Chapter 15
3 Days to D-Day
The two of them had laid in each other's arms, no more words needing to be passed between them and just their presences enough. It was comfortable for Rey; to feel so close to Ben, to just be able to feel his heart beat close to hers and have his breath against her neck. The magenta aura that she had seen in his own dreams did not slip into hers and she wondered what it meant. There was a moment when Ben looked to her to question the curiosity in her mind, but Rey did not supply an answer.
They passed the night like that in silence, Rey letting Ben sift through her emotions, read her without a shield. She could sense he was grateful for that and Rey felt better at ease. Rey believed in what Ben had said, that if they relied on the Force, on where it led them, that would be what was right. She didn't know whether it would be a sign or just a hunch, but she knew he was right. If the Force had brought them together like this, then there had to be a reason, regardless of whether that meant either of their deaths.
Rey knew what she had to do, therefore. She had to tell her master and stop lying about everything. It had always been out of her control and keeping such an important thing from Luke only hurt her, it did not save her.
She considered when she should tell him and ultimately feeling nervous, she decided on the day before they would leave, two days from now.
There was a big part of Rey that knew she was being a coward by leaving it so long, but she didn't want to halt her training, especially in the last few days.
When the current day's training began, Rey was in good spirits, which Luke chalked up to them leaving soon and contacting civilisation. He had felt out for his sister in the Force and sensed that she had already given Chewbacca the orders to collect Rey.
'Before we leave this temple, I want you to take a moment to look around and truly take in the gravity of your path and the paths of those who came before you,' Luke said as they packed away their breakfast supplies. 'I came here to seek a stronger connection to the Jedi of past days and perhaps find something I didn't know.'
Rey put away their cups and straightened up. 'Do you feel as if you have, master?'
He smiled wryly. 'Though not what I expected, I do feel as if something has changed for the better within me. Perhaps it is just the aura and strength of this place. It is strong with the Force, that is why it was chosen as the first Jedi temple.'
Luke put his hands to his hip, one hand gripping onto the hilt of his Lightsaber. Rey noted that it was the one that she had brought to him. Since she had gotten to Ahch-To and given Luke the Skywalker Lightsaber, he had put it away, using his own green one. Seeing that Rey had noticed the peculiarity, he took the Lightsaber from his belt and held it out to her.
'It's probably about the right time for you to stop using the training Lightsaber, I think.' Rey looked at the weapon and then back up at Luke. 'It's just until you make your own, don't look at it as if it is a burden,' he continued.
'It's your father's Lightsaber, though,' she responded.
Luke took her hand and placed the weapon in her palm. 'It may have been, but it's also a fully-functioning Lightsaber. It doesn't hold as much value to me as you probably think.'
Rey looked at the Lightsaber again and then nodded, removing her training Lightsaber and passing it back to Luke as she attached the antique to her waist.
'Thank you Master.'
He smiled and nodded, then turned to walk towards their training area, his hands tucked in the sleeves of his robe.
'We're going to run through velocities and then you will demonstrate the five forms starting with Form I.'
'Yes Master.' Rey hurried after him, enjoying the extra weight that the Lightsaber provided.
XxX
Training with a fully-formatted Lightsaber was an incredible improvement for Rey. The handling was much better, though Rey didn't feel as if it was exactly perfect. It got her excited for when she would make her own, exactly to her specifications.
Luke noticed that she improved using the Lightsaber, though he also sensed that she was feeling better in general. There seemed to be an ease in her spirit and he was happy that she could leave the planet without a heavy heart.
The day's training went by quickly and Rey found herself nervous at the fact that there were only two more days of training left before they were to set off on the morning of the third day. She felt confident, at the very least, in the first four forms and she imagined that there was still time to improve on her Form V.
Rey went to bed not dreading seeing Ben for once. Even thinking of him, she realised how much she didn't like associating him with the name Kylo anymore. With his grandfather's Lightsaber at her hip, she wanted to call him Ben, she wanted to heal the poisonous part of him.
