Dying isn't painful. It's easy…it's alluring. Every second you're slipping further away from life, the more inviting the other side is. It beckons you, tempts you with certain bliss. It holds out its hand to you and says, "It's alright now. You have no more earthly things to worry about." It wraps you in its arms and promises to keep you safe. No more pain, no more suffering. It's the type of uncomplicated peace that people spend their entire lives chasing.

When I got pulled under that wave, I fought as hard as I could. But the combination of the water already flooding my lungs, the rough waves that refused to settle, and my panicking, it took me quicker than I thought. I expected more pain, darkness, and I waited to feel lost. But that's not what happened.

As soon as I took Death's hand, I was overwhelmed with…something I can't really describe. The only way I can think to define it was genuine content. It was peace. And, no, there was no light at the end of the tunnel. You don't approach any blinding abyss, but you're not left in complete darkness either. It was like falling asleep.

I woke up in the grass. It was soft like a feather on my face. The glowing sun was warm and the melodious birds were singing a beautiful song in the trees. The first thing I noticed was that I was relieved of every single throbbing, burning, and hurting part of my body. Wiggling my toes, I felt myself start to come to. Then there were gentle fingers brushing hair away from my forehead. "You're alright," a voice whispered. "Take your time."

"Where am I?" I asked, letting my eyes open. They met a pair of friendly, kind, chocolate browns.

"You're safe, little one," Kaya said. I looked around as I tried to sit up. She held my elbow to steady me, but I felt fine. Almost too fine.

"Why am I…" I started as I took in everything around me. "Why am I in a common? What's going on?"

Kaya bit her lip and winced. She kept her eyes on the ground for so long that I wondered if I was actually dreaming instead. When she finally looked at me, the first thing she said was, "I'm sorry, Hadley…"

"Sorry for what? What happened?" I had no idea what was going on. The last thing I remembered was going after Jane and running off the cliff. The rest was just blank. And even when I strained to remember, it was still completely empty. Then I realized… "Oh."

She nodded somberly. "Yes."

"Oh my god."

Kaya pulled me into a tight hug as I tried to wrap my head around it. Around…my death. I was dead. Dead dead. "You got pulled under a massive wave in that storm," she told me. "There wasn't enough time for you to make it to the surface."

I scrambled to my feet as she tried to explain, but I was reeling, so confused. But not afraid. I couldn't be afraid. My spirit would not allow me to be afraid. That didn't stop the hundreds of questions from racing through my mind. "Oh my god. No. I can't be dead. What about the pack? What about Wyatt? Oh my god, my family—what about my family? Where are my parents? They must be worried sick."

"They're ok," she tried to soothe me. I looked at her like she had three heads. "I mean…they're not ok. They're dealing. It's very emotional down there. But what I mean is…that we won. You did it, little wolf. You beat the Volturi guard. And everyone got to go home safe."

"Everyone but me," I nodded. I wanted to cry or scream or run—something to make me feel something other than fine. I felt fine.

Kaya wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "Come on, little one. Let's get you settled."

She walked me out of the common clearing and into…well, heaven. Utopia. Paradise. Whatever you want to call it. It wasn't all pearly gates and gold laden streets. It was so much more than that. People—our ancestors—were lined up on either side as we walked in, dressed in traditional garb. They all bowed as Kaya led me by the arm. It was so strange. The first people I made eye contact with was my grandfather—Harry Clearwater. He winked at me. Then Sarah Black—my grandmother—who gave me the brightest smile I'd ever seen. They'd both died way before I was even born, but I'd always wished I could have met them.

Ephraim and Levi Uley were standing side by side, along with two generations of Quil Atearas. It was still shocking to see how much Ephraim looked like my father, then I immediately felt sad at the thought of my father right now. And my mother. Wyatt. Nate. Levi was an exact doppelganger of Nate. They all gazed at me with such pride; they were practically beaming that I was there. "Alright, don't freak her out," Kaya said, waving a hand to dismiss all of them. They all laughed lightly before breaking the line. "Everyone will have time with Hadley. Just give her some room to adjust."

Ephraim, Levi, and the first Quil Ateara approached and Ephraim gave me a hug, to my surprise. "Welcome, child," he said in his baritone voice. "We've been preparing for you."

"The famous Hadley Black," Levi grinned.

"You know, we've watched you since the day you were born," Quil commented. "Running a vampire off that cliff was pretty badass."

"Pretty badass? Are you kidding? That was legendary," Levi said. They bantered just like the boys, like they were still young pack in their 20s. "We are in the presence of a legend."

"The best to ever do it, really," Ephraim chimed in as he slipped his hands in his pockets, an easy smile gracing his face. Looking at him was hard. I knew that smile. Even the way he was standing…I missed my dad.

I was still trying to wrap my mind around this entire thing. Being in the same plane as my ancestors. Not being with my family anymore.

Being dead.

It was a lot to take in. "Guys," Kaya rolled her eyes. "She's been here for five minutes."

"Alright, alright," Ephraim nodded. "Angel, why don't you and our legend here take some time away from everyone so she can relax some. And then we can talk about everything that happened."

