A/N: Chapter contains mature themes


Chapter 12


The dreams of the days that followed had been no different for Rey as the night before. Though she was not walking Kylo from the ledge of bad decisions, she was finding it consistently more difficult to stay impassive.

Kylo was different. He was different every day and Rey didn't know where the truth or the lies began. Whether he was pretending to change or he really had and Rey hadn't realised. Perhaps he knew what she was thinking and she was just acting like a fool for pretending there was nothing there. It wasn't like it was a profound change, either, he just seemed less angry and though he told her what he thought she should do and why, he had refrained from being explicit or telling her he would make it happen. Maybe that made it all worse?

Most nights they watched the sky until one of them – usually Kylo – had something to say and he would murmur knowing that Rey could hear it. It was always about something redundant – like what Rey knew of some planet or some food and she never knew and so he would tell her. Rey never considered asking what he had done on those planets, how many he had probably killed and why. She never even asked for justification, she just listened in silence with the knowledge that she was sinking.

As the days passed, the discomfort in herself, in her heart, only grew and she wished she could touch him. That she could feel him like she had in her illusion; his lips against her skin and his hands roaming her body. It was horrible to feel so absorbed in such carnal things when she lived her days trying to be of pure mind, trying to do her best in her training.

Luke hadn't noticed, yet Rey expected nothing else. He did not hold a Force connection to her and she had become exceptionally good at hiding her thoughts and feelings around him.

This new relationship herself and Kylo had, meant it was much easier for her to read him than it had been before. As if because they were becoming closer, their connection grew exponentially stronger to the point where she believed that she could sense his thoughts through his emotions.

Rey sat on the last step of the house's porch, flicking the switch on her training Lightsaber and going through velocities in her head. When she couldn't see Kylo but just sense him, she found it more bearable and it wasn't as difficult to stifle her thoughts and feelings. Even though he wouldn't have been able to feel them in his dream, it made her feel more at ease at the very least. If she wished hard enough, she hoped that this week of being in his dreams would extend longer and longer until her desires were forgotten.

She couldn't pretend that he wasn't here anyway. Rey guessed he was somewhere within the expanse of forest and when he walked out from it, she was not surprised. His mind was a mangled mix of concentration, stress and lust, which wasn't uncommon for him, especially over these past few days. He couldn't hide his emotions from Rey so he didn't try. She knew what he wanted; whether it was for his own gain as a soldier for Snoke or as a human with desires.

He had been back to his usual tunic, having explained to Rey on the third day of their new relationship, that he had been so focused on training that it must have followed him into his dreams.

'Do you wish to duel?' he suggested as he approached Rey.

She looked at him with suspicion and shook her head. 'I would rather duel you with a clean slate.'

'You still plan on fighting me and winning?' he questioned.

Rey narrowed her eyes and nodded.

'You claim you hate me yet with the opportunity to cut me in half with your Lightsaber – even in your dreams – you reject it.'

She sighed. 'That is not equivalent.' Rey attached the Lightsaber to her belt clip and stood up, moving past Kylo.

'When will you build your own?' he questioned.

'I won't tell you.'

'Will you tell me anything?'

Rey turned, mirth bubbling out of her mouth. 'Why are you asking when you know I won't? It is difficult enough with your access to my mind, I won't just hand out information to you.'

'I wanted to give you a chance to give it voluntarily,' he responded.

She observed him carefully, wondering if he would go back to talk of her giving her body to him but he just remained silent, a small smile on his lips and his lust still circling within his emotions, as if mocking her.

'Should I propose a location for our duel?'

Rey made a face and looked away from him. 'Has this suddenly become a joke to you?' she questioned.

Kylo watched her profile and took his Lightsaber from his belt. 'No, I'm being realistic. You aren't seeing the bigger picture and I want you to wake up sooner than later.'

'You should be saying that to yourself.'

He smiled again. 'I wish I was in your dreams so I could see the truth for myself.'

Rey's expression solidified and she willed herself not to be telling, to keep her composure. 'You don't have the ability to do that.'

Kylo smirked. 'To see the truth from your lies? Are you so sure about that?'

Rey frowned and searched for something to say in return, though she had nothing. She was well aware that she was a liar and that it was a frustrating battle to keep herself grounded. There was no cure for humanity and that had become clear a week ago.

When she looked at Kylo again, his face seemed passive, as if he were trying to read her and had almost breached a wall.

She continued walking, hoping that it was another ploy.

'Where are you going?'

'Back to reality,' she responded. Her feet took her towards the trees that had of late, begun to change in colour. Rey ultimately found it peculiar that the seasons could change in Kylo's mind, but the evidence was there in the orange and red leaves. Rey didn't get very far before she woke up, the moon still in the sky and feeling anxiety rise within her. This couldn't continue forever.

