Chapter 21
Luke was sitting at one of the tables when Rey arrived at the mess hall in the morning, with two trays of breakfast laid out in front of him. Rey took a seat across from him and he pushed the tray towards her. She began to eat and Luke smiled lightly at her.
He ate slowly, most of his attention on his student and trying to read her emotions in her actions alone. She seemed better than she had during the night. The images she had seen did not seem to have too deeply affected her and that filled Luke with some semblance of relief. It was easier to protect her and give her methods of defending herself than it was to reverse her fears or anxieties.
'Is there any reason you wanted to meet for breakfast, master?' Rey asked.
Luke shook his head and smiled lightly. 'I wanted to make sure you were okay.'
Rey swallowed a forkful of eggs and she found herself smiling lightly. It wasn't that the night before had been completely forgotten, but his words alone were as clear as any of how much Luke cared for her. Even if she was scared, Rey knew she had Luke to ask for help. Rey was mostly thankful that Luke hadn't told her it was something much darker, that the Darkness had made a reappearance to frighten her once more.
Her interactions with it felt like a distant memory since she had left Ben behind in her dreams and had come to D'Qar. Perhaps it was gone now that she had broken her dream connection Ben and she had been honest with her master?
'I also thought seeing you would help me decide with what to do with you today,' Luke added.
Luke continued to eat and Rey watched her master for a moment, wondering what he had planned. She reached for her water and took a long drink before finishing off her food. When Luke had finished, Rey waited for her master to get up and she followed after him as they walked through the facility.
Rather than head to their usual training area, Luke led Rey down a hall way that wasn't dissimilar to the one Poe had led her down the evening before, and they stopped at the door at the end of it. Luke opened it with an access code and instead of a room being inside like she expected, it led outside to a small secluded area. You could just about hear the bustling of the Alliance workers over the tall fencing and it was mostly empty other than a few benches and patches of grass.
He gestured to the largest patch of grass and Rey sat across from her master. Luke rested his arms against his folded knees and held out his hands for Rey to take when in a similar position.
'I've been unsure about what to teach you, mostly because so much I have learnt has been from the old Jedi tomes I have collected over the years and it is difficult to deliberate over logical choices and choosing the right path when you're alone. I hadn't thought this technique would be necessary now that there are so few Force manipulators and abusers, though I've realised that we are as a much of a danger to ourselves than to any other Force user.'
Rey couldn't help frowning. Every time she thought about her own conflicted emotions, she knew she was leading herself down a dangerous path and Luke's words did not help placate that thought. Now even the Force was working against her.
'This meditation technique is a way of shielding yourself from influence and I think it will help stop these kinds of horrific illusions manifesting in you. As it is all caused by you, it is up to you to block it too.'
The young Jedi wasn't convinced and tried not to show it on her face. A part of Rey felt as if she deserved to see such things, that this was her punishment for her lies and her poisonous love. It was a means of teaching herself that she had done wrong and continued to feel wrongly. If she could block them, just like her dreams, then perhaps deep within her heart, she'd feel as if the rules didn't apply to her. That she could have whatever she wanted, as a Jedi or as a woman.
Rey stretched her still bandaged hands out, taking Luke's hands and she followed as he led her through the meditation technique and she promised she would utilise it often, and she would. Even if she would rather suffer and feel that pain, she could not for the sake of her master, she would be useless if she allowed the call to the void to consume her.
The meditation did not help her heart feel any lighter, however and she shivered when she recalled the image of Ben impaling her with his Lightsaber and his hand against her throat. It had felt too real and the reminder of Ben there in the corner of her mind frightened her. Luke said it was an illusion, but Rey was not far from convincing herself that it was the future. Her mind continued to ask the question of when? not if and it made her feel incredibly hollow. Rey had consistently convinced herself that Ben wouldn't do anything to hurt her and perhaps she was far too confident and blind-sided by her emotions to believe that so readily?
