Chapter 26


Rey tried to gain confidence as she guided the shuttle towards a hyperspace lane and put in the coordinates to D'Qar. She repeatedly told herself it would all work out well, that it would be fine, but she felt this overwhelming sense that she was lying to herself. It wouldn't be more than twelve hours before she was back with her friends and the thought left her breaking down. No matter what kind of meditation techniques she had learnt from Luke, it was not easy to accept the last 36 hours of her life.

She had been so helpless and overwhelmed and what good was it? All she was left with were more lies to be kept or else worse than a scolding from Luke would come.

They had underestimated the skills of the Knights of Ren, thinking that much of their power was based off Ben's presence, but it didn't seem true at all. Their hatred for life; it was palpable, and she could see the fire burn in all of their eyes as they had looked at the injured Malikeen. They were kin to the blade and Snoke had wronged them.

Eventually her trembling calmed and Rey closed her eyes as she guided the ship, wishing that she could just wake up from this nightmare. Or at the very least, sleep and feel Ben's warm arms around her and pretend that he had not thrown her away the day before.

Why, even after everything, was she so willing to throw away her life and protect him by siding with devils? Just to save him? For what? A swift execution by the Resistances' top brasses?

The thought made her feel even worse and Rey was reduced to half-meditating/half-blindingly awake as the stars passed her by.

XxX

Rey reached D'Qar's atmosphere in the early morning, offering her access codes and masking her sob of relief. When she finally landed, she collapsed in the arms of her master and when she awoke again, she was in the infirmary.

She glanced up, seeing several tubes in her arm and meeting Snap's girlfriend; Gloria's eyes. Rey's wrist was tightly wrapped and she felt a tightness across her eyebrow, covered in a bandage. The wound must have been sewn shut. She touched her stomach and felt a large patch across it.

Her clothing was folded clean and neat on a chair beside the infirmary cot and Gloria finally smiled.

'I'm glad you're up Rey, we all thought you'd never wake up.' The older woman commented. 'Doctor Kalonia will be back soon, she just went to tend to the others in their quarters.'

Rey narrowed her eyes. 'Others?'

The woman smiled again, looking exceptionally beautiful in that moment. 'Oh, do not worry too much, not many people can heal as fast as you. Takada and Delina received a few burns from the explosion, but they will be just fine. Jorr just has a headache, probably from worrying about you. You had everyone quite worried.'

The young Jedi frowned and tried sitting up, but was mostly held back by how tightly the blankets were wrapped around her.

'You can't leave, not just yet. Master Luke's orders.' Gloria said simply. She then lifted a jug and cup and poured water from the vestibule before handing it to Rey. 'I'm sure your friends and the General will be here soon too.'

Rey took the water thankfully and drank it easily before laying back down fully and staring at the metal ceiling. She imagined that she looked a mess. Covered head to toe in bruises and cuts, with a near broken wrist, cracked ribs and looking absolutely frantic.

Leia appeared several minutes later and Gloria left the infirmary, leaving the two women alone. The General sat beside Rey and sighed with relief, a hand touching her uninjured wrist. 'I am incredibly glad that you made it back, Rey.'

'As am I,' the younger woman replied with a smile. 'I should have been better prepared,' she added sombrely.

General Organa waved her away. 'How were you to know that things would go south so quickly. We still haven't gained any intel about why the Stormtroopers suddenly attacked, why the First Order destroyed their own facility.'

Rey nodded, though was quite sure that she knew the reason. Malikeen. Revenge. It seemed quite clear that Snoke had ordered her to be destroyed so the truth would not come out.

'I'm sorry, General,' Rey murmured after several silent moments. 'My own incompetence put the mission in jeopardy.'

Leia smiled lightly and she adjusted her hand so that it was holding Rey's. 'Don't apologise for doing what you thought was right. You were only in there so long looking for prisoners. It is our fault for being wrong about that.'

'I have not been demoted, then?' Rey asked, a small smile on her lips, but her eyes heavy with anxiety.

