14
Well he has outdone himself.
SOMEONE took a full page ad out in the paper complete with my photo like it's a mug shot. HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN. It looks quite official and authentic, saying I am being sought out for 'enquiries' and if anyone sees me or has information blah blah…. Thing is. There is an offer of 10,000 quid if I am found.
I am being hunted.
Can you believe this shit? My lawyer is appalled and slathering about orders and such but the only problem is… it would give me away. My address would be on any official documents and he would know where I am so even if he gets a caution of court ordered No Contact Order… he will know where I am which is the sole purpose of this charade.
For now I am simply lying low.
I have enough supplies to last a month, Toshiko is going to have one of the staff from the nearby store deliver another box of provisions, telling them it's a customer order from the other store. I can ring to confirm it and then we will see. Leave the box on the back patio. Owner is not currently home. I will be fine. My worry is that when the babies come I will have to come too.
Am I wrong to hide out like this?
Am I just trying to avoid the inevitable sort of like putting on a rain coat so the tsunami does not get me too wet as I am swept away?
Feels a bit silly now. Also… fuck him. Fuck her and fuck their clown moves. Owen has a saying 'play stupid games, get stupid prizes' and I am starting to think I am the one playing a stupid game here.
I have no reason to fear him.
I am only hiding to hurt him. I don't need him even if my brain tells me that I do, my heart is still beating even if it feels bruised… I need to man up. I can't hide out here.
This is stupid.
I have decided to go to see Rhiannon and if she is being watched he will have me. So what. Not lie he can kidnap me and tie me up in the basement right? I have to step into the light before they are born as once they are here I do not want to be looking over my shoulder. Stress levels need to be Zen, right? God, I want to love these little ones to death… I do.
I will be a good Taddy, a living and good Taddy. Maybe a better one without jack whining in the background while his mother tires all she can to trip me up. After all, what life would I have with COW there in the backgorind too? Hoe would my children be raised? What would they become? My son would be spoilt and overt self assured and my daughter… a shadow? No. No. I know now. This is how it has to be. I must protect them, even from Jack as he will always be part of COW's machinations. Yeah.
I am ready.
I will update you how it goes.
.
.
UPDATE
Rhiannon looks tired, her ankles are blown out and the two little beasts are playing tag in there. She is closer to popping than I thought. No way will she make it to the due date.
I feel like a first class shit for leaving her alone with this, I dropped the ball and now I need to step up and put my bullshit aside. I can mourn him later. I have decided to stay at Rhiannon's until the birth, the kids are overjoyed to see me and little Mica is such a star. She has a little karaoke machine… yeah I got it for her last charismas actually… and she sings like a little angel.
David prefers to sit with his hand clutching at me like I might disappear. Rhiannon's Ex is a fucking piece of work and apparently he has been acting up over the pregnancy like she cheated on him and got knocked up. Stupid because he knows they are mine, he was there for the first discussions about it but is clearly looking for ways to be relevant in her life still. David always needed some reassurance. Poor little man, I have been remiss.
Speaking of such… he has found me. Of course he was watching her but I don't care. He came to the door a few times and Rhiannon told him to jog on. I don't care. Hiding around the side of the doorway listening to him begging. Hearing his voice hurt, I will not lie that the first time I cried but it's getting easier. Like immersion therapy. Right?
This is going to get easier?
