"No, no, no." Irina slaps her forehead, arguing with someone on the other line as she paces back ad forth. She's always been serious, but I've never actually seen her this upset.
"I wonder who pissed her off." I nudge Kate. She jumps, startled, and looks away from her sister and back to me.
"Yeah, wouldn't want to be on the end of that phone call." Tanya agrees, sitting down on the couch next to me as Kate absentmindedly flips through the channels.
My phone buzzes, and I sigh as I feild yet another text from Allison, no doubt asking me where I am.
"Allison again?" Tanya inquires, her golden curls bounce as she turns quickly to face me. Her mouth is drawn in a tight line as she watches me waiting for a response.
"Yeah, I just don't know how to deal with her right now, you know, with everything that has happened."
"Well you can't avoid her forever." Kate rolls her eyes, watching an angry Irina curiously.
"She thinks she's doing me some big favor, like her coming home for the first time in years makes her mother theresa or something."
The look Kate gives me tells me I'm dead wrong, and she's no doubt wondering how I can be so moronic. It's not easy really, but when everyone else left, and for some reason my body refused to give up, Allison came swooping in from Florida. She hadn't visited or called since I was twelve, and I simply cannot comprehend having to live under her rules simply because she's the only person left with some kind of familial claim.
"You know Carmen and Eleazar would have fought for you, had you let them." Tanya puts a comforting hand on my shoulder, and I lean into her.
While Kate and I have always agreed on more, and been joined at the hip, Tanya was the one who did everything and anything to pull me out of the rut I got stuck in four months ago. I had never appreciated her before, but now I can't imagine life without her.
"And you know I could have never allowed your family to suffer because of me."
"We wouldn't have suffered, Cal, you have always been our sister." Irina joins the conversation from behind us, and I turn to face her "But speaking of sisters, that was Allison, she needs you home now, and won't take no for an answer."
I sigh deeply, the pit in my stomach growing as I think about going back to the house that suffocates me.
"I'm sorry, I tried to tell her no, but she won't understand. You do need to remember that she is suffering as well, and she's trying, really trying." Irina smiles down at me.
"I know she is, and I love her, I do. I just wish she could understand why I hate being in that house."
Nothing more is said as I pick up my coat and head out towards the garage. When Carmen had the house designed, she thought they would be adopting another girl from New York or something like that, so they had an extra garage spot added for her. When the adoption fell through, I somehow just managed to claim the spot.
"Good luck." Kate calls to me, and I wave her off, getting in my car. Kate opens the door from where she stands at the door into the house.
I reverse down the drive slow, wishing that instead of driving back to my house I could just drive into Canada and disappear forever. I tried once, but Allison managed to have every sheriff department in the area block me off and bring me straight back home. I was less than pleased with her to say the absolute least.
The drive home is pleasant, snow swirls in intricate patterns in front of me. For once it's beautiful instead of the usual white out conditions snow in this area brings. Despite it being dark it's like the night is clear as day, and I can't help but be content with it's beauty.
Our neighborhood approaches in front of me, and the sadness locked deep within my heart seeps in as I look to the house in the middle of the long cul de sac.
I can't help feeling like the weight of this will someday crush me, or crush my spirit. Right now I'm hanging on by some kind of thread drawing me to live, but even that thread will not be as strong as the fear that grips me.
"Are you serious right now, Calina?" Allison shouts as soon as I walk into the foyer between the garage and living room.
"Lay off, Allison." I growl, trying to shove around her, but she stops me in my tracks and won't let me leave.
"You've been gone every waking hour since I got here, and that ends now." She throws her arms up, looking at me like I'm the must frustrating puzzle she's ever tried to solve.
"I don't have to listen to you, you aren't mom, and you never will be." I scream back at her, and I swear everything in the room freezes as we both watch each other.
"I don't have to be mom, Calina, I don't need to be mom to tell you that what you're doing to yourself, and to me, isn't healthy."