The General chuckled then and shook her head. 'Commander Dameron has done riskier things and has yet to be demoted.'

Rey leant back against her pillow, nodding lightly and Leia stood, patting her wrist again. 'I'll leave you to rest, don't worry about a mission for at least a few more weeks,' she said with a grin.

As the older woman made her way out of the room, there was a scuffle at the door and Finn and Poe came storming the infirmary with Doctor Kalonia berating them as they ran past her in the hall. They were at Rey's side minutes later and were met with her inquisitive gaze.

'I wasn't on deaths door,' she commented.

'I knew I should have gone. You just love taking risks, don't you?' Finn started, huffing. 'Look at your face, it's all swollen.'

Rey smiled, amused. 'That's what happens when you get hit with falling rubble and get into a few fights.'

Poe had his arms folded and he was looking down at Rey, shaking his head. 'I had a date all set up for you when you got back, as well.'

That made her laugh and she squirmed in pain as she laughed through her still injured ribs. 'No you didn't.'

He paused for a moment, meeting her gaze before shaking his head and chuckling. 'I'm glad you're okay Rey.'

'So am I.' Finn added, sighing. 'I only just got a sister and you would just abandon me like that?'

Rey beamed at Finn's words and reached for his hand, squeezing it tightly. 'I wasn't in that much danger. I had credits for food and I problem-solved my way all the way here from Lothal.'

'Says the person who nearly got blown to bits by missiles.' Poe said simply. 'If I didn't know any better I'd think that you lived for the danger.'

Finn frowned. 'You're not immortal, you know?'

She nodded. 'I am very aware of that, thank you Finn. However, I can heal quite fast, which is a gift in itself. A few more days and I'll be in perfect condition.'

'I'll get the whiskey prepared for your discharge,' Poe said, his arms dropping to his sides.

'What happened whilst I was absent, anyway?' Rey queried.

Finn rubbed his lips together. 'Poe had an absolute breakdown. Got drunk, started throwing cutlery around the canteen. Had to be taken out by some guards.'

Rey burst out laughing again and Poe just glared at Finn.

'I caught him and Jess going at it in his quarters,' Poe said simply.

'No, you didn't.' Rey exclaimed, looking at Finn with shock.

He narrowed his eyes at Poe. 'As if you have the passcode to my quarters. You think I wouldn't change it often to avoid a situation like that?'

'See, Rey! Absolutely scandalous. He's poisoned my poor Jessika's mind.' Poe said sadly.

Rey grinned, realising the two were both lying about each other. 'Perhaps it is good I came back as soon as I did, so you two wouldn't be bickering and trying to one-up each other in a competition of embarrassment.'

Poe went to say something but he was interrupted by the entrance of Luke. He smiled at the two and they took that moment in which to leave.

This time Rey did sit up, feeling her ribs strain but working against the tight coverings and sitting up to greet Luke.

'Master Luke, I just want to—.'

He cut her off with a hand gesture and smiled, sitting beside Rey. 'You don't need to apologise about taking your time getting back here. You getting back is what is most important and I can't exactly blame you for your delay, considering you were quite injured.' He paused, looking over her swollen face and the bandages covering various parts of her body. 'Are you feeling better? I was quite worried when you collapsed.'

Rey smiled and nodded. 'It was really just the slash across my stomach that had caused me problems, but it's much more manageable now.' She put a hand against her stomach and swallowed. 'I didn't tell General Organa…but I fought one of them…one of the Knights of Ren.'

Luke's brows furrowed and he leant forward. 'Where? Alone? What of the other Knights?' he questioned swiftly.

She shook her head. 'I was looking for the prisoners and there was a sealed door and I foolishly opened it. It seemed she was trapped. She was half delirious and attacked me, that's how I was wounded and delayed in leaving the facility.'

'What happened to her after?'

Rey hesitated as she looked at her master and then shook her head. 'I do not know, I left her unconscious. I assume she was killed in the explosion.'

