Chapter 20
When Rey was finally able to sit down, herself and the team were in orbit, entering hyperspace soon after. Rey was covered in sweat and grime and breathed heavily. She was happy to find that her team looked relatively unscathed, but the ball of worry that had developed in her throat, still had not dissipated.
'What were you doing out there? Playing in the dirt?' Takada joked.
Rey closed her eyes and sighed. 'Running from two TIE fighters. It's harder than it looks.'
The group quietened and then Boril spoke up. 'They don't know who you are, do they?'
She shook her head and then met each of their gazes. 'Good job, all of you.'
They nodded in agreement and Rey went back to taking long intakes of stale air and trying to calm her frantic mind. Ben was as present as ever and he seemed to be inquiring about her emotions, trying to figure out what Rey was thinking or doing.
She closed him out, thinking of other things as she reached for a canteen to take a swig of water.
'Let me look at your hands,' Nadiya said, seeing the blisters across Rey's fingers.
Delina got up from her seat and shook her head. 'I'll do it, just worry about where we are going.'
The older woman nodded and sat back down, whilst Takada spun in his chair, looking Rey over. 'You didn't have to tell us to leave. This wasn't a suicide mission; sacrifices don't need to be made.'
'I had no plan of dying today Takada, I'm sure I would have made my way off planet somehow.' Rey responded. Delina seemed to pull on her fingers tightly and Rey refrained from wincing, then she felt the burn of antiseptic.
'Ah because you're invincible?' he questioned, a humorous tone in his voice. It was unclear, however, whether he was actually joking or not.
Rey swallowed. 'I'm aware of my own mortality, thank you.'
'Just because you would never willingly fight, does not mean the same can be said for the rest of us,' Jorr grunted, his feet up on one of the communication panels. 'Anyway, it would have been nice to butt a few heads together.'
Nadiya turned to them all, looking away from the pilot's controls. 'We completed our mission with minor injuries, we did a good job, that is all that is important.' She glanced at Rey again and saw the blaster bolt burn on her upper arm. 'Do not forget that one Delina.'
'I won't,' Delina responded quickly, immediately bringing the antiseptic wipe to Rey's arm. She eventually put an ointment on the burns on Rey's palms and arm and she wrapped thin muslin bandages around her fingers. Rey nodded her thanks and stood up, moving to sit in the chair beside Nadiya at the helm, but she paused.
The others seemed to be jovial, glad that they had succeeded and gotten away relatively unscathed and Rey wanted to join in on that happiness, but the feeling of anxiety had not disappeared, her skin still crawled and she knew it shouldn't be ignored. Luke had trained her in how to sense disturbances, especially in battle and it felt incredibly imminent, suddenly.
Her eyes watched the passing stars for several minutes before Rey moved away from the cockpit and to the back of the cargo ship, feeling gazes on her. She sat by the hold entry, ready to meditate. Her hands rested upwards against her knees and she searched herself and the Force for calm and clarity.
Rey feared the future. Whenever she had trained in psychometry with Luke, she had feared she would glimpse the future again. Seeing the past was fine, it was set, it could not be changed, however the future was so flimsy and whatever appeared through the Force seemed unchanging. All possible changes were already enacted in those visions and Rey did not want to know.
She limited herself to a few hours of meditation and when she stood to sit back at the console, they were not too far from D'Qar.
'Have you received any transmissions?' Rey asked Nadiya.
The older woman shook her head. 'We don't seem to have been followed either, though I suppose you would have noticed if we had been getting shot at.'
Rey smiled and her hand almost automatically went to her Lightsaber, holding it firmly in her bandaged palm and feeling the crystals pulse within.
'Do you think we have made some difference?' Rey questioned, ultimately unsure. Rey would have liked to know that her actions at least had some impact, that she could do a good job even if she knew very little.
Nadiya nodded. 'Even the small wins are wins, Rey. I think what we've done today will halt the First Order, and even if it stops them for a day, that's just one more day we have to end this all.'
Rey nodded feeling the sincerity from Nadiya. She couldn't imagine what it had been like living like this, fighting like this for your whole life and the people she was surrounded by had never known a life not fighting. Rey felt as if she had faced many hardships, but she had lived such a singular life. Struggling to feed herself and waiting for someone who would never come, had honestly and truly been an uneventful existence. One which would have no impact and one where she was the only character in her story.