I wasn't expecting for there to be rooms in heaven, but Kaya and I walked for a while and approached a pair of double doors. On a little plaque next to it, my name was mystically being scrawled in perfect cursive before my very eyes. Hadley Sarah-Violet Black. That's me…

"The more you spend time in here, the more the space will personalize itself to you," Kaya said in a calming tone. I could hear the sadness in it too though. I knew she was trying to make sure that I was alright. "You have everything that you need—" She stopped abruptly, glancing down. I looked down too, but didn't see anything. "Sorry," she smiled. "As I was saying, everything you can think of is here for you. If you can't—" she stopped again. Kaya blew out a breath, frustrated. "Sorry, little wolf."

"Is everything alright?" I asked.

She nodded, saying, "Just getting a call. It can wait. Come on," before guiding me inside. What I expected was a hotel room…that I would never leave. What I got was my childhood bedroom exactly how it had always been. The calming lilac purple on the walls, the hundreds of family photos I'd collected over the years. My queen-sized bed sat against my collage of pictures, perfectly made with a cream floral comforter and a million pillows just how I liked. I went to my desk and picked up the picture frame sitting on it. We looked so happy. My mom's cheek pressed against mine, Melody sitting on my lap, smiling big for the camera. Will and Dad with their arms around each other's shoulders. Picture perfect. "I figured it would be nice to have something familiar," Kaya said behind me. "But, if you want it to change, you'll be able to manifest it into the space that's for you."

"No, this is perfect, Kaya, thank you," I said quietly as I placed the frame back on the desktop. And on my nightstand—a polaroid of me and Wyatt. Taken at a party we'd gone to at Cass's college. He was laughing, dimples ever present, and I was just…gazing at him with nothing but love. Breath left my body as I sat on the edge of the bed. I think it really hit me right then that I wasn't going home. This wasn't my home; it only looked like it. I wouldn't see my family again or my best friends or the love of my life. My life was over. And I didn't even think it was possible, but I started to cry.

Kaya came to my side. "Oh, Hadley, I'm so sorry…" she whispered as she ran her hand through my hair. She held me while I sobbed, until I couldn't stand to anymore. I listened to her sing an old lullaby over and over again as she rocked me gently. "I know this is hard, little one. But you're not alone. You will never have to worry about being alone."

"I just miss them so much," I choked.

"I know, honey," she nodded against my head. Then she released me. "Let's get you cleaned up and relaxed, alright?"

She ended up running me a bath in this massive clawfoot tub. And then she made some joke about obviously not needing to be clean, but it still was a nice luxury to have. I stared at the water blankly for so long, watching the rose petals she added floating by. Kaya muttered something like, "Good lord…" under her breath before speaking to me, "I'll be back, ok, little wolf? Try to relax," then closing the door behind her.

Ironically, I found some solace under the water. Something about not needing to breathe made that entire experience quite cathartic for me. Wyatt's bright smile, Nate's teasing eyes when I would finally have to admit he was right, Cass jumping up and down in excitement when we would reunite, Mama brushing hair out of my face, Dad bumping my shoulder while we fixed up cars together in the garage. They all came in flashes. Will's coy smirk, Melody's twinkling hazel eyes, the five of us sitting around the dinner table. One big happy family.

Then I was sitting in between my mom's legs as she braided my hair like she'd done my whole life. "If you could do it all over again, would you change anything?" I'd asked.

"No," Mama said, shaking her head. "Would you?"

I watched my own face contort in some combination of guilt, fear, and a little sadness. "Ask me again tomorrow," I settled on. Tomorrow. There were no more tomorrows. There was only everything that I never got a chance to say.

So…that was the question. Would I change anything?

I would. I would give absolutely anything to have one more day with them.

When I got out of the bath and got dressed, I braved the outside slowly. Everyone had changed from their garb into whatever was normal clothes for them. And they all greeted me with kind smiles. But they were very careful not to stop me to speak, I'm assuming on Kaya's orders. So I just let myself wander around. Everything was so white and clean; the hallways were pristinely lit. High columns and gold accents everywhere. But there were so many doors. Martha Young's name stuck out to me. And Amelia Ateara. My great-great grandmothers. Elizabeth and Michael Clearwater—my great aunt and uncle. They both passed way before my time. Old Quil, I remember sitting in his lap when I was a kid. He always had those little caramel candies and he would pull quarters out of my ear.

And even names like Lorraine Huautah, Wyatt's great-great grandmother. Allison and Joshua Uley, Nate's grandparents. Henry Littlesea. Marjorie Hadley. Dorothy Black. Ellen Longtree. Even Harry Clearwater. So many people come and gone. People I'd only ever heard of are now right here at my fingertips.

I don't think I was looking for it, but I found Kaya and Ephraim's room quite easily. I ran my fingers across both of their names. They'd never married (obviously), but it was still so strange to see their names so definitively separate. Kaya Rose Hadley and Ephraim Black. I knocked twice, softly. "Come on in, Hadley," Ephraim's deep voice practically vibrated in my ears. When I peaked in, Ephraim was by himself, just writing in a journal. "Hi, my child. What can I do for you?"

"How did you know it was me?" I asked as I closed the door behind me.

