1. The Desk

There were several things that set Mrs. Murawski off. Fire, chemical spills, Kyle Drako hogging the teachers' lounge computer to watch baby bat videos...

And the two men who were insisting that they needed to inspect her desk to make sure it was up to par with company guidelines. "Take it up with Principal Milder," she growled, standing protectively in front of Oakley (yes, she named it. Named him. It-him?). "The school paid for this desk. I don't actually own him."

The taller of the two men frowned. "Him?"

"Oakley, my desk," Mrs. Murawski said. "Call him an 'it' and I'll judo chop you to ribbons."

"She named him?" the other one asked, bewildered. "Hey, I think this must be the same classroom where we got attacked by the sentient blob. I didn't even know they taught middle schoolers how to create those things, considering how it's classified as a Rank B under the Dangerous Evolving Mut-oomph!" He was cut off by his colleague, who'd grabbed him by the arm and yanked him down the hallway.

He was scolded all the way down, and Mrs. Murawski couldn't help but listen in. "You can't just spurt that information willy-nilly! You'll blow our cover! How else are we supposed to gain valuable information on the counteragent if we can't figure out his schedule?"

She closed the door of her classroom, sighing. "They get crazier and crazier every year." Lovingly stroking the polished wood paneling, she opened a pack of wet wipes and started cleaning one of the legs. "No man can possibly compare to you, Oakley."

2. Debate

The class was completely immersed in the debate. Drako couldn't possibly have been more proud to help teach a new generation how to passionately defend their sides. As usual, there were many students who spoke once or twice just to have the minimum participation grade, but all of them were listening intently or waiting for an opening so they could help add a new point.

"Vampires are vampires 24/7," Chad explained. "They don't need to wait for the full moon. They can just go out and suck an unsuspecting maiden's blood!"

Melissa stood up to give her point. "Both vampires and werewolves are creatures of the night. Unlike vampires, werewolves face no danger from sunlight. Also, werewolves aren't completely reliant on one source of sustenance. They're free to hunt in the forest, or terrorize a village. They may require a little more meat than a normal person in the daytime, but are ultimately not dependent on human blood."

"There are ten minutes before the bell," Drako announced. "Let's wrap it up."

Chad's side fell silent as they tried to combat Melissa's point about dietary needs. Surprisingly, it was Amanda who delivered the conclusion of her side. "I just wanted to add that petting animals relieves stress, and in some works there are werewolves who don't lose their mind during the full moon. The bigger the animal, the more fur there is to pet, and the less anxiety you'll have afterward."

The bell rang, and Drako dismissed the class. As soon as everyone left, he shook his head. "At least vampires are immortal."

3. Who Hires These Subs Anyway?

"I'm all right, guys!" Milo shouted, hoping to reassure his class from the giant golem that had been formed by a combination of igneous, sedimentary, and metamorphic rock. It was now on a rampage downtown, almost squashing Elliot under its giant foot. "Well, you know what they say. Impromptu field trips are the best kinds of field trips."

Milo leaned his elbow on a rocky thumb, wondering if it was possible to persuade the golem to scale the tallest skyscraper in the city. That always looked cool in movies.

"Why is that when you people go, 'you know what they say', you always make up a sentence that literally nobody says?" Zack yelled back, trying and failing to lasso the golem's massive arm with a rope.

As they passed by a water tower, a hovercar zoomed out of nowhere. The driver, a small teal platypus, threw his fedora at it, releasing a hidden buzzsaw which cut through the metal. Water gushed out of the hole, soaking the golem and Milo, as well as the entire class.

The golem eroded away, and Milo easily slipped out from beneath the crumbling fingers. The hovercar caught Milo as he fell and brought him safely to the ground. "Milo!" Melissa exclaimed. "Are you all right? How does this rank on your kidnapped by monsters list?"

"It's above the Mothman when we vacationed in Oregon, but below the time we were trapped in a haunted house overnight and had to deal with that creepy organist," Milo replied. The rest of the class expressed relief at a safe distance, surprised when the platypus glared angrily up at their substitute teacher. He tapped a webbed foot and crossed his arms, as if waiting for a good explanation.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz scowled. "Boy, you trick out the class supply of rock tumblers and accidentally create a golem that kidnaps a student and potentially cost millions of dollars in property damage and suddenly everyone thinks you've defected back to evil."


I think it's pretty obvious I favor werewolves.