Yes, I have definitely slowed down on the updates. Real Life is getting in the way of my writing, darn it. Ah well, a man's gotta eat.

Thank you again, Poa, for looking over my scribbling and catching the myriad mistakes. Two words: Chicken soup.

Okay, on to…

CHUCK VERSUS THE BUY MORE BOMBER

Chapter 12

I'm Gonna Make Him an Offer…

Sarah pulled into a parking spot in front of Chuck's building. Ellie's Prius was gone and Sarah had checked Devon's schedule to make sure that he was also at the hospital. The last thing they wanted was to run into Ellie or Awesome and have to explain Chuck's injuries. Of course, Chuck wasn't exactly looking forward to this journey into the lion's den, either. He was sure Casey would still be mad about yesterday. After all, Casey wasn't exactly a live-and-let-live kind of guy.

Sarah hopped out and then hurried around to open Chuck's door for him. She helped him out of the car while Chuck mused about how much he used his hands just to stand up. This was going to get real old, real fast. Of course, the way Sarah doted on him almost made it worth while. Sarah started toward Casey's apartment and Chuck trailed behind her, his pace slowing with each step closer to Casey's apartment.

Sarah turned around. "Come on Chuck. We don't have much time."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Chuck said slowly. "It's just… Sarah, Casey's gonna kill me."

"What?"

"For yesterday. For clocking him. Casey's gonna hurt me, isn't he?"

Sarah smiled at him. "Don't worry, Chuck. He'll have to go through me first. Besides, I have a way to take the heat off you."

Chuck looked dubious. "What's that?"

Sarah gave a little laugh and said, "Just watch. Remember, as Mao Zedong said, 'The only real defense is active defense.'"

"Mao Zedong?" Chuck asked.

"They teach more than Infiltration and Inducement of Enemy Personnel at Spy School, Chuck."

"Okay. So what is 'active defense'?" Chuck asked.

"Watch and learn," Sarah said.

They walked up to Casey's door, Chuck trailing a little behind Sarah and still looking both nervous and confused. Sarah didn't bother to knock. She simply opened the door and barged in. Chuck stopped for a moment at the doorway, thinking that perhaps this was only going to compound his problem, but then he shrugged. If he couldn't trust Sarah…

He rounded the corner just in time to see Sarah walk right up to Casey and glare up at him. "So, what? You were going to just leave me in there?"

Casey actually took a half step back and frowned in confusion of his own. "Walker, what the hell are you talking about?"

Sarah pointed angrily at Chuck. "Semper Fidelis? Leave no man behind? I guess those are just words, huh? You were willing to let Ari and I burn in that building."

"Now wait a minute, Walker. I don't know what Bartowski…"

"Chuck didn't tell me anything. In fact, he was actually trying to defend you. 'Protect the asset' and all that. It was the paramedics who told me how you tried to stop Chuck from going into the store to rescue me."

"That's not what…" Casey tried to say.

Sarah waived her hand. "Water under the bridge. But it's good to know which of my partners I can count on. Now, we need to get Chuck wired for his meeting with Moses Finkelstein, Founder and CEO of Buy More."

Casey looked confused and opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again, shrugged, and turned to grab the case with the earwigs in it. Sarah turned and gave Chuck a quick wink, then turned back to Casey and put her hands on her hips, as if she was still irritated at him.

Casey decided to change the subject. "Why does Finkelstein want to see him anyway?"

Sarah suppressed the urge to smile. "No idea. But I don't think he's in any danger."

"Guys," Chuck said, finally injecting himself into the conversation. Casey looked at him and started to growl, but with a look from Sarah he simply frowned. "Guys, how am I supposed to explain these," he held up his bandaged hands, "to Mr. Finkelstein?"

"Say we were cooking and I started to drop a cast iron skillet. You grabbed it to keep it from hitting me, not realizing how hot it was," Sarah said. "Simple and believable. And you still get to play the hero." A smile slowly spread across her face as she said this last.

