LISA
"I don't know what to wear."
My complaint is met with a giggle from Jackie as I take off the blue shirt I tried on. "I've never heard you utter those words. Just wear what you normally would when you go out."
"But this is a big deal." I sigh and root through my closet, regretting not organizing it properly as I can't seem to find anything.
"Jennie won't expect you to rock up in a dress, or even a tux. Not that you have one," she adds, only adding to my nerves.
"She won't expect me to rock up at all," I retort. "Should I have a tux?"
"No. Chill out, sweetheart. She knows you well enough by now and she likes you just the way you are." Jackie takes out one of my white shirts and a pair of black slacks. "Here, wear this. It looks great on you."
"I always wear that." I'm aware that I sound sulky and would have laughed at myself if I wasn't so terrified of meeting Jennie's friends and family.
"Exactly. You'll feel more comfortable in it." Jackie heads to the kitchen and comes back with a cold beer. "And you'll need this. Just one, though."
"Thank you. I do need a drink." I take a sip, then put on the white shirt and swap my jeans for the black slacks. Wearing this does make me feel better, I have to admit. "I'm not sure if I should go."
Jackie rolls her eyes and chuckles. "No one will know you're together apart from a couple of people. Just go, have a good time and give her a big birthday hug from me. I saw the way she was with you. She's crazy about you and trust me; she'll want you there."
Looking myself over in the mirror once again, I nod, mentally repeating Jackie's words. So far, it's been easy and incredibly good with Jennie. Once I let go of my fears it made sense and I was able to open myself up. But things will undoubtedly get more complicated after tonight. Although I doubt Jennie will come out, people will see the chemistry between us, and they'll start asking questions. Will she panic? Will she start having doubts?
I've seen it before with friends. They were ready to come out and accept their sexuality, then backed out at the last minute. A woman I used to meet for casual sex is now engaged to a man as her family's approval was more important to her than her own happiness. This party could be a curse or a blessing, I'm yet to find out.
"Want some good news to distract you?" Jackie asks. "You look like you're about to pass out."
"Please." I laugh and roll my eyes. "Anything."
Jackie beckons me to follow her out to the balcony where we sit down in the evening sun. "Your father just called while you were on your way home. He's finally got a date for his hip replacement."
This indeed is good news, and it perks me up a little. "Fantastic. When?"
"A few weeks from now," she says with a smile. "Apparently the recovery isn't that intense, but I've suggested he stay with me in the weeks following. Better to be in a ground floor apartment than in that farmhouse. He'll never take it easy if he stays there."
"That's very kind of you. It wouldn't work here either, with the stairs." I pause. "What are we going to do with the animals?"
Jackie shrugs. "We'll make it work between us." She's never been one to worry and clearly, she's not going to start now. "It's only chickens and sheep. How hard can it be?"
"You're right, we'll make it work." I finish my beer and look out over the street where people are heading for the restaurants and bars. Since moving here, I've been able to categorize them. The locals, the seasonals, the tourists and the ones with the flashy yachts. They're all dressed smart casual, yet the slight nuances in footwear and the way they move around sets them apart. "He really needs to sell that farm," I say absentmindedly, my thoughts still half-lingering on Jennie.
"Yes, but I've given up on trying to talk to him about that, he's having none of it."
"I know. And I can't move there either. With all the land it's too much work for me alone and it's in need of some serious renovation which I can't afford."
"It's a unique property, though," Jackie says. "One of the last farms on the peninsula. Give it ten more years and the land value will have doubled. Your mother loved it so, so much, and so did her parents who owned it before her," she adds with a faraway look in her eyes.
"Are you trying to emotionally blackmail me?" I joke. I know exactly why she's so reluctant for the farm to be sold; just like my father, she has memories there. Now that I know she loved my mother, everything she says and does makes so much more sense. "Because that's not going to work. Even if Dad gives it to me for free—which he's offered a handful of times—I can't afford it. It's not just a fixer upper, it's an out and out money pit. The farmhouse needs gutting and then there's the outbuildings, not to mention the fencing. If he sells it now, he'll be able to buy a nice seniors apartment and then I won't have to worry about him as much."
"But then it will be bought up by developers and raised to the ground. Your heritage will be gone."
"Then so be it. I don't see any other way."
Jackie nods, but although she's putting it to rest for now, she has no intention of giving up the fight for Dad's farm. I've thought long and hard about whether I should tell her that I know what she's been hiding from me all these years, and this seems to be the perfect time to bring it up. "You and my mother…" I start carefully.
A subtle expression of sorrow passes over Jackie's face, but she looks away, pretending to be interested in something going on down the street. "What about your mother?" she asks casually. She's had so many years of practice deflecting her past that I'd have fallen for it again if not for the recent conversation with my father.
"You were in love." I smile at her, letting her know there are no hard feelings, but Jackie's reaction is still one of utter shock. She goes pale and shifts uncomfortably in her chair, her hands trembling in her lap.
"How do you…"
"It doesn't matter how I found out," I say, hoping this won't get back to my father. "But I know."
"Oh…" Jackie swallows hard, fighting her emotions. "You weren't supposed to find out. Ever. Your parents, they were happy together. They really were, but it just happened and neither of us could fight it."
I place a hand on her arm and feel her pulse race. "Jackie, it's fine. And we don't need to talk about this now, but maybe one day, when you're up for it, I'd love to know your story." I hesitate. "I'd love to get to know my mother through your eyes." Sensing it's time to leave her to it, I get up. "I have to go. If you don't want to talk, we don't have to. Maybe another day."
Jackie doesn't answer as I head for the door. She'll need time, but I hope that eventually she'll come around and open up to me.