He glanced up at me with a friendly smile. He beckoned me over to sit with him at the table. "I figured it wouldn't take you long to start making the rounds," he shrugged as he closed his journal. "Plus, no one knocks around here."

"Yo!" Levi Uley swung the door open right then.

Ephraim rolled his eyes with a small smirk on his face. "I rest my case," he said before asking Levi, "What do you want?"

"Oh, sorry, bro. I didn't realize you had company in here. I'll come back," Levi said. He smiled at me. Nate's smile. Then he closed the door behind him.

Ephraim sighed as he leaned back in his chair. We just looked at each other for a beat. His temperament was different than my dad's. That was the only difference I could see. Ephraim was more of the strong but silent type; Dad's confidence was a lot more outwardly present. But that look in their eyes was the same. The slight raise of the eyebrow, the way he studied me. It was the same. "How are you?" he finally asked.

"Other than dead?"

He chuckled. "Fair enough. I'm sure it's been strange."

"Strange feels like an easy word to go with," I let myself laugh. If I didn't laugh, I was going to cry again. Keeping my eyes down on my hands, I found myself flipping them over, palm up, palm down, again and again. I could feel myself, but…it didn't quite feel like me. "Does it ever stop feeling…strange?" Maybe it was easier to use his words.

"Well, it is your first day so…" he smirked. When he realized I was struggling to smile with him, he sobered. Ephraim took my hands in his and squeezed. "You know, I wasn't much older than you when I was killed in battle. I was 26 with three kids, two wives, and an ego the size of the earth. I thought I was invincible. Much like you, my child."

"I didn't…"

"You did," he corrected lightly. "There's nothing wrong with that. You've been nothing but strong and capable your whole life. It makes sense. But, as you've seen, life is so much more fragile than you think, even for supernatural people. The good thing though, as you can see, is that it's not only darkness. There's life after life. Knowing that, it makes it a little easier to adjust to…" he gestured around, "all of this."

It took a while for me to notice that Kaya and Ephraim's space looked exactly like how I'd always imagined the old Alpha house to look before my mom and Bebe renovated it. It was cozy. A home. Their home. "Do you miss Earth?" I asked.

Ephraim frowned. Wait, it's alright that I call him Ephraim, right? I know he's my Elder, but…what else am I supposed to call him? To that, he chuckled, "Ephraim is fine," he assured me.

"You can still hear in my head?" I winced.

He shrugged. "I'll show you some new tricks, don't worry," he winked at me. "But to answer your question, I do sometimes."

"Yeah?"

He nodded. "I miss those very human experiences," he explained. "I've been up here for a while. I've seen your grandfather grow up, your father, now you and Will and Melody. Seeing that from here made me wish I could have been with my own kids as they grew up—even, if only, for a little bit longer. I wish I could have stuck around for Kaya, for Martha, for Levi and Quil. I had to sit quietly and hope they weren't hurting for me. Because I was fine. You know that feeling that's sitting right there in your chest right now?" he held a hand to his heart. I nodded. "It's a little heavy right now. That's you missing them. But, pretty soon, it'll go away and you'll feel your peace in knowing that they'll be alright."

We sat with his words for a while. They made sense…it just hurt. I pursed my lips as I tugged on the hem of my shirt. "Can I see them?"

"Not yet, my child." He moved over until he was sitting next to me. He put an arm around my shoulders. "It would be too hard for all of you to visit with them right now."

"But I want them to know I'm alright."

"They know, honey," he said. He squeezed me a little. "Why don't I take you to our sweets room? Kaya convinced Taha that we needed ice cream somehow. I'll show you."

We walked down a really long hallway for a while. Ephraim was telling me what a normal day looked like. He told me it would be a little different for me because, well, I'm new. It really was something like a utopia. There was a space for everything. "Some people like gardening," he pointed to his left, "some have created their dream vacations on the beach or in the mountains or wherever made them happy," he gestured to someone walking around in a bikini and large sunglasses, "and there are a few people who really just wanted to work again." With a hand on my back, he led me into a massive library. "Everything that you could even think to want, you can find," he told me before waving to a woman. "Sarah, come say hi."

She was on one of those tall, sliding ladders and she came down when she heard us. Sarah Black, my grandpa Billy's wife—the love of his life, my father's long deceased mother, came to greet me. She looked to be frozen in her mid 30s, with exactly three gray hairs framing her face. She wrapped me in a hug as soon as she could. "Oh my gosh, Hadley, it's so wonderful to finally meet you."

I returned her hug and felt myself melt into it. There was nothing like a maternal embrace. "Wow," I breathed. "I've only seen pictures of you. It's nice to actually get to talk to you; I mean, you're one of my namesakes."

"Yes, well, you wear our name a lot better than I ever could," she said with a kind smile. "Where's Kaya? I told her I'd hold a few books for her."

"She's handling business, as usual," Ephraim said. "I was just taking Hadley around so she could get the lay of the land."

Sarah looked at me with sympathetic eyes. She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "You let me know if you need anything, ok, honey?" she cupped both of my cheeks in her hands as I nodded. "We're all here for you, of course. But…just let me know."

I thanked her quietly. Ephraim said, "We're getting some ice cream, Sarah. Would you like some?"

