Author's Note: Oi yoi yoi! Chapter four! This sucker was a challenge. I think it has pacing problems and some of the dialogue sounds hokey to me, but maybe other people will disagree *crosses fingers*. I have upped the story to an M rating for language. There's just been one too many f-bombs for me to feel safe under the T umbrella anymore. I would once again like to thank my readers for their generous attention and reviews. You have no idea how much they mean to me.
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of the characters used in this story. I also do not own Nintendo or Godzilla.
Making an impulsive decision is like walking a very large dog. At first you feel safe and in control, but soon enough the weight of your decision starts to put a strain on your arm. By time the consequences hit you, your shoulder is dislocated, your heart is broken, and the dog has torn through town, ripping everything you once cared about to shreds. You'd like to ignore it, you'd like to blame someone else, but no matter what you do, the other end of the leash is still in your hand.
The insanity that the following months ushered in took a very trying toll on everyone in Wammy's House. I learned what L had meant about B's death being more than just 'physiological malfunction'. Kira became a household word.
Children who months before cared about nothing greater than playing kickball and getting homework done suddenly found themselves plastered to political debates and grim news broadcasts. Even Near would occasionally slink out of his shadowy, puzzle-lined corners to stare at the rec room television.
Each time we pressed the power button, we hoped that we might see Kira being led away in handcuffs. We hoped that L's calligraphic logo would shine forth from the screen like a lighthouse in the midst of turbulent seas.
That day would never come.
The thing about lighthouses is that no matter how brightly they shine, there will be a day when their radiance goes dim. There will be a night when distressed ships look to the horizon only to find that the sky has grown even darker than it was before.
The day I learned of L's death was a milestone in my life. It was the single, defining moment when my decisions began to hurt people. It was the joining of the leash to the dog's collar. It was also the beginning of independence. If you can call stumbling down the dark path already taken by a dead man independence…
I forced open the doors of Roger's office and stomped out into the hallway. He might have been calling to me from the tragic room, but I could not hear him over the sound of my own rapid heartbeat. The colors and shapes of the corridor looked sharper and brighter than usual and I let out a feral scream before slamming my fist into the wall.
How dare he suggest that Near and I work together! Passion and Logic could never be one. That would be like mixing oil and water. It was just a diluted way of telling me that he had already made the decision to side with Near. It was a cheap, consolation prize. That bastard. He didn't even have the balls to tell me the truth.
Well, I was finished with him. I was finished with this place.
There was no chance for advancement here. Why had it taken me so long to realize the contest was perpetually rigged? B saw Wammy's for what it was. He came to the proper conclusion. Now I would too.
I continued to rampage down the hallway, screaming incomprehensible words and creating as much commotion as possible. I wanted people to know I was pissed. My departure would be remembered whether they liked it or not.
As I gusted my way past a darkened common room, one of Near's abandon dice cities caught my attention. I advanced on it like a blood-crazed shark, grabbing handfuls of white cubes and throwing them against the wall. When the plastic game pieces bounced back at me I threw them again. And again. And again.
I worked myself into such a frenzy that my limbs went numb and my mind fell empty of everything but fractured profanities and a kind of electric buzzing.
For a good ten minutes I threw those dice into the wall before a voice heard as if through a fishbowl shifted my attention.
"Tokyo's that way," Matt said coolly, standing at the threshold of the room. The light from the hallway silhouetted him in an almost eerie way that caused his goggles to shine.
My chest heaved and my throat burned as I stared dangerously at him.
"You know, like Godzilla?" he asked with a grin, stepping into the darkness. "Although I don't think Godzilla ever actually threw pieces of the buildings he destroyed against the wall. Didn't he just eat them?"
I didn't know how to react to this. Was he serious?
"Yeah, if you're not gonna eat those dice, you'd better put them down."
He took a step toward me.
"Get the fuck away from me, Matt."
Another step.
"I'm serious."
Now he was only a few feet away.
"I swear to God, I'll kick your ass!"
"Yes, yes. But my ass could use a good kicking. I'll take my chances."
He shot his hand out and grabbed my wrist. The grip was tight, but I could feel his hand trembling.
"Drop the dice, come on."
I struggled for a moment before scooping up a handful of dice with my other hand and throwing them in his face.
"Now you know why I chose to wear my goggles for this."
He began to pull me.
"Let's go."
"Leave me alone!"
"No way."
He forcibly dragged my flailing, screaming body from the room and down the hallway. We passed a small group of female students on the way, who looked on in horror and whispered amongst themselves.
