Thanks to my editors, Poa and MySoapBox, for their assistance with this chapter. You rock, ladies!

See? As promised, this chapter is a little longer.

CHUCK VERSUS THE BUY MORE BOMBER

Chapter 23

Motherly Advice

The damned drugs were wearing off. While Sarah didn't usually like taking drugs of any kind, even aspirin, for the same reason she didn't usually drink more than a single glass of wine – she dreaded any loss of control – she had to admit that whatever magic elixir had been dripping out of that now-empty bag hanging next to the saline drip had been wonderful. Not only had it eased the pain of her wounded shoulder and masked the various aches and pains that invariably sprouted up after a little toe-to-toe with a bad guy, it had also introduced a mild state of blissful detachment. Detachment that had made it easier not to worry about Chuck, her 'benching' by Beckman, Chuck, the new agent assigned to Team Bartowski, Chuck, recovering fully from her injury… oh, and Chuck.

She looked over at his 'perch' – the chair beside her bed, now vacant. It had take herculean effort to get him to leave, even temporarily. The usual tricks – wheedling, cajoling, batting her eyelashes and even, when all else failed, a resort to logic – fell flat. Finally, she had lied and said that he was getting a little ripe and, dammit, he needed to go shower, change and get a little real sleep. Although she knew with the same certainty as the rising sun that he would take a quick bath or shower – if he could manage it – throw on some clean clothes, and be back by her side as soon as humanly possible.

At the thought of Chuck bathing, the edges of her mouth curled up ever-so-slightly and she even blushed a little. She really, really wished she could be there to give him another bath. His nervousness as he bathed in his underwear had been so cute. Unconsciously, her hand drifted over to where his head had been resting on her blankets. Was it her imagination, or were the blankets there still a little warmer than the rest?

"Well, whatever you are thinking of, it is certainly a pleasant memory."

Sarah started and looked up quickly, her hand jerking almost involuntarily toward her leg where she normally would have kept her knives.

But seeing the twinkling blue eyes and mischievous grin of Rachel Schwartz, she relaxed.

"I am sorry, child," Rachel said as she closed the door to the room. "It was not my purpose to startle you." She cocked her head a little to the side and put her hands on her hips. "Now, what have you done to yourself?"

Rachel stepped closer to the bed and frowned, but her eyes still twinkled. She reached down and pushed Sarah forward a bit so she could pull up her pillow and fluff it a bit, and then put a hand on Sarah's uninjured shoulder to guide her gently back.

"Hello, Rachel," Sarah said, unable to keep from smiling.

Rachel gently stroked Sarah's hair, and Sarah closed her eyes briefly and allowed herself the luxury of remembering being a little girl and having her hair stroked like that. She opened her eyes and half-expected to see her mother's beautiful face, her golden hair haloed by the light, sitting on the edge of her bed. At least if her mother couldn't be here, Rachel was a welcome substitute.

"So you were thinking of your young man just now, hmm?" Rachel asked.

Sarah tried hard not to blush… well, blush any more than she must have already been. "No," Sarah said, only half-lying. "I was thinking of my mother."

Rachel nodded knowingly. "So," she said, leaning over to look at Sarah's injured shoulder. "You leave Ari and me and what do you do? You get yourself shot." The smile faded from her face and her eyes seemed to grow cold. "Was it al Fayed? Did that bastard shoot you?"

Sarah shook her head. "No, one of his underlings. I was busy with one of the others and he got in a lucky shot. I was just fortunate that Chuck…" Her voice trailed off. As much as she loved Rachel, she really shouldn't be sharing operational details with her.

"Chuck," Rachel said. "That is that handsome agent Carmichael, is it not?" Her smiled returned, although it barely reached her eyes. "You know," she teased, "if I did not have my Ari and if I was twenty years younger…"

"Rachel!" Sarah laughed.

"He is in love with you, that one," Rachel said, stroking Sarah's hair again. "You can see it in his eyes. But you already know that. I can see it in your eyes as well."

