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Hi, bet you didn't expect to see me back so soon. My last post supposed to be my last with things now over with Jack and COW and me moving on. Unfortunately my Ex doesn't seem as ready. John came to see me and he told me that my Ex has hired someone to 'watch' me for him since John told him he was not comfortable doing it.
God, my blood boiled.
They start watching me next week and I have two choices. Pretend I don't know and its business as usual… or I hide. I know which one is more adult but I don't feel like adulting right now. My babies don't need me yet and this would have been a time of romance between me and my Ex, a time of preparing lovingly and gushing together over tiny booties and things…. No. I am not doing this adulting thing just yet.
So… I go with option B.
I am currently at one of my other investment houses. Hopefully one my Ex does not know about as he takes little to no interest in my life really. I don't know why I never realized this before but I think he has no idea what I own or where it is. It's one of my new houses in the upper east end. It's quite posh with all the mod cons and buttons for everything.
My Ex's dream house actually.
Ironically I find myself liking it too and I thought I was rather more of a traditionalist but the clean lines, the polished wood floors with soft runner carpets… I am quite proud of this one. It took a while to design, watch grow into being and then came the furnishing part.
I now see I chose lot of my own style of things, not like other ones I did and as this one is finished, perfectly so, but not yet ready to rent out or flip on… I think it's a good idea to settle here for a while. After all, I did forget to hire the landscaping company and now it's completed that back yard is a jungle. I hadn't realized how big the section was…. It's huge.
I don't need to work, I own the fucking store… stores… so I will instead throw myself into finishing touches to this place. No one knows where I am except my lawyer, Rhiannon and our mutual friends Owen and Toshiko who seem as fed up with my Ex as I am. I don't' have any independent ones, not really. My Ex chased them away and the only ones I still have were ones that were his. Funny, I didn't see that before. Owen is a doctor and a good one, he will watch me for signs of overdoing it and scold worse than a mother while Toshiko said she is happy to visit with supplies.
I intend to spend the next few months settling into the idea of what my future might be and hopefully… hopefully by the time Rhiannon is ready to give me those babies, I will be a single-Tad worth of them.
I have never been so scared.
And I miss him.
I will admit that too, since I can't' see your faces screw up with annoyance at me. I can't hep it. He was, is and will always be… this love of my life. But now there are tow incoming who will also be the loves of my life and they might actually love me back.
Right?
.
.
UPDATE
I found the back fence. I also found what had been a swimming pool but has been filled in. I mean, what sort of maniac has a pool this far from the house? I like the area so I think maybe a little playground area. Mats and a swing set… something like that. A sandpit? Maybe the family taking the house will like that.
The reason for the update is that Owen thinks he is being followed. Toshiko does not believe it is so but Owen is getting paranoid so we agreed for them to stop visiting for a week or so, Rhiannon too. Just in case.
Feels weird.
Like I am watching a movie, so it's not real. Ya know? This can't be my life now.
I still can't sleep. Owen gave me pills but they made me feel weird so I only took one that first night, I think maybe it's a kind of grief. I can't lay in the bad without Jack beside me. It's too cold. Silent and still. That man moves around like he is fighting off a swarm of bees.
I find myself falling asleep in the lazy boy chair, my glasses still on and the book in my lap closing itself half the time but I always forget the last chapter of so of what I was reading anyway.
I am tiring into an old man.
Maybe Jack was right. I am a fuddy-duddy.
And that's an OK thing to be.
The latest scan pictures are so cute. They don't have much space and are sort of facing each other. It almost looks like they are hugging but they have their own sacks so… I think I am being a bit whimsical here.
I have to be positive.
They only have a fee more months to cook.
Then… game on.