"Only if they have chocolate and strawberry," she said. "Last time, they were out of chocolate, which does not make sense because why wouldn't we have an unlimited supply of ice cream up here?"

He chuckled. "Coming right up."

"I love chocolate and strawberry ice cream together," I grinned at my grandmother. And then we both said, "with graham crackers crushed on top."

Sarah beamed at me. "I knew we came from the same family," she said before pulling me into another hug. "Welcome home."

Home…did that word even mean anything anymore?

We were almost to the sweets room when I heard something that stopped me dead in my tracks. Ha…dead. Sorry, it's way too easy to make death puns. "Bring her back. You bring her back right now. This isn't what we talked about." I heard through an unmarked door.

I gasped and I skid to a halt. "That's my mama's voice," I whispered.

Before he could stop me, I swung open the door and ran inside. It looked exactly like the woods we would always run though. The same woods that led to the old Alpha house. Or, at least, it appeared that way at that moment. "We discussed the risk, Leah," I heard Kaya say. Her voice grew louder as I got closer. "We knew it would be a risk."

"I don't give a damn," my mother said. Then all of the desperation in her came tumbling out as she begged, "Bring her back."

I finally broke through and saw Kaya and my mother, illuminated, standing in the backyard of the old Alpha house. "I'm sorry, little wolf," Kaya whispered, shaking her head. "I don't think I can make that happen."

"Mama," I called. If I was still alive, my heart would be beating out of my chest. "Mama, I'm right here."

Kaya's head whipped over to me with wide eyes. She caught me as I was running toward my mom. But…Mama couldn't see me. "You cannot be here right now," Kaya told me.

Mama looked shocked. "Is that her? Is she there?" She was clutching her chest as if that was the only way she could keep her heart from breaking.

"Mama, I'm right here," I called out. She didn't react. "Why can't she hear me?"

Ephraim had finally caught up right as Kaya was trying to hand me off. "Come on, Hadley. You shouldn't be in here."

"I just want to talk to my mom," I cried.

"Kaya, tell me what's going on," Mama demanded. "Hadley's there, isn't she?"

I watched as the tears started to stream down her face. She looked completely broken, like she hadn't slept or stopped crying in a hundred hours. I had never seen my mother look so…small. Leah Clearwater, for all intents and purposes, is the strongest woman I'd ever know. And I had broken her. "I'm sorry, mama," I said to her.

Kaya sighed. "Yes, Leah, Hadley's here."

"I want to see my baby," Mom pleaded with her. "Just one time. I will never ask you for anything ever again. Just…let me see her. So I know she's ok."

"It's too soon, Kaya," Ephraim said to Kaya. He held me as I tried to figure out if I should call out to Mama again.

She looked conflicted. She kept looking between Ephraim and me and then back at Mom. Kaya reached for my mother's hands and sighed, "Leah, you have to understand where I'm coming from right now. I don't want to keep you two apart, but if I let you see each other right now, it'll only make it that much harder to come to terms with what happened. I need you to trust me when I say that this is what's best right now. But she can see you and she can hear you. So…whatever you want to say, you can say it right to her."

Mama sighed as her head dropped in front of her. She wiped her eyes before resting her forehead in the palm of her hand. "Kaya, I don't understand…" she said.

"I know…" Kaya said back, somberly. "You just have to trust me. Let her hear you."

Kaya stepped aside and placed me right in front of my mother. The breath left me as I stared at her, and she stared right past me. The wind blew a strand of hair into her face and I reached out to move it, instinctively. I watched as she shuddered against me touching her cheek. Then she looked down at the ground, tucked the hair behind her ear, and sniffled. "Oh my Hadley bug…" she started softly, looking up again. "I keep hoping that today was just some nightmare. Like…you're just going to walk out of the woods and give me a hug and…we'll both know that it's all over. But that's just not going to happen this time…

Mama sniffled again. "But, baby girl, I am so fucking proud of you. You took out two of the three strongest vampires in history and I hope that you understand how impossible that would have been for any of us. I know it wasn't easy…obviously." She shook her head. "You're the bravest little girl I've ever known, Hadley. That always scared the shit out of me…because I knew that we would always be running the risk of something happening to you. Of exactly this happening to you. We won't be apart forever, I know that. I just…I just don't want this to be real."

"I love you, Mom," I whispered, knowing she couldn't hear me.

"I love you so damn much, Hadley," she said with a sad smile. Then she looked over at Kaya. "I may never understand why you won't let me see my daughter, but all I'll say is that I hope you're taking care of her and that she better be comfortable."

Kaya nodded. "We're doing everything in our power to make sure that Hadley's comfortable, I promise," she said to my mother. "Just trust me; that's all I ask."

Mama wrapped her arms around herself. "Fine…"

Kaya managed to convince Mom to go inside and get some rest. Every part of my body tensed as she walked away from us, head hanging low. And then the air around us changed; it no longer looked like the woods I grew up in, but just a white room. Sterile. Cold. Kaya sighed and her whole body deflated. "Jesus…" she whispered. I couldn't speak. All I could do was let them lead me out of the room; Kaya shut the door tight behind her. When she turned to me, she reached out to rub my arms in an attempt to comfort me. "Just give it a week or so to settle in and I'll put the two of you in a common for as long as you want."

