JENNIE
"Two more weeks," I moaned to Jisoo over the phone after getting home from Moe's. "Honestly, I'm not sure I'm going to make it."
"It's that bad?"
"It's just hard." I perched on the foot of my bed and flopped onto my back. "How do you get over someone when you have to see them every day? And you practically live together? And you feel like part of the family?"
"It's funny, you didn't talk this way about Chan and the Jungs," she said. "And you saw him every day, you definitely lived with him, and you nearly took his family name."
"I never felt this way about Chan. Or anyone else."
"I've never heard you talk this way about anyone else." She sighed. "Is it possible Lisa feels the same as you do but she's just being all closed-off about it?"
"Yes. But don't tell me to confront her about her feelings. I'd rather die."
"But if you—"
"I want her to come to me, Jisoo," I said quietly. "I need her to come to me and say the words."
"And if she doesn't?"
"Then I'll see you in two weeks."
I didn't go over to the house for dinner that night. Instead, I went to the grocery store and picked up some ready-made pasta salad and a bottle of wine, and ate by myself in front of the TV.
I was finishing my second glass of wine and third episode of Ted Lasso when I heard a knock on the door. Hitting pause on the remote, I set my wine glass aside and went to answer it. My heart was beating fast, but I told myself not to get my hopes up.
It was Lisa.
"Hey," she said, wiping her palms on her jeans. "You're here."
"I'm here."
"When you texted you weren't coming over for dinner, I thought maybe you were going out."
"No, I just . . . had a headache," I lied. "But I'm fine now."
"Can I come in?"
I stood back as she entered, closing the door behind her.
"I wanted to tell you something," she said.
"What?"
"I talked to my dad," she said, a hint of a grin appearing. "About my business."
My jaw fell open. "You did?"
"Yes. And you were right. He wants me to do what I love."
"Oh, Lisa, I'm so happy for you." I smiled at her. "That's great news."
"It is." She rushed toward me, placing her hands on my shoulders. "And it means you have a reason to stay, if you want to."
I looked up at her, confused. "Huh?"
"I'll need a nanny to help me out with the kids even after they go back to school. Starting my own business will take a lot of time and energy, and Two Manobans can't just close up shop without warning. We have a lot of jobs on the books."
"You want me to stay . . . as your nanny?"
"Yes. It's perfect." She dropped her hands and began pacing back and forth in front of the TV. "The kids adore you, and you're so great with them. You learned the summer routine so quickly, I'm positive the school routine will be a piece of cake. You can stay here over the garage—I'll insulate and heat it for you. Of course, if you want to get a different place, that's cool too. I can—"
"Hold on." I held up both palms. "Stop a minute. I just want to be clear. You're asking me to stay because you want me to continue being your nanny?"
She looked uncomfortable. "Well . . . yeah."
I took a breath and forced myself to be brave. "What happens with us?"
"Well, we could be like before. I mean, not out in the open, since you'd still be working for me, but it's better than nothing, right?"
I closed my eyes, disappointment washing over me like heavy rain. "It's better than nothing. But it's not enough."
"What do you mean?" Her tone had an edge to it.
"I mean, I love the kids, and I love it here, but I'm not interested in staying because you need a nanny, Lisa." I didn't want to cry, but a sob was working its way up to my throat.
"But this is what I can offer you right now," she said angrily. "And I don't understand why you won't take it. You said you wanted a reason to stay. I'm giving you one."
"I didn't want to be Chan's trophy, and I don't want to be your secret." The tears started to fall.
"What do you want?" she demanded.
"I want to be chosen!" I cried. "I want to be enough for someone—just me. As I am."
She looked dumbstruck. Her mouth opened, and once again, my foolish heart filled with hope—maybe she'd say the words.
But instead, she stepped back and held up her hands. "You know what? Never mind. This was a mistake." Shouldering past me, she stormed out the door, slamming it shut behind her.
I jumped at the noise.
Then I ran into the bedroom, threw myself facedown, and sobbed.
