Request by universe-queen-melissa on Tumblr. And we're back to lighthearted comedy after the feelsfest that was yesterday.
1. Fluffy Demon Ducklings of Doom
Ducks were Public Enemy Number 2, but most people underestimated their deviousness. Elliot had firsthand experience with the accursed waterfowl, often being attacked after an encounter with Milo Murphy. He had yet to determine if Murphy emitted an aura that made ducks go berserk in his presence or if he was planning to raise a secret duck army and brainwash the masses. The thought alone would make even the bravest warriors quake in their boots.
Flames licked the inner city, infrastructure crumbled as people fled, and homes were crushed under the weight of hundreds upon hundreds of fluffy ducklings. They surrounded innocent families, overwhelming them with their tiny webbed feet and soft, downy feathers. One by one, they were brainwashed, doomed to repeat "quack" for the rest of their miserable, insignificant lives.
"Fly, fly my precious ducklings!" Murphy cackled. "Bring the city to a standstill and wipe their minds! Denizens of Swamp City, all of you shall forget your previous life and become one with the cuteness! I order you to pledge allegiance to your new avian overlords!"
"I'll stop you, Milo Murphy! Mark my words, your plan shall never come to pass!" Elliot hollered. "I promise to obstruct your every move, just you wait!"
"We've been waiting for ten minutes!" Melissa complained, tapping her foot impatiently.
Elliot noticed the large crowd of elementary and middle school students waiting to crossing the street, all of them looking extremely confused at his outburst.
He turned red out of embarrassment. "Forget anything I said. I haven't had my coffee yet."
2. Anatidaephobia
"I'm glad you could make it to Overcoming Your Irrational Fear of Anys platyrhyncos 101!" Milo pulled a collapsible stand, many pages of poster paper, and a pointer out of his backpack.
"I can't be the Safety Czar if I'm paranoid over ducks potentially stalking me, haunting my waking hours, knowing where I live…." Elliot shivered. "I am not here because you invited me."
"Step 1. Identify your phobia," Milo pointed to an illustration of a child surrounded by grotesque monsters.
"Ducks watching me," Elliot gulped. "Those bushes look like a good place for one waiting to ambush us at any given moment."
"Step 2. Face your fears! Oh, look here come a family of ducks right now! Perfect timing, right?" Milo exclaimed.
"Isn't it too soon? Are you sure we can't just ease into it?" Elliot shrieked. Those beady eyes were following his every move, ready to strike at any time….
Milo handed him a bag of bread crumbs. "The best way to start is to feed them!"
Elliot tossed some bread crumbs on the ground in front of him. A mallard approached, waddling to the food and gobbling it up. "I guess they don't look that horrible up close."
Milo nodded. "That's the spirit!"
As soon as the words left his mouth, the mallard bit Elliot's shin, wings flapping furiously. Milo watched Elliot scream and run off, the mallard nipping at his heels the entire time.
And to think of all the progress he made in the last five minutes.
3. The Ugly Duckling
"Once there was an ugly duckling. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end," Elliot closed the children's book.
The kindergarten class immediately burst into tears.
His therapist shook her head angrily. "Mr. Decker, just because you have an irrational fear of ducks does not mean you can go traumatizing children by ruining classic Mother Goose stories. I'm awfully sorry about this, Mrs. Gomez."
Mrs. Gomez sighed. "I'll have to speak with the principal and see if we can arrange more nurturing guest readers to come in."