I pursed my lips as I looked down and nodded. I told them I wanted to go back to my room where I stayed for days in bed. Did you know that it was possible to be depressed in heaven? Yeah, me either. But I just couldn't help but feel every single upset from myself and possibly every one of my loved ones who were still alive without me.

I think I understood why they wouldn't let me see my family. But it didn't mean it hurt any less. It's like all of those ghost movies you watch when all the ghost wants to do is yell at the people that can't see them and they keep trying to run back to their normal lives. That's all I wanted to do. I wanted to run back to that room and figure out how to get back to my family. I worried about my brother and sister and how they were dealing with this. The need to sit down with them and tell them that I was fine was growing by the day. I wanted to go to Wyatt and thank him for being so wonderful. And tell Nate that he shouldn't be afraid to be so unabashedly happy with Montana; he deserved that.

But I couldn't. So, I stayed in bed for so long that I didn't even know what day it was anymore. Just tossing and turning, rolling over to face the wall then back over to face the door that I hoped wouldn't open. When you're dead, you don't need to eat or go to the bathroom or even actually sleep, so it was all too easy for the little break that I asked for to turn into endless hours of trying to wake up from this nightmare and then feeling the dreaded absolute nothingness every time I realized I couldn't.

The day of my funeral, Kaya and Ephraim came to my door to ask if I wanted to sit in and watch. "A lot of people find closure in seeing themselves be put to rest," Kaya explained as she smoothed out my blankets.

I shook my head. "Am I really being put to rest if they never found my body?" I asked. Then I looked up at both of them. "Do you guys even know where it is?"

They glanced at each other in that way that confirmed that the answer was a resounding no. "We're still looking," Ephraim told me. "We'll find you."

"Ok, well, let me know when you do," I said, rolling over until my back was to both of them. The only thing I knew they understood is how important it was for me to be alone. So, they didn't question my decision and stood up to leave. Then I looked over my shoulder, feeling guilty. "Wait, I'm sorry."

Kaya stopped. "For what, little wolf?"

"I'm just…not ready."

"We know," she said with a sad smile. "Everyone handles this process differently. You can come find us when you're ready."

Ephraim lingered as Kaya walked out the door. He studied me for a second, trying to figure out what to say. I stared back at him for just a beat too long before I started to feel sad again that he looked like my father. He came and sat down next to me. He ran his fingers through my hair as he mumbled something in the old tongue. "I don't like seeing you like this, my child."

"I'm sorry for not making a better impression," I mumbled, pressing my face harder into my pillow.

He chuckled. "I'm not quite worried about that," he said in a light tone. "When Martha first arrived, she didn't come out for almost a year because she missed our kids so much. It was hard for her too."

"What made it better for her?"

Ephraim gave me an easy smile. "I have a cool trick that I can show you, if you're ready."

I sat up, pushing my blankets down to my waist. "What kind of trick?"

He patted my hand and told me to wait there. When he came back, he and Levi were carrying a heavy looking, full length mirror. I watched as they debated on where to put it before they settled on next to my desk. "You'll love this, legend," Levi said to me. I noted how he affectionately had named me legend. He waved his hand to beckon me over. Levi put his hands on my shoulders and turned me until I was facing the mirror.

"Yikes," I cringed, assessing myself. My hair was in an unruly bun that was falling off the top of my head, my oversized t shirt looked like it was swallowing me, and my eyes were puffy from crying so much. I glanced at Ephraim behind us. "Is this the trick?"

He chuckled. "Not quite," he said, walking up. "This is a memory seeker. Everything you want to see, you can just ask."

My eyebrows raised in intrigue. "How does it work?" I asked.

"You can give it a date or a place or a person and it'll show you exactly what you're remembering," Levi explained. "Watch," he said to me before telling the mirror, "December 12, 1930."

The mirror fogged up before showing a young Levi nervously approaching Ellen Longtree for the very first time. He handed her a rose and politely asked if she wanted to have dinner with him sometime soon. She flashed a beautiful smile at him before rising on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. It reminded me of Nate and Montana.

"September 23, 1931," Ephraim said next. Then we were looking at Kaya and Ephraim meet when Ephraim was a wolf. "I know you're not afraid of me," Kaya giggled at the oversized wolf as if it was completely normal. "Otherwise, you wouldn't have gotten so close." They spent only 15 minutes with each other in that first meeting, but it was just the start of everything. Of their entire legacy. Of my parents. Of mine. "Maybe revisiting some old memories will lift your spirits," Ephraim said.

"Thank you," I nodded. And they left me with it. I ended up sitting on the floor with my legs closed. Where to start? "Cassie Call," I said. The first time I visited Cass at her college had immediately come to mind. She'd just joined her sorority and was introducing me around at a party. "This is my best friend in the entire universe! And she's going to take over the world someday, mark my words." Cass looked at me with such pride and admiration, an excited bounce in her step as she hooked her arm through mine. Things were simpler back then. The simplest they'd ever been, truly.