XxX

Rey slowly but surely had improved in Form IV. The acrobatics had been the easy part, especially when utilising the Force, it was just mixing that with duelling that she found difficult. It was so dangerous because if concentration was lost, a limb could go with it too. Rey seemed to find her flow and Luke was constantly impressed by her progress. Force training was much the same and Rey had begun to favour Force pushing, especially when used in conjunction with one of the early forms. Luke had warned her though that it wouldn't be as effective on a Force-sensitive individual.

It was a calm and chilly evening for Rey and the atmosphere helped relax her ahead of the night. She kept thinking that any day now Chewbacca would come back with the Millennium Falcon and tell her she must join the rebels again. It frightened her because she still felt so lost in her own abilities and with nobody else to practice with other than Luke and his droids, Rey felt as if she were going in blind; that her first opponent would easily be able to overpower her.

She crossed her arms across her chest to stave off the sudden cold snap – her cloak still packed in her bag – and made her way to her quarters. Changing out of her training clothing she laid back on her cot, finding relaxation in the sound of wind.

When she finally fell asleep, it was with a frightened exhale that she saw the vastness of field land around her and the absence of Kylo's emotions. She was in her own dream and the charade had finally ended.

Rey could at the very least appreciate her dreams for they took her to places she did not know but that the Force wanted her to see. It seemed as if it were a gift for her and it momentarily distracted her from the fact that she was in her own mind and not in Kylo's where she could protect her thoughts and emotions. Here she was as open as the vast blue sky above her.

Sitting up from her position on her back, Rey's eyes glanced over the field's huge expanse and she could not see an end to it. She couldn't even see breaks where there might have been a line of trees or shrubs or even a farmhouse. Rather than being frightening, it reminded Rey of Jakku, though with stretches of grass and flowers rather than a great expanse of dunes of sand.

Then she felt him. It was a slight tingle at the base of her neck and she knew he was somewhere, already sifting through her current thoughts and Rey's hand tightened into a fist, using all her energy to avoid him until she could wake.

The field was huge and she took off walking, hoping that she was going in the right direction but also trying to bury her thoughts. No matter what Master Luke said, Rey was far from mastering any true control over her mind. She ended up slipping on a muddy patch and her concentration waned as she righted herself. Then she could sense him behind her and her throat closed up as she quickened her pace, climbing a slight hill and deciding she would run once she reached the drop.

Rey didn't want to look at him. If he couldn't see into her mind already, then their gazes meeting would definitely mean he would.

She hurried further away from his inquiring gaze and into some deep place in her mind that not even he could reach.

It had been difficult. Meeting him in his dreams and stifling her thoughts, her emotions and consequently her lust. It had become like that without her input and Rey wanted to scream as she walked because she had failed. She had succumbed to the idea, even if she hadn't fallen in action. It was enough to distract her whilst she was awake and asleep. Rey thought of anything but him, trying to drown him with emotions relating to mundane thoughts about her training, about meditation, anything.

'I'm here, it's too late to run away.' His voice was too few metres behind her.

Rey closed her eyes and kept walking, thinking of caf and quarter portions.

'Rey!' he shouted at her.

She stopped immediately, freezing at the sound of her name and her mind grew jumbled at the surprise of it; the first time having heard her name pass through his lips.

Then there was a hand on her elbow and he pulled her to face him. Unlike usually when he appeared in her dream, he was without his cloak or cowl.

His face was strangely passive and his mouth paused mid-word as their eyes met and he knew everything that Rey was feeling. Rey ultimately being plunged in desire as she looked at him. After several moments, his mouth closed and he continued to look at her, his hair lifting in the slight wind and his hand still on her elbow.

'Don't…' Rey began.

'It was inevitable,' Kylo interrupted, though his expression did not turn to one of humour or malice. 'The Force caused this all, you must know that now, don't you?'

Rey shook her head and tried to pull her arm back, but Kylo held on resolutely.

'Desire is darkness,' she said, more to herself than Kylo, but his eyes seemed to ignite at the words.

'Desire is humanity,' he corrected. 'I told you it would not be something easily avoided.'

'No,' she shook her head again. 'I won't be influenced by the dark.'

He snorted then and pulled on her arm lightly and she stepped closer to him, falling into his sphere.

'I've told you. It will be me who influences you, me alone.' His voice lowered as he got closer to her. 'It's right for the both of us,' he murmured.

Kylo was very aware of what he was saying. Though the years of being tortured in that room within his mind swayed him towards this direction, these actions. He had consistently thought about whether the Force had brought Rey to him to heal the part of him which left him yearning; for warmth, for touch, for kinship. She could relieve him of the heavy burden of loneliness and unsated desire.

