Chapter 24


Rey blinked awake, the pain of her swollen eye apparent as she tried to get accustomed to the bright sunlight. The air was crisp and the sky still the same greyish-blue since she had last looked at it. How long had she been unconscious? Rey felt around herself, feeling dry earth and grass slip through her fingers and she slowly sat up, squinting. She couldn't have been out for long, as she felt nothing but pain.

As she looked around her surroundings, she was wrought with confusion. This had not been where she had collapsed, that place had been full of ash and fire. Here, there wasn't even a sound. Turning around, Rey could see the smoke and fire coming from the facility at least ten miles away. There was pale yellow grass around her and it looked to be on the edge of a small patch of forest. She seemed to be on the opposite side from where she had originally come from and the distant gurgling of flowing water confirmed that. How had she gotten so far away?

Her arms were tired and heavy and her chest still ached with broken ribs, though the slash across her stomach seemed to have stopped bleeding. She felt for it, pushing away the material at her stomach and seeing the wound, still half-open, cut cleanly. She must have had enough power to stop the bleeding but not to fully close the wound.

Rey crawled onto her knees and pushed herself up, trying to clear her head and sense something, anything. It seemed as if the fighting, at least at the facility, had stopped, and she looked to the sky wondering if they were still in battle in the air.

'It's over.'

Rey turned immediately to the familiar voice, finding Ben standing behind her, dressed in black, in everything other than his helmet and dark leather gloves. He was glowering, his hands squeezed tightly into fists at his side.

She didn't know what to say. What to do. Rey hadn't even sensed him so close to her and now he was right in front of her in the flesh, a few steps away. She wanted to reach out and touch him, to feel his warm skin on her finger tips.

'What do you mean it's over?' Rey questioned, her throat dry and her voice weak.

His eyes seemed to waver as he looked at her, at the arm that was clutched against her stomach and at the dirt and blood that covered her.

'Congratulations. The base was destroyed and Malikeen was freed from her prison. With minimal casualties, the Resistance have set back the First Order by several weeks, but unfortunately lost contact with one Lightsaber-wielding captain.' Ben spoke. His tone was cold and Rey felt the chill in her veins as she watched his expression.

Rey reached for the radio at her hip and found that it was not attached to her any longer. Ben then went within his cloak and pulled the small device from it. She almost reached for it, but he crushed the machine in his fist and then removed his Lightsaber from its holder, igniting it.

'Ben. What are you doing?'

He seemed to flinch at his name and he swallowed, steeling his glare further, twisting his wrist as he held his Lightsaber.

'I am following orders.'

She resisted stepping back. He wouldn't do anything to hurt her, she knew that much. At least that's how she felt when she looked at him and felt his heart beat with hers.

'So your orders were to save me from dying in that fire? You have finally decided to stop running from me,' Rey murmured, finding it painful to look up at Ben through her swollen eye. Her hand touched her brow and she felt the dried, sticky blood. Looking at her hands, they were covered in scrapes and she folded them into fists, meeting Ben's eyes.

Ben looked at the sky, his hand tightening on his hideous and vicious Lightsaber. He did not power it down. He had not done what she had asked. What she had begged. He had remained with his master, hiding his emotions and lying to himself.

'Have you really no control over your thoughts and emotions?' she questioned, remembering how his fear had almost gotten her killed. The distraction had been enough for her to get a slash across her stomach.

'Can you not block me out?' he asked back, his Lightsaber screeching beside him.

Rey looked at the blade and then back to Ben and she stepped forward, waiting for him to raise the weapon at her.

'Have you really not reconsidered?' She stepped toward him again and Ben noticed, looking at her with wavering eyes.

He did not respond and he could only watch as Rey completely closed the distance between them and her hand reached to his free hand and she held it tightly in hers. When he didn't move, her other hand reached to his face, her thumb grazing his cheek as she looked up at him.

Involuntarily he closed his eyes and he felt Rey take the Lightsaber from his hands and when she powered it down, he heard it whip through the air as she threw it. He was ready to open his eyes and be filled with anger, but then the cold handle of a Lightsaber slid against his palm and he looked down to see his grandfather's weapon.

'Come to me Ben,' Rey spoke softly, her hand still over his as he held the Lightsaber. 'We can be together.' She felt like she could be selfish at this moment, that she could forget that she had placed herself in a terrible situation.

'It's over Rey,' he murmured.

Rey shook her head and she met his eyes, her expression serious. 'It won't be over until one of us feels differently.' She paused and her hand reached his cheek again. 'You love me, don't you? Believe in me.'