'I'm glad that I can do something good, that I can be useful,' she murmured. Rey's hand loosened from her Lightsaber and she took the console controls, indicating that Nadiya could rest and she would take the helm for the rest of the journey.
Piloting relaxed Rey somewhat and seeing the familiar green jungles of D'Qar improved her spirits exponentially, especially knowing that she could see her friends in a matter of hours.
They landed without a hitch and Leia met them at the entry ramp, a wry smile on her lips. The group followed her without a word until they were all situated in the General's ready room, anxious to tell her of the good news.
'I'm afraid an intercepted transmission beat you all here.' Leia began with a smile. 'Were there any problems or injuries?'
'A larger envoy did drop down on the planet just before we blew the charges, however we managed to escape with minimal contact.' Rey responded.
Jorr nodded. 'Rey made sure we left before her. She did the final once-over.'
'That's good news. We have yet to see the aftermath of our actions, though I believe we will have impacted the First Order's movements heavily.' Leia supplied.
There were smiles around the room but Rey couldn't help reflecting on the anxiety that she had felt on the ship. There were still goosebumps across her forearms and her hand strayed to her side again, feeling the crystals beat in time with her heart.
'Are we not any closer to knowing what they intended to create? Or what they will do next?' Rey questioned.
Leia paused, looking over the young woman before she stood up and gestured for the others to leave the room, leaving Rey sitting and looking perplexed.
'Is there something wrong, Rey?' Leia asked softly, moving over to her side.
Rey tried to hide her frown but was unable to. 'Something doesn't feel right.'
'In the Force?' Leia questioned.
She nodded and her hand tightened on her Lightsaber, feeling the leather grip dig into her hand. 'Perhaps I should have stayed on Abafar longer and investigated, perhaps something more was hidden there. I do not think it ends with the Rhydonium.'
Leia frowned, leaning against the edge of the table. 'Speak to Luke about this, see if he agrees. Perhaps something good can come of you both acting on this.'
Rey stood and nodded, bowing her head to Leia briefly before leaving the ready room, unable to let go of her Lightsaber.
As Rey made her way down the halls, she tried to block out the noise around her and focus on this dread she was feeling. If she could pinpoint what it was, she knew she'd be free from the fear it brought. Perhaps it didn't have anything to do with the First Order and it was something wildly different?
She was ultimately disturbed from her focus when Poe's arm went around her shoulder, pulling her into a congratulatory shoulder slap and hug.
'So the General didn't offer you a title?' Poe asked with a grin.
Rey smiled weakly and shook her head. 'I don't think I want one, that seems to bring with it responsibilities. I might also have to be around you more.'
Poe pouted and led them over to the mess hall. 'You're hungry, right?' he questioned, though did not wait for an answer. He simply put Rey down on one of the benches whilst he went to collect two trays of food.
When he came back, he found Rey picking at a small graze on her wrist, most likely gained from when she had run from the TIE fighters. It was unsubstantial, but still raw and he imagined her actions were not soothing any pain there, no matter how slight it might have been.
'Thanks,' Rey murmured and grabbed for a fork. She turned what looked like pasta around her fork and then paused before lifting it up to eat. Her eyes automatically went to Poe and she saw the furrow in his brow and knew what he would ask before he did.
'Is everything okay? I heard the mission went well, or did I hear wrong?'
Rey shook her head and laid her fork down. 'It's just me.' She gave a half-hearted smile and rubbed her temple with one hand. 'Sometimes the Force feels like an incredibly loud neighbour, who, no matter how often you approach to get them to quieten down, they never do. I'm not trained enough to understand it all and so it's frustrating to feel like there is something I'm missing, that there is something wrong, and not know what.'
Poe frowned. 'Isn't that okay?' he asked. 'You aren't an all-powerful god, if your abilities are limited then that's it, isn't it? You can't be blamed for being powerless, you can only do your best with what you have.'
She closed her eyes and nodded. Poe was right.
'I just feel like I should be better than I am.'
Poe shook his head and smiled, forking a vegetable and putting it in his mouth. 'You're doing everything you can to get there, don't put too much on yourself.'