"Rachel!" Sarah gasped. "Chuck… Agent Carmichael… He's a partner. I can't get involved with my partner."

"Like that Bryce fellow?" Rachel chided. "He was your partner."

Sarah sat up quickly and stared, open-mouthed, at Rachel. "How do you know about Bryce?" she asked.

Rachel put a hand on Sarah's shoulder and gently pressed her back to the pillow. "My Ari is Mossad," Rachel said. "Do you not think that I have been having him keep an eye on you, my daughter, all these years? Did you think that I could let a girl who shared my home just go off into that world without keeping, how do you say, tabs on you?"

"You've been spying on me?" Sarah asked, shocked.

"Not spying. I am no longer a spy, my dear. I have been 'mothering you from a distance.' But you are changing the subject. We were talking about your young man. He seems very different, for an operative."

"He is not 'my young man'," Sarah protested. "We are… boyfriend and girlfriend is just a cover."

But Rachel, noting the lack of conviction in her voice, smiled and brushed a stray hair back behind Sarah's ear. "You are still young," Rachel said. Then she shook her head, sadly. "But this life is no life for you." Sarah started to sit up and opened her mouth to protest, but Rachel held up a hand to silence her. "Oh, you are very good at… at all this. One of the best; that is certain. But it is an empty life, Sarah. It drains you dry and gives nothing back. It takes and takes and takes, until you are all used up inside. And then… then you look back and wish…" Her voice trailed off.

"But you are happy," Sarah said. "You have Ari, and your sons."

"Yes, I escaped," Rachel said. "Not soon enough, but I escaped. Thank God…" she gave a little bow of her head, "…that I had Ari and I escaped that life. But not soon enough. Not soon enough."

There was something about her tone, Sarah thought. Something about her words. "Rachel," Sarah ventured. "When we were in the Buy More and Abdul al Fayed came in, he looked at me…" She paused, searching for the right words. "Rachel, the way he looked at me…" She gave a little shiver.

It must be the drugs, she thought. They're messing with my control. I'm not like this.

Sarah looked up into Rachel's haunted eyes. Rachel was remembering. Remembering, Sarah was sure, things best left forgotten.

Rachel gave her head a little shake and looked down at Sarah. "You could be my daughter," Rachel said softly. "There is a great resemblance. The blue eyes, the blonde hair – although mine comes from a bottle now. My people were from Poland, as were yours."

Sarah laid a hand on Rachel's, a silent plea for her to continue.

"I told you before that al Fayed I were…" She sighed. "Moses used me. A honey trap for al Fayed. I was his mistress for too long. Much too long. I did my job, at least that part of my job, well. al Fayed offered to make me his wife. At least," she gave a little shrug, "one of his wives. Sarah, when he looks at you, Abdul is no doubt seeing me. The woman he loved - or at least, said that he loved. The woman that betrayed him."

Rachel took a deep breath and clenched and unclenched her fists. Sarah could see that the 'honey trap' had taken a deep and lasting toll on Rachel. More than that, it had taken a part of her soul. Unfortunately, Sarah understood only too well what Rachel had been through. Well, perhaps not everything. She had never gone quite so deep as had Rachel. But the honey trap was something with which she was well acquainted.

"Sarah, you must be careful," Rachel continued. "I do not think that al Fayed knows of our connection, but if he did…" She let out a breath and shivered. "al Fayed is ruthless. One of the coldest, most dangerous men I have ever known. And now he has all the more reason to hate you. You and all your team."

Rachel shook her head and propped herself on the edge of Sarah's bed and brushed her hand at the air, as if shooing away bad memories. "But enough of that. Tell me about this young man of yours."

"I told you, Rachel, he is not 'my young man.'"

"You know," Rachel said. "You used to be such a good liar. I wonder if it is the drugs or being in love that has eroded your skill in that area."

"Rachel!"

Rachel waved a hand. "Oh, my sweet Sarah, I could always read you like a rabbi reads the Torah. I see it in your eyes when you are with him. And I see it in his when he looks at you. At least I waited until he left to come in so that I would not embarrass you."