Love.

His expression darkened at the word and Rey felt her heart twist.

'I love you,' she whispered. 'If I don't accept that, then I can't continue.'

'You have made me weak. We might as well take our blades and end our lives ourselves.' Ben murmured, his tone laced with frustration.

'You have no faith.'

His eyes grew shadowed and he dropped the Skywalker Lightsaber, his hand covering Rey's hand over his cheek. 'Look into your heart, you know I am right.'

Rey looked determined then. 'Then at the very least if I am to die, then I will do what I was trained to do and I will bring you back and kill Snoke first. You will not stop me.'

'I must stop you.'

She was ready to strike him at his words, anger filling her, but as she pulled her hand back, Ben caught it and his forehead rested against hers as he held her tightly, his eyes closing. Rey could feel him reaching out to her, the Force wrapping itself around her as if it were his hands holding her against him. She could feel their hearts beating in sync and she could fill his love pour into her, threatening to drown her. It came with his anxiety and fear and he held her still as Rey felt his pain. Her hands wanted to push him away, but she let his emotions flow from him to her. In their dreams they hadn't been able to be like this, to feel so much of each other at once and Rey realised she didn't want to leave him. She wanted to feel this connection at every moment. Their dreams hadn't been enough.

'Don't do this, Ben.'

Rey opened her eyes and before Ben could pull away, knowing her intentions as soon as she thought them, she pressed their lips together.

He pulled her close, tight enough that her injuries shrieked, but Rey sank into him. Into the emotions that overflowed from both of them, leaving them floundering in pure passion and love. Soft lips and rough hands were all either of them knew and then desperate tongues, seeking something to quench that thirst within each other.

She wanted this and even if she had wished it, Rey could not hide that from Ben. It was clear in how her hands sought the belt and zip of his clothing, how she was impatient and Ben felt dragged into that frenzy. Their kisses alone were different in reality, filled with potency that neither had felt in that field of flowers.

Ben wanted to cry out in frustration. He wanted to pull Rey's hands away and make a distance between them. This couldn't happen, this shouldn't happen, yet he let her take him further into herself, Rey pulling him so tightly to her as if she wanted them to be one person. He wasn't blind to her pain, how she was so weak and doing this, them being like this was working her to her limit.

Rey's fingers had unlatched his Lightsaber belt and it clattered to the floor and then she had pulled at the zip of his tunic, her hands slipping into his clothing and then underneath his undershirt. Ben's hands were wary, however. He was on the edge of rejecting and accepting her, unable to do either.

He'd taken her from the facility because he didn't want anyone to find her unconscious and injured underneath the rubble. Ben didn't want her to be a prisoner he'd be forced to interrogate. He knew he would never be able to do it and that would be the end of them both. Yet he couldn't even do anything more than bring her here, knowing how badly injured she was but unable to heal her. She'd healed his wounds, regardless of how real they had been and he could not do the same for her.

All he could think about was how he had been so frightened when he sensed Malikeen and her rage, how he knew she had to have broken out and it could only have been Rey. The Mirialan was violent and dangerous, Snoke having chosen to lock her up rather than have her run riot across the galaxy. It was his fault too, that she'd been injured. He knew he had far more understanding and control over their connection than Rey did, especially when he could feel Rey reaching and yearning for him and he pushed her emotions away. She was always a distraction to him, at every waking moment, when he had to work so hard to hide his own feelings, especially when one mistake could make Snoke suspicious, yet he had selfishly distracted her, knowing she was less capable.

Ben had known she'd fallen unconscious and he had killed a half-dozen Stormtroopers before finding her, bleeding and bruised. He'd held her in his arms, not knowing what to do now that he had her, that she was real and clutched against his chest. If something worse had happened to her, what would he have done? What could he have done? Perhaps that is what had driven him to killing his own men, the absolute rage at being lost, at having a hole in his chest where she belonged. When he'd left her that day, in the forest of his dreams and he'd thought that he could end it for her, he had to have been wrong. If he truly could, he wouldn't be making her suffer, he would have just left it all behind.

She wouldn't wake up, no matter what he did. If it wasn't for the gentle thrumming of her pulse beneath his fingers, he might have panicked, but Rey was strong and he knew that much. Ben had ended up taking her on a speeder and getting her away from the facility, holding her in his arms and making sure that his eyes could always see her face. There had been no thought to where he had stopped, just that she was far enough to not be found by the First Order or the Resistance and as he watched her unconscious body, he considered it, just for a second; that he didn't have to go back. If it had lasted more than a second, perhaps he would have changed his mind, but it just left him cold and he felt his heart harden as he watched her stir. She didn't need him, she was better off without him.