Rey smiled and nodded. 'Thanks Poe.'
He watched her lift her fork to her mouth again and his smile widened when Rey eventually begun to eat. 'Now where is Finn to congratulate you on a good day's work,' Poe murmured, looking around the mess hall.
'Perhaps up to no good like we hoped,' Rey responded with a grin.
Poe mimicked her expression and briefly rubbed his hands together before quickly forking more food into his mouth. He took several swigs of water whilst he ate, but it was noticeable that he had sped up.
'Do you plan on finding him?' Rey questioned, though she maintained her slow eating speed.
'We both should,' Poe replied, his mouth full of food.
Rey shook her head with a smirk and continued to eat. Poe finished far before her and looked unimpressed at how slow she was eating. As soon as she had put the last potato into her mouth, he stood up and took her arm, pulling her out of the mess hall.
'Do you really need to rush?'
'Yes.'
'Do you even know where he is?'
'I'm making an educated guess.'
They hurried down several hallways in the facility until they reached what Rey assumed were rooms used by the X-wing pilots. Considering the array of helmets and flight suits that were hung on walls, as well as engine schematics and so on, it couldn't have been anything else. Rey hadn't been this far down, only having met Poe and the others either outside or in the mess hall.
Poe slowed to a walk, though his hand was still pulling Rey onwards. She narrowed her eyes, definitely sensing Finn nearby, though she could also sense a number of other people she knew, including Snap and Jess. Rey still needed to work on her proximity, considering they could have been anywhere within 200 metres.
'You've not been down here, have you?' Poe questioned. He had lowered his voice and Rey couldn't help but think why.
'It's your area, right?'
Poe nodded and paused at a door. 'Indeed. Authorised personnel only, mostly because there is expensive stuff here that someone might wanna sell.'
Rey raised a brow and then looked from the door to Poe. 'Then why do you think Finn is here?'
He smiled then and his fingers dropped from her wrist. 'I've been keeping a firm eye on Finn whilst you've been gone. Mostly because I think he's keeping something from me.'
'And you can't allow him to have a secret?'
Poe seemed to consider that for a moment and then shook his head. 'Well figuring it out is part of the fun, isn't it?'
Rey chuckled and shook her head. 'So what? Do you think he is sneaking in and stealing your gear?'
'I'm hoping it's not what I think it is, otherwise I will be extremely disappointed and you have my word, I will not defend him.'
'What on earth are you talking about?' Rey asked, her mirth almost bubbling from her mouth.
Poe frowned and crossed his arms, leaning against the wall by the door. 'He's having an indecent affair with Snap's girlfriend.'
'And that's why they fought?' Rey questioned.
She wasn't quite ready to believe that Finn would do something like that, however Rey was aware that she'd only been back for two weeks and Poe had, had three months to figure this out.
'Maybe. Snap isn't an idiot, he might have figured out something was fishy. Finn really was with his girlfriend a lot.' Poe answered.
It seemed not even he believed what he was saying and Rey stared at the door, wondering what kind of secret it held behind it.
'Do you really think it's a good idea, Poe?' Rey asked, looking wary.
'I thought you wanted Finn to be a troublemaker?' he questioned with a new grin. 'Regardless, we can't let him keep secrets, especially in my domain.'
Rey frowned. 'You'll regret it if he really is with Snap's girlfriend.'
Poe waved her away, making Rey realise that he truly didn't believe that was the case and that considering this was Finn, what he was doing in the pilot's area was something completely unrelated.
He hovered his hand over the access pad and tapped in a code. There was a short delay before the door slid open and the two paused at the door, not quite believing what they saw and heard.
For a second, Poe fully believed he was seeing Finn making out with Snap's girlfriend on a battered couch in the centre of the room, but after several blinks, Jessika Pava's characteristic dark hair tied into a braid, was clear.
The remaining seconds before they noticed the intruders, was one of Finn's hand inside of Jess' shirt, his lips latched tightly onto her neck and what remained of a female sigh.
As if their senses were on a 10-second delay, the two finally heard the entrance of Poe and Rey and looked up with wide eyes to see the two of them ogling the couple.