She closed her eyes, willing this all away, but Kylo's hand burned her at his touch and it did not hurt like it should have. She couldn't let go, she had allowed herself to be poisoned by her thoughts and she found herself making excuses. This is only in my mind, it would not be the same, it would not be wrong.

His breath was against her neck then, just like in her illusion. Damp and warm, his lips grazing her skin and his hand tightening on her arm. Rey opened her eyes and Kylo's met hers; brown and inviting.

Rey let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding and Kylo's other hand was at her waist and then her hand was gripping tightly onto his forearm as he softly suckled her neck, bringing out a mewl from her mouth.

She curved into his touch, moulding against his body as his lips and tongue drew marks across her throat. Even though there was a chill in the air brought by the wind, Rey felt her body warm and let herself melt into Kylo.

'You don't need to resist,' he said against her skin.

He pulled away briefly, their eyes meeting and then their lips.

Rey felt like she was falling from her own body. Her other thoughts were gone as her arms reached around his neck, drawing him closer to her, their kiss tentative and absorbed in throwing them both into a slow burn of desire. His hands were soft against her, holding her as if she could be broken.

It was Rey who opened her mouth first, when Kylo's hand had snaked around her waist and his other had pulled on her Lightsaber belt, ultimately loosening it. She sighed as their tongues met, the act seeming to draw her further into her disturbance.

Her fingers roamed the material at his chest, finding the fastening of his belt and pulling it enough to unlatch it. Rey's Lightsaber fell to the grass at their feet along with her belt and her outer tunic fell open without something to hold it in place, which Kylo subsequently pulled from her shoulders.

Kylo's lips were at her neck again and Rey moaned, her hands pulling at his tunic, drawing down the zip and then pulling it apart and over his shoulders, leaving him in his undershirt. He undid the small tie on Rey's inner-tunic, though she had no undershirt to shield her nakedness and Kylo's eyes immediately went to her chest.

Without another word, his warm fingers were against her breasts, pushing the material of the tunic to the side, leaving it open so he could see and touch her. Rey closed her eyes tightly as his lips descended down her throat and to her chest and she fought off her moans.

Her hands didn't know what to do other than hold his shirt tight enough to rip the material. Her chest felt overly sensitive when he finally pulled away and met her lips with his again. Rey leaned into him, trying to rid herself of the swirling in her stomach and then his hand was under her knee and he pulled her against him, making her dizzy before they slipped to the ground, Rey feeling flowers and grass graze her neck as Kylo tentatively pressed against her.

She couldn't silence herself and bit her tongue as she groaned, her hands reaching to pull at his trousers as she felt him through the clothing that remained. His tongue slipped into her mouth again as he kneeled over her and one hand slipped into her own leggings and underwear, pulling them down along with her boots. His warm fingers grazed the skin of her thighs, across her stomach and then to her chest. Rey closed her eyes tightly, moving into his delicate touch, not understanding why the hands that were roughened with constant combat could feel so tender against her skin.

They seemed to share both gazes and breaths as they kissed and Rey's hands cautiously moved from his loose shirt to its edge and she lifted it carefully, her fingers sliding across Kylo's stomach and he shuddered at her touch. Their kiss broke and Rey leaned up, pulling the material from his torso and Kylo rolled onto his back, Rey straddling his stomach, her open tunic the only item of clothing she had left on. He reached up, pulling the tunic from her shoulders and his hand spanned the line of her neck, pulling her to him and joining their lips together again.

Rey felt the quickening of her pulse at the intensity of their actions and how Kylo's fingers glanced against her skin as if she would break if he were too rough with her. It was an unexpected feeling and Rey knew he could sense that from her when their eyes met from being closed and she could only feel warmth coming from his brown-eyed gaze.

It was Rey who reached to the waist of his trousers, pulling at them, their eyes not breaking contact. Their hips collided in the struggle as Kylo still lay against the grass and Rey's mind grew hazy at the unexpected feeling. He took the opportunity to turn them back around, their clothes now padding on the grass and when Rey's mind had cleared, they were both without clothes, Kylo kneeling over her and she dared to look down, to make real what they were doing.

He touched her then. Softly and enough that she had to close her eyes and clutch a handful of grass to stifle what would have been an audible reaction. She could hear him chuckle and Rey opened her eyes to see a wry smile on his lips as he knelt between her legs, his right hand in between the partition of hers. Rey moved to say something, but he didn't allow her to speak as he touched her again and this time the hand that was still attached to his chest reacted and she had marked his skin with scratches. Kylo didn't seem to mind the minor injury and only compelled her to sit up, his hand not moving from her but leaning into her until their lips were joined again and his other hand was a solid pillar holding him up. One arm went around his neck whilst the other around his waist and she felt his fingers tease her, lightly grazing her so she had no choice but to moan into his mouth.