"And my face?" Chuck asked.

"Fell asleep in the sun like the moron you are," Casey said. "Sunburn."

Chuck frowned. "I suppose that works."

"Come here," Sarah said, putting the earwig in his ear when he stepped in front of her. Chuck used his fingertip to adjust it and worked his jaw a couple times to get it to settle into his ear canal. Sarah spoke into her watch. "Testing, testing."

Chuck nodded. "It's working."

"Good," Sarah said. She looked at her watch. "Finkelstein's driver should be here any minute. Maybe you should go wait outside. Casey and I will follow in the van."

"Okay," Chuck said. He was obviously nervous and slightly dubious about this meeting. Sarah stepped over to him and laid a hand on his arm.

"It's going to be okay, Chuck," she said. "You'll do fine. Casey and I will be there the whole time."

Chuck nodded. He looked a little more at ease, but still not completely convinced. Sarah straightened his tie and brushed a few wrinkles out of his shirt. "You'll knock him dead," she said. "He's obviously just recognized what a tremendous asset you are to the Buy More."

That brought a grin to Chuck's face. "Hopefully not literally. The knocking dead part, I mean."

Sarah and Casey hurried out to the van and Sarah climbed in the back while Casey slid into the driver's seat. Sarah checked over the equipment, including checking the GPS signal from Chuck's watch before keying the mic. "Can you hear me, Chuck?"

"I hear you, Sarah," he said. "Here comes the limo."

"Good," Sarah said. "We'll track you on the GPS. Casey and I are going to proceed to Buy More corporate offices so it doesn't look like we're tailing you."

"Okay," Chuck replied.

Chuck watched the long, black limo glide to the curb. He started to rub his sweaty palms on his pants, but remembering his bandages he stopped and took a deep breath. The driver hopped out – a huge man, Chuck noticed, whose chauffeur's uniform did little to hide his bulky muscles and thick neck. He jogged around to the back of the car and opened the door. A long, shapely leg emerged, followed by the owner of that leg – Amelia Banks: former Special Forces sergeant and personal assistant and bodyguard to Moses Finkelstein, Founder and CEO of Buy More.

She stood and automatically smoothed her skirt before offering a hand to Chuck. "Mr. Bartowski. Amelia Banks. Mr. Finkelstein sent me to collect you."

Chuck held up his own bandaged hands. "Sorry," he said. "Cooking accident." At least, Chuck thought, the bandages hid how badly his palms were sweating. Which was actually starting to sting a little, now that he thought about it.

Amelia nodded and lowered her hand. Chuck looked her over. He had no doubt that, like Sarah, this woman could easily kick his ass. Although she was in a severe suit and had her hair in a tight bun, Chuck could see that she could be quite attractive if she tried. "A pleasure to see you again, Ms. Banks," he said.

He was waiting for her to say, 'Please, call me Amelia,' but instead she said, "We shouldn't keep Mr. Finkelstein waiting. Shall we?" She motioned to the open door of the limousine. Chuck climbed in. The interior was plush – one of the nicer limos that he had ridden in. That thought alone pointed out how crazy his life had become. Two years ago, he had never ridden in a limo. Well, except for the one time he and four friends had rented a cheap limo to pick up their five prom dates. That limo had smelled of cigarettes and cheap booze. Now, the Charles Carmichael part of his personality was comparing limousine interiors.

Chuck took the seat in the back while Amelia climbed in and took one of the side seats. The driver closed the door and then jogged around to climb back behind the wheel. Chuck looked nervously around the back of the limo, trying to avoid looking at Amelia's legs, while he patted his knees with his fingers.

"So, ah, this thing have an iPod dock? I could put on some tunes," he said.

Amelia looked down her nose at him. "No," she said.

Chuck went back to tapping his knees.

"You know, if Mr. Finkelstein brought it in I betcha we could have one hooked up in no time. This thing must have a killer stereo."

