet her eye, instead letting her gaze focus down on the empty space between them. "I said don't." It came out firm, like her grip on Yang's shoulders.

Yang didn't say anything for a moment, but Blake could hear her breathing, slightly shaky. Eventually, she whispered, "Why not?" She sounded confused, heartbroken, cautious. All the things Blake never wanted Yang to feel around her, selfishly.

Blake shook her head. "You deserve more than this, Yang."

Yang huffed a laugh. "Are you doubting my taste in women, Belladonna?"

"I'm not joking," Blake said, finally meeting Yang's eye. The tiniest bit of a smirk that had been on Yang's face disappeared immediately as Blake continued. "Think about it, Yang. Really think about it. You'd be going home to Patch and I'd be going back to school in Mistral. We'd be further apart than if I stayed here. You'll be busy during your days with training. I'll be in class when you are free. We'd never talk to each other. Not to mention we wouldn't have… this…" Blake's fingertips ghosted along Yang's arms. "You should be with someone that can give you what you want, Yang."

Yang's jaw set and another crack of thunder rang through the air, the wind picking up. "And if you would listen, you'd know what I want is you."

Blake shook her head. "No. You… you don't want me. And in time, you'd see that. That's why this should end now. On our terms. While it's still… good."

"What part of losing you is good?" Yang asked. She shook her head, sniffled as she looked away, stepping back so Blake's hands slipped off of her. "God, why do I even care? You evidently don't."

"I—" The sentence died on Blake's tongue. Blake's chest ached. She wanted to tell her it wasn't true. That she loved her. God, she loved her. But if it had to end like this, at least it was better than Yang realizing she wasn't worth it later down the line.

Right?

When Blake didn't continue, Yang's chest heaved with a sob she wasn't quick enough to stop. She caught herself though, shaking her head and wiping her eyes. "God. I… I can't believe I thought…" Yang's eyes found Blake's again, anger and heartbreak boring into her. "Tell me then," she said, "tell me you don't feel it at all. Tell me you don't love me at all."

Blake's mouth opened and closed. Once. Twice. Three times. She couldn't. She couldn't lie about that. She wouldn't.

A spark of hope lit in Yang's eyes, laced with pain and confusion. "Then why?" She asked, her voice softer but still broken, frustrated. "If you feel it too, why would you ever want this to end?"

"I…" Blake crossed her arms over her chest and took a step back. "I just know it'll end eventually. I don't want us to be doomed, I'd rather just end it before…"

"Before what?"

Before you see I'm not enough.

"Yang…"

"God, Blake. I don't get it. We could make it work. I'll stay up all hours of the night if I have to. I'll give you strip teases on camera. I'll give you more than that on camera." Despite herself, Blake blushed. Yang continued, "I will do anything I need to. I'll give you anything you need. I'll work with you through it. Just… don't give up on us."

Blake looked at her as rain started to gently fall around them, the cool breeze picking up, and another bolt of lightning striking over the sea. Part of her wanted it. To try and make it work. But a much larger part kept reminding her that it was a bad idea. Yang was… new to this. She deserved to have someone who could be there all the time. Someone who could give her the world. She'd fall in love again. Anyone would be lucky to have her after all. She'd find someone who could give her every bit of love and affection she deserved. And someone who could hold her. Kiss her. Touch her.

And as much as it pained her, as much as it made her sick to think about it being anyone else… it just… couldn't be Blake.

Blake shook her head. She looked away. "I'm… sorry."

Yang let out a shaky breath, standing a little straighter and running a hand through her hair. She shook her head. "I…" She sighed. "That's it then, huh?"

Blake didn't answer.

Yang scoffed. "You talk about ending it on our terms. I just want you to know… these are not my terms," Yang said. "My terms would be this never ends. My terms would be having you in any way I could." She paused. "So, yeah, I may be the one leaving, Blake… but you're the one running away."

Lightning flashed again and thunder rolled but Blake barely registered it over the pounding in her ears. She didn't look at Yang again, even when she turned and stormed off down the beach. Instead, she sunk to her knees in the rain-soaked sand and let out a sob, the storm inside of her drowned out by the thunder, rain, and crashing ocean waves.

Incessant buzzing woke Blake from her sleep and it took her a moment to get her bearings. It was cold and dark and she was soaked through. She groaned and stretched and groaned again at the horrible crunching sensation of sand between her teeth.