Luke nodded and was silent, considering many things. 'Why would a Knight of Ren be locked away on Lothal?' he said aloud. 'Perhaps it is best we don't think too much about this now. I will inform Leia, perhaps she can do something with this information.' Luke went to get up before pausing and meeting Rey's eyes. 'Was Ben there?' he questioned.

'I sensed him,' she said honestly, though she couldn't continue. Rey could only do this much, the pain of her abandonment still fresh and the plan she had agreed to with the Knights…they were things she couldn't tell Luke. Even if she wanted to, it was safer that he didn't know. 'I don't know whether he was on Lothal or just in the system, though.'

Her master nodded and scratched his chin. 'He perhaps was out of dangers way and in orbit.'

Rey nodded too and then remained silent.

'I'll speak with Leia. I think you've had enough for the day.' Luke stood up and smiled briefly at Rey before moving out of the infirmary and as Rey assumed, to Leia's ready room.

She laid back down and stared at the ceiling, her thumb nails scratching at the skin beside her forefingers and she sighed. Rey had said she wouldn't lie to her master, but then she hadn't been given a choice. She turned on her side, wishing this could all be over finally. That she could live in some semblance of peace.

XxX

Rey woke from another dreamless sleep to the low lights of the infirmary. It had been almost two weeks since she had returned to D'Qar and Rey imagined she would be discharged. The pain in her ribs had dissipated to nothing and the wounds on both her forehead and stomach were mere rouge scars. The bruises still covered her face, but Rey didn't mind them, appreciating that they were more like battle scars than anything.

She leant up in the cot and glanced around the empty room with a sigh. The communication device was likely still in the pocket of her tunic that lay folded up on the chair beside her. When would they contact her? When Malikeen had healed? What would their plan be? The Knights hadn't given her much of a choice but to blindly follow. Rey imagined that they would have killed her if she had said no, at least now she could at least have some semblance of control over whatever their plan could be.

Perhaps being unable to speak with Ben was better. She couldn't give anything away and he couldn't confuse her.

Doctor Kalonia came in then, a brief smile on her lips and she approached Rey whilst simultaneously pulling on a pair of gloves.

'Good Morning, Captain, you look well,' she commented, before she began to remove the bandages from Rey's wrist.

Rey repeated the doctor's greeting with a smile and then peered at her own injured wrist. It felt fine and didn't look swollen at all. Doctor Kalonia then went to remove the wrap around Rey's stomach and she could see the scar was beginning to soften in colour. The scar on her brow bone had faded substantially and though it left a small spot where the hair would not grow again, it was fully healed.

'How do I look?' Rey asked with a smile.

'Well a mix between my expertise and your fast healing means you'll be able to leave whenever you like.' The Doctor began to remove the rest of the bandages and Rey made moves to get up and change back into her clothes. 'I would advise being careful of your ribs, though,' the Doctor added. 'The breaks were more substantial than the crack in your wrist or the cut on your stomach. They might be a bit weak for a few days.'

Rey nodded and once everything was removed from her, she hopped off the cot and began to change into her tunic again. When she looked down at the stomach, she saw that someone had already sewn up the garment and she smiled.

'Ah yes, your friend seems to have a penchant for sewing, he made it clear he had to be the one to wash and fix your clothes.' Doctor Kalonia said before moving to throw the used bandages away and then sit at her desk in the corner.

Rey grinned imagining Finn sewing up her tunic and she patted the material again. She felt the weight of the device in her pocket still and wondered what Finn must have thought of it. She hoped nothing of consequence. Rey then grabbed her belt from the bedside table and removed the Skywalker Lightsaber from the back holder, looking at it for several seconds before moving towards the door with it still in her hand.

'Thank you for everything Doctor Kalonia,' she said as she passed the older woman. 'Say thanks to Gloria for me too,' she added and after receiving a nod from the doctor, she left the infirmary.

Rey's first stop was to her room and she placed the Skywalker Lightsaber back onto her table and sighed as she looked around.

It was just a waiting game now.