Rey pulled away from him then, a hand moving from his side and to his cheek, making him meet her eyes and he avoided her gaze, he closed his eyes and Rey could see his jaw tighten. Rey felt her eyes well up and she held it in, but Ben could sense it and didn't have to open his eyes to see the tears which threatened to fall.

When he finally did, however, he pulled Rey's hand from his face and from his chest, zipped his tunic back up and picked up his belt and strapped it to his waist. Rey only watched him, on the cusp of tears and her fingers twitching, wanting to take his hand.

'You know I will not be able to hurt you,' he murmured, meeting her eyes.

Rey reached out to him again, but he stepped back and looked at the Lightsaber at his feet. It had been what he wanted, but not anymore. His hand flicked and the weapon flew from the ground to Rey's arms and he held his hand out, calling to his own. It came to him and he attached it to his belt, moving away from Rey without another word. He could feel her heart breaking, but he did not turn or say any more.

He considered it was better this way and he did not hide that fact

XxX

Rey was alone. As Ben went further and further away until his Force signature was no longer on the planet, she stood where he had left her.

It wasn't that she had expected him to stay. Not completely. She wasn't so foolish to think he would, but it still hurt. A part of her had wanted him to take her with him, regardless of the probable consequences. Being with him, after everything, being so close to him had been everything. Why could he not just come to her? Come to the Light?

Eventually she had to kneel, her injuries getting the better of her and she looked to the patch of forest again. She had few supplies with her; an antiseptic salve, a few rations and a small canteen of water. It would have to be enough for at least one day.

Steeling herself again, Rey stood and made her way towards the woods, easing herself through the pain and trying to heal as she walked. Once she reached, she took a brief rest on a bend of a tree and closed her eyes to meditate and will her bones to heal. After the better part of an hour, she felt the looseness in her joints and the swelling on her eyebrow going down. Her ribs were bearable and the true soreness was in her connection to the Force. She'd reached her limit.

Rey began walking again, looking for shelter or water. She followed the trickle of a stream she'd heard earlier and followed her ears for a few miles before reaching the water. Rey removed her blood and dirt-stained clothing and began to clean them in the water, hoping what remained of the sunlight could dry it or if she had to, she could at least make a fire. She slipped into the cold water after removing her undergarments, quickly wiping away the blood and dirt from her skin and hair. As she looked at the wound against her stomach, though red and raw, it was sealed. However, she could still feel the frilly edge of the wound across her brow bone.

Once she got out of the water letting herself airdry, she applied the salve to her cuts and sat at the streams edge, nibbling at her few rations.

As the night came and it grew colder, Rey collected some firewood and started a fire manually and let the heat wrap around her. She let her clothing continue to dry beside the fire until she grew too cold and put her tunic back on, wrapping it around herself. She frowned at the slash against the stomach, though was relieved it was straight enough to easily be sewn back up.

Rey worked through what she would do once the sun had risen again, telling herself she would search for food and then a way off the planet. If she had considered that this could happen, she would have brought a map or more intel onto what this side of planet held. She decided that her best plan might be to go back to the facility and see if she could either build a makeshift radio or find an aircraft.

The quiet meant it was easy to fall into her thoughts of Ben. She could feel him still, at the peripheries, like the sound of pumping blood in her ears. His presence was constant and Rey wished it could comfort her, but she just felt her pained heart. What if he wouldn't come to her in the end?

She covered her face with her hands, closing her eyes and thinking.

Nothing good could come from him being in the presence of so much darkness. He'd said that Malikeen had been freed, that must have been the Knight that Rey had fought. Perhaps Rey had made a mistake in opening that door?

'The Force is the light,' Rey murmured to herself.

Ben had been wrong. Balance was the eradication of darkness, of all that was evil and it could come in many forms; in her lust, in her anger, but it couldn't claim ownership on those emotions. Rey saw it now and it was with frustration that she did.

Ben was so far away from her; how could she even possibly make him understand that?

Her love for him, even her lust for him wasn't inherently bad and his wasn't inherently good. It didn't even have to have a label if they truly wanted. Rey wanted to believe that above all Ben would do what was right in the end.


Thanks for reading.

Are you happy now guys? Kylo is back...and then gone again.