The hand that was on his waist suddenly felt brave and it slipped from there to his hip and then to touch him. Kylo paused and when her hand slid from the base to the tip, their kiss stopped abruptly and Rey couldn't help but chuckle at the reaction. He looked at her then, his eyes full of suspicious humour and she couldn't help smirking.

When they didn't speak, things were so much simpler. Kylo seemed to nod in agreement as if he could hear her words, but maybe he could? Maybe this was some insane fever dream on Rey's part where anything was possible?

Finding the nerve, Rey let go and her hand moved to Kylo's hip, but she did not need to do anymore as Kylo knew what she wanted and his hand moved away from between her legs and to her now loose hair, moving stray strands behind her ear and he kissed her as he leaned further toward her, until Rey could feel him pressing against her for entrance and she widened her legs, her eyes tightly closing at the unfamiliar intrusion.

When he finally stopped pushing and Rey felt full of him, their eyes both met and Kylo kissed from her neck up across her jaw and cheek and then to her lips. Rey's fingers were holding onto his waist more tightly than she thought and she struggled to keep her composure.

Their noses grazed against each other as Kylo moved and Rey leant up to meet him, their breathing heavy and in sync. Their kissing grew staccato as they fought for breath and moaned between them. Rey's eyes threatened to close as she grew closer to the brink, but it was like she was under Kylo's compulsion and she could only look at him, feel him, be there with him at the languid pace they were moving at. He groaned and Rey choked out her moan. Her legs wrapped around him, taking the place of her hands which moved to his neck and their foreheads fell together, sticky with perspiration that chilled in the air.

It was nothing like what she had seen in that room. That had seemed violent and frightening, this…this was something different completely. Rey felt the prick of tears as she knew what she was doing was wrong. Perhaps this is what the darkness had wanted? Not for some violent action, but one that felt too good, good enough to blind them both from reality so they could fall into each other. Fall into the desire they should not have felt together. It wasn't pain that darkness wanted this time.

Kylo felt Rey's despair as soon as she had borne it and as tears slipped from her eyes, he kissed them away. Rey moaned again, Kylo catching it with his lips and he increased his speed, causing Rey to forget her woes and feel the utter bliss that Kylo was causing within her. Her emotions only increased Kylo's need for completion, leaving Rey with nothing left but to fall.

Despite being such an unfamiliar experience for Rey, something about it felt comfortable. Perhaps because they were linked or she had mentally prepared herself for this and had not realised. Being so absorbed in herself – in him –, she could take it no longer and her eyes squeezed shut as she fell. The feeling was magnified exponentially through Kylo and as he reached his end, she felt his within herself and her eyes opened in shock, his eyes fluttering at the extent of the pleasure they both felt. It was unlike anything either of them had felt before and their gazes caught, Kylo struggling to gain any composure as he felt the remnants of their joint climax and felt ultimately connected to Rey through their bond and through the shared experience.

There was a lull where neither of them could say or do anything as their actions sunk in. Kylo's fingers were still tight against Rey's waist, one of her legs still draped over his hip. Rey tried to turn away, not wanting to meet his eyes any longer, but Kylo's hand moved from her waist to her jaw, stopping her.

Rey could try to deny it, but they could not erase away what they had done. Even if it had only occurred within their shared dreams, when they awoke, they would know what they had done, they would know that what they had felt was the same as if they had been in the same room.

'Don't deny it with your eyes,' Kylo murmured, his breath tickling Rey's lips. Both of their lips were swollen and Rey resisted looking at Kylo's, as if she would be suddenly compelled to kiss him and start this whole thing over again. 'You know I can feel your emotions; you don't need to feel guilty.'

Their skin felt sticky and cold in the spring air and Rey didn't like that she enjoyed being so close to him, being able to see all of him; the scars that covered his body like craters in a moon and the moles which peppered his pale arms and chest. Without realising, her hand had followed her train of thought and her fingers followed the lines of the carved and marked skin. When she looked up at him again, his expression was unreadable, only his eyes told her anything and they were filled with the same warmth that Rey now felt discomforted by.

Kylo knew, and what was worse was that Rey knew he knew. Her mind was so much more open than his and she could only blame her lack of training. He did know her. He had been right. Despite it being in their dreams, he had taken her virginity and she had let him, she had wanted him to. Now he knew every intimate detail of her. Every scar, every freckle, every delicate part of her. In that moment at the very least, he didn't seem to want to hurt her with those facts. He only held her more tightly in his arms, his eyes grazing over her body as if recording her every feature and when their eyes met again, they seemed to be open and welcoming.


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