She changed into her training gear and hung her outfit up, remembering to take the communication device with her too. Once she was done, she left the room hoping to find her master in their regular training spot outside of the base. Being cooped up for two weeks had made her feel even antsier and the communicator felt like a huge weight in her pocket. Rey needed the familiarity of training and Luke to at least take her mind off everything she was doing wrong.

Luke was in the usual spot meditating and she sat beside him beginning to do the same. Rey knew she had to fix her connection with the Force and she imagined meditation was the only way to do so. Even if the blocked illusions and dreams were what was creating the issue with her Force connection, she knew she had to work through it as the alternative was unacceptable.

After an hour Rey felt a hand against her wrist and she opened her eyes to her Master, who was smiling steadily.

'Are you up for training?' he questioned.

Rey nodded and stood. 'I feel as good as new.'

'Good.' Luke removed his Lightsaber and signalled Rey to do the same. 'What weapons did the Knight have?'

'Two vibro-swords.'

'And her fighting style?' he questioned.

Rey considered his words. Malikeen's moves had reminded Rey of Form IV with how quick and erratic they had been.

'She was incredibly fast. I was only able to beat her using surprise tactics and she didn't look like she was on top form.'

Luke nodded. 'Let's work on your speed some more as well as disarming techniques. If you had been able to disarm her, that may have served as a better method of controlling the fight.'

'Yes Master,' Rey said with a nod.

'You must overwhelm me with speed and simultaneously aim to disarm me.' Luke said, igniting his Lightsaber.

Rey nodded and as soon as she did, her master came at her with fast and strong strikes. Her body was still slightly stiff from lying in the infirmary for almost two weeks, so it took a few moments before she was back into the swing of duelling.

Luke attacked her continuously, Rey having to find methods of dodging and parrying his swings and other means of attack. She felt overtly motivated by her desire to finish this all, to finally win and end this war. If she was strong enough she could beat all of the Knights of Ren, regardless of what deal she had been forced to make with them. Her master continued to call out her irregularities and give her notes on how she could improve her form as they fought.

Rey saw Luke smile in reaction to one of her attacks and Rey continued on, using all the energy she had to go faster, to strike harder and to think quicker. Though her skills in battle precognition were poor, Rey was confident that they would improve with effort and dedication. She had not even been training to be a Jedi for a year yet and she had already come so far.

After an hour, Luke stopped abruptly, putting his hand out with a nod. 'We'll take it slow since it's your first day back, but you've done well. It seems like some time in the field has tightened up your elbows too.'

'What was wrong with my elbows?' Rey asked almost astonished and she turned her Lightsaber off and looked at them.

'They were a little too loose before, it meant that your sides were weak points.' He said casually.

Rey frowned slightly and attached her staff to her waist. 'Aren't you supposed to tell me that, Master?'

'Of course.' He put his Lightsaber away and collected his cloak. 'That's why I always aim for those areas first. Learning through trial and error.'

Luke moved first and Rey followed him through the forest and back to the base. They walked in relative silence, Luke strolling with his hands clasped behind his back.

Rey took in her surroundings, listening out for the birds and feeling their connections to the Force. For a moment, she could forget the weight on her shoulders, she could ignore Ben's presence pressed firmly against her and she could pretend that she had never met Barthius on Saleucami, that she wasn't waiting for his call.

She breathed, trying to feel at ease, imagining that she was one of the birds, flying through the canopy without so many worries.

'You are okay, aren't you Rey?' Luke asked as they reached the asphalt. He turned to her, his hands tucked in the sleeves of his robes.

Rey nodded lightly, still truly unsure.

'I ask only because I feel your fears, it's okay for you to be scared, just do not hold it in. I am your master and as I've said before, I will always listen to you.' Luke said seriously.

The young woman smiled and nodded. 'I understand Master Luke. I think my time away, in the midst of the fighting, it just made it more real than it had been for me before. It's something I can handle, though, so I don't want you to think that I can't manage.'

He shook his head and looked carefully at Rey. 'I think you're more than capable. I just want you to know.'