Rey was ready to burst out laughing both from relief and from having caught both Finn and Jess in compromising positions. She could deal with her surprise later, but she was outright filled with elation. It was Poe's applauding that finally got her chuckling and he walked around the frozen pair, clapping as he went.
The younger girl immediately got up from the sofa, her cheeks flushed and a clear red mark against her throat. She seemed outright embarrassed and Rey imagined much of that was because Poe was her Commander as well as her friend and she had been taking liberties with her access codes.
'What did you promise Snap to stop him from telling me?' Poe questioned. It seemed as if the question was directed at Jess, but she just furrowed her brows in confusion. 'Ahh,' Poe said, his expression seeming to brighten immensely. 'You weren't aware, Jess. Finn, you sly dog.'
Finn seemed to be looking as innocent as possible across the room, despite standing strategically for reasons obvious to everyone in the room. Poe stopped circling and stood in the middle of them, Rey still at the door. He looked from one to the other and then back at Finn.
'You're not going to tell us a story, then?'
Rey nodded in agreement.
'I like Jessika,' Finn said simply.
Poe grinned and nodded. 'So Snap was reading you the laws, is that what happened?' he questioned.
Jess looked confused but Finn merely nodded. Rey was thoroughly amused, particularly with how unexpectedly tight-knit the X-wing pilots were, enough that Finn had to receive a heated talk from Snap regarding Jessika.
'Do you like him then, Jess?' Poe questioned, his arms folded across his chest, a smirk on his lips.
'I hadn't really considered…' she replied carefully. Jess then looked to Finn again, whose expression was extremely casual considering. 'This was just the one time,' she added.
That seemed to amuse Poe even more and he moved closer to Finn and put an arm around his shoulder. 'You're growing up so quickly.'
'Must you always embarrass me?' Jessika interjected, looking unamused. 'And ruin things,' she added.
Poe held back his grin and shook his head. 'Honestly, we expected to find Finn in here knitting a scarf or something, sorry that we ruined you taking his virginity, Blue Three.'
Rey immediately burst out laughing and they all looked at her with shock. Mostly because Finn and Jess had hoped that Rey was on their side, but she wasn't helping at all.
'I'm sorry, but Poe's right. The worst we thought we would find was Finn having an affair with Snap's girlfriend. I suppose this wasn't that far off, though.'
'Honestly, I'm just glad we didn't walk in like five minutes later,' Poe added with a nod.
Finn closed his eyes and straightened up, seeming to use all his strength to not react. 'Let's talk Jess,' he finally said and he slipped from Poe's arm, took Jess' hand and they hurried from the room, leaving Rey and Poe inside.
Rey was giggling again as she looked after them and Poe sauntered over to her.
'It's your turn next, Rey, I hope you know.' Poe said casually as he stepped through the door. 'We shall call this place love island.'
As Rey watched Poe walk ahead of her, she felt the chill of guilt. Ben was something she couldn't really ever tell them about, that would be like signing up for her own execution. It made her realise how much she truly kept from them, how much she kept from everyone on the base. What kind of friend even was she?
Poe turned and Rey followed after him and he put an arm around her shoulder, laughing jovially as they walked down the hallway.
The rest of the evening was spent in a similarly jovial manner and Rey found her spirits yet again whilst the four of them sat around a small campfire, chatting animatedly and eating snacks that Poe had managed to wrangle from Snap's vast selection. Finn and Jess surprisingly didn't seem too bothered anymore about being caught and Jess would glance at Finn every now and then as if she were trying to read his mind.
Rey liked that things could pass without her knowledge and that she could just experience the happiness of those around her. Having friends was such a new experience to Rey and to some extent, she imagined the same could be said for Finn, so learning what it meant to have friends was something she held in high regard.
She went to bed with a smile on her face. Despite the anxiety that had plagued her during the day, her friends had managed to wrangle it out of her. It was only when she was lying down looking at the ceiling that she remembered that she had not gone to look for her master. Rey frowned, disappointed in herself, but turned to her side knowing that she would see him for training in the morning.
What met her during her sleep, however, was not the emptiness that she had become accustomed to.
