"And so, when we start work in the dark room next week, you'll need the notes you took today to help with that first contact sheet. Remember to buy photo paper and have a roll shot by Monday." I finish lecture right as the bell rings and the class flees.
Turning my back to the room, I hurry to erase the scrawled notes I wrote on the white board. If I'm being honest I know that none of them listened to anything that I told them today, and their sheets will turn black from overexposure or be completely underexposed.
"So?" Edward muses, sidling over to me with a small smirk.
"Spit it out, Eddy." I fire back, focused on erasing any trace of me off of the whiteboard.
"Oh nothing, just wondering why Kate told Tanya you love Jasper." He smirks, and I roll my eyes again.
"Look Edward, I can't fall in love with, much less like, a boy I quite literally met a week ago. I don't know what it is with you people and fate, but fate doesn't exist." I snarl, erasing the board so hard it trembles along the wall.
"How can you live a life full of so little hope?"
His gaze is certain on me, and it breaches into me like he can take my thoughts and spin them to his liking. Like he could know more than he should with just one look.
"Well, when your 'fate' ends up being an axe murderer, come talk to me." I huff, slamming the eraser down on the tray, leaning heavily on the desk with my back to him so he can't see the panic on my face.
I can feel my chest constricting, white hot pain stabbing at my lungs, my mind wanders to that night. The horrific scene plays in my head like the cinema, and I can't get it to stop. I try to focus on anything, the tick of the clock, my breathing, even the drip on the water faucet, but nothing seems to calm me like it should.
"Lina?" Edward looks frantic, he's by my side just as I drop to the floor, curling up into the fetal position as I choke on air and tears.
Vaguely I hear the door open and someone coming to my side, their conversation is frantic, but I can't make it out.
Suddenly, someone is pulling me into a seated position, forcing me to breathe with them. It's like I can only focus on them, their breath becomes my own, and like I've been shot with sedative, my heart starts to calm.
I close my eyes, continuing to focus on breathing, as I do, the high feeling becomes more pronounced. When I'm not choking anymore, the arms around me disappear, and Kate's frantic voice invades my mind.
"Calina, oh my god. What did you do?" she seethes, and I can't help but guess that Edward is on the end of her anger.
They argue, and I just keep willing myself to stay breathing, suddenly missing the arms wrapped around me.
"Lina, can you stand now?" Kate finally asks, her hands cupping my face as she forces me to look her in the eye.
"Yeah." I respond shakily, using her to stand up and lean against the desk once again.
"Jasper, get out of here." Edward whispers lowly, and my eyes meet those of his.
Their golden hue sends a chill down my spine, and I find myself thinking unspeakable things about the handsome man in front of me. He looks utterly dead inside, drained of all emotion except for sadness. It seeps off of the both of us and seems to coat the room.
He seems angry as well, his fists are balled at his sides as he watches my every move carefully. Something in me wants to take away his pain, so that he never has to feel it again. The stress of that alone spikes my breathing, and he looks like someone has hit him with a bus.
"Jasper." Edward warns again lowly, and his eyes leave mine.
He leaves so quick that it catches me off guard. What is most surprising is the way the door flies off the hinges as it slams. My eyes widen as I watch his back disappear into the hallway of kids looking to leave school as quick as possible.
"Allison must be worried." I whisper, looking to Kate.
"Allison is fine." She assures me, giving me a small smile.
I nod at her, hoping that she is correct, but I know I'm more worried about Allie than she is for me. My heart clenches at the thought of anything terrible happening to her.
"Let's go home, ya?" Kate smiles, helping me off the desk and completely to my feet. Her tough exterior breaks as she gives me a soft smile and encouraging squeeze.
"Yeah." I repeat after her, nodding at Edward who looks completely conflicted, like he's fighting a battle in his mind.
Kate leads me out of school, meeting a worried Tanya out the door. She flutters behind us, distracting me with crazy stories of the people in her government class and gossip about Daniella Hall.
I know Kate is annoyed by her, but I find the distraction welcome. If Allison even catches wind of the panic attacks and nightmares she'll ship me off for sure this time. I can't leave here behind, the ties are rooted in me, and so Allison cannot know.
As we approach the car, I stop in my tracks, holding Kate tightly.
"Kate, please don't tell Allison. She won't understand." I look up at my best friend.
"You can't keep going on like this. I would rather lose a friend than lose your life." She responds stiffly and I swear my heart nearly stops beating altogether.
To my surprise it's Tanya who comes to my defense, staring at her sister with anger blazing in her eyes.