"Don't make this about you." My hair flies wildly, and I tug on the roots like that will somehow help me,
"You aren't alone in suffering, so stop acting like you're the only one who's hurting."
"Yeah, because losing the family you didn't talk to for five years hurts so bad." I roll my eyes at her, picking my coat back up.
"They were still my family." she cries, leaning on the back of the couch for support.
"Please, Sammy couldn't have even picked you out from a crowd if he tried." I know it's a low blow, but it still is her fault that she never even met our brother, never got to know him, or see the joy he brought to our family.
"And you don't think that hurts?" she sobs, and I don't feel anything for her.
"I don't think you hurt as bad as you should. I think you left me when I needed you, left our family when we needed you, and now I think you want to come back and grieve like you should. I think you want to pretend you were there for all of us because in some sick way it makes you feel better." I grab my keys again, unsure of where I'm going, but sure I don't want to stay here.
"Calina, wait, I tried to be there, I did." she pleads, but I feel numb.
"No, you didn't. I watched Allison, I watched it all happen, and you were off playing in the sand with some boyfriend who didn't even love you enough to wait for you to get me to eighteen."
When I finally leave, the dam breaks, and I cry and cry. It's been a months since I cried from anything other than the result of an anxiety attack, but as I drive I sob. I yell, and curse, and cry until I feel like my throat is being torn apart.
After almost swerving off the road twice, I pull into a diner just off the highway. Drying my tears the best I can, I step out into the snowstorm. The snow stings my eyes, and I run towards the safety and warmth of the diner.
The door jingles as I walk in, and I immediately feel at ease, recognizing a few older kids from school at a booth in the back.
"Just you today, sweetheart?"
I nod up at the older waitress, following her as she huffs and puffs to make it to the booth she seats me at. She leaves me shortly, assuring me that my waitress will be back soon.
I don't really need to look over the menu, knowing that I just want to start with a hot cup of coffee, and order food later.
"What are we having today, doll?" another older woman comes to my table, pen and paper poised and ready to take my order.
"I'll just have a cup of coffee to start." I smile up at her, trying not to look like I've just had the worst day of my life.
"Room?" she ignores my smile, and looks at me expectantly.
"No, thank you." I nod, and she walks toddles away, calling out something to the cooks in the back that I'm not interested in enough to listen to.
I look out the window, the storm is worsening, and I curse myself for coming out in this kind of weather. With my luck I'll be stuck here. The waitress brings me my coffee, and I lose myself in thoughts, sipping away as I think about what I'll do about Allison.
As I think I start to feel more and more guilty for leaving her as I did. She's probably still crying, and I really can't blame her for wanting to escape. When you get an out from a town like this, you take it. Otherwise you're stuck wishing you would have left long after the chance has passed.
"Excuse me." the southern drawl next to me makes me jump out of my skin, and as I do, I pour my coffee all down my front, yelping when the hot liquid seeps through my thick sweater and down the skin on my stomach.
Jasper, Edward's brother, and my apparent date to the upcoming dance stands frozen with wide golden eyes. After a moment he breaks his trance, panicking as he shoves me napkin after napkin, trying to help me blot away the coffee.
Once I finally get him to stop apologizing, he offers me the sweatshirt he has on over his shirt, and I graciously accept, telling him to sit before rushing to the bathroom to change.
Stipping out of my still scalding sweater, I almost immediately feel better. Jasper's dark blue sweatshirt is infinitely soft, and so warm, and I am grateful for the fact that he gave it to me. I can't help but feel butterflies in my stomach as I look in the mirror at the hoodie than engulfs me.
I fold the coffee stained sweater and tuck it under my arm, walking back towards the table where Jasper now sits nervously playing with a salt shaker.
"I had her clean off the table, and get you more coffee, ma'am." he quickly blurts out as I sit, and I laugh lightly at how uncomfortable he looks.