Amelia looked at him. "I wouldn't know," she responded, then turned back to look straight ahead.

Chuck tapped his knees some more.

"Must not get very good gas mileage, though. You know, being so big and all."

Amelia looked at him again. "Again, I wouldn't know." Then her head swiveled back to the front.

He went back to tapping, then crossed his legs, uncrossed them, and then crossed them the other way.

"So why does Mr. Finkelstein want to see me?" he finally blurted out.

Amelia looked at him again. "I…"

"Yeah, you wouldn't know," Chuck supplied.

Amelia raised an eyebrow and Chuck thought he detected the barest lifting of the corner of her mouth.

"I'm just kind of nervous," he said. "You can understand that, right? I mean, I'm just the supervisor of the Nerd Herd of the Burbank store and he's Moses Finkelstein, Founder and CEO of Buy More. The head Nerd Herder himself. The big cheese. The head honcho…"

"Quit blathering, idiot," Casey's voice snarled in his ear.

"… el jefe," Chuck finished in a much more subdued voice.

And then something amazing happened. Amelia Banks, former Special Forces sergeant and personal assistant and bodyguard to Moses Finkelstein, Founder and CEO of Buy More, actually cracked a smile. Okay, it was a little more lifting of the corners of her mouth. Maybe just one corner, actually. But her eyes softened enough for Chuck to tell that it was an honest-to-goodness, almost, maybe smile. So Chuck did what he always did in such situations, he smiled back and forged ahead.

"I'm babbling, aren't I?" he asked.

Amelia nodded. A hint of a nod, but just enough to tell that it was a nod. "Just a little," she replied.

"I tend to do that when I'm nervous," he said. "Bad habit, really. I mean, look at you. I bet you never babble. Cool, collected, professional. Not that you couldn't… And now I'm babbling again. You know, if you could just tell Lurch up there to slow down, I could just throw myself from the car right now and save you the trouble."

Now both corners of her mouth definitely went up, albeit slightly. "I don't think Davis would appreciate you calling him 'Lurch,'" she said.

"Well, considering he looks like he could snap me in half with just two fingers, I hope you won't tell him that."

Amelia actually shifted a little in her seat toward Chuck. "I believe that I can keep that information confidential," she replied.

"And that'll cost me, what, my first born? My left ear? My Ex Machina comic book collection?"

"I might go for the comic books," Amelia said.

Chuck grinned. "I might prefer to be snapped in half."

Amelia nodded solemnly. "I understand. It would be hard to give up on Mitchell Hundred."

"You read Ex Machina?" Chuck asked, surprised.

"My ex boyfriend got me hooked," Amelia said.

"We're here, Ms. Banks," the driver interrupted over the intercom.

Amelia touched a button. "Thank you, Davis." She turned to Chuck. "Don't worry. Moses likes you. You're not in trouble."

Chuck smiled as the car glided to a stop. The door opened a few moments later. Chuck got out first, and then offered Amelia his hand to help her out.

"Thank you, Mr. Bartowski," she said, once again the ice queen, although she was careful to take only his unbandaged fingers in hers. "If you will follow me."

The corporate offices of Buy More Corporation were in a gleaming glass and steel five story building in an office park in Playa Del Rey, overlooking the Pacific and adjoining LAX. Chuck glanced around and noted a familiar black van parked in the lot of a neighboring office tower. Chuck had also spent enough time with Sarah and Casey to recognize the heavy security of the Buy More building, including security guards with noticeable bulges in their coats and rows of concrete planters surrounding the building that looked sturdy enough to stop a tank.

The lobby of the building was decorated in green and yellow and a huge portrait of Moses Finkelstein, Founder and CEO of Buy More, dominated one wall. Across from the portrait was a life-size bronze statue of Moses Finkelstein, Founder and CEO of Buy More.