Rey finished her meditation training with that in her mind. Did she perhaps depend on her emotions too much? Were they a crutch just as much as an ally? They had been all she had and she had followed them for as long as she remembered. Her emotions had kept her on Jakku and they had allowed her to leave, they had brought her down this path to love and be loved. She wondered if she were to die at this moment, if a meteorite were to fall from the sky and strike her, could she say she had no regrets? Rey couldn't answer her own question and she wondered if that meant she truly did have regrets that were unknown to her.
She had been walking around the facility meaninglessly, most likely not noticing those who had passed her and more than likely had greeted her. It was only when she walked outside and was hit with the humid air and bright sun, that she final decided to think about where she was and what she was doing.
After taking several glances around, she saw Finn carrying several blasters from outside's training facilities towards what must have been a stock room inside. Rey knocked the weapons out of his hand with the force in which she hugged him and Finn let out a yelp of surprise as Rey threatened to squeeze him to death.
'Is something wrong?' he questioned, his breathing shallow.
Rey shook her head and held tighter, making Finn groan. 'I'm making up for all that lost time.'
Finn laughed painfully and pulled himself out of Rey's grip and held her slightly away from him, looking at her carefully. 'You're okay, aren't you? I never did get to speak to you about the mission, I heard it was a success, right?'
She nodded and smiled lightly. 'A few close shaves, but it went okay.'
He surveyed her for a few moments more before bending down to pick up the dropped weapons, Rey also helping him do so.
Rey helped Finn carry the blasters inside and then down several halls until they reached a stock room. There were a few men inside and they took the blasters from them with a nod and Rey and Finn left empty handed.
They began the slow walk back down the corridor they had come from, Rey's arms swinging by her side and Finn with his hands in his trouser pockets. It was a calming silence and Rey couldn't say she wasn't comforted by Finn's presence alone.
'Do you ever think about what would have happened if you had actually gone back to Jakku?' Finn asked suddenly.
Rey looked back at him with her eyebrows furrowed and she shook her head. She had never considered it since Starkiller base had fallen. Everything had changed too much and all that was waiting for her on Jakku was space junk and anger. If she had gone back, she would have never met Luke, she would never have begun her training.
Finn frowned and then folded his arms as they walked, directing them both outside again and then towards the jungle that surrounded the facility. 'I mean before that. When we met Han and Chewie, you could have jumped on an escape pod and gone back. Or even if you hadn't been taken by Kylo Ren on Takodana, if you could have just gone back to Jakku.'
She looked at her friend and felt a lump grow in her throat. 'Starkiller base might not have fallen without us, Finn.'
'Even without that, you said you were waiting on Jakku. Why did you just stop waiting and just follow this path? If there was even a chance that your family was going to come back for you?'
Rey stopped Finn with her hand and she took his in between both of hers. She looked into his eyes and could feel the chaos his mind was in. 'I saw you, Finn.' Rey began, squeezing his hand tightly. 'We might be different in many ways, but the one thing we have in common is that we were abandoned. But even if it was against your better judgement, you did something. You could have stayed as a Stormtrooper, suffering in silence, or even taking your punishment for your escape, but you moved to action and when you thought Poe was dead, you were willing to help BB-8.'
'Well I didn't really want—.'
'No.' Rey shook her head and a wry smile crossed her face as she cut Finn off with a soft tone. 'I could feel that you did. You're a good person in and out Finn and I don't have to have a connection to the Force to see that. I wanted to be more like you and do something other than wasting away on Jakku. Even if the Force hadn't intervened, I couldn't have gone back, there was nothing for me there and there never will be. My home is with you all now. You, Leia, Luke, Chewie, Poe, everyone here.'
Finn sighed then and looked at Rey's hands and then back to her face. 'You make us sound so pitiful.'
Rey grinned and shook her head. 'What do a pair of orphans have but each other, hey?'
He nodded and Rey let go of her hold on Finn and held one of his hands as they began walking again. 'Now you have no choice but to tell me about this Jess thing.'