"Who are you to decide for her? If Calina thinks she is better here, then we have to respect that wish. There is too much at stake." Tanya glares at Kate, having a conversation through the blaze in her eyes.
"I won't tell this time, but I swear if I find you like this again, I'm going straight to Allison. I won't let you get bad again Lina." Kate sighs as we climb into my truck, Tanya departing towards her car.
Letting out a breath I didn't realize I was holding, I smile as I throw the car into reverse, excited to leave behind school.
The headlights of my car bounce off the snow beautifully, and I suddenly feel content.
Just when I think I'm going to be okay, a figure jumps out in front of my car, waving big at me. Skidding to a stop, I glare at Alice.
"I could have killed you." I yell at the little pixie as she flits over to my car.
"You didn't even come close to hitting me." She rolls her eyes "Anyways, we're going shopping, meet us at the mall?"
Incredulously, I look over at Kate, who just shrugs.
"We'll be there." She calls to Alice who claps and makes her way over to Rosalie where she stands impatiently by the car.
"What the fuck was that?" I hiss at Kate as we start driving out of the parking lot again.
"You start socializing again, or I'll tell Allison." She looks me dead in the eyes, and I know she's serious.
"I hate you." I growl as I turn around to head to the mall.
"I just want what's best for you." She whispers, looking out the window and into the deep darkness of the Alaskan sky.
I am silent for a moment, thinking everything over because if I don't I know I'll make a rash decision.
"I know."
. . .
"Oh my goodness, Calina, you have to try this dress on." Alice hands me a deep grey dress with the most elaborate beading I've ever seen.
"Alice, don't be silly, I'd have no place to wear it, and I'm not going to the dance. It would be foolish." I argue, holding out the dress to look at it better. It is most definitely beautiful, just not something that I would ever need.
"Just humor her, she won't let it go if you don't." Rose mutters next to me as she flips through a rack of pink dresses.
"Fine, Alice I'm trying it on, but I won't get it." I give her a sharp look, but her smile tells me she won't be letting this dress go.
I roll my eyes as I have in every store she's drug me into to try clothes on. I've ended up with more in the four bags I carry than I would like to admit all thanks to Alice.
Rosalie follows behind me to the dressing room absentmindedly, carrying her own pile of dresses. Something tells me she's following me for more than just the dresses.
I manage to avoid the dreaded conversation with her until the zipper on the back of the dress gets stuck and she has to come over into my room to zip me up.
"Edward mentioned what happened today after your class."
I can tell she's trying to be nonchalant about it as though it's nothing more than a passing comment, but she fails.
"Well, he shouldn't have." I know my tone is less than kind, but I don't take lightly to people around me sharing my personal information.
"He didn't tell me to gossip," she laughs a small chuckle "he told me because before Carlisle took me in, I had some rather traumatic things happen to me as well, and if you need a friend, or just someone to listen, I've got plenty of practice at it."
She finishes zipping me up, and I turn to face her with a small frown.
"Thank you, Rosalie, really." I assure her before taking a look at myself in the mirror.
Alice was right, the dress is beautiful, but without a place to wear it, buying it would be quite impractical.
Alice and Kate are both waiting in the waiting room of the dressing area when Rose and I both come out wearing dresses. Alice is clearly pleased with herself, and even Kate looks impressed.
"Oh my goodness." Alice squeals, her whole body practically bouncing "You have to get it Calina, its perfect."
I want to agree with her, but again remembering it's impracticality I turn to her with a frown "Alice, I would have nowhere to wear it to. It is beautiful, but I can't justify buying it for nothing."
Her face falls a bit, and then she starts grinning all over again.
"Jasper can take you to the dance." She talks faster and I stop listening, I'm frozen on the fact that she wants Jasper to take me.
"Alice." Rosalie hisses, clearly annoyed by the small girl's antics.
"Oh Rose, Jasper will never ask, he's too scared to say a word to her. I'm doing them both a favor." She rolls her eyes like her plan is foolproof.
"Alice, you promised you wouldn't intervene, and you're clearly freaking her out." Rose almost growls at her sister, glaring for the sake of her twin.
"I'm just giving them a little nudge, they can go with you and Emmett."
Rosalie just rolls her eyes, shoving by Alice to try on another gown.
"So it's settled, Jazz can take you." Alice grins, ushering me back to get dressed.
I take one last look in the mirror, and however fleeting, I imagine Jasper behind me, a big smile on his face, and I swear my heart leaps.
