Chapter 6


Rey woke up sweat soaking into the blindfold at her brow. She tried to slow her pulse but remembering the expression on Kylo's face – one of confusion and acceptance – had her continually questioning herself. Questioning whether it was different within his dreams.

She had been frustrated by the fact that he could enter her dreams and fight her and feel her emotions, but she had not considered that her lack of control over herself; over the Force, meant that she was far more affected by his emotions. Far more empathetic, far more compassionate. Feeling his emotions, understanding them and seeing what he did to himself, it made her feel differently. It made her see him as much more like a wounded animal needing care, than the dangerous man he was, and that was a problem. At least within her own mind she could defend her emotions and her thoughts. Inside his…she could believe him. She could believe that if the darkness didn't take her, he could. Not through her body, despite him saying that would happen, but through her emotions, through their connection to the Force. And if she was with him, he would be free, not trapped in the darkness and fear. If she wasn't careful, their connection could merge to the point of familiarity, to the point where she needed to protect it as if it were an extension of her.

Rey realised how foolish she had been by not telling Luke. Or even asking him what a Force connection meant, or could mean. It unsettled her and frightened her. Having this connection to Kylo and having to ask Luke about it and potentially disrupting their training…It couldn't have been right. If he didn't tell her to use it to her advantage, he would try to get rid of it and that would take away from her training. Or perhaps she was lying to herself…that the real reason was because she didn't want to lose it?

She hated it. Her weakness. Her loneliness had brought these reservations on. If she had not been so alone for so long, she wouldn't have been like this she considered. This was a real connection, one she had never felt before, even if it was disastrous.

Perhaps it would always be like this? Seeking someone to share the burden of loneliness with?

She had to tell Luke. Or ask him something. Anything.

As she dressed, Rey went over what she would say to her master. She found it best not to tell him of her connection to Kylo, but to ask him further about what it was to be connected to someone else. If she could figure out what their connection was, then she would tell him if she couldn't sever it on her own.

Luke was sitting beside the fire, stoking it as the grain cooked above it.

Rey approached and Luke handed her their cups, allowing her to fill them with water from the water sac and pass one back to him. He took it with a smile and laid it beside him.

'Did you sleep well, Master?' Rey asked timidly.

He glanced at her before moving away from the fire and taking the bowls Rey held out to him.

'Somewhat,' he responded.

Rey waited as he spooned the grain into their bowls and she took her own, waiting for her master to sit back down before she began.

'Have you avoided any more nightmares of late?' Luke watched her carefully, watched her ticks; the quirk in her eyebrows and lips, whether her cheeks reddened, he searched for any signal that she was lying to him.

She nodded and lifted her spoon to her mouth. 'I think it was just a onetime occasion. My dreams have been the usual, as of late.'

Luke watched her for a moment more before he nodded and went back to eating his breakfast. Her blindness at least made it easier for him to watch her more carefully.

Several minutes passed as they ate in silence and Rey could feel her heart hurrying the longer she stayed silent. She wouldn't have been surprised if Luke could hear the beating of her heart, though she couldn't imagine what excuse she could come up with for it.

'Master?' she began.

'Yes Padawan?'

Rey took a breath. 'As you say, by understanding the Force and its place in everything and everyone, we forge a connection with it. Is it at all possible that that connection can stick? That I could feel out for you in the Force and then be unable to break that connection?'

Luke looked at her warily. He had been waiting for this question for several weeks now. From the moment he had sensed someone else's emotions course through Rey. Now he realised that his thoughts were justified and her method of questioning suggested she was hiding something.

'That would be a Force bond, though they aren't usually formed in such a manner, it is usually something that develops over time or through great association. I have one with my sister, most likely because we are twins and because of our parentage. Though it is just as probable for us to form one over time, as Master and Padawan.'

Rey nodded, gripping her cup in her hand. 'So it is not something to be broken?'

He shook his head. 'Breaking a bond is much like removing a part of yourself. Its absence will not be forgotten and therefore it remains as an open wound within yourself and within the Force. Even death can never seal that wound. To some, the bond can be so powerful that if one were to die, the other would follow soon after.'

The thought unsettled Rey. That if what she shared with Kylo was a Force bond, it could not simply be broken and she would carry him with her in one way or another; as an extension of her or as a noticeable wound. She imagined looking up at her master and seeing pain in his eyes. Rey pondered that he had had other Force bonds, perhaps with his student and master, and their deaths stayed with him through that broken connection.

'I am sorry master, if I have brought up painful memories.'

Luke shook his head, despite Rey being blind to it and then lifted his cup to his lips, taking a long drink. 'It's important to remember the painful memories as well as the good, or we can never advance, we can never achieve balance.'

He watched her, waiting for her to tell him what she was hiding. Luke wanted Rey to be able to tell him in her own time. He knew that forcing an answer out of her would do her no good in the long run.