'Will you tell Poe immediately?' Finn questioned with a frown.
Rey shook her head and smiled. 'You can trust me not to say anything. I've just christened us siblings in arms or have you forgotten?'
Finn smiled, amused and nodded, then began his lengthy story of his love affair with Jessika Pava.
XxX
Only a single day passed before Rey was called back into General Organa's ready room, the same senior officers as well as Poe surrounding the large tacticians table. Rey was the last to enter and she sat at the furthest end from the General and the people around her watched her warily. Poe looked over at her and sent her a wink of reassurance.
Rey felt nervous and she knew her anxiety extended beyond the meeting and to a general interpretation of the Force. There were no longer any bandages on her hands to distract her by twisting the material between her fingers, so she straightened, looking squarely at Leia rather than at the others around the room.
'I've called you all here to speak of the next mission we will be executing. This mission will be the first we've had in a long time which involves troops on the ground.' Leia began. 'After the success and efficiency in which Rey executed the mission we gave her mere days ago, myself, Admiral Statura and Admiral Ackbar have decided to give Rey the authority to co-lead the mission as Captain.'
Rey couldn't help her lip twitching and she felt the eyes of everyone else on her. When she looked at Poe, however, he was listening intently to the General.
'The nature of this mission, as several of you know, is primarily a search and rescue. Over the last year, we've had many join our ranks from the Lothal system as a result of dropping agricultural resources for the local people and consequently the First Order has tightened their reign over Lothal in order to keep harvesting in line. There is an opportunity to not only clear out several villages closer to the First Order harvesting facility but also to sabotage further operations. Much like during the last mission, we wish to destroy the stock the First Order has collected and make the facility out of operation for as long as possible.'
Major Brance cleared his throat and straightened. 'Is it wise to give such a task to a junior officer?'
'I can understand your wariness; however, this mission remains primarily a search and rescue operation. Our operatives in the cities Kothal and Jalath have made it clear that a large proportion of the towns people living adjacent to the facility want to relocate but do not have the means. The nature of the facility itself means it is far less protected than the one at Abafar as the resources seem to be of the least importance. This is akin to a humanitarian mission, one which can give us a further opportunity to make slower the flow of resources to the First Order.'
Rey put her hand up carefully and Leia nodded towards her. 'Is the execution of this mission similar as on Abafar, where we will set the charges and blow the stock?'
Leia nodded and Rey continued.
'Then the evacuation?'
'Yes, this will be a joint effort between yourself and Captain Cypress, who will lead the evacuation and Commander Dameron, who will lead the sky defence.'
Both Poe and Captain Cypress nodded at their instruction, but the confidence which Rey saw in the officers around her, did not do much for her fears. The conversation seemed to continue and Rey begun to lose focus unless her name was mentioned. All she understood was that this mission was somewhat a replication of her last and she would have a month to prepare. The suggestion that she take the same team was clear and Rey hoped that her anxieties were unfounded.
Once the meeting finally adjourned, Poe noticed the worried expression on Rey's face, so approached her with a bright smile.
'Congratulations, I am now officially one of your commanding officers,' Poe began.
Rey met his eyes and briefly smiled. 'I think I preferred being without a title.'
'You can't be a rogue agent forever,' he responded. 'You did your training this morning, didn't you? Let's get a late lunch.'
'A very late lunch, don't you mean?'
Poe waved her words away and started towards the mess hall.
Once they were seated, Poe looked at Rey squarely and put his fork down. 'Finn told you about Jess, didn't he? You'll tell me, right?'
Rey couldn't help herself and despite putting a hand over her mouth, she burst out laughing and didn't say a word, shaking her head as she laughed.
The rest of their meal continued in a similar fashion of Poe practically begging Rey for answers and her denying knowing anything of consequence. Even if it did not cool her anxieties, it made her forget them for a brief time.
Thanks for reading ;D