"Nate Uley," I said next, grabbing a blanket and pillow off of my bed. My 17th birthday, on our way to the beach party. "How do I look?" he asked as he slipped my sunglasses on his face, his signature smirk on his face.

"Like a fucking rockstar," I laughed. Sometime throughout that night, he had jumped on me, piggyback style and made me carry him around. Nate and I's relationship had changed so much over the years but one thing was always known: he had my back no matter what. I wasn't upset with him about the Bond failing; I may not ever know what happened the night before, but I knew he was trying to do the right thing. He always did the right thing.

"Wyatt…" I choked on his name. "Wyatt Cameron." Our first time was on the night of Wyatt's 18th birthday. It wasn't this rushed, hot, passionate thing; it was love. We had snuck away from the party we were having for him at the local diner back to his house. He hovered over me with a twinkle in his gorgeous brown eyes. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he'd asked. "We can stop."

I remember kissing him as he settled his weight on top of me. "I don't want you to stop," I said. I knew that I loved Wyatt, but that was the first time that I realized that I really did want to spend the rest of my life with him. Hmm…the rest of my life. I guess, in a sick way, I did exactly that. I think I just expected to actually have a life with him. One that wasn't focused on tyrannical vampires, supernatural mirrors, and Bonding. I expected to get married and live out the rest of our lives with some normalcy, maybe have a kid, maybe travel the world.

The memories helped. I laid on the ground for god knows how long and just replayed the highlights of my life. It was almost like watching a movie. The story of this girl who, for all intents and purposes, had every single proven reason to be terrified to live and did anyway. And I could let myself focus on the things that made me happy instead of everything that made me feel afraid. "I keep waiting for you to freak out," Wyatt had said to me while we were on the road.

"About what?" I asked, taking a big bite of my cheeseburger.

"About this, you know? Jane and the war and…everything."

I watched myself shrug it off. "Because I know we'll handle it. Jane can turn as many people as she wants, but we're building something so much stronger than she ever could. I believe in us way too much to be scared."

And I meant that. Wyatt smiled, "We really are building something incredible, aren't we?"

"I feel good about it, Grey. I really do."

XXXXXXXXX

Time moves differently up here. I didn't realize that soon enough.

I will admit that it started to feel a little easier to exist in this plane. Kaya would come around and take me around the gardens which were filled with the most beautiful flowers I'd ever seen. Butterflies fluttered freely around. Birds chirped in the tallest of trees. And we'd sit on a bench and just talk for hours.

I got to work through some serious grief that I had with my life, my death, everything that I needed to bring peace for myself. There was something that had been weighing heavy on me for a very long time that I had never spoken out loud. Not to Nate or to Wyatt, definitely not to my parents. But if I was going to spend the rest of eternity in this place, I needed to release it. I told Kaya, "I worry that I wasted my life being afraid of…of this."

She nodded in understanding. "Well, little one, you lived a very unique experience that was a lot different than we planned."

"How?"

"We hoped that the news of your existence wouldn't be as troubling as it wound up being. It's not fun to spend your life worrying that something or someone will kill you. Your parents did an amazing job protecting you, but their fear seeped into you. You felt the fear of an entire reservation, little wolf. But you still lived an incredible life. Don't take that for granted." She watched me for a second before adding, "You took things in stride instead of hiding away from it. That's very impressive. You've always been a very impressive young lady."

"Thank you," I said quietly, looking out at the rows and rows of roses. All different colors. Then I found the courage to ask, "Can I see them?"

Kaya nodded. She took my hand and led me back to that room where I saw my mama. It was just a white room. Everything was pristine in a way that you could only imagine in heaven. There was never any room with a molecule out of place up here and…it was as peaceful as it was unsettling. Kaya says that I'm still used to the clutter of life on Earth.

"I know it's been hard for you. Death and life after death is never easy. On both sides. There's a lot of people missing you right now, little wolf," Kaya said as she waved her hand through the thick white mist. A whole scene unfolding before me and I saw my family gathered in the backyard around the firepit Dad and Uncle Paul build when we were 10. Everyone was there; my parents, my siblings, Nate and Montana, Cass and Reese, Travis my aunts and uncles. They were all drinking (the adults and wolves, of course) and laughing. Mama stood up on a chair and waved for everyone to look at her. "Guys, can I say something real quick?" she waited until they quieted down. "I know this is long overdue. This…celebration for Hadley should have happened a long time ago. But, before I talk about our girl, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for being so patient with me and Jacob while we adjust to this new part of life. We've been through a lot of shit as a pack—as a family. But losing a child is something I could have never prepared for and it took a lot to really wrap my mind around the fact that…she's not coming back."

"Our girl fought hard," Uncle Paul chimed in.

Mama nodded with a smile. "She really did," she said. "I still haven't seen her yet, but I know that she's safe. She's been hanging out with Kaya and Ephraim and every single strong person that came before her. What I want, more than anything—even more than I wish she was home—is that she's at peace now. She deserves it—we all do. I want to always celebrate that beautiful girl's life and legacy as long as I'm on this plane without her."

Dad came up next to her chair and raised the drink in his hand. "To Hadley."