When she arrived at the clearing, it was as if Ben's destruction had never occurred and the trees and house were exactly as they had been. The season had fully changed and red, orange and yellow leaves scattered the ground, many of the trees now visibly bare, even in the dark. The night was quite cold and Rey gathered some stray twigs and dry leaves, piling them in the middle of the clearing and setting them alight. By the time that Ben walked out from between the trees, the fire had warmed up Rey's bare limbs and she sat beside it, looking into it.
Ben sat beside her, his legs folding underneath him and his hands held out to the fire. 'Your pyrokinesis has definitely improved,' he murmured.
Rey hummed and glanced at him. 'Perhaps.'
'I know you won't tell me anything of your training.'
She looked back at the fire and pulled her knees to her chin, resting it on them.
'You haven't changed your mind, have you?' he questioned.
Rey couldn't be sure what specifically he was referring to, but she guessed by the anxiety that lit within him, it was regarding what he had said the night before – that the force knew best – rather than about her coming to him. She couldn't and she knew she wouldn't change her mind about both of those things.
'I haven't,' she responded. Her legs dropped down again and she saw a twitch in Ben's lip, the magenta emotion coming back. She wanted to know what it meant, but a part of her imagined he would have no idea what she'd be talking about.
Ben turned to her then, their eyes meeting and Rey felt her heart fidget in her chest as he looked at her. Her hand reached out, her fingers grazing his before he took her hand in his. They stayed silent for several seconds before Ben pulled her to him and she sat between his legs, his long arms wrapped around her and his chin resting against her shoulder.
Rey watched the fire crackle and she felt Ben's steady heartbeat against her back. Their hands knotted together and Rey closed her eyes, just breathing in and simmering in Ben's emotions – in his warmth.
She knew what it was then. What the persistent magenta was. It was balance. Emotional, physical and spiritual balance which was restrained in its energy. Not overt, not too quiet. It was everything light, Rey realised and she smiled knowing that no matter what Ben did, no matter what he said, it was evident now that he could not escape the light. It was here now in this deep purple emotion, in the warmth that came from him. It was an emotion of light and love, optimism and compassion.
'You will stay with me, won't you?' he asked warily.
Rey could only squeeze his hand tighter, unable to answer. She didn't know what would happen. All she knew was that she couldn't fight for his side and that she couldn't leave him to be alone again. She wanted to protect his heart, she wanted to protect his light.
His arms wrapped more tightly around her and Rey knew what he felt for her. She couldn't say it did not frighten her, but she could willingly accept it.
XxX
2 Days to D-Day
There was only one day before Rey would tell her master of everything that had passed between herself and Ben. She wrote and rewrote what she would say in her head but it always seemed to come out utterly terrible.
Rey realised as she recited her words, that having kept it from Luke for so long had not improved anything. Even if she could tell him that Ben had changed, or he could still change, she was still so wrong. She had been blind and foolish.
It was only made worse when he looked at her all smiles, believing in her wholeheartedly and considering her progress as something to be proud of.
The guilt followed her through the day and then to her dream, where Ben could feel that guilt entirely, it was unescapable even in the wide expanse of field they had returned to. This time, however, it came with a small cabin at the edge of a small lake in the centre of the fields of flowers and grass.
Rey sat on the porch step, her cheek leaning against the post as she looked out onto the lake.
'Is this your own house full of demons?' Ben asked, his voice low.
She sighed and shook her head. 'It's my dream house more than anything. Where I wish I had grown up, where I wish I had family.'
'Then we can go inside.'
Before Rey could make a comment, Ben's hand was pushing the door open and he stepped inside. It wasn't very different from most homes, he imagined. There was a kitchen and sitting area, there were doors leading to bedrooms and a bathroom and there was a large fireplace with chairs around it.
Rey looked around from the door way and watched Ben as he went through the cabin, perusing draws and cabinets.
'Is there really nothing more?' he questioned, his brow heavily furrowed.