"Wouldn't embarrass me?" Sarah smirked.

"Meh! Fine. Would not embarrass you in front of him."

Sarah rolled her eyes.

"So," Rachel said. "Tell me about him."

"Rachel," Sarah said. "I really don't think…"

"Now, Sarah, you know I'm not leaving until I know everything, so you can do this the easy way. Or…"

"Rachel…" Sarah pleaded.

"Fine. Charles Irving Bartowski," Rachel said. Sarah gave her a look. "What? Moses asked for the file, they sent Ari a copy, and I might have taken a little peek."

"Mossad really has a file on him?" Sarah asked. "Why?"

"Mossad knows that Fulcrum lost a number of agents in connection with the Burbank Buy More, so Mossad now has a file on everyone connected with that store. They are especially concerned since Buy More was connected to Mossad, in a way, through Moses Finkelstein (etc.) and wanted to make sure this wasn't a rogue Mossad operation."

Sarah shook her head. "How much did Mossad tell Fulcrum?"

"Dear, I am not on the inside anymore. I cannot say. But my guess is… very little. Ari tells me that Mossad does not trust Fulcrum and, as you know, it is always good to hold back some information so you can bargain with it later. But you are trying to change the subject again, dear. We were speaking of your young…"

"He is not my young man," Sarah interrupted.

"So his sister is a doctor," Rachel continued, ignoring Sarah's protests. "And he has a degree from Stanford. A good school. I would say something about him working at a Buy More, but that is obviously just his cover. So how did you meet? Was it a result of this assignment, or did you meet before?"

"I am not going to dignify this whole interrogation," Sarah said, turning her head away from Rachel.

"Now, now, dear. No need to pout. So I am guessing that you met on this assignment, since you were with that Bryce fellow before now. Pity about him. I was sorry to hear that he died, for your sake. Regardless, I never thought he was the man for you."

"Rachel…" Sarah pleaded. She turned and looked up at the older woman, who was smiling beatifically down at her.

"All you have to do is answer a few questions and I'll stop," Rachel said.

"You know," Sarah sighed. "Mossad really missed out when you retired from the business. They should have made you an interrogator."

Rachel just smiled.

"Yes," Sarah said. "We met on the assignment. We were… tracking down some leaked information. I didn't know Chuck was an agent at the time. I tried to set him up, thinking he was the mole, but we were able to prove it was someone else. Chuck and Casey and I worked well together, so they kept us as a team." 'The best lies are built around the truth,' Sarah thought. 'Keep it simple. Rachel can smell lies like a bloodhound. And fear. She always could smell fear. And I thought Ellie's questions about Chuck and me were bad.'

"So when did you fall in love with him?" Rachel asked. "Was it love at first sight? You know I'm an old romantic. Tell me it was love at first sight. Although now that I think about him, he is cute, but you never were into cute. You always went for the pretty boys. Like that Bryce."

"Bryce was not a pretty-boy!" Sarah protested.

"Feh, of course he was," Rachel insisted. "Like Yakov at the Academy, who you mooned over like a sick puppy."

"I did no such thing!" Sarah exploded.

"Fine, fine, you appreciated his deep soulful qualities and the fact that he looked like Brad Pitt in that awful movie Troy had nothing to do with it."

"I am not talking to you, Rachel."

Rachel burst out laughing and Sarah couldn't help but join in.

"He was really 'hot', as you say," Rachel said.

"Well, I don't say that. But, yeah, he was," Sarah agreed.

Rachel reached up to stroke Sarah's hair again, her face softening into that motherly look that had always managed to melt Sarah's heart. "So does he make you happy, this Chuck?" Rachel asked. "Or at least, could he make you happy if you let him?"

Sarah's eyes filled with tears. 'Damn drugs,' she thought. 'It's the drugs that are making me so emotional.' She took a deep breath, looked into Rachel's eyes, and nodded.

Rachel beamed and folded Sarah in her arms. "Oh, my child. I so want you to be happy."