Everyone repeated the cheers and fell into a comfortable silence for a beat. I looked at every single one of their faces and realized, "Where's Wyatt?" I asked Kaya. When she didn't answer, I focused on Nate as he whispered something in Montana's ear before kissing her on the cheek and getting up from the table. She grabbed his hand and shook her head. "He doesn't want to be bothered, honey," she said.

"I have to. I'll see you back at the house."

"Perhaps that's plenty for today," Kaya said, putting a hand on my shoulder as I watched Nate leave the party.

"No, please," I gently begged. "Just…just let me see him."

She looked conflicted, but nodded anyway. We followed Nate through the woods and to the clearing that Wyatt and I had already claimed was ours. And there were piles of lumber and the starts of a foundation for a house. Below, Wyatt was sawing planks of wood with his bare hands in our clearing; he was so focused, so angry. Nate came out of the tree line, a sullen look on his face.

"Wyatt, you can't keep spending your nights like this, man. It's not good for you," Nate told him.

"I just need to get this wood cut for the framing," Wyatt explained. His voice was so tired, so worn. "I want to get this house done, you know? I owe her a house…I told her I'd…" he trailed off but didn't stop working.

"Wyatt, it's starting to get dark…"

"Right and you're wasting my time right now. I have work to do."

"This isn't healthy," Nate shook his head. He tried to grab the saw from Wyatt's hand. Wyatt shoved him away. "Come on, man. She's—"

"She can't be dead, Nate!" Wyatt snapped. "She can't, ok? This is not real. They're going to bring her back and everything will be fine. She's not dead."

Nate sighed heavily and put a hand on Wyatt's shoulder. They sat there quietly for a few moments before I watched Wyatt slowly deflate. "I know this is hard…" Nate started.

"The rain stopped when her heart stopped beating," Wyatt whispered. He dropped the saw and he crumbled. Nate wrapped his arms around Wyatt to hold him up as best he could. And they both cried. For me. "I miss her so much, Nate. It hurts…everything hurts so fucking bad."

"Alright, I think that's enough…" Kaya said. She waited a beat for me to respond before she waved a hand until it was just foggy mist again.

I swallowed hard, trying not to cry. "I think I want to go back to my room."

"Of course, sweetheart."

When I got back to my room, it had changed from my childhood bedroom into something else completely. It was everything that I'd always imagined my home with Wyatt would look like. Giant windows that let in the perfect amount of light between the trees outside. Exposed wood beams and a big cozy couch in the living room where we'd have all of the wolves and their future mates over and a wood burning fireplace. And then a big bedroom in the back, furnished with a king-sized bed, not one but two nightstands, and access to an outside deck. It was literally exactly how I imagined it would be. This was the home that Wyatt was building for me right now and I'd never get to see it other than from my own manifestations.

I turned to Kaya and said, "I need you to tell me he's going to be ok."

Her brow furrowed. "What do you mean? Of course, eventually, he's going to be—"

"No, I need more than that," I told her. "Tell me you have an imprint planned for him—or that you're planning for one. Tell me he gets to have a happy ending. I can't deal with the fact that he's down there hurting and there's nothing I can do about it."

"We hadn't planned for Wyatt to have an imprint. We weren't sure you'd want that."

"I do…"

She searched my face. "You're sure?"

If Wyatt imprinting was going to ensure happiness for him for the rest of his time on Earth, then…that's just what would have to happen. I needed him to be happy more than I needed him to wait for me. "Yes," I decided.

Kaya sighed before she nodded. "Alright, I'll talk to Taha Aki and see what we can do."

"Thank you…"

XXXXXXXXX

I'd decided that moping around wasn't doing anything for me. So I got to work. I started watching over my family every single day, sending little signals whenever I could to remind them that I was still with them. While I was watching Mom, I learned how to break through the clouds to give her a little ray of sunshine. She'd been having a hard day. But, at that moment, she stopped for just a second, let the sun wash over her face and she said quietly, "Thank you, sweet girl, I needed that."

It was a few weeks later when I was watching the pack go on a team run—without Wyatt again—that I realized that something was watching them. They were just far enough to be out of scent's reach, but the way they glided through the trees, it was undeniable that there were vampires watching my pack. Again.

Behind me, Kaya and Ephraim had entered the Watch room, Kaya with a cup of tea in her hand. I waved her over, "Come look at this."

She handed me the tea as she looked over my shoulder. I pointed to three vampires dressed in robes, jumping from tree to tree. "Oh shit," she mumbled. "How long have they been watching them?"

"For at least 10 miles," I told her. It just looked too familiar. We'd been through this already. "Those are Volturi robes, aren't they?"

"We've heard they recruited a new guard now that Jane's dead," Ephraim said. He pointed to the chest of one of them. "Look at the crest."

"How are they back this soon?" I asked.

Kaya shrugged as she thought about it. "They may be checking to see if the Quileute Descendant is truly dead."

Ephraim put a hand on my shoulder. "Speaking of, you're needed somewhere else, my child."

I looked at him. "Where?"

"Taha Aki's chambers," he told me. My eyebrows flew up. "He wants to talk to you."

"Talk to me? About what?"

