There are some moments that seem so surreal you get lost. The motions are stuck inside, and somehow, no matter your feelings, you are frozen in time, captive to the universe in a dark and twisted way. Anything you do, everything you do, is not of your own will. You are a slave to your mind. What a monster it can be.

When I walked in on my Jared Grant standing over the body of my father is a perfect example of this. Without even a second of notice, my body was not my own. The venom tried it's hardest to erase the memories of what happened as he stood over me.

I fought against him until I could no longer move any part of my body. I swore, yelled louder than I ever have, and nearly bled out on the floor of my own house, on that rug my mother used to hide a stain.

Alice could tell more of my own story than I even could. She could tell of the way I screamed when he hit me over and over, how my blood nearly drove Kate insane, and how suddenly this girl she saw in Jasper's future disappeared, and then reappeared bloodied on the ground.

Those moments seem torturously unfair, like the calm before a storm. Everything is there, everything is present, until it all comes crashing in on itself.

I smelt her blood before anything else. It was overpowering, even in the smallest of scents, and then I was gone, out of my body as my family swirled around me like a tornado of action.

I could feel myself screaming, but the words were not my own. I thrashed in Rose's arms, willing to break free.

It was over before I even had time to think, but the screams still left my mouth, as hoarse and ragged as they could be. It was animalistic, insane even, but I could not be bothered with it.

"Jasper." My cries are unnoticed by everyone but Rose, who still holds me, her body shuddering as she struggles to keep me upright.

I can hear her mumbling in my ear, but the moments just passed play on a constant loop in my mind, threatening to drag me under with them. All I can see is Jasper's face, the way his eyes went dark like I have never seen.

"He must be so scared." I finally mumble coherently, and Rose's grip falters.

I spin away from her, looking into her eyes wildly.

"He's okay, Lina, he's okay." She soothes, backing away when a hiss comes from my mouth.

I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to feel anything coming from my anchor, but I feel nothing, and my fear spikes. In an instant, it turns into tranquility, and I sigh, pulling myself together.

"Where do they have him?"

Rose looks hesitant, looking outside to the woods, and it's all I need. I take off into the woods, trees becoming a blur as sounds of destruction become more evident around me. I know we're near Quileute land so I walk carefully, stepping over fallen branches. It's an easy path of destruction.

I can hear Emmett trying his hardest to get Jasper to stop his rage, his voice booming and commanding. It's nothing like I have ever heard from Emmett. It chills me to the core.

I know that Jasper has been more tense lately. He refused to hunt, his voice turned into one of rank, and power. It was nothing like him, but it was also never directed to me, he keeps everything locked away from me.

When I reach Jasper, the trees are uprooted, and blood covers nearly everything. It looks like a scene straight out of a horror film. The source of the blood, a mountain lion, lies drained on the side of the cleared trees.

Clearing my throat, I step into view, but I know they've both sensed me far before.

"Cal, I wouldn't." Emmett moves in front of me, but the beast in Jasper will have none of that. His growls turn rampant, and he snarls at Emmett who backs away from me with his hands in the air.

Neither of us truly know how to handle the situation, so I nod to Emmett.

"Em, I got this."

He looks at my carefully before turning and lumbering not-so-gracefully into the woods and disappearing.

"Jazz?" I whisper kindly, holding my hand out to him, but he looks at it like it's completely foreign, taking a few steps away from me.

"Okay." I nod "I'm just going to sit here, you do your thing."

I back onto a fallen tree, easily perching atop it. I watch him expectantly, but he doesn't falter. His gaze penetrates me.

His stare is unnerving. Hi looks wild, untamed. Back bent, and legs crouched, his body shudders slightly every few moments as he calms himself down.

After what seems like eternity, I jump lightly to the ground, startling him. He takes a few steps backwards, but when his back hits a tree he's forced to stop. He's still frozen when I move again.

"Hey, you're okay." I carefully step towards him holding out my hand.

His eyes snap between my face and my hand automatically, like he's assessing me.

"I'm a monster." Jasper finally speaks, still as rigid as before.

"No, you are not." I shake my head. The hurt is his sweet drawling voice is so apparent as he speaks again.

"Yes I am." He pauses, looking away from me, shame filling his features.

"Not to me, Jasper. I love you, and you are no monster." I try, and he trembles.

"You won't, you won't love me."

"Jasper, what happened?" my tone shifts, and his eyes squeeze shut.

"Last weekend, you were gone with Alice, and I swear it, I didn't mean for it. I tried Calina, I did."

"Jasper, you're scaring me." I whisper, and he looks to me, but the gleam in his dark eyes tells a tale, and my heart shatters for a moment "Tell me you didn't, Jasper."

"I killed her, we were down south hunting, and she had somehow shot herself. She thought I was coming to help her." Jasper collapses, the strength in him seems to heave out in the breath he releases.

"Oh God." I gasp, my hand flutters to my mouth.

"She thought I was coming to help her."

I stumble back, finally just crouching to the ground as my mind seems to work into overdrive.

"How, how do we fix this?" I mutter, tugging at my hair.

Jasper falls silent, and my eyes dance to him. For the first time since I've met Jasper Whitlock, he is defeated, completely and utterly defeated.

"Kill me." His voice is so clear, that for a moment I think I have misheard him, but when I see the determination in his eyes I shake my head quickly.

Standing, I take careless steps towards him, tripping along the way. In any other situation, I would have smiled, thinking about Rosalie and her always snide comments about me being the most ungraceful vampire to ever live.

"Jasper." I whisper when I reach him, but he stays on the ground, refusing to look at me.

I fall to the ground next to him, leaves crunching under me. From somewhere in the distance a wolf howls, reminding me of our proximity to the edge of our territory.

"What happened isn't right." He sinks further into the ground, trembling like a madman "But Jasper, I love you, and we can fix this. We can get through this. We're going to find a way to work through this, I know you can do this." I murmur, pulling him into my arms.

I hold him, trying my hardest to keep him in my grasp, in more ways than one.

As he lets out tearless sobs in my arms, what once was seemed so strong to me looks so broken, and I look into the woods, my thoughts far away.

I know now that what we have built here, it will end. Nothing that I know will be the same. Nothing can fix what has happened here tonight, no matter how many promises I make that I cannot keep.