Sarah buried her face in Rachel's shoulder. Rachel really had been like a mother to her when she was in Israel, at the Mossad training school. And she had missed having someone to mother her, someone she could talk to.

After a few minutes, Rachel pulled away a little and smiled at Sarah. "He does love you, doesn't he?"

Sarah nodded, and couldn't help but smiling at the thought of Chuck's admission while he thought she was asleep.

"And you love him, too," Rachel said. It wasn't a question.

Sarah's eyes filled again with tears and she bit her bottom lip. But she gave her head a barely perceptible nod, and then swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Have you told him?" Rachel asked.

Sarah took a deep breath. "I can't," she said.

"Nonsense!" Rachel insisted.

"No, Rachel. We're… You see, Chuck and me… It's complicated."

"Love always is, dear."

"But we can't be together. It… I… It's my job to protect him. I can't do that if… You see…" She sighed. "One time, Chuck was being held hostage. I had the shot, but I couldn't take it. I… With Bryce, it had been easy. I took the shot. But with Chuck…" She shook her head helplessly.

"You loved him and you could not bear to possibly hurt him."

Another barely perceptible nod.

"Oh, child," Rachel said, pulling Sarah to her again. "You do not understand love at all, do you?"

Sarah pulled away a little and frowned, but Rachel pulled her close again.

"Why do you think I am here?" Rachel asked. "I love my Ari, and he needed my help. For him, for my sons… If anyone threatens them, there is no one… no one more fierce than a mother protecting her children or a woman protecting the man she loves. Love makes you better at protecting them, not worse. An agent might hesitate in that split second between life and death." She shook her head. "But if you love someone, sacrifice… the willingness to sacrifice yourself becomes second nature."

She leaned back to look in Sarah's eyes, and to gently brush the tears from her cheeks. "And this Chuck has already shown that, has he not? I have heard the stories floating here around the hospital. He has been willing to sacrifice himself for you, because he loves you."

Sarah swallowed hard. "But that's just it, Rachel. He's too valuable. He can't sacrifice himself for me."

Rachel shook her head. "I feel the same way about my Ari," Rachel said. "Or my children. They are too dear. But nothing would stop my Ari."

"No, no," Sarah insisted. "It's not like that. Well, it is, but it isn't. It's… I have to protect Chuck. It's my job. If he is in love with me, then he won't let me… He'll try…"

Sarah's shoulders fell. "I don't have a choice, do I?" she sighed. "I'm going to have to ask for reassignment."

Rachel shook her head sadly. "You really have not listened to a thing I have said, have you child?" She gently took Sarah's face between her hands. "You and your Chuck need to…"

Just then, the door opened and Chuck came in. His hair was still wet from his bath and his clothes were a little askew, as if he had rushed getting dressed. He started at seeing Rachel and Sarah huddled on the bed. "Oh," he said. "Am I interrupting something?"

"… talk." Rachel released Sarah's face from between her hands and turned to the startled Chuck. "Agent Carmichael. How nice to see you again. But if you could give Sarah and I a moment more?"

Chuck looked at Sarah and then gave a nervous nod. "Um, ah, sure. I'll just, ah, get some coffee from the, you know, cafeteria. Do you want anything?"

Sarah gave him a warm smile. "No thank you, Chuck," she said.

Chuck gave a little half-nod and said, "I'll, ah, come back in a bit."

"Thank you, dear," Rachel said with a warm smile of her own.

Chuck shuffled out the door.

Rachel turned back to Sarah, who she could see was trying to compose herself. Rachel narrowed her eyes and settled on the expression that she used when disciplining her errant boys. She leaned in and spoke in a low voice. "You listen to me, Rebecca. Yes, yes, you are Sarah now, but you will always be Rebecca to me. You listen to me well. They say that love conquers all. Well, that is so much nonsense."

She leaned back a little and allowed herself the barest ghost of a smile. "I will tell you the truth. Love is difficult and love is rare. When you find it, you must grab onto it with both of your hands." She lifted her hands and made two fists to emphasize her point.