Rey nodded and felt herself internally sigh. If she could only tell her master about the Knights it would be so much simpler.

They broke apart then and Rey continued her day with a small meal and meditation in the forest. She felt that being under star and moonlight would make her feel closer to the Force and be at peace. Rey decided to sleep where she had meditated and she woke at daybreak wishing she could still dream.

XxX

The days passed and became weeks and Rey still had no communication from Barthius. She suspected it was better this way and perhaps Snoke had discovered their plan and had had them all executed. At least if that happened, Rey would have some semblance of control over the future.

She had taken quite well to meditating and sleeping in the forest and it was quite relaxing to feel alone again. After years of living without friends and having to take care of herself, it was strange to be so surrounded by people who cared. Even living on Ahch-To with Luke had been different and more like her life on Jakku.

Regardless of how much she thought it possible, her dreams nor her illusions made an appearance during those weeks and Rey was mostly absorbed in training. Leia had yet to approach her with another mission and Rey was somewhat thankful for that. It meant she was less likely to meet the Knights again for the time being.

Rey was having a sonic shower in one of the communal bathrooms after her training when she felt something strange in the Force. It was the first time since she had been so worried about losing her connection to it and despite being happy that it was no longer the case, she knew it would not be good news.

When she was dressed again, Rey made her way slowly to her room, considering what it could be with some fear and when she was sitting on her cot, she saw the flashing light on the small radio.

She closed her eyes wanting to pretend it wasn't real, but her hand reached for it anyway and she clicked on the receiver wishing she could throw the object across the room and smash it.

'It must be something the Jedi have in common. A lack of urgency.' Barthius' voice came through.

Rey wished that the transmission could be intercepted by the Resistance, that she had some way out of this.

'What do you want from me?' Rey asked, her voice tight.

There was a rumble of laughter and Rey closed her eyes, trying to drown it out with her own thoughts. 'I would advise beginning your hike to the Northern part of D'Qar and away from Resistant sensors at some point after dinner time. When you are in range we will collect you, and tell you further.'

Rey clutched the radio tightly and looked at her feet. 'Fine.'

'Remember to bring your manners.'

The transmission went dead then and the light flickered off. Rey wanted to throw the device then but only slipped it into one of her pockets. She attempted to maintain some form of composure but it did not last long and the tears came quickly. Her sobs were audible no matter how hard she tried to quieten herself and then she felt Ben's attention. Even he could not ignore her sadness.

Rey spent the rest of the day unable to make eye contact with anyone, even her friends and she felt the dark aura around her as she went. Perhaps in retrospect she would regret not speaking with anyone, considering she may be killed and never see them all again. It seemed a logical decision to avoid dinner in the canteen altogether and Rey approached the kitchen wishing to take a small packed dinner. Using the excuse of eating in the warm summer air was enough and she took her food back to her room, preparing to pack her small bag.

She packed what little useful belongings she had; first-aid materials, her water canteen, what credits she had and a small photo Finn had given her the week before. It was of them both with Poe's hand trying to block the cameras view. Rey slipped the item into her bag and turned to her training gear that sat folded on a chair. Looking at it reminded her of what she was doing and that she was betraying Luke's trust again. Rey couldn't even consider wearing the clothing Luke had given her, that would have been an even deeper betrayal. How could she be so terrible?

The tears threatened to come again but Rey took a deep breath and attached her Lightsaber belt to her waist, slung her bag over her shoulder and pulled her cloak over her shoulders. She reached for a piece of paper and wrote few words:

I'm sorry. You will understand why I did it...if I come back. Please forgive me, Master.

Rey took a breath and looked about the room again before she left swiftly, trying not to regret not leaving a note for Finn.

She used what stealth she could possess to leave the base and begin her way through the forest, being as silent as possible to avoid the sensors and going speedily so that this could be over sooner rather than later.


Thanks for reading. These were two chapters that I combined as an apology for the wait :D I got busy finishing my dissertation.