A guard behind the desk nodded to Amelia, who still reached into her valise and extracted an identification card which she touched to a scanner on the desk. "This is Mr. Charles Bartowski; he has a meeting with Mr. Finkelstein."

"May I see some identification?" the guard asked.

Chuck reached in his pocket and pulled out his Nerd Herd badge. "Will this do?" he asked.

"Government issue I.D., please," the guard said. Chuck dug in his wallet and pulled out his driver's license. The guard took it, compared the picture to Chuck's face, and then ran it through a scanner. He made a note on a computer log and then handed Chuck his license and a Visitor badge. "Please wear this at all times."

"Thank you," Chuck replied, taking his license and the badge from the guard.

Amelia led him past the main bank of elevators to a single elevator at the far end. She inserted her badge in a slot and the elevator doors opened with a soft chime. She motioned Chuck inside the elevator and he noticed that there were no buttons inside, only a card slot. Once inside the elevator, Amelia inserted her badge in the slot. The doors closed and the elevator shot quickly upwards.

When the elevator doors opened, they were confronted by another reception desk. "Good morning, Ms. Banks," the woman at the desk said, checking both her badge and Chuck's. "Mr. Finkelstein is expecting you."

Amelia led Chuck down a short hallway to a huge pair of polished mahogany doors. The doors swung silently and effortlessly inward at her touch.

Moses Finkelstein's office was huge. One wall was covered with half a dozen huge plasma televisions. Another wall was covered with bookshelves lined with mementos, antiques and pictures of Moses Finkelstein, Founder and CEO of Buy More, meeting with various leaders and dignitaries around the world. One corner of the office had a polished steel and glass conference table with plush black leather chairs. The other corner had three couches and a pair of wingback chairs surrounding a gleaming chrome and glass coffee table. The far end of the room, across from the doors and positioned in front of floor-to-ceiling glass windows overlooking the ocean, was a massive oak desk with four computer monitors, an enormous leather executive chair behind it and two smaller wing-back chairs in front of it.

Moses Finkelstein, Founder and CEO of Buy More, rose from behind the desk when Chuck and Amelia entered. He was dressed in his ubiquitous green suit with yellow tie and was smiling broadly.

"Ah, Mr. Bartowski. So glad you could join us this morning." Chuck accepted Mr. Finkelstein's outstretched hand and winced when their hands met. Fortunately, Mr. Finkelstein did not squeeze his hand. Chuck thought it might be bad form to faint in his boss', boss', boss', boss' office.

"The pleasure is mine, Mr. Finkelstein," Chuck said, trying not to scream.

"Can I get you anything? Coffee? Water? Bloody Mary?"

"Um, no, sir," Chuck replied. He paused. "Well, maybe some water?"

"Amelia?"

Amelia stepped over to a wet bar on the wall with all the bookcases and poured Chuck a glass of water in a Waterford tumbler and brought it to him along with a Buy More coffee mug for Mr. Finkelstein.

Instead of sitting down at his desk, Mr. Finkelstein led Chuck over to the 'conversation pit' formed by the couches and chairs. He motioned Chuck to a couch and Chuck sat down. The leather of the couch gave a loud 'thpppttt' when Chuck sat down.

"Way to go, Bartowski," Casey's voice sounded in Chuck's ear. "You sure know how to make an impression." Chuck was chagrined at the noise, but oddly reassured by Casey's ribbing.

Mr. Finkelstein took one of the chairs facing Chuck's couch. Amelia took up a position standing just behind Mr. Finkelstein's chair, her hand resting on the back of the chair.

"First things first," Mr. Finkelstein said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small device about the size of a Dictaphone. He hit a button on top and suddenly Chuck's earwig exploded in a burst of static and painful feedback.

Chuck winced and pulled the earwig from his ear.

Moses Finkelstein, Founder and CEO of Buy More, smiled at him with a smile that would have been at home on a shark. "So, Mr. Bartowski," he said. "How long have you been a spy?"