The beach. She was still on the beach, right where Yang had left her.

No. That wasn't fair.

Right where she had left Yang.

The buzzing that had stopped momentarily started again and Blake sniffled as she sat upright and dug her Scroll out of her pocket. It was probably a miracle it still worked at all, given the fact it was still raining, albeit lighter than before. Blake squinted her still-heavy eyes open and saw Sun's name on the screen and sighed. She pinched the bridge of her nose and sniffled again before swiping to answer the call.

"Hello?" Her voice was raw from sobbing and she hated the reminder of what happened.

"Blake! Fucking hell, are you okay? I've been calling you for hours, do you know what time it is?"

Blake rolled her eyes. "Okay, dad." Despite the sass, she pulled her Scroll away from her ear to look at the time.

3:37 a.m.

Oh. Damn. She grimaced.

"Sorry," Blake quickly added, a little more seriously. She sighed and rubbed at her eyes. "It was just… a night."

"I… heard," Sun said, sounding a little guilty. He cleared his throat when Blake didn't respond. "Weiss, uh, Weiss said that Yang got home a bit ago looking like a complete wreck. I… is everything okay?"

Blake's eyes filled with tears again. She pulled her knees to her chest, trying desperately not to let Sun hear her cry as a sob wracked her body at the memory of Yang before her and then… walking away.

"Where are you?" Sun asked, Blake could hear shuffling on the other line, the scraping of keys being picked up off a wooden table.

"I'm fine, Sun," she said, wiping her eyes. "You don't have to—"

"Where the fuck are you, Belladonna?"

Blake sighed.

About fifteen minutes after Blake told him where she was camped out on the beach, Sun strolled up next to her. He didn't say anything as he plopped down onto the sand next to her, slinging a backpack off his shoulder as he settled in.

He stayed silent a beat longer than Blake had expected before he cleared his throat. "Um, I brought you a hoodie," he said, unzipping the backpack and pulling out an oversized sweatshirt.

Blake eyed it for a moment, unsure if she was ready to find out if the numbness coursing through her body was just because of the cold. But ultimately, she decided to take it with a sigh. She tugged off her shirt and let it fall onto the sand with a wet slap before pulling the hoodie over her head.

It was well-worn and pilled on the inside from years of use and washing. Comfortable but not comforting. She supposed it's what she probably deserved right then.

Before she could spiral too far down that path, Sun kept talking, pulling more things out of the backpack. "Here." He took out a thermos and shoved it in Blake's direction. She eyed it skeptically before looking back up at him. "Tea," he said.

Blake sighed – ignoring the other offerings from Sun -- and looked back out at the ocean in front of her, tucking her knees up to her chest and hugging them to her. The cool breeze that blew in off the water was a little jarring after a summer of relentless heat, but Blake felt that maybe that was just the harsh poetry of the world at work. She sniffled.

"So, guessing things didn't go too well?" Sun asked after a long moment of silence.

It was supposed to draw a reaction. Blake could tell he was just trying to get a response, a glare or anger, but she didn't have it in her. Instead, her lips pressed into a thin line as tears flooded her eyes again and she buried her face down against her arms as the tears fell, hugging her knees tighter to her chest as sobs wracked her body.

It was stupid. She didn't even deserve to be upset. She was the one who ended it. She was the one who broke Yang's heart. She was the one who broke her own.

Sturdy arms wrapped around her and despite not feeling like she deserved the comfort, Blake leaned into it, unable to keep herself propped up of her own strength any longer.

Sun was warm and dry and solid, and Blake let him anchor her to the world for a moment while she cried and cried and cried to the point where she had no more tears left to shed and was left taking heaving breaths.

Blake didn't pick up on a lot of what was going on outside of her internal crisis and heartbreak. She was vaguely aware of Sun rubbing a hand up and down her back, her arm. Of him telling her to just breathe, like it was easy when she felt like her lungs were full of the tears she could no longer shed. But she still tried, taking deep breaths through her mouth until she felt like oxygen did in fact still exist.

Eventually, her breathing steadied and fatigue set in, draining the last of Blake's strength as she settled closer into Sun's arms. Her last thought before she lost consciousness was that she wished it were Yang's arms wrapped around her.

When Blake woke up again, it was still dark, but she was warm and relatively dry, and the surface beneath her was soft and comfortable. Her eyes blinked open, feeling like it took all of her energy just to accomplish that.

