Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. If I did, the show would be darker. And probably feed into all of my favorite couple fantasies.

Chapter 14

I watched as Dr. Scorpio, a handsome man with arm tattoos and a huge wedding ring, look at my brain scans. Should I be focused on my scans too? Probably, but instead, I was too busy focusing on how tightly the doctors scrub pants clung to his bottom. It was a perfect bottom. Whoever he was married to, I hoped that they appreciated his bottom as much as I did. It would be downright disrespectful not to enjoy a bottom like his.

"Clare," Dr. Lee asked as I finally snapped back to reality.

"Yes," I asked timidly, afraid of being caught.

"Have you had any side effects to the medication we prescribed you?"

Shaking my head, "I've, actually, been feeling a lot better."

Dr. Lee wrote something on her note pad. "That's good."

"'That's good' means that it is working, what every they are supposed to be doing?" my mother asked from next to my bed. When I reminded my family that I had a doctor's appointment, I was surprised when my mom said that she would take me. Ever since I had told mom about my cancer, she had been closed off. I didn't like the distance that I felt between myself and my mother but maybe with mom bring me today, we could open back up to each other, start talking again.

"It's a good thing," Dr. Scorpio said. He had a nice voice. A voice that I wouldn't mind listening to for the rest of my life.

"I guess I'm just not sure what we are doing here today," my mother stated.

"This is the first time I am meeting Clare." Dr. Scorpio said as he finally turned and looked at me and my mother. Wow, was he striking? Tall, brown hair, and brown eyes. As I looked into his eyes I realized that they weren't as handsome as the green eyes that I looked into on a daily basis. And when he smiled, it was an actual smile, not the lopsided smirk I was accustomed to.

I sighed. While this man certainly was dreamy, he was not my dream guy. Too bad my dream guy was at school and not here with me. I felt like I should show Eli off, just as Dr. Scorpio was obviously showing himself off. Now I am wondering why I am turning this into a competition.

"So, this is a meet and greet," My mother over simplified.

"Not just that," Dr. Scorpio said and moved to sit on the stool across from us. "I wanted to talk to you about surgery and how you feel about invasive surgery."

I gulped, "Invasive?"

Dr. Scorpio nodded and crossed his arms, his wedding ring was easy to see from this angle. Actually, it was easy to see from any angle. I wonder if they bought him that ring for that express purpose? Would he wear it when he is cutting into my brain? "Where your tumor is, I cannot reach it going through your nose like I had hoped to. I could possibly go through your eye socket, but there is a chance for eye damage. The surgery that I am proposing will be me, going in through the front of your skull like this," he pointed to his own forehead, a little bit below his hairline. "And opening it up maybe three inches so that I can go inside your brain and remove all of your tumor."

I stared at him. He wanted to cut open my head, in a place that everyone could see, and then clean out my cancer like he was picking up dirt with a vacuum? This is crazy. I can't do this. I need to leave.

"How high is the likelihood of eye damage?" I wanted to sag in relief. My mother, my hero. Always looking out for me.

Dr. Lee spoke up this time, "About 23% chance that there will be damage."

My mom turns to me, I can tell she doesn't like those odd. "I would rather lose sight it one eye, then have to see the scar from my brain surgery for the rest of my life."

"Clare," my mom admonishes me. I am too done with caring.

"All my life I grew up thinking that I was never as pretty as Darcy. I already gave up on trying to be skinny like her, but for the first time in my life, I see myself as beautiful."

"Oh, Clare," my mom reaches her hand out and places it over mine. "you're the most beautiful girl in the world."

I swallow thickly. Tears coming to my eyes as I tell my mother one of my darkest secrets. "I never felt that way. And hearing you say that to me makes me think that you are only saying this because I'm your daughter and you're my mother. You're supposed to say that kind of thing. But the fact is, I used to wake up and wonder how mad you would be if I died my hair brown like Darcy. I used to wonder if I went on a diet would I be as thin as her. If a had my braces removed would my smile be as pretty as hers? And then I started Junior High, and I realized that it wasn't just Darcy I was envious of. It was all the other girls. The ones that were comfortable enough with who they were that they didn't wear a uniform. Ones that wore their hair differently every day. And make-up. I was introduced to make-up."

I wipe a few tears from my eyes and look at my mother, willing her to understand. "I don't know if it was Alli giving me a wardrobe change, or Eli telling me I had beautiful blue eyes. Or Connor telling me that he liked my hair. Maybe it was all of them. Maybe it's even Bianca, who is helping me every day with my confidence? I really don't know. But I do know that I am finally happy with what I see in the mirror. And it has taken me so long to get here, that knowing that I would have this unattractive scar on my face for the rest of my life hurts me in a way I never knew possible. So, I am willing to take that 23 percent chance and I am willing to gamble with my eye-sight. I'd rather be beautiful, than have a scar on my face."

The room is quiet, and I know my mother is trying to understand what I mean. But I've seen her old photos. She was a cheerleader. She was pretty and thin and popular. I doubt that she has ever felt this way before and it kills me to think that she will never get this side of me.

I feel my mom grip my chin and lift it until I am looking at her, "I am so sorry I never knew this before. I would have tried to help you see just how gorgeous your truly are. I understand, Clare. Thinking that you're not pretty enough. Wondering if you're thin enough. Thinking about what others think of you. Constantly. I understand. I HATE that you have felt like this. But honey. I want you to be safe. With minimum risk and 23 percent is too high. You could go blind."

I could feel tears slipping down my face, "At least I would be pretty."

My mom shook her head, "At that point it wouldn't matter."

"It would matter to me," I say firmly and clearly. I wasn't going to budge.

"Why don't we take a few days and think this over." Dr. Lee asked us from her place in the chair. It was then that I remembered that we had an audience and they both looked uncomfortable and wishing they could be anywhere else.

My mom cleared her throat and agreed. When we left I knew that I wasn't going to change my mind. I just hoped that I could convince my mother that the non-invasive surgery was the way to go.

As I go into to the car, I wondered if it was my mother or my father that I got my stubbornness from?

Long time no see. How have you been? That's great to hear, so this is an update. I'm going to try and finish it before the new year. Here's hoping.