"He probably wants to talk to you about your request for Wyatt to have an imprint," Kaya said softly. I couldn't take my eyes off of the boys. Even as the robed vampires took their final glances and then started running in the opposite direction. "Come on, little one, I'll take you there. Ephraim will keep an eye on the pack."

Nothing could have prepared me for the conversation that I was about to have with the Taha Aki. The most ascended out of all of us. And he wanted to talk to me. "Come sit," he said to me. He invited me to sit next to him on a couch instead of at the intimidatingly long table that reminded me of those conference rooms that you see on tv. Taha Aki towered over me at almost 7 feet tall, but wore a very soft expression on his face at all times. He took my hand in his gently. "I figured it was about time we had a talk."

When you're in the presence of someone has great and godly as Taha Aki, you sometimes find yourself speechless. I was speechless. I could practically hear Nate making fun of me, "I never thought I'd see the day when Lee has nothing to say."

"I got your request," he continued without waiting for me. "About wanting Wyatt to have an imprint. Do you want to tell me why you want this?"

"Um…" I said, looking down at our joined hands. "Wyatt deserves to be happy. He's worked so hard to be a good Alpha and to be good to me while I was still…alive. I don't think I ever considered what it would be like for him if I died. And, if there's someone out there who is so perfect for him, it has to be fate that they're together, then that's what I want for him. Nate found Montana, my parents found each other, my aunts and uncles too. I just…I want that for him so bad."

He nodded earnestly. "I understand," he said. "You've been through a lot, haven't you, Hadley Black?"

I chuckled a little. "Something like that."

"I want to know something," Taha Aki started. "Do you feel that you lived the way you wanted to live? Or did you live the way you thought you were supposed to?"

When I looked up into his wise brown eyes, I could tell that he already knew the answer to that question. The question that I'd been struggling with my entire life—and afterlife.

"You think granting Wyatt an imprint will ease the guilt of your death," he concluded. "You think it'll get him refocused for the recent Volturi spottings. You think it'll allow him to have a normal life. You think—"

"Yes," I interrupted. "Yes, I do think those things. He's my best friend, the love of my life. Of course, I want him to have a normal life."

"With you."

"It would have been nice if it had been me…"

"If you were still there, you two would have spotted the ne Volturi guard in a second," he said, standing up. "You could have built your house together. Or even been there for Nate when he decides to propose to Miss Montana."

"Yeah…" I said skeptically as I watched Taha Aki pace in front of me with his hands clasped tight in front of him. "I feel like I didn't get a chance to do right by them."

He had a humming noise as he paced. I watched him pace around the room quietly. He offered me tea without acknowledging my words. Then he said, "I'm denying your request."

I shot to my feet. "Wait, what? Why? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, of course not, my child," Taha Aki chuckled. "I'm denying your request because I'm going to give you a couple of options." I waited for him to speak. "I've been watching over our people for a very long time and I would be a fool if I didn't recognize how important you are to our people, Hadley. Not just to Wyatt or your parents, but to everyone. You have fulfilled your duty in that way; you've loved so incredibly hard and fought even harder. So…I feel I must make a special exception for your circumstance."

"What kind of exception?"

He cleared his throat. "If you are really set on this idea of finding Wyatt an imprint, we will do so. And you can stay here. Or," he paused, "you can go home. You can return to Earth and live the rest of your long life."

My entire body froze. What? "Are you serious?"

"Now I want you to take a second to think about this," Taha Aki said as he poured both of us a cup of tea. They really like tea up here. "I'm not saying you can go back 100% human and you can just ride out the rest of your life without responsibility. You will still have your powers; you'll still be a shifter. The Volturi may still come after you. Returning to human life is harsh and jarring. Or you can stay here with us and find your peace. But it's your choice."

I wondered if my discontentment here was too loud. Did I make people uncomfortable with how sad I was about my death? It was possible. But also…isn't that fairly normal in death? I couldn't shake the feeling that I'd cut my life off too soon. I wanted all of the things we'd planned for, even when death was lingering in the back of my head. If I got a chance to really live—and I mean really live—I wouldn't take it for granted for a second. But is life comparable to peace? Real peace. It could be. I needed to find out if it was.

"If you want some time to think about it, that's alright," he said to me, noticing my hesitation.

"No!" I blurted. "Well…maybe just a little bit of time."

"What's your hesitation, my child?"

I didn't quite know how to verbalize what I was feeling in that moment. This idea of going home, seeing my family again, it was honestly the most wonderful gift, heavenly or earthly, that I could ask for. But I would be lying if I said that I didn't feel that it was beginning to feel easier to be here with every passing day. I would be lying if I said that I didn't look forward to my daily trips to the garden with Kaya or talking to the grandparents I had never known or finding those small moments of bliss in this new phase of the circle of my life.

The choice was very obvious.

I locked eyes with Taha Aki and he nodded once in understanding. "Kaya," he called. The door opened and Kaya's head popped in. That familiar twinkle was back in her eye as she danced into the room, Ephraim following behind her as always. I stood in front of her without another word other than, "Thank you," to all of them.

"Looks like we're not done with you yet," Kaya said with a smile. She kissed me on the cheek before pushing me backward into oblivion. Rendered into darkness just one more time.