Chapter three of Strength to Make it Through
It was more that amusing to watch Bianca open and close her mouth like a fish out of water. She didn't know what to say. When I first heard that I had cancer, I was in the same kind of shock. But shock soon turned into denial and then to tears. I still haven't gotten past tears yet. Bianca suddenly snapped her mouth shut and stared at me. I knew that she was trying to think of something to say, but there was nothing she could say that would make this better. There was nothing she could say that would change the way I felt, what is going to happen to me.
"Do Goth Boy and your Backwoods know yet?"
I shook my head no. I watched her nod like she understood, but I wasn't convinced that she did. At least, not fully. I felt the need to explain, "Alli would probably cry herself to death while Eli went crazy." Okay, I knew I wasn't being fair in the last statement. It was the same one I used to not have to tell Eli about Asher. At the time I really was concerned that he would go crazy. But now, it was just an excuse that I had not to tell. "No one but you knows so far." I look down at my hands. I had been biting my nails all day out of anxiety. I used to bite them when I was little, but Darcy got into the habit of slapping me every time I went to bite them. Now that she wasn't here to stop me, I had destroyed them.
"So what did your doctor say?" Bianca asked after a tense moment of silence.
I took a deep breath, "Dr. Lee told me that she would make a few calls and see if she can get a friend of hers to come in from Seattle Washington. I guess he's the best at what he does," I shrugged.
"Well that's good," Bianca forced a smile. "She is trying to help you. Get you the help you need."
I laughed bitterly, "My tumor is the size of a peanut right now, but it is growing. If this doctor cannot reach it, the tumor will continue to grow until it takes over the parts in my brain where I hold memories. I will go through chemo therapy and…" I trailed off as I raised my hand and ran my fingers through my copper curls. "I'm going to lose my hair." Other than my eyes, my hair is the only part of my body that I liked.
Bianca took the hand that I just ran through my hair, a look of understanding in her eyes. "I would hate to lose my hair," She admitted with a smirk.
I needed to change the subject, "I have to fill out a prescription today. The doctor told me to do it as soon as possible, but I still haven't told my mom, so I couldn't ask her to take me. I was going to ask Eli to take me to the Pharmacy today so I could pick up my 'feminine hygiene' products. But he has to run a practice for the play, Jake is doing a job with his dad, and my dad won't answer my phone calls."
Bianca was silent for a moment and I was sure that she was going to leave until I heard, "I could take you." her suggestion shocked us both.
"No, I'll find a different way there. Thank you for the offer." I said snippily.
Bianca rolled her eyes, "Look, I don't have anything to do after school today, which means I can take you. It's honestly no big deal."
"Look, I don't need your pity," I glared at her.
She rolled her eyes and huffed in annoyance. "It's not pity…well not really." She ran a hand through her hair. "I'm trying to be nice. I'm the only one who knows your secret and you need help. AND, oh look," she made a huge production of looking around sarcastically." I'm the only one here who can as is willing to help you. So I'll meet you outside after school. I'll be waiting in my car." She grabbed her bag and stood. "The odds may not be in you favor, but people don't call you Saint Clare for nothing. You're going to get through this. And I will be there to help you. As well as Goth Boy and Backwoods once you finally tell them."
I stared at her wondering if this is the same girl who stole my best friend's boyfriend last year. I wondered where the girl went that told the whole school that Adam was transgendered and made his life hell ever since. She was the reason Adam was thrown through a window, she was the reason he had to use a different bathroom. But as I looked at her, I couldn't see the girl that I had held a grudge against for the past year and a half. This girl standing before me was different. Maybe what happened with Vince and the Prom shooting really did change her as it changed Drew and Adam.
I shook my head in an attempt to clear it. "Why do you want to help me?" I thought that was a fair question.
Bianca looked at me for a second and then shrugged, "I don't like to see good people hurt. And from what I have seen and what I have heard about you, Clare, you are a good person. You are someone who is always there for people when they need someone and I have this gnawing feeling inside me that you would help me if I were in your situation."
Tears came to my eyes again. Why was she making me out to be some kind of Saint? I was just trying to be a good friend. Everything that I have done is exactly what a good Christian would do. But I had to admit, her words warmed me. They made me feel better about myself and if I'm being honest, they made me feel hope.
I smiled at her, "I have to talk with a teacher after my last period about an assignment I missed when I was in the nurse's office last week. Then I'll meet you at your car."
Bianca nodded curtly, "Just don't like, die when you're near me okay?" I could tell by her teasing smile that she was just joking so I nodded and played along.
"I'll try, but I won't be able to make any promises."
She huffed and crossed her arms, "I guess I'll have to take it." with that she walked away and I was left by myself wondering how I could get though the rest of the day by myself.
I love comments, and if you leave me more, I'll update another chapter tomorrow. Next one I promise more Eli . If I don't get any reviews, looks like you will be waiting another week for an update .
