Another short chapter, but the next one is a little longer, I promise.
You may get tired of me saying it, but I don't. Thank you again, my dear Doctor Poa.
CHUCK VERSUS THE BUY MORE BOMBER
Chapter 22
Seeing the Forrest for the Trees
Casey checked the door to make sure no one was listening. "I just got off the horn with Beckman," he began.
Sarah cringed and braced herself for what was coming.
"Why hello, Chuck, Sarah. Nice to see you. I'm glad to see you're awake, Sarah. How are you feeling?" Chuck said pointedly to Casey.
Sarah laid her head back on the pillow and sighed. She wasn't in the mood for more of Casey and Chuck's bickering.
"Zip it, Bartowski," Casey growled. The harsh lighting of the hospital room threw Casey's tired face into shadow as he dropped his head slightly. His eyes were hollow and dark circles marred his usually stony face. While Casey seemed to wear a continual scowl, somehow his expression seemed to have a little something else alongside the 'pissed off military man' mien.
Rather surprisingly to both Sarah and Casey, Chuck did just that. He leaned back in his chair, folded his arms, and glared at Casey. But he stopped talking.
Sarah sat up and looked at Casey. He was standing a few feet from the foot of her bed, at classic parade rest, his expression as inscrutable as always. Well, perhaps not completely, Sarah thought. There was something odd about the look in his eyes. Something Sarah hadn't seen since…
"Beckman has benched you," Casey said, interrupting her musing.
"What?" Chuck cried. "Benched her? What does that mean? Sarah, what's going on?"
Sarah swallowed the lump in her throat and twisted her blanket in white-knuckled fists. Who would have believed, just two short years ago, that her greatest fear wouldn't be crazed assassins or killer viruses or exploding retail stores, but rather simple reassignment? Leaving here, leaving Chuck, was too terrible to contemplate. But if she was benched…
"What are my orders?" Sarah asked, careful to keep her voice flat.
"Sarah," Chuck asked, his voice rising half an octave. "You're not being reassigned, are you? This is just while you get better, right?"
Sarah looked over at Chuck, fighting to keep her face calm and composed. "Chuck…."
Chuck looked into her eyes and swallowed the lump that now appeared in his throat. He gave her a minute nod.
Sarah turned back to Casey. "My orders?" she asked.
"Medical leave until you're fully cleared by an Agency doctor for field work. Reevaluation at that point to determine your suitability for the… current assignment."
"Meaning me," Chuck cut in.
Casey ignored him. "I convinced Beckman to give you the choice. You can convalesce at the Agency facility here – Twin Oaks I think it's called – or you can return to Washington."
"Casey," Sarah huffed. "I don't need to be stuck in some damned Agency nursing home."
Chuck, who had been listening to Casey, jerked his head around to gawk at Sarah. It was unusual for her to curse.
Casey shrugged. "If you can get the pill-pushers to okay it, you can probably do it out-patient. But Beckman's not going to clear you until you're one hundred percent."
"And in the meantime?" Sarah asked. "What about Chuck?"
Casey frowned. "Beckman's sending an agent. Some guy named Forrest. Alex Forrest. He's CIA."
"I don't need someone else," Chuck protested. "Sarah can protect me. She's fine. She said so herself."
Sarah and Casey ignored him. "What do you know about him?" Sarah asked. Secretly, she was a little relieved. At least if it was a male agent that was being assigned to Chuck's protection detail, then she didn't have to worry about that agent taking her place as Chuck's cover girlfriend. Maybe, just maybe, she could keep at least a tenuous hold on Chuck and his life. She was already rehearsing speeches in her head to give Beckman about 'maintaining cover' as Chuck's girlfriend, at least while she convalesced. And if she was still in place when she was released back to duty…
"Didn't have the chance to run him through the database," Casey said. "I'll give you the full rundown as soon as I do. But he'll be protection only, not cleared to know about the Intersect." He frowned. "So what are you going to do?"
Sarah sighed and leaned back on her pillow. "I don't know," she said, looking up at the ceiling. She glanced over at her bandaged shoulder. "I can't believe I got shot," she sighed.
"I hear Twin Oaks is nice," Casey offered. "Wooded grounds. Crack staff. Good food."
"No way," Sarah replied. "I've been stuck in Agency facilities before. I can heal just as well at home, and go in for the P.T."
Casey shrugged. "If you think that's what's best," he said. "I'll let you know about Agent Forrest, once I run him." He glanced around the room. "Get you anything?"
Sarah huffed. "Out of here?"
Casey nodded knowingly. He had spent more than his fair share of time in hospitals, aid stations, and the like. "I'll talk to your doctor. Poa is it?"