Sarah started to speak, but Rachel stopped her with a look. "You are in love with this boy. He is in love with you. Embrace that, or you will both be miserable for the rest of your lives, wondering what might have been."

"But my life, my work," Sarah protested.

Rachel waved a hand, as if shooing away flies. "Your life is more than this. It is more than work. Your work will not keep your bed warm at night. Your work will not still the fires that burn in your heart."

Sarah lowered her head. "But Rachel, I'm afraid for him. It's… it's complicated. Chuck can't get out. And I'm afraid I can't protect him. Not as long as he…"

Rachel threw up her hands. "Becca, Becca, Becca. You have so much to learn. In so many ways, you are still a little girl with dreams of changing the world." She waved her hand again. "No, I am not being insulting. You have not the wisdom that comes with this grey hair." She reached up and lifted a lock of her own hair and then laughed. "Well, this hair that would be grey if not for my hairdresser."

Rachel's eyes softened and she laid a hand on Sarah's. "Love him. And let him love you. Together, you can face the world. And trust in God to protect you, because I will be praying for the both of you. You deserve happiness, my dear Sarah. And you will not be happy if you let this slip away."

She glanced over toward the door and Sarah followed her gaze. In the little strip of light at the bottom of the door, they could see a shadow moving back and forth, back and forth.

Rachel smiled. "See? He cannot keep away from you."

She stood and planted a gentle kiss on Sarah's forehead. "Ask yourself this, my child, if you truly love him and want him to be safe. If you leave, will anyone be able to protect him as well as can you? And if you stay, will you not each move heaven and earth to keep the other from harm?"

Involuntarily, Sarah nodded.

"And that is not even the most important thing," Rachel continued. "You need each other. Without love, without someone to ground you in what is real… How can I put this?" She ran the tips of her fingers back and forth across her forehead, thinking. "There are many kinds of death. Physical death is not the worst. If you and your Chuck do not have someone, do not have each other, then you and he will die just as surely as if someone put a bullet in your head. You know how this life eats people alive from the inside out. That is what you can save him from… And how he can save you as well."

Rachel glanced over at the door, where the pacing continued. "I have tortured you and him long enough. They are releasing Ari today, and I am taking him home. Moses and Red Jihad and that bastard al Fayed be damned."

There were tears in Sarah's eyes as she looked up at Rachel. "I will miss you, Rachel."

Rachel kissed Sarah again and wiped her own eyes. "Pah! You will be happy to get rid of a meddling old woman." They embraced and Rachel hurried toward the door. She flung it open, revealing a startled Chuck on the other side, pacing, a Styrofoam cup in each hand.

Rachel grabbed him and pulled him into a tight hug. Chuck juggled the cups to keep from pouring hot liquid down her back. Her voice hissed in his ear. "You take care of my Rebecca, you hear?"

Chuck could do no more than nod mutely as Rachel hurried away.

After watching her until she disappeared around the corner, Chuck poked his head in Sarah's door. "Okay if I come in?" he asked.

Sarah nodded, and smiled, although he noted that her eyes sparkled with unshed tears.

"Non-fat, extra foam, extra-shot mocha," he said, holding up a cup.

"Really? They have that in the cafeteria?" she asked.

Chuck smiled. "No, but I snuck into the doctor's lounge and used their automatic espresso machine. A little trick I learned from Ellie."

"C'mere," she said. He cautiously approached the bed. She took the cups from his hands and set them on the small table on the other side of her bed. He frowned in confusion.

"There's something Rachel said that I needed to do," she said.

"What's that?" he asked.

"This," she lied. She pulled him close and brushed her lips gently against his.

He pulled back, startled. "But, you've always said… I mean, I'm an asset… That is, I…"

"For now," she said softly, "I'm benched. So you're not my asset."

His eyes went wide. "And you're not my handler," he gasped.

She nodded, and kissed him again.

The door banged open and Casey came in, trailed by a tall blonde in an Orange Orange uniform. "Oh, crap," Casey muttered.