There were flashes of light and Rey had to squint to see anything else. A hand grabbed her wrist and she fought against it without considering who it was grabbing her. When she slipped free, she looked to her hand to see bloody scratch marks up her arm. Rey looked about her again and found that she was in a dark chamber. It reminded her of the room she had been kept prisoner in on Starkiller base.
Her sight was still questionable and the flashes of light were constant, reflecting off the metal work and dizzying her. Rey reached out and her hand felt the edge of the interrogation chair, though when she lifted her hand to her face, she could see red coating her finger tips.
A scream had her turning her head and a nudge left her sprawled on the floor, half-blind and fingers reaching out in front of her. It wasn't cold metal, it seemed to be dirt, maybe even ash or sand. Then as she moved across the ground on her knees, she felt something wet and it stretched out closer to her until her knees were soaked. Rey reached again and felt warm skin against her hand and she tried to feel out who was lying on the ground, blinking to see better.
She screamed, or at least tried to when she saw Finn's face. Her voice was absent, it wasn't as if it were stuck, but as if it did not exist and it made her even more terrified and wanting to scream more. His skin grew colder as her hands touched his face and then she was on her back, pushed to the side and a red Lightsaber obscured her vision and plunged into her own stomach. It felt real. Rey could feel her skin burn against the blade, she could feel her body being destroyed and the pain of death that came with it.
Rey forced her vision to clear past the pain and saw the outline of the wielder; dark hair and broad shoulders. The wielder's hand was against her throat then and she could see the curve in his jaw, the shape of his nose. It was Ben.
He squeezed her throat until she could not breathe let alone scream any longer, but Rey did not feel her vision fade like it should have. It only grew clearer until she could meet his eyes, the cloud lifting and the unbearable betrayal breaking her. Deep hatred was painted clearly on Ben's face.
Rey shot out of her bed, soaked in sweat and looked around her. Her quarters were a mess. Anything that wasn't attached to the floor or walls had been knocked over and even her Lightsaber, which had been underneath her pillow, was across the room. Her hands shook as she realised that she had destroyed the room in her sleep and when she looked at them, she could see that she had torn through her bandages, through to the skin on her palms from her nails ripping the skin there.
She thought she could still feel Ben's hand around her throat and his Lightsaber blade sunk deeply within her stomach.
There was a knock on the door before Rey could hear the code being entered. Luke rushed in, his eyes wide as he looked about the room and at Rey. She began to cry then and Luke moved across the room, pulling Rey into his arms and letting her sob against his chest, his hand patting the tangles in her hair.
'Was this in your sleep?' he questioned sombrely.
Rey nodded against his chest and heard Luke sigh.
'I felt a disturbance and thought there was something much worse, I'm glad that it was just you.' Luke was silent for several minutes and Rey eventually stopped crying, despite not moving out of his arms. 'What did you see?' he questioned.
Rey wanted to shake her head and not tell him. She wanted to lie. She wanted to curl up in her cot and never leave her quarters again, but she couldn't. She'd made a promise to be honest to her master and it was important she kept that promise.
'I don't know where I was, I don't know what was happening and Finn was there…he was just lying there and blood was everywhere.' Rey's voice began to crack and she gripped her hand into a tight fist to maintain at least some composure. 'Then Ben…he…his Lightsaber…and it felt so real, Master, it felt like I was dying and his hand was around my throat and all I could feel was death and all I could see was his hate.'
Luke nodded, feeling the worry flood his heart, but knowing if Rey saw that and felt that, she would only feel worse. It would have been one thing if her dreams had come back again, but rather than this being a nightmare, Luke felt it was much more like a bad omen. It didn't need to be taken literally, but it couldn't be ignored completely.
'I want you to meditate,' he began. 'Meditate until you have calmed down. In the morning meet me in the mess hall.'
'Shall I sleep Master?' Rey questioned as Luke got up from the cot, his hand pressed warmly against Rey's shoulder.
He nodded. 'If you can, I don't think you'll have that experience again.'
'Was it not just a nightmare?'
Luke shook his head. 'I don't believe so.'
Rey met his gaze for several seconds and nodded, accepting that that was enough. Luke squeezed her shoulder and left the room, leaving Rey to look at the walls and check that they weren't closing in around her.
Ask and you shall receive. Might update again later in the week.
Thanks for reading