By the time Matt deposited me on the floor of our room we were both out of breath. Me from screaming, and he from using all his strength to drag me.
I remained on the floor panting while Matt pulled off his goggles and wiped his forehead.
"What were you doing in there, you lunatic? That's the kind of thing that'll get you a Saturday detention."
I swallowed hard.
"I'm not going to be here Saturday, Matt."
For one of the first times since we met, Matt showed genuine surprise. His eyebrows rose and the corners of his mouth twitched painfully.
"W-what?"
"I'm not going to be here," I repeated forcefully. "I'm leaving."
He threw his head back in an exaggerated way and let out a hollow laugh. It was a haunting, soulless thing that had no resemblance at all to the quiet giggles that so often escaped him.
"Yeah, very funny, Mello. Like you would leave."
"I'm not joking. I've had it with this place. No one here appreciates what I'm capable of."
"So you're going to up and leave because you think no one understands you? Do you have any idea how stupid and childish that sounds?"
"I don't care."
"We all know about L, Mello. Is that what this is really about?"
I wondered how news had spread so fast, but pushed down my curiosity.
"You wanna know what it's about?" I began, raising my voice. "It's about false hope. All this time I believed I was part of some kind of meaningful fight, but you know what? There never really was a fight. It was all a charade."
I punctuated my statement with a scowl.
"Near can be the new L. I don't care anymore. I will make a life for myself outside these walls and become something greater."
Echoes of a voice from years past.
"You're fourteen years old!" Matt yelled without any trace of humor or sarcasm. "What the hell do you think you're gonna do?"
He watched in silence as I rolled over and pulled L's black suitcase from under my bed.
"I'm going to L.A."
"L.A.?!"
His voice had now elevated to an uncharacteristic, off-kilter scream.
"Mello, get your head out of your ass and think about things for once in your life! You can't drive. You have no passport, no money. If--"
"Don't you fucking lecture me, Matt."
"I'll lecture you as much as I want! You could get killed. Do you know that? Or did that little detail escape that cherry bomb you have for a brain?"
"I won't die."
"What? You think if you're wearing a rosary murderers will cower away like vampires from garlic? Or maybe you think you'll be able to charm your way out of a knife to the gut? I've got news for you, Mello. You're an annoying son of a bitch. They'd stab you just so they didn't have to hear you."
Low blow, Matt.
"Is that what happened to your mother?" I hissed. "Did she talk too much and get what was coming to her?"
I sat up and got ready for the fight to come.
But Matt never made his move. Instead he walked over to his desk and pulled open a drawer.
He removed a weathered envelope and threw it at me.
"One thousand dollars," he said. "What's left of my mother's inheritance."
A sharp pang of guilt shot through me.
"H-uh?"
"I don't want to remember you like this, Mello. I don't want my last recollection of time with you to be wasted on bitter, painful insults."
He paused.
"It's apparent that I'm not going to be able stop you… you're too much of an asshole for that. The best I can hope for is to make this a good memory."
I blinked at him, unable to look him in the eye, and saw the muscles in his throat tighten as he obviously tried to hold back tears.
"…Whatever happens… wherever you wind up… just know that you do have a friend out there, okay? You always have and you always will."
I looked on as he started to hook an old Nintendo up to his tiny television. He blew a burst of air into one of the cartridges before plugging in two controllers and stretching his face into a sad smile.
"How about one last round before you go? For old time's sake."
Later that night, as I snuck my way through Wammy's halls with my black suitcase and a duffle bag filled with worldly possessions, the unmistakable sound of sobbing drifted from my former room. No, I told myself, it wasn't my… our… room. The kid in 104 was just having nightmares again. Someone would be in to comfort him soon.
By the time I reached the bus stop, the November air had reddened my cheeks and tousled my hair, but there was nothing I could do to warm up.
From now on it was just me and the shadows of another man's life that I held in my suitcase.
Somewhere in the distance a dog barked.
Author's Note: Aww… Poor Matt needs hugs. I was just about to make a pun about those hug candies with the milk chocolate and the white chocolate, but I just realized: Mello has not eaten a single bite of chocolate in this whole story! How could I be so foolish? I'll have to fix that in the coming chapters. Speaking of which, we're all gonna be suffering a little Matt withdrawal for a bit. Don't worry though, he'll be back. Thank you all very much for reading and, as always, reviews are greatly appreciated if you have the time.