She was in her room, in her bed, a towel beneath her – to keep her damp clothes from soaking the sheets – and a blanket tucked up around her chin. She let out a large breath as she snuggled further into the warmth of the blanket and her eyes fell shut again.

As much as she wished to drift off again, her head pounded and her mind kept churning, rethinking the events of the previous night over and over and over again. And every time it came back to the information that left her chest feeling hollow; she would never see Yang again. She would never kiss her. She would never hold her close. Her sheets would never again smell like honey and lavender. She would never be hers.

Blake was out of tears to shed for the moment though, instead curling tighter into the warmth of the blanket before there was a knock at her door. She groaned. "What?"

The door creaked open and she heard Sun's footsteps fall gently against the floor as he entered. "You uh… you don't have to be up or anything," he said. "I just wanted to leave this here."

Blake forced one eye open to see Sun place a tray of food and tea next to her. She knew it was a sweet gesture, but her chest ached looking at the tray on her nightstand. Remembering the last time someone brought her breakfast in bed. Remembering the night they'd had previously. She briefly wondered if this would ever go away or if things as simple as a cup of tea and some toast on a food tray would send her spiraling forever.

Her eyes shut again. "Thanks," she mumbled. She could feel Sun lingering, even with her eyes shut and hoped he would read the energy and just leave her be, but of course it's Sun. And of course, he wouldn't.

"Look, I just— if you want to talk about it—"

"I don't."

"Right."

Sun's footsteps grew further away after that and Blake sighed. "I…" she said, hearing his steps halt. "Thank you."

"It's what friends are for, Blake," Sun said. "Let me know if you want me to call Ilia."

Blake nodded. "Not yet." There was a beat of silence and then the door clicked shut and she was alone again.

Ilia. Blake couldn't face her yet. She wasn't ready for the onslaught of "what the fuck"s that would inevitably come from her mouth. Especially after yesterday. Especially after she called Blake on her bullshit. After she saw right through her, into her heart that was full of love, now empty. And of her own doing.

But it was better this way.

Every time Blake chanted it like a mantra in her head, it felt a little less powerful. It felt a little less true.

Was it better this way?

Blake shook her head. Yes. Yes, it was. Of course, it was. She would know the pain of losing Yang, sure, but she wouldn't live with her hopes up for something that was always going to crash. She wouldn't be waiting for the pain to hit at any moment. And Yang would never know that Blake wasn't ever going to be enough. She would never know that all the little broken pieces that made up Blake Belladonna… were never going to be enough.

It was all on her terms. It was the best it could have been. But she still wished it could have lasted just a little longer. She wasn't ready to say goodbye. She'd thought they'd have until Yang's flight took off in a couple weeks. She thought she'd get that one last kiss goodbye. She thought she'd get to hear Yang's moans one more time or feel her hands against her body.

The echo of Yang's touch buzzed across Blake's skin and she shivered. She turned over with a huff, trying to wipe those thoughts from her mind. It would be something she'd never have again, and she'd need to deal with it. She didn't deserve to miss something she decided to end.

As Blake clenched her jaw and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to force Yang from her mind, she failed miserably. She managed to steer her thoughts away from… certain things, but they just landed on everything else that made her chest hurt even more.

Her thoughts drifted to Yang's eyes, that first day at the beach, peeking up over mirrored aviators.

They drifted to the way Yang bumped against her in the arcade, the way their hands landed on one another's after all the cheating and messing around.

They drifted to that first kiss in the ice cream truck and Yang's inability to be mature for five seconds, which always made Blake laugh.

They drifted to after their first time in Blake's shitty car out by the bay. How Yang had glowed so beautifully in the blue light of the dashboard, and then the blue light of the moon as she leapt from the dock into the bay.

They drifted to lunch with Sun.

They drifted to bonfire dates.

They drifted to breakfast in bed and happy kisses in the lazy morning.

They drifted to movie nights.

They drifted to Yang's head in her lap while she read on the ice cream truck cooler.

They drifted and drifted and drifted to every little thing – every little moment – that made Blake fall further and further in love until it was a never-ending rotary of memories that flashed vividly behind her eyelids.

Maybe she didn't deserve to be upset. But that didn't keep the tears from flowing again. And the one thing that sucked most about memories? Her tears couldn't blur them.