She couldn't help but chuckle, forgetting her qualms for a moment as Ben came to her, taking up so much space as he stood in front of her. They were silent for a moment and Rey's expression sobered.
'I will tell my master tomorrow.'
Rey could see Ben's jaw tighten and he briefly looked away from her. 'What will you tell him?'
She swallowed and met his gaze warily. Rey wanted to say she could tell Luke everything, but she didn't think she had the confidence to do that: To tell Luke what they had done, how Ben made her feel; truly feel. She only felt confident in telling him that this bond existed and it brought them into each other's dreams.
'You don't have to do it if you have no confidence,' Ben said. His tone was flippant and Rey could tell he was responding to her own feelings of anxiety that latched onto him.
'I must, I can't leave him in the dark any longer.'
'Then what will you do?' Ben asked sharply, his voice raising. 'What will you do when he tells you to sever the bond? When he forces you to give up sleep to be away from me?'
Rey's brow furrowed and she struggled to find words as Ben looked at her with his brows deeply knitted together. 'I…I will…if my master says it is the right thing than I…'
Ben cut her off by gripping onto her wrist. 'Have you no mind of your own? Does the universe revolve around your all-knowing Master Luke?'
She frowned and pulled her hand back. 'No, it does not, but that doesn't mean that he is blind to good decisions. I've been…I've been a foolish little girl and I must own up to that, even if I feel so…'
Trapped.
Ben knew what she wanted to say, he could feel it in the fluctuations of her emotions and it made him feel betrayed.
'I know what you think…I know what you feel.' Rey murmured, glancing at her boots and then back up at Ben. 'We've both lied about what it means for us to be here, for us to have this connection. It isn't something that I can make disappear, it doesn't matter if I want to or not, in the past or present. I just know that I can't lie to Luke anymore. You might not understand, but the love I have for my master is real and important to me.'
'And what of me?'
The words silenced Rey and she couldn't hide the fear that flared within her which she knew that Ben could feel fully. It seemed to soften his stance and he took a breath.
'I won't lie to you either,' Rey murmured. She knew she couldn't expect the same from him. Her heart knew that, if he felt inclined, he would lie.
'You shouldn't make promises like that,' he responded. 'I feel one thing from you and then you say something different. Won't you stay with me? Won't you come to me?'
Rey could see the pain in his eyes and she felt the prick in hers, tears threatening to build and fall. She couldn't do what he requested, no matter how much she wanted to protect him.
'I won't lie to you,' she repeated. As she blinked, tears splashed her cheeks and before she could swiftly wipe them away, Ben's thumbs were and he was standing mere inches from her. 'I don't know what else I can say to you, you can feel my heart can't you?' she asked.
He nodded and paused as their eyes met. 'I mean something to you, don't I?' he asked, his eyes still wary and hurt.
'Yes,' she said with a breath. 'More than something,' she added honestly. 'That's why I'm so scared. What am I supposed to do when you're so far away from me?'
'But I'm right here.'
Rey closed her eyes, not meaning in distance. They were different, even if it wasn't wholly, that difference was enough to make Rey question everything about herself, about her path and about him. Her reliance on the Force was all she had, and it was beginning to seem as if it was all he had too.
Her hands reached to his forearms, ready to pull his hands from her cheeks, but she did not and could only sigh.
'And you know my heart?' Ben questioned warily.
She nodded. Ben leant the short distance toward Rey and pressed their lips together. Rey felt her shoulders relax, knowing that Ben's kiss was warm and comforting and he had intended it to be like that.
When their lips broke apart, their eyes met and Ben's hands fell from her cheeks and his arms wrapped around her, pulling her tightly into his embrace, which she accepted. The rest of her tears dried against his cloak and Rey took a deep breath.
There didn't seem to be any more words that could pass between them. They both knew where each other stood and the anxiety of Rey telling Luke was felt by both of them. Their shared dreams couldn't last forever and they would likely end sooner than later. Without the dreams, they would still feel each other's emotions but the intimacy that they shared would be gone. Unless one of them made the decision that they were both so unwilling to make; to go to the other.
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