Day Fifteen, cont'd

Day Fifteen, cont'd

She was proud of herself for making it about a whole five minutes before she got too scared to stay there alone. She was out of the car without a conscious thought, sprinting across the lawn, forcing herself to knock politely rather than storming right in. Elliot was there immediately, never having gone far from the door. She half expected him to gloat that he'd been right in knowing she wasn't going to wait alone. But rather than 'I told you so,' there was a half-smile on his face, along with the most curious look in his eyes.

"I kind of expected you to steal the car and never come back." His words were quiet, his eyes turned to watch the stairs. "You know, run off to save the rainforests of something."

She interpreted his statement to mean that he was actually gloating, but not over her fear. He was gloating because he'd said something so wholly unbelievable and intimate and she hadn't fled in terror. The urge to gloat for herself beat out the fear that had sent her running into the house and she felt herself start to smile as she too turned to watch the stairs. "I kind of expected you to pretend you hadn't said anything that might have encouraged me to save the rainforests."

It was true, at least. Elliot wasn't known for showing his weaknesses any more than she was known for hanging around when things got too intense between them. He shifted slightly, allowing his arm to brush hers, initiating contact between them once again. She hid her grin. Maybe they had both learned something new. Or maybe they were simply both growing braver.

Kathy's footsteps on the stairs prevented either of them from saying anything more. As soon as she saw Olivia, her lips widened into a smile. "Olivia, it's good to see you." She glanced at Elliot, a resigned look on her face. "I should have known you were back." The sad look disappeared as she offered another smile in Olivia's direction. "Poor schmuck couldn't string two words together while you were gone."

Suddenly, she felt out of place, realizing that she'd run to Elliot for comfort at a rather inopportune time. Apparently Elliot hadn't even indicated that she was there to Kathy. But she smiled back politely. "I thought Elliot might need some help with your little handful there." She was happy to shift the attention to someone else, and even happier when Kathy offered Eli to her.

Kathy handed over the diaper bag to Elliot, nodding at his hand. "I see you got the guy good." Olivia snickered, pretending to be enthralled with Eli, but she continued to listen in, curious to see what Elliot would say to Kathy about her. And honestly, she was interested to hear the story his El's fucked up hand, considering that she'd never seen him inflict so much damage on himself in all the years she'd known him.

"This didn't happen beating the prick up, I'll have you know." Elliot sounded embarrassed, but Olivia didn't dare look up, not with the way Eli was smiling at her. Kathy uttered a disbelieving snort that made Olivia want to laugh. Elliot cleared his throat and continued. "Actually, this happened because Cragen wouldn't let me at the guy who had her."

But she couldn't ignore that, her eyes darting up as she started laughing. "Damn, El, you beat up the cap?"

Kathy sighed as she leaned over and kissed Eli's head. "I wouldn't put it past him, Olivia." She shrugged when Olivia's surprised glance fell on her. "It had to take something to get him to ask me for help."

Elliot jumped in, changing the topic before things could get too personal for his liking. "Thanks for swapping weeks. I'm off, so I'll have more time with him."

Kathy nodded at his splint. "Will you be all right with him one-handed?"

Olivia felt no desire to point out that Elliot had the benefit of two additional hands, since she had no immediate plans to go anywhere. There was no reason at all to let Kathy know about them, especially not when nothing was settled. The only definitive this they could tell Kathy would be what had happened between them in the crib, revealing a lack of self-control on both their parts that would make Kathy afraid to leave her baby in their care. But Olivia remembered Elliot's declaration outside and started to smile, realizing there was a chance someone decent and confessable might really work out in the end.

Elliot looked at Olivia's grin for a moment before he turned back to Kathy with a shrug. "Yeah, I'm good. Besides, Maureen wants to redecorate my place, so she might be able to help out."

Kathy nodded absently, leaning in to say good-bye to her youngest. "Well, I have to get to work, so as much as I hate leaving him for a week, I should probably get going." She ushered them out the door and hurried to her car, stopping long enough to unload the car seat. "You'll call the day care and tell them he's not coming in, then, right?"

Elliot assured her that he'd take care of his son, watching her drive away before he turned to Olivia. He watched her for a moment, while she made silly faces at the baby, then he shook his head and walked back to his car.

She hadn't missed his stare, even distracted as she was. "What?"

He shrugged. "I was going to ask if you minded having him around, but-" He nodded at the way Eli had settled quite happily in her arms. "But then, you two seem to get along pretty well."

Olivia flashed him a wickedly flirtatious grin, thoroughly amused when his mouth fell open in shock. "He looks just like you, except, you know, he hasn't figured out how to push my buttons yet."

