Chapter 16


1 Day to D-Day

Rey woke up with what felt like a lump in her throat. Despite being determined that she would remain honest, her fear was paralysing. She couldn't stop looking at the exact same spot on the ceiling and it was the thought of the next day; when she would be leaving this place, that got her out of her cot.

Luke was already sitting by the fire when she ascended the hill and he was stoking the flames with a stick. Rey did as she always did and filled the pot with water and arranged their bowls and cups for breakfast.

They were both silent and Rey assumed that her master's silence was out of respect for the place that had been his home for so long.

Training was incredibly sobering for Rey. It felt like they were concluding everything, despite her knowing that it would continue when they got back to D'Qar. She didn't even truly acknowledge her master praising her improvements or how well she took to using the Skywalker Lightsaber. The Lightsaber alone made her heart ache and she looked forward to making her own as soon as possible.

It was after she had practiced psychometry and when Luke began to pack away the various items that they had worked with, when Rey stopped him with her hand. It was clear by his expression that he sensed something was wrong and his brow furrowed as he looked at her.

'What's wrong, Rey?' he questioned before looking about them. As if Rey had sensed something ominous before he had.

'Master, I have something important to tell you, which I should have told you long ago and now I fear I am too late.'

Luke gestured to the boulders they had been sitting on and they both sat back down, Rey's head down turned.

'You may have noticed that I was acting out of the ordinary, or perhaps that I still have been at times,' Rey began, glancing at Luke every few moments and feeling her heart strain at the worried expression he wore.

'Do you mean the bursts of anger and the periods of silence?' Luke suggested.

Rey nodded and she twisted the material of her training tunic between her fingers. 'Before I asked you about Force bonds because I have one. I don't know how and I don't know why but I do.'

Luke couldn't help showing his surprise. 'With who?' he asked quickly.

She took a deep breath and met her master's gaze. 'With Ben,' she murmured, her heart filling with dread.

Her master didn't respond immediately. He didn't even reveal his thoughts in his expression this time, though he was thinking deeply about what his Padawan had just told him. He had suspected that there was someone affecting her emotions and training, but he hadn't expected it to be a Force bond and especially not one with his nephew.

'It led to us sharing our dreams. I'm not sure how it happened, but it became like that and as time went on, it has escalated and I still did not tell you. I deceived you, master and I don't deserve to be your Padawan.' Rey spoke quickly, her throat wanting to close and her eyes stinging with the force of unshed tears.

'Why did you not tell me this before Rey?' Luke questioned, his voice thick with uncertainty.

Rey could feel her hands shaking and the calm expression Luke wore frightened her even more. She wanted him to be angry at her, it was the least she deserved. 'I was scared that it would affect my training if I told you. That it would become a secondary priority.'

Luke felt pity as he looked at his student and shook his head with a sigh. He imagined it had been incredibly difficult for her to be thrown into such a connection without any understanding or knowledge. However, her expression worried him. It seemed that she was more worried about telling Luke than the consequences of her bond being with Ben.

'When I spoke to you of breaking Force bonds…why did you not consult further? You could have broken free.'

'I felt that I could use it to my advantage,' Rey stuttered.

Luke sighed and shook his head, seeing the truth in front of him. This went beyond a Force bond; it ran far deeper.

'I am sure that I can change him, Master.' She looked at Luke earnestly, though her master's expression did not change.

'It is not so simple, Rey. He holds a greater hold of the Force over you. It is far too dangerous to rely on your emotional connection to seek the upper hand.'

Rey flushed and shook her head. 'It is not like that master.'

Luke watched the colour in her face and he felt his heart break. She was losing and she thought she was winning.

'Rey, you must sever this connection.'

'You said that only death or turning away from the Force can sever it, Master. What am I supposed to do?'

He shook his head. Luke did not know the answer. The death of his nephew, his former-apprentice and the idea of his current apprentice having to deal the blow and inflict pain on herself was a horrifying thought. Though what else was there?

Luke could see the heartache on his Padawan's face.

'I'm sorry Master, for not telling you earlier. I thought it was for the best and I should have involved you, I let myself get dragged into him and I pity him, master. I can't help but pity him and I see who he is.'

'Do you love him?'

She looked up at him, her brow furrowed. She didn't want to answer. It had felt overwhelming and precious and perhaps that was what love felt like?

Luke shook his head. 'The bond does not create faux emotions, it amplifies them, it shares them between you.' Her master paused and sighed sadly. 'You love him.'