"It's okay, I probably would have spilled it on myself at some point anyways." I grin, surprised when a chuckle escapes his lips, and upon my statement he visibly relaxes.
We fall into silence, and I can feel him studying me, but trying to be nonchalant about it.
"Don't worry, I won't panic like I did the last time you saw me." I finally get the courage to look up at him. He stiffens a bit at the mention of my panic attack, but it doesn't change anything about his beautifully drawn features. He looks like a model, someone who wouldn't be taking me to a dance, or moving to Alaska.
"I'd prefer to forget that." he mutters.
"Me too." I murmur as the waitress puts more coffee in front of me.
"Don't feel like you have to tell me why." he cocks his head, looking incredibly genuine about his statement.
"No, it's okay, everyone in town really knows, now I'm kind of an open book." I try to joke, but judging by the look on his face, I can tell that I'm failing.
"I want you to tell me when you're ready." he insists, and warmth rises to my cheeks as I realize just how much I appreciate his statement.
"Thank you." I whisper, and he smiles a crooked grin that makes my head spin.
"Just common courtesy." he replies like it's the most obvious thing in the world.
"It's not as common as you would think." I laugh, and we fall into easy conversation with each other.
"So, where did you come from before you were adopted by Dr. Cullen?" I ask tearing off another bite of the chicken I finally ordered.
"Rose and I were adopted in Houston, Texas." he drawls, watching me eat my food.
"Wow, do you miss it?" I ask dumbly ignoring what Edward told me about Jasper and Rosalie's past.
"Sometimes I do, Rose misses it the most." he stiffens, and I feel bad for asking.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked." I curse myself, feeling guilty, but he just smiles, and I'm quickly put at ease, the rapid beat of my heart slowing.
"No harm done, have you always lived in Alaska?"
"When I was little we lived in Seattle, but we moved here when my Dad had his job transferred." I shrug.
"I've never been to Seattle." he frowns.
"It's an okay place, we used to visit my grandma there until she passed away a few years back. It's not my favorite place in the world." I sigh, resting my chin in the palm of my hand.
We fall into silence again, but it feels nice. I've never felt more at ease with a person than I do with the boy in front of me.
"So, Alice roped me into the dance, I assume she forced you." Jasper finally chuckles, and I roll my eyes.
"She forced me to buy a dress, and now we have to go shoe shopping tomorrow." I sigh, but then smile over at him.
"I suppose I should properly ask you." he grins, taking my hand into his own.
His hands feel like they should be frostbitten as cold as they are, but I'm distracted by how handsome he looks, even sitting in this diner. Part of me wonders how I could even be this smitten when I've only properly had this conversation with him, but he's alluring, and my stomach erupts in another fit on butterflies.
"Calina Laraunt, would you give me the honor of being your date to the dance?" he looks hopeful, and nervous, and I smile at him softly, realizing how gentle he is being with me.
"Of course." I laugh, and he relaxes, giving me my hand back.
I don't know how long we stay chatting at the diner, but by the end of it, I most definitely have a schoolgirl crush on him, and it terrifies me.
They say history repeats itself, and I'm terrified that if I let him in, it will be a nightmare all over again. I'm terrified that if I let him in, I'll lose everything all over again.
. . .
Jasper
"No, Edward, no part of her makes me want to drain her, but when I'm around her, I feel like I'm suffocating, and I'm scared that it's her. I'm worried that that's how she feels. How am I supposed to fix that?" I growl into the phone at my brother as I pace in the woods near her house.
"Jasper, what happened to her was horrific, and I know you don't want to know until she tells you, but you need to know that someone took everything from her. It was like Rose, only much worse." Edward's grave voice crackles through the speakers, and without answering I throw the phone against a tree, watching as it shatters and falls to the ground.
I watch the house, her figure passes her window as she gets ready for bed, and I swear to myself that she will never have to hurt again, even if I have to protect her ceaselessly.