An answer did not come, however and Rey went back to eating quietly, glancing at the sky every now and then, despite not being able to see it.

XxX

Rey opened her eyes to find she was in the same place as she was the night before. In the hell house that was Kylo's mind and she shuddered as it seemed even darker and more frightening than the night before.

She called a flame to her again and let it light the path towards Kylo. She sensed he was in the same cell and she felt herself sigh at the idea of it.

Though she didn't want to pity him, she couldn't help herself. Even though she wanted to blame him for this connection, she knew it had not been his doing. She knew he didn't have the capacity.

When she entered the cell, his back was to her and the ripped dark clothes from the previous night resembled mere scraps. He was not chained and the shackles still laid crumbled at his feet. His back, however, was torn and bloody. The skin was so mutilated, Rey believed she saw raw muscle amongst the pain.

He moaned. She could feel the sound within herself and Rey even thought she felt his own pain slip through and around her.

She looked about her for something, not able to bear the sight of his exposed back and she backed out of the room. As she hurried down the halls, not knowing what she was looking for, she stumbled upon a kitchen, though it was filthy and it left the aura of rotting flesh around it. Her eyes scanned the cupboards, having no idea what she was looking for. All she found was a bottle of Corellian whiskey and she decided not to question it as she took it with her, going back to the cell.

Kylo was still hunched over in the corner, blood dripping from his back with every breath. He did not seem to notice her, or he was in too much pain to comment on her presence. Rey knelt behind him, however and roughly ripped at the bottom her tunic, coated the material in whiskey and dabbed it against the wounds.

He immediately jumped at the sting, but Rey held him still with one hand as she cleared the blood away with her other.

Neither of them said anything as Rey continued, Kylo just flinching every now and then as she cleared the wounds.

'Why do you do this to yourself?' she whispered. 'You don't need to feel this pain in your own mind. Have you never heard of self-preservation?'

'Why are you doing this?' he questioned, his voice tight.

Rey put the whiskey and blood covered cloth down, though her other hand still remained holding his shoulder.

She imagined if these wounds were real, if they went beyond his mind then she could have known. She would have known he had suffered them. Though she wanted to be scared by the idea of it, she could accept that that was what would happen. Anything real that happened to either of them would eventually leak to the other.

'You know why,' she responded.

The words came out far too easily and there was silence between them again. Rey's hand remained on his shoulder and as time passed, the blood stopped flowing from the deep slashes in his back and they seemed to lessen until it was clear they were closing. When they had healed to the point of being dark pink puckered lines, Kylo swiftly turned to face her. He backed up somewhat when he did and stared at Rey. He saw his blood splattering the floor, her hands and her ripped clothing and his expression seemed out of his control.

Rey's eyes were wide, not understanding what had just happened.

'It's not true, is it?' she questioned, meeting his gaze.

He looked distracted as he looked past her then. 'I told you what the Force desires.' His voice was distant and he glanced back at Rey.

She felt the prick of tears in her eyes, but she quickly squeezed them tightly shut to stop the flow. 'Not like this,' she responded.

Kylo blinked. 'Do you believe me now? The Force's plan for you? That you will come to me?'

'That's not what you said,' Rey said through gritted teeth. 'You never said that we would develop a Force bond.' His expression did not change, so she grabbed onto his hand, holding it tightly. 'You could just as easily come to me.'

He pulled his hand back to him, blood slipping them apart with ease. Rey expected disgust, but his eyes seemed to waver.

'I can take you out of this place,' she said. 'You won't suffer like you do here if you were with me.' The words held a singular meaning, though they both could see that the words in themselves were dangerous. She looked to the shackles and then back at him. 'If I can make that difference, then I can lead you out.'

Kylo smirked then – finally an emotion that she was used to – and he knelt on one knee. 'You think that I am that easy? Just because you can see into my mind and you have a link to my thoughts and emotions? It doesn't mean anything.'

'I think it does. This darkness that you contain in this place, that you keep locked up in here, it cannot touch me.'

His smirk remained and Kylo considered her for a moment. 'Perhaps that is the case for now, but I have felt the darkness around you, especially in your mind. You must have your own brand if it isn't mine.'

Rey's brow furrowed and she stood. As she went to walk away, Kylo reached a long arm out and grabbed onto her hand. 'Walking away does not change that fact.'

'Then I will use this to my advantage.' She put her hand over his. 'You will fall to me and anything else will be unacceptable.'

Kylo pulled his hand away with what sounded like a hiss and Rey smirked, feeling as if she had overtaken his power play. Though when she looked to the floor, she could see the darkness swirling at her feet and its presence did not cause her pain this time. Kylo did not notice it and she decided to step away from it, leaving it to slowly follow her but to not catch her.


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