Rey couldn't respond. She'd never said the word out loud, she never even used it when describing how she felt about Kylo, but to say it wasn't true, she knew it would be a lie.

'I'm sorry master.' She looked into her clasped hands and tried to hide the beating in her uncertain heart. Before she could look back at her master, he had reached out and his hand covered hers.

'I know it must have been difficult for you to tell me. Thank you for that.'

Rey felt tears slip down her cheeks and her shoulders shook as she cried. 'I don't understand why this all happened, master.'

'The Force sought to put you two together,' he responded. 'What's the most important is that we stop these dreams. I know the burden of severing the connection would be great, but it is necessary.'

She looked to Luke. 'He's changed, master. I can see the light in him, I don't think he can escape it.'

Luke sighed and nodded. 'But is that enough, Rey? Just because he can be swayed and he feels himself be swayed, it doesn't mean he will come back to the light.'

'I want to believe that he will.' Rey replied sadly.

'Well do you trust him?' he asked.

Honestly Rey didn't know if she did. She felt as if he wouldn't hurt her, as if he couldn't hurt her, but that didn't mean he wouldn't hurt those around her. If she couldn't trust him with her heart and everything that came with it, then she couldn't put her faith in the idea that he would change.

'If I convince him to come back to us, master?'

Luke held her gaze warily and he squeezed her hands before letting go. 'Tomorrow I will find a way to block the dreams, do you understand Rey?'

She nodded and stood, bowing deeply to her master. 'Thank you master.'

Preparing for dinner was done in silent contemplation as Rey thought through how she could convince Ben to come to her in just one night. Her master had given her that much and she didn't know what she would do if he rejected her. The thought made her feel sick.

As they ate, Luke sombrely went through the plans for the next day. Chewbacca would come sometime before noon which left them to eat, pack their things and for Luke to close Rey from her dreams. He made it clear that it may not be permanent, but with a lack of clarity over what exactly their connection was, it was all he could do.

Their last dinner passed with uncertainty in the air and the same anxiety followed Rey to her sleep.

She was relieved to open her eyes to the house in the clearing. Autumn had settled in the leaves which were piled beneath the trees and there was a chill in the air. At least here she could feel Ben's emotions, it would be easier to understand him, to convince him even to come to her.

Rey paced the clearing, waiting for Ben to appear. She glanced at a pile of red leaves at the base of one of the leaves and knelt down, grabbing several leaves and inspecting them. Rey couldn't remember if she had ever seen fallen leaves before. Before Takodana, she couldn't even remember when she had seen a tree.

As her fingers grazed the veins on one of the leaves, she glanced up to see Ben standing in front of the house. He looked passive and approached her slowly.

'He has not taken you from me yet?'

Rey frowned and stood up from her kneeling position, the leaves still in her hand. 'You know it would not be like that,' she responded.

Ben smiled then, full of sarcasm and frustration. 'Because it will be voluntary?'

She did not respond for a moment and Ben's brow twitched as he watched her.

'Must you?'

'What do you expect me to do? Tell you that I can send you off without a complaint?'

Rey took a breath. 'There's a solution to this, if you would just listen to me.'

'It's an impossible solution.'

'Please don't be like this, not now. You must have known this would have to eventually end,' Rey sighed.

Ben huffed and looked at the sky. Rey could feel the frustration building in him and she reached for his hand, but he pulled it away from her. 'You made that decision.'

'I couldn't lie to my master any longer.'

'Not even for my sake?' His tone changed and his eyes softened as he looked at Rey.

The change in his emotions was clear and Rey tried to blink them away, to not feel so absorbed in him. He was so selfish and he couldn't even see it. Rey crushed the red leaves in her hand as she looked at him. He was looking at her like she could trust him, like he wouldn't hurt her. Her eyes looked to the dark house, the one they hadn't been in in weeks and she sighed. Why had she helped him? Why had she taken his hand and led him from that place?

'You need to come to me,' he murmured.

When Rey looked back at him, his hand was tightly gripping the handle of his Lightsaber and she could see the strain in his neck.

'I told you I won't.' Her voice was tense and she squeezed the foliage even tighter, feeling it disintegrate in her hands.

'You must.'

She met his eyes and that expression remained. He never seemed to be able to contain his emotions when his eyes were concerned.

'Why won't you come to me?' she beseeched. 'Why must I come to you?'

'Because if I go to you…' he stuttered and his grip tightened. '…there's only death.'