"Mmm hmm," Sarah replied.
"Careful," Chuck cut in, feeling left out of the conversation. "The way she was looking at you, she might just keep you here for 'observation.'"
Casey snorted, but otherwise ignored Chuck. He'd found that was the best way to keep Bartowski from running off at the mouth. "I'll check back by when I've got something," he said to Sarah. He turned and strode out of the room. Casey stepped outside the room and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes briefly. He slammed the side of his fist into the wall, and then, ignoring the startled look from a passing aide, he walked quickly to the nurses' station and demanded to see Sarah's doctor.
Once the door closed, Chuck leaned close to Sarah. "I don't want another handler," Chuck said. "I want you, Sarah."
Sarah resisted the urge to reach up and run her fingers through his brown curls. "Chuck, I can't protect you right now. I'm… I'm sure this is just temporary. I'll get cleared for duty and things can go back…" She sighed. "Well, actually, things can't go back to the way they were."
She licked her lips and, without thinking, reached out and laid her hand on top of his.
She took a deep breath before continuing. "Chuck, I'm your handler. You're my asset. It's my job to protect you, not the other way around."
"But Sarah," Chuck interrupted.
"Chuck, please," Sarah continued. "We have to talk about this. I have to… to make you understand." She paused and took another deep breath. "Three times… three times since this crazy al Fayed mission started you've risked yourself to save me. I…" She paused, searching for the right words.
"I don't think the third time counts," Chuck said, trying desperately to lighten the mood. "You had already activated the jammer…"
"Chuck," Sarah cut him off. This was hard enough without Chuck turning on the Bartowski charm. She patted his hand and continued. "First, thank you. Thank you for saving my life…" She managed a small smile. "At least twice."
Chuck shook his head. "You don't have to thank me. You've done it a hundred times for me. And…"
"Chuck, please," Sarah said, squeezing his hand. "This is…" She almost said, 'This is hard enough as it is,' but that would almost be an admission of her feelings. She wasn't good with expressing her feelings. At least, not when he was awake. She started over. "Please, just let me speak."
She licked her lips and continued. "Chuck, it's my job to protect you. You're the Intersect. You are incredibly important to this country." 'And to me,' she added silently. "Nothing can happen to… to the Intersect. You have to be protected. And I… we… can't protect you if you're doing crazy things like running into burning buildings and jumping terrorists."
The look in his eyes was killing her. Those warm, trusting, kind eyes. Eyes that sucked you in and made you want to…
She gave her head a little shake to clear it. "Chuck, you're not an agent. I don't want you to be an agent. That would… That would be bad. For you." 'For us,' she added in her heart. "Please. You have to promise me… Promise me that you'll stop this… Stop this trying to protect me."
Chuck blinked and licked his lips. "I can't," he said hoarsely. "I can't because…" He paused. He couldn't say it. Not now. Not like this.
Other than the occasional little white lie to save someone's feelings, he hardly ever lied before. But since he had become the Intersect, lying had become part of his life. Something he did more and more to protect himself and, more importantly, to protect the people he cared about.
It scared him, sometimes, how easy it was becoming. At first, each lie had torn out a little piece of his soul. The lies to Ellie, to Morgan, to Devon. But now… Now the lies, the important lies, came as easy as breathing. Someday, he knew, it would all catch up with him. Someday he would have to pay the piper. But not today. Today, he would lie again to protect the person he had come to care about the most…
"You know me, Sarah," he said, trying to sound nonchalant. "You know how I am. I can't just stand on the sidelines. If it was Ellie, or Morgan… Okay, bad examples… If it were Casey. Or even Jeff, or Lester or Big Mike… Do you think I could just stand there and do nothing? I couldn't live with myself if something happened..." 'to you,' he thought, but he said, "…to someone else when I could have done something? I'm just not built that way, Sarah."
Sarah took a ragged breath and squeezed his hand again. "And you keep telling me that you're not a hero," she said.
Chuck shook his head. "I'm not."
"How many times do you have to be a hero before you realize that you are?" she asked. She sighed and leaned back on her pillow, suddenly exhausted.
Chuck asked anxiously, "Are you okay? Do I need to get Doctor Poa?"
Sarah shook her head. "No. No, I'm fine," she said. "I'm just tired. We can talk more about this later."
Chuck nodded. "I'll go," he said, starting to stand.
Sarah laid her hand back over his. "No," she said softly. "You can stay. It's all right. In fact…" She paused. She gave him a small smile. "Thank you, Chuck."
He looked confused. "For what?" he asked.
Sarah closed her eyes. "For being you," she whispered.