Sighing as though he really didn't know what to make of her, Elliot motioned toward the back door of the car with his splint and lifted the car seat with the other. "Can you give me a hand putting this in?"

Securing the seat wasn't that complicated, but Olivia checked it four times. It was responsible for precious cargo, after all, and Olivia had no experience to call on. As she moved in for a fifth inspection, she heard Elliot's chuckle. She turned with a scowl. "What?"

Elliot was moving toward her, offering her Eli. "You got it, quit double checking."

"He's your son." She accepted Eli into her arms, still nervous as to the stability of the seat. She'd been driving when that drunk driver hit her and Kathy, which she still felt responsible for, something Elliot had never brought up, never placed blame on her for, never even mentioned. Probably because the trust he placed in her was so complete and unquestioning, Olivia felt she owed it to him to question herself. If he was so sure of her, then she needed to make damn sure of her too.

"I know. I trust you." His words were unnecessary, and only prompted her to be even more anal retentive when strapping Eli into the seat. Ignoring his assurances, she repeatedly checked herself, wondering if she wouldn't feel better walking back to Manhattan with Eli safe and protected in her arms. But Elliot's hand reached out, stilling her nervous movements. "Liv, he's good."

If he hadn't trusted her, it would have bugged her. She'd resent him for it, absolutely convinced he was wrong. But the unyielding faith just made her unsure of herself. She didn't know which was worse. She gave up, having done all she could to ensure the child's safety.

Neither said anything more as they started back to the city. She felt compelled to check over her shoulder several times, needing visual reassurance that Eli remained secure and happy in his seat.

Eventually, her insistent checking forced Elliot to break the silence. "Liv, you're starting to make me nuts."

She smirked at him. "Like I said, he's your kid."

Elliot only smiled, apparently unmoved by her lack of faith in herself. As the ride continued, shrouded once again in silence that was only interrupted occasionally by Eli's babble, Olivia found herself contemplating the words Elliot had thrown at her in a moment of exasperation. He'd said he loved her, words that she absolutely knew he did not take lightly. She knew he wouldn't have said such a thing if he didn't mean it. And she suspected, based on the way he'd said it in the heat of anger and immediately fled, that he hadn't meant to say it. She didn't doubt his veracity; she doubted instead that he was quite ready to face it. After all, he'd apparently only narrowly avoided a horribly nasty divorce. He probably wasn't looking for a relationship right away, at least, not the sort of one Olivia was looking for with him. The fact was that any sort of relationship between the two of them was bound to be complicated and intense. Hell, their partnership had nearly killed both of them several times.

Although she knew without question that she loved Elliot, she didn't know that she was any more ready to deal with it than Elliot was. She'd loved him for a long time, in a way that she wouldn't dare admit to anyone, and she didn't want to doom any possible future by moving too fast, despite the way they'd kind of hit the ground running in the physical department.

She felt she needed to say something in recognition of his confession, something to keep him from thinking he'd upset her. She didn't want to mess things up by going too fast and she wasn't about to screw things up by convincing him that she didn't want to move at all. So as Elliot muttered curses at the taxi in front of them, Olivia turned to face him.

"I did want you to be there."

She watched as his mouth fell open and his eyes moved to hers. His interest in the traffic faded away entirely that quickly.

She shrugged one shoulder before he could say anything in response. "Not that I wanted you to be hurt, but –" She took a deep breath, daring herself to let her mind touch on that miserable period without the oversight of Huang. "Sometimes he'd come in and make me put my arms around him and he'd hold me and I couldn't get away from him."

"Liv, don't." His voice was intended to be sharp, to cut her off, but his breath hitched as moisture welled up in his eyes. "Not now." The fingers of his one good hand were wrapped around the wheel like a vice.

She could see the dread, the fear, the horror. He expected she was trying to tell him that she'd been raped and he couldn't deal with it while he was driving, certainly not with his baby in the back seat. She shook her head, reaching to unhook her seat belt so she could slide over next to him. "He didn't do anything else, really. He just wanted to hold me." She shivered, glad that she'd shimmied over to her partner for the comfort she felt simply by touching him. "I pretended he was you." She took another breath, hoping that what seemed like an amazingly personal revelation for her struck him the same way. "I wanted to be there with you like that."

She watched the idea, the understanding, wash over him, his features morphing from tight and angry to relaxed and surprised to open and thankful. There were still tears threatening to fall from his eyes, and he stubbornly kept his face dry by concentrating on the road. But she knew he'd figured out what she was trying to say in such a uniquely backwards manner as only she could manage, because he left the handling of the wheel to his crippled hand, stretching his right arm around her and pulling her into his side.

Splintered.4