Rey stared at him, wanting another answer. One where she wouldn't be left with this hole from his absence. She couldn't live without the connection any longer and the thought scared her. What would she do for him? Where would the line be?

She could feel the tears and she turned away from him.

'I could protect you,' she muttered.

'If I can't protect myself, how could I ask you?'

He knew it was impossible now. He knew she would never come to him. He should have known her will was this strong from the beginning but he believed that he could change her. But he was the one who was changed. All he saw was her and their connection, the bond he needed to protect; he needed to protect her. He only lived now with the thought that he couldn't leave her a gaping hole, when he thought death would have been better for everyone, including himself.

Rey wiped at the tears and started through the wood, the Skywalker Lightsaber bouncing softly at her hip. The strain in her heart was difficult to get a handle of and she tried to will the feeling away. His love for her was overwhelming and it threatened to drown her.

It all went beyond a Force bond. It wasn't supposed to feel like this. The connection was fixed to a point, but she shouldn't have felt love, it was only kinship she was supposed to feel, wasn't it? If she wanted to be a Jedi, how could she live like this? It wasn't fair. Why had the Force led them both down this path?

Ben followed her slowly, feeling the fluctuations in her emotions, even if within his own dream, he wasn't entirely sure what those emotions were.

After minutes or perhaps even hours of building silence, she turned around suddenly, holding the Lightsaber out in front of her.

He backed up, seeing the blue blade with surprise, but he did not take his weapon into his hands.

'Draw your Lightsaber,' she demanded, bitterness in her tone.

'What will that change?' he questioned.

She furrowed her brow and held the Lightsaber closer to him. 'I want this to be over. I can't take this any longer. These dreams, it's too difficult to know what's you, what's the darkness, what's wrong. I've tried so hard to avoid temptation, but I feel it every time I'm here with you.'

'Then how will you end it? Neither of us can die here, Rey.' He reached forward, somehow grabbing the Lightsaber and despite the smell of burning flesh, he showed no pain. His other hand took the hilt from her and he tossed the saber to the side.

Rey felt tears as she looked at him in panic. 'You were right, that we would fall together.'

He shook his head. 'No, I was wrong. I thought if I had you, if I made you come to me and give yourself to me, then you would fall, but you didn't. You're too filled with light, even when you say you feel the darkness coming for you.'

'Then come to me?' she asked. Her eyes glanced to his hand, still burnt.

He didn't reply, he just stared at her. His words had been false hope, Rey realised.

She stepped forward then, taking his burnt hand in hers. 'Come to me, come to the light and back to us.'

Ben wanted to take his hand back, but he felt Rey's warmth, her healing touch and he faltered, blinking at her. The wound he had inflicted on himself was gone and she looked at him earnestly.

I love you I love you I love you

The repeated words floated through and around him though he could read it in her eyes and in her heart. And it was her destruction. Both of their destructions.

'I'm sorry,' he murmured.

Rey saw into his eyes, seeing the pain there and her hand tightened in his. He wasn't sorry, not truly.

'I will forgive you if you come to me. I can't…I can't remain like this if you don't. It can't work.'

He nodded, knowing that it would be impossible.

'Perhaps we should bear the weight and sever the bond?' Rey suggested. Her hand had grown far warmer and Ben could feel her pulse, jumping too quickly.

Ben didn't respond, he just looked into her eyes, considering that he could do it, he could take his life for her. Whether that was walking away from the Force and being killed by the Knights of Ren or Snoke himself, or taking his life with his own hands.

'Perhaps we should,' he responded, his mouth dry.

Out of his control, he shed a tear which Rey caught with her finger tips. She didn't know how to react to his tears and she looked into his eyes with confusion. She hadn't wanted him to agree, even if he wouldn't come to her, she didn't want to fight him any longer. Her thumb grazed the shadow beneath his eye and she closed her eyes and shook her head.

Ben reached up, pulling her hand from his face and she looked to the ground. She didn't want him to pull away and take his hand from hers.

'I will sever it,' he murmured. 'I won't torment you any longer.'

He started to turn, taking his hand with him, but Rey held onto him with two hands, using all her energy to keep him there.

'If you change your mind, if you decide that you could come to me, I'll be waiting. Even if you think I'm foolish, I will protect you.'

Ben wanted to hold onto her, to keep her near him, but he knew it wouldn't help either of them. They had been so close to more and they had both resisted, knowing it wouldn